Chapter Thirty
Zahra
He took no security detail. No one questioned us leaving the compound, but I sent a quick text to Angelo, and to Devil, telling them that all was well and that I might have gotten him to finally get help.
I might have.
But we had to take care of this situation.
The drive took about an hour and forty minutes, but we arrived at the motel.
I watched him greet the receptionist, who looked at me with surprise, probably in shock that he’d brought someone here after so many years.
With my heart in my throat, my body buzzing, and my chest tight, I followed Elio down the hallway, which was lit with yellow lights that gave the space a warm feel and somehow added to my nerves.
The jangle of keys as he stopped right in front of a door and proceeded to unlock it had my heart pounding.
When I heard two lock clicks, and he pushed the door open, I braced myself as he walked in, and I followed behind him.
I closed the door and looked up as he pointed to the middle of the room. “There he is.”
My gaze settled on the chair facing the window.
My. God.
I couldn’t speak because my heart was breaking.
I felt his eyes on me. “Why are you quiet?”
Swallowing, I looked up at him, at the question in his eyes. “There’s no one there, Elio.”
His frown drew down slowly before he looked back to the chair in a double take.
He froze, also growing quiet.
“Elio—”
“He was just there.” He stepped forward, looking confused. “He was just here, now.”
“There was—”
“No, he was just—I saw him seconds ago…” He trailed off, shaking his head like something wasn’t adding up.
“Elio.”
“No.” He shook his head again, his breathing frantic as the seconds passed. “No, I know what I’m talking about. He was sitting here when we walked in, Zahra.” He gripped the neck of the chair. “He was here; I know what I saw.” His eyes fell to me. “You didn’t see him?”
I shook my head slowly.
“That’s impossible…” He blinked. “That’s impossible … that’s impossible,” he repeated.
Cautiously, I took a single step forward. “Elio, it’s okay—”
“No.” The confusion in his voice was evident.
“No, he is always here.” He looked back at the chair, his chest heaving.
“You don’t understand, Zahra. I talk to him, I always—I always come here to talk to him.
” He looked back at me. “I bring food, and he eats, and—no—he’s here, maybe he—when I looked at you—the bathroom…
” he said as he rushed to the other side of the room, pulling open the door and stopping dead when he found no one.
“Elio, there’s no one here,” I said softly, unable to stop my voice from shaking.
He turned sharply to me, his eyes unfocused as he walked back to where I stood, putting his hands on my shoulders, his breathing uneven, shaking like his body was. “You have to believe me.”
“I believe you.”
“No, you do not; you’re looking at me like you think I’m crazy.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think you’re crazy, Elio.”
He looked intently into my eyes. “Then you saw him?”
I shook my head. “No, but I believe that you thought you did—”
“No, I faked his death, Zahra. Everyone thinks he’s dead, but I left him alive because I had this—I had a plan; you have to believe me, he was here, he is always here, and we talk, and he talks to me—the last time, the last time I was here, I hit him, I felt him—”
“Just like you feel your mother?”
He went quiet.
“Elio, you told me that you saw your mother. You felt her touch you. She seemed real, but you knew she wasn’t there.
Sometimes when people go through things like this …
when the mind tries to protect itself … it creates things that feel real, even when they’re not.
This isn’t the first time your mind has created things, Elio. ”
He let go of me, repeatedly shaking his head as he paced the room.
“No, no, that’s different. I can—I can differentiate it, I know when it’s real or not—my father—my father was—that man was real, he was here, he was the reason I started this whole thing.
I wanted—he was here because I wanted him to feel how my mother and brother and sister felt in that fire, we were supposed to—we were—it was—this was—” He was breaking right before me.
“Everyone knows he had an attack,” I said softly. “A heart attack that killed him, and it was rumored that you were the only one in the room. Everyone thought you caused it…”
Tears fell from his eyes, his breathing coming out of his mouth now, loud as he shook his head and paced, recalling what I just laid out.
“No, no, no, no, he was—I remember that day, we were—we were arguing, okay? And he—and he fell—he didn’t die—he didn’t die, Zahra, he didn’t die because he doesn’t get to die like that.
So I faked it—right? I faked his death, and I brought him here, with me—and he’s been here since then, and everyone thinks he’s dead and buried, but he’s not—I know—I know because I see him, I see him here, you have to believe me, please. ”
“Elio, it’s okay—”
“It’s not!” he yelled. “He can’t be dead because I don’t want him dead … not yet! He couldn’t have had it so easy when they didn’t get to have it easy. When I don’t have it easy!”
He broke. Crumpling to his knees, both hands covered his eyes, and sobs left him … ragged and pained.
I was in front of him the next instant, gathering him into my arms, hugging him tight as I cried, breaking while he broke. “It’s okay.”
He wrapped his arms around me, buried his face in the crook of my neck, and cried, the wetness from his eyes touching my skin.
“I killed them, Zahra,” he muffled out. “I wasn’t there … I wasn’t there to save them; I should have never left them. It’s all my fault.”
“It’s not. It’s not your fault.”
“They were screaming for me—if you could have heard it—God, Zahra, they were screaming my name, and I wasn’t there …
I was too late … they were gone … they were dead, I couldn’t even—I couldn’t even recognize them, couldn’t—they were—it was bad …
it was—they didn’t—there was no skin—there was nothing—I couldn’t bury anything—I couldn’t do anything, and I can’t even tell them I’m sorry. ”
“They know.” I rubbed his back. “They know you’re sorry.”
“They hate me—they would know that I didn’t—I didn’t kill him for letting it happen. I didn’t take revenge for them—I didn’t do anything.”
I held him tighter. “I know you’ll hate to hear this, Elio, but sometimes …
revenge isn’t the only solution … all you need is a good cry, a good talk, a good sleep, and acceptance.
You haven’t allowed yourself to move on after all these years, and I am positive they would have wanted you to be happy.
I don’t think they hate you; that’s just what you think.
You need to, for once, take care of yourself, your thoughts, your mind …
you need these things to function, and only when you own them will you be happy. ”
I pulled away, and he looked at me; his eyes were so red, so broken, as I held his face.
“My presence in your life can only do so much. You said it yourself. You tried to bring yourself back even when you were with me, and you did, but you lost the grip on your mind again, even with me in the picture. If you—if you use me as an anchor, it’s only a matter of time before I lose the ability to keep your mind afloat; your problems will sink me, too, and you will drown even with me there …
it’s happening already, that’s why you have to treat yourself, please. ”
His throat worked, and he nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes. I will get help.”
“You’re not making false promises?”
He shook his head, shoulders slumped. “No. I want to get help, and I will get help. Now. I will see a specialist now, if possible … if you’ll come with me.”
I couldn’t fight the smile as it grew on my lips. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him. “I will. I’ll be there with you, and I’ll hold your hand, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you through this.”
He relaxed into my arms, and the space that had opened up in my heart for him opened even wider, and I closed my eyes, hugging him back to calm him while accepting that I didn’t just like this man, nor was I just fond of him—no—realization made goose bumps rise on my skin as I held onto him even tighter.
I was falling in love with Elio Marino.
Hell …
I think I already fell.