Chapter Thirty-Eight
Zahra
It was nighttime before I reached the location I had traced Street to. I had spent hours getting information about what had happened after I left. Not all the gold had been removed, but about two containers had left with Marino’s people before the place collapsed, leaving many dead.
I had no information about who was hurt and who was not, but I knew Street was in a hospital in the city.
Walking into the building, I spotted some of Marino’s men around the area; they watched me but didn’t stop me. Something in the air told me I wasn’t welcome here.
I knew that, too, and that was why I wouldn’t be here for long.
The receptionist directed me toward the room they were in.
I was nervous and a little scared. I carried a heavy heart as I stepped out of the elevator, walked toward the room, and stopped in front of the door.
This wasn’t exactly what I had planned. But it was nobody else’s fault but mine.
I breathed, hoping it would calm the tightness in my chest. When it didn’t, I pushed the door open and walked in.
Their talking halted, and my gaze zeroed in on Dog, who was on the bed, sitting up—alive—he was all right, even with the bandage around his head and a broken arm. He was okay, he was alive.
This time, when I released a breath, it freed some of the tightness in my chest.
Milk stood beside Dog on the bed. Upper was on the seat at the other side of the bed, and Devil was by the window; all eyes were on me.
“You sure have some fucking nerve coming back here and showing your fucking face,” Dog said, and the hate in his eyes was new, something I never thought would be directed at me, from him.
The look strangled and squeezed my heart in a brutal vise.
Upper looked away from me like he couldn’t bear to look at me for a second longer.
And Milk? There was nothing there. There was nothing in her gaze; she just looked at me like she was looking at a stranger.
Devil—with the way he looked at me—was disappointed.
“Get the fuck out,” Dog said.
“I will. I just wanted to—” I let out a small breath. “I’m sorry, I know I fucked up—”
“You more than fucked up. You crossed over the line of fucked up, and we don’t wanna hear it,” Dog said. “Get the fuck out.”
“At least hear me out, I’m sorry—”
“We don’t even know who you are,” Milk said. “You had a whole freaking convoy to usher you out. Did you forget we had eyes outside that area?”
“And you left them there to die,” Upper said. “You betrayed us, and you betrayed Marino. I don’t think a simple I’m sorry will be able to fix anything.”
I didn’t leave because I wanted to save only myself.
I left for a good cause. I could tell them that, but I was done being selfish—I had brought them together, and now I had to let them go.
I was going to be in this for the rest of my life, I always knew that.
I couldn’t pull them down along with me.
This was too dangerous, too personal, it was too fucked up for them.
I couldn’t ruin them with any of it. I already took too much.
I had to become one of their bad memories because I didn’t deserve to leave this unscathed.
I couldn’t have my cake and eat it. They deserved better.
“I’m not here to fix anything,” I said, and Devil frowned.
“Honestly.” I huffed out a laugh. “I don’t fucking care about any of this shit you guys are trying to throw at me.
I know I left, and I betrayed you guys. I know where I’m at fault, and I’m fucking owning it and apologizing for it, and if you guys can’t take my apology, then so fucking be it. ”
“This motherfucker,” Dog gritted out under his breath.
“Zahra, whatever you’re trying to do, this is most definitely not the best way to do it,” Devil said with a glare.
“I don’t care,” I replied, squaring my shoulders.
“Street was fun, and this was nice. But I created it, and now I’m uncreating it.
There’s so much going on that you fuckers don’t know about, and shit just got very fucking real for me, and everything I’ve worked so damn hard for is on the line right now because I chose this path. ” I let out a shaky breath.
“Let me guess,” Milk started. “We were a means to an end for you, weren’t we? A small piece of whatever grand scheme you’re a part of.”
“If that’s what you wanna hear, then yes.
I specifically picked each and every single one of you because there was a lot to benefit for my whole personal fucking selfish gain.
All skilled people, alone, looking for a home, looking for friends, ambition, riches, fucking purpose.
I gave you all that shit, and now in a way, I’ve also given you gold. I’m the bad guy, ta-fucking-da.”
“Get out,” Devil said; the anger in his eyes held firm. It was promising. But the promise wasn’t anything good. “Seriously, fucking leave.”
“I was leaving anyway,” I said, my heart squeezing even more. “Upper was leaving, too … I thought I should mention.”
Upper’s head snapped up, his eyes finding mine, wide with apprehension. “What the bloody hell, Zahra!”
“What? You weren’t going to tell them?” I laughed, but it was humorless. “This was a fucking sinking ship, we all wanted different things.”
“You’re leaving?” Devil directed the question to Upper.
“No, it’s not—I didn’t make the—”
“Also, Devil knew who I was for weeks and didn’t tell any of you. I’m not the only one who isn’t loyal and is capable of betraying all of you.”
“What the hell is wrong with you, Zahra?” Milk asked, looking at me with disbelief.
“Oh please, don’t pretend to be all fucking innocent now.
You haven’t always had it easy here. I know you still have nightmares about your mom, and you wanted them to stop.
Street was supposed to be your escape but ended up being a prison where we do the same things your mom always did to you …
The pretty face, the beautiful body, your only assets, your only actual value in Street.
What was it you said on the cruise? How you wanted to be normal, and have a normal life?
News flash, Milk, you can’t be around us and have a normal life, and you know that.
And somewhere deep fucking down, you’re looking for a way to leave. Am I wrong?”
She couldn’t speak, and the tears in her eyes told me I had broken something between us that could never be repaired.
I looked around us and almost broke into tears then and there.
I couldn’t see any of them clearly due to the tears filling my eyes.
“You’ve all got the gold; you’ve all got a second chance to be who you want, to take revenge on life and experience all the things you’ve missed out on because of your fucked-up parents.
So you each take the gold and get the fuck out of Italy and these fucking streets.
“Forget about me. I’m nothing; I ruined us. I’m one bad dream, another black spot in your past because, truth be told, if I could turn back time to when we were underground, I would choose myself over each and every single one of you. Over and over again. That’s who I am. That’s Zahra Faizan.”
“I bet you’re proud of it,” Dog seethed.
“Oh yes, I’m very fucking proud,” I said. “I started this whole thing. Not because I wanted a family or friends. I had a job to do; I needed the perfect pretense, and Street was created. I succeeded. I got what I wanted, and now I don’t really need any of you anymore.”
“You are fucking disgusting,” Milk said.
“You’re not the first one to tell me that; get in line, Pen.”
“You carry on like this,” Dog said, “and your ego will be the very fucking thing to kill you, mark my words.”
I swallowed, pausing a second before I spoke.
“Yeah, already marked,” I said. “Like Milk said, Street was a means to an end for me, and this is that end. Hope you all have good fucking lives,” I said, maintaining a stoic look as I turned and stepped out of the room.
The mask I had put on my face fell immediately.
I covered my mouth with my hand as tears fell freely from my eyes while I rushed to the elevator, tapping it repeatedly until it opened.
I stepped in, collapsing against the wall, sliding down when the doors closed.
Sobs left me. I didn’t shield them because my heart was breaking, and I was letting it break because I didn’t want this—I didn’t want this at all.
But I was cursed, and I’d spent the past six years escaping that curse, but now it had caught up with me.
I could never be happy—nor could I have anything good. I wasn’t born to escape a miserable life; I was born into it, and I would die being miserable. That was the curse attached to every Plant.
Cursed to be lonely, never to be loved, only to be used and controlled. I had found a way to eradicate being used and controlled, but the loneliness would forever remain, and I allowed myself to dream.
But not anymore—now was the time to ensure no child was born with that curse ever again.
Now was the time to destroy the MCSS; I couldn’t be weak. Not now, when I was at the start of another race.
I just had one more stop before I took off on the run.
I pulled out my phone from my pocket, calling Vitale. He picked up on the first ring.
“Faizan.”
“I took care of Street. I’m pretty sure they’ll be out of Italy in the coming weeks.”
It was quiet until he asked softly, “Are you okay?”
“No.” I sniffed. “Spread the word, get everything in order, and tell everyone.” I wiped my tears. “Tell every motherfucker that I’m coming back to my city.”