Chapter Six
He’s everything I never knew I wanted.
In a week, Loyal has shown me that the reasons I left Billy were valid. He makes me feel seen, heard, and loved. He never misses an opportunity to spend time with me, and since I agreed to put a label on our relationship, it’s been perfection.
Tonight, though, that’s all going to change because Farrah comes home.
There will be no sleepovers and getting to wake up in his arms with him sprinkling kisses all over my shoulder.
No more coffee in bed and whispered conversations.
At least, not until she goes back to her dad’s again.
As if that’s not bad enough, I have to break it to her that I’m seeing someone. Something I never thought I would do.
I wish I believed she were going to take it well, but I know she won’t. Nothing with Farrah is easy. Not right now at least.
Things were so much easier when she was a little girl and all she wanted was seedless raspberry jelly on toast with the crusts cut off.
The front door opens and my heart races.
This is it.
“Hey, how are you?” I ask as I head to the living room.
“Fine,” she mutters as she drops her bag on the floor.
Movement behind her catches my attention.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
Billy raises a brow. “Bringing our daughter home, what does it look like?”
I step forward and shake my head. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Why are you trying to come in here?”
“Because it’s my house,” he asserts.
“No, it’s not. You need to leave.” I cross my arms.
Farrah brushes past us. “You guys are so dramatic.”
I wait for her to walk away before I turn back to him. “If you need to talk to me, we need to do it through the app. You aren’t allowed in my home.”
“Why? Are you hiding something?” he asks, eyes narrowed.
“No, I’m not hiding anything. I just don’t want you in my space. This hasn’t been your home since we divorced. The judge gave me the house. So you need to leave.”
He tries to step forward, but I move in front of him, blocking his path.
“I’m serious, Billy. You aren’t welcome in here. Not anymore.”
“You have a man here?” he asks, making my heart skip a beat.
“No, I don’t, but if I did, it wouldn’t be your business.”
He stares down at me with hate in his eyes. “That’s where you’re wrong, Samantha. Everything you do is my business, and if I find out that you are allowing that lowlife from next door into our home, into our bed, and around our daughter, I’m going to take you back to court.”
“My love life is none of your business, Billy, but if you want to go back to court, that’s fine. I’ll be more than happy to let the judge know that you are behind on child support and when you do pay, it’s never on time.”
“So you aren’t denying it. That you are dating that scum,” he scoffs.
“Leave, Billy.”
He steps back and shakes his head. “You’re going to regret this.”
Once he steps outside, I shut the door and flip the lock behind him. I close my eyes and rest my forehead on the door, trying to even my breathing.
When will interacting with him get easier?
After I’ve finally pulled myself together, I go and look for Farrah. She’s standing at the window with her arms crossed over her chest and a frown on her face.
“How was school?”
“You want to skip right over what just happened?” she scoffs, shaking her head.
“What do you want me to say, Farrah?” I sigh, suddenly feeling exhausted.
“I want you to tell me that Dad is wrong and that you aren’t dating that trash from next door.”
“First off, you know better than to judge a book by its cover. I didn’t raise you to judge people based off of their appearance. And second, I can’t do that,” I tell her quietly.
“Unbelievable. Tell me, did you leave Dad for him? Is this some sort of midlife crisis and he’s the reason you broke up our family?” she yells.
I drop onto the couch and glare at my daughter. “Watch your tone, Farrah Grace. You don’t get to talk to me like that. As for the reason I left your father, it has nothing to do with Loyal and everything to do with how our marriage was.”
Farrah tosses up her hands. “Your marriage was fine until you decided it wasn’t!”
“That’s not true, baby. I left because I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of a marriage, so I did us both a favor and left.”
“So what you’re saying is you were selfish and only cared about what you wanted. What about what I wanted, Mom?”
I swear she hits me right in the heart with that last jab.
“Wanting to be loved is not selfish.”
Farrah rolls her eyes. “And what, the guy next door who’s practically my age makes you feel loved?”
“He makes me feel,” I say, not bothering to tell her the truth.
She shakes her head and looks at me with disgust. “I’m telling you right now, Mom, if you don’t break up with him and end this shit now, I’m going to tell a judge that I want to live with Dad full-time. It’s clear that you are having a midlife crisis, and I shouldn’t be around to watch.”
Those aren’t her words. They are the venom Billy has been feeding her. I know that, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I shut my eyes to will away the tears, and my heart breaks.
“That’s hurtful, Farrah,” I choke out.
“Yeah, well maybe it will make you wake up and come back to Dad and me. Maybe you need to hear the truth,” she sneers.
I look at her through watery eyes. “I’m sorry, baby, but I will never get back with your dad. Even if I wasn’t dating Loyal. You don’t know how things really were between us, and it’s not your place to understand. I just need you to believe me when I say this is for the best.”
“Well, your best is bullshit, and all you’re being is selfish. End it with the biker, or I’m moving. You decide,” she snaps before storming away.
Only when her bedroom door slams shut do I let the tears fall.
I knew this was going to be hard, but I didn’t realize just how hard it would be.
I shut off my bike and look over at her house. I can see lights are on, but there is no movement from inside.
Weird.
For the last week every time I’ve pulled into my driveway, Sami has met me on her porch with a smile on her face, but tonight there isn’t even a peek through the blinds.
You’re overthinking it.
At least that’s what I tell myself as I head inside my own home.
Still, something doesn’t sit right with me.
Maybe shit hit the fan when she told Farrah we were seeing each other.
Dread fills my stomach at the thought. If she told Sami she didn’t want her dating me, I couldn’t blame Sami for breaking it off. That’s her kid. She needs to come first.
Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be upset.
Taking a deep breath, I pull my phone out of my pocket. Pulling up her number, I see that she hasn’t texted me since earlier, before her daughter got home from school.
Quickly I type out a message.
Me: Is it weird to say that I miss you even though I just saw you this morning? I hope your evening with your girl goes well.
I groan as soon as I hit send.
“Way to let your desperation seep through,” I mutter to myself.
My phone starts buzzing in my hand, and when I look down, I frown when I see her name.
“Mami,” I answer, heart racing.
In the last year of seeing each other, she’s never once called. Yeah, I’ve called her, and we’ve texted more than a thirteen-year-old girl does, but not once has she called me.
She sniffles on the other end, and I swear I feel my heart stutter. “Matty…”
Hearing her use the nickname she’s given me should make me happy, but the pure torment in her tone has my heart ready to tear out of my chest to find her.
“What’s wrong, Mami?”
“Can I come over?” she whispers.
“Of course. The door’s unlocked for you,” I say with no hesitation.
When she hangs up, I toss my phone on the island and rub my hands over my face.
Okay, it’s clear it didn’t go well. The question is, is she going to want to end it? Will I be able to talk her out of calling it quits?
Before my mind can spiral any further, I hear the front door open and close softly. Leaving the kitchen, I head her way. When she sees me, her tears start to fall and she rushes into my arms, making me step back to keep us from falling.
“Shhh, Mami, it’s okay. Whatever it is, we will get through it.”
“She hates me,” she chokes out.
“Baby, I’m sure that’s not true,” I say as I run my hand through her hair.
“It is!”
Bending my knees, I pick her up, and she wraps her legs around my waist. I walk us into the living room, where I sit down with her in my lap. I hold her as she cries and bite my tongue to stop myself from demanding answers.
I hate knowing that her daughter made her cry. Made her feel like being with me is wrong when it’s not. I hate even more that there’s no one I can go fuck up because of it. That I can’t solve this for her.
“Talk to me,” I beg when she starts to calm down.
She brings her hand up and rests it over my heart and spills.
“When Billy dropped Farrah off, he tried to come inside. I told him to leave, but he accused me of having a man inside. Specifically you. Said if I continue to see you, he will take me to court. After he left, Farrah confronted me. Asked me if I was dating someone her age. Told me she didn’t approve in her own words and called me selfish for breaking up our family. ” She sobs out the last part.
I hold onto her, letting her get through the worst of it. When she finally settles again, I pull back to look down at her. She won’t meet my eyes.
“Is she right? Am I being selfish?” she asks in a quiet voice.
I cup her chin and tilt her face up, making her look at me.
“Wanting to be loved isn’t selfish, but expecting someone to be miserable for your own comfort is.
You are the least selfish person I know, Sami, and what Farrah is asking of you is damn near impossible.
I get it, you’re her mom, so you want to do everything you can to make her happy, but in this instance, that’s not going to work. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to be with you, but they are making it hard.
I would have thought by now that they would have accepted the divorce and moved on.
Instead, I feel like I am living the nightmare over and over again.
When will I ever get to be happy? Why do I have to choose you or her? ”
I kiss the top of her head and stay silent. My mind is working a million miles an hour.
How can I make this better for her?
I know at the end of the day only her daughter can decide when to stop being a pain in the ass, but surely there’s something I can do in the meantime. Something to prove to them that I’m serious and that this isn’t a game for me.
“I have an idea, but you might not like it.” I finally break the silence.
“Tell me,” she demands as she starts to play with my hair.
For a minute I close my eyes and lean into her touch. Loving the way it feels.
“Earth to Matty. Tell me, what are you thinking?”
I open my eyes and look down at her. “What if I start coming over for dinner when she’s there? Let her get to know me in a controlled environment. Let her see us, being us.”
Sami opens her mouth to say something, but I rush on.
“I mean, I know we can’t show her how we really are when she’s not home.
I really don’t think her seeing me fuck you ten ways until Sunday against the living room wall is going to win me any brownie points.
I just mean let her see how I treat you.
The way we look at each other. That kind of shit.
Show her what a relationship should look like. Not what she believes it is.”
Sami’s eyes soften. “Whatever I throw at you, you won’t walk away, will you?”
“Not if I can help it.”
She takes a shaky breath. “I think that’s a good idea. I know she won’t like it, not at first at least, but who knows? This might be the thing that finally gets through to her that her dad and I are over for good.”
“It’s worth a shot.”
“Are you sure I’m worth it?” she asks as she nibbles on her bottom lip.
I free her lip and lean down and kiss her softly.
“Mami, you’re worth it, and I’m going to do everything in my power to prove it to you. No matter what other people think. Now, as much as I would love to hold you for the rest of the night, you need to head home. Your girl is over there alone, and we can’t have that.”
Reluctantly she crawls off my lap, and I stand. As I follow her to the door, I shove my hands in my pockets to stop myself from reaching out for her.
When she places her hand on the doorknob, she turns toward me with a serious look on her face. “Loyal, I just want you to know, I don’t care what others think. Not when I already know what kind of man you are.”
For some reason, my heart races at her words.
“And what kind of man would that be?”
“The kind I’m falling in love with,” she whispers before slipping outside, leaving me standing in my front entry, speechless but with a smile on my face.