Chapter Fifteen
Pulling through the gate, it hits me how normal this feels.
This is the fourth time I’ve been here since Loyal brought me that first night. It’s the first time I’m showing up on my own.
Bailey and Cami invited me though, and I really want to get to know them better.
Getting out of my car, I take a deep breath. Then I head up into the clubhouse, ready for the party that has always been inside.
Only this time, it is quiet.
“Hey, the girls will be right out. I’m Viv. We haven’t been officially introduced yet since Loyal keeps bringing you by when we are busy.”
I walk over to the beautiful woman who is always behind the bar when we come.
“Yeah, I’m Sami. Nice to meet you. I’m surprised it’s so quiet. I figured it was always loud and…” I trail off.
“They can be heathens, especially the single ones, but usually only during the evenings. Most of them have jobs they go to daily. That or they are on task for the club. They keep busy, which is why they like to party hard,” Viv informs me.
I wince. “Yeah. The party part isn’t my favorite, but this place is growing on me.”
She smiles. “It will do that to you when you have an old man looking out for you.”
“Old man?” I ask.
“Yeah. Savage is Bailey’s. Fang is Cami’s. Loyal is yours.”
My heart warms at hearing someone else call him mine.
“Who is yours?”
She holds up her hands. “No old man here. The club took me in as a favor. Now I tend their bar. Honestly, I wouldn’t even be out here right now, but Bailey mentioned a girls’ day, and I was hoping I could tag along.”
“Do they usually not let you?” I ask, not liking the idea of anyone being left out.
“Oh no. Not at all. That came off wrong. I only meant I hadn’t told them I was hanging around. They are the best. I promise. No weird clique-y bullshit,” Viv reassures me.
The door opens behind me before I can say anything else. Turning, I find Bailey coming inside with Laura.
“Hey, I didn’t realize you were coming. It’s good to see you,” I tell Laura.
She smiles. “Love the shirt. Do you have a whole closet of them?”
I look down and smile. This one is a Blink-182 shirt.
“To be honest, after I got divorced, I found a box of my old clothes in the back of the garage. I’ve been wearing them ever since.”
She laughs. “Well, if you ever want to part with any, I would happily take them off your hands.”
“Okay, stop fangirling. Hey, Viv. I didn’t know you were working this afternoon.” Bailey smiles warmly at the girl.
Viv smiles back. “I heard about girls’ day and figured I could use some girl time. Where’s Cami?”
“Right here,” Cami says, coming into the room from the hallway leading toward where the rooms are. “So what’s the plan? World domination? Manis and pedis?”
“How about Mexican food with a side of San Antonio Stroll?” Bailey offers.
Laura is still smiling, but I can see it isn’t reaching her eyes.
“Could we order in instead?” I ask.
The girls all look at me. The relief in Laura’s face tells me I did the right thing.
“You don’t want to go out on the town?”
I bite my lip. “Honestly, I deal with people all day long. Between birthing mothers and family members with no boundaries, I get all peopled out. Don’t get me wrong. I love my job, but maybe if we stay here, you could tell me more about what it’s like to be part of the club?”
Cami nods. “No, it’s perfect. Then we can have margaritas with our Mexican food. I’ll send the prospect to pick it up for us. Look up the menu for El Paso on Linwood. Text me your order, and I will call it in.”
“I’ll make the margaritas,” Viv offers.
“I’ll inform Savage we will be staying in and commandeering the back patio.” Bailey turns and heads off.
“I guess we can head outside?” I ask Laura.
“You girls go on ahead. We will be out there soon,” Viv tells us.
Laura and I walk slowly toward the back door. When we get there, she hesitates, so I do too.
“Is there a reason we shouldn’t?” I ask.
She frowns. “I don’t admit this to many people, but you did save my ass back there. I’m still scared to be out on my own. I mean, I know you are with me, but it’s not the same. My chest gets all tight, and I start to pant.”
“You have an anxiety attack,” I tell her.
She nods. “Some shit went down a couple years ago. I’m still working through it, I guess.
Every time I think I am over it, something happens and I’m back there.
Like today. I woke up ready to go out and hang with the girls, but the idea of being in public where someone could snatch me scares the hell out of me. ”
I reach out without thinking, grabbing her hand. “We take it one step at a time. Let’s get out the door and pause. If it’s too scary, we come right back inside. If there is someone trying to kidnap you, I promise to throw myself at them to give you a chance to get away.”
She laughs, her breathing a little more even. “I’m really glad Loyal found you. Bailey knew me before all of this, so she doesn’t get it. She keeps expecting me to be that same girl as before.”
“You won’t be her, though. She’s gone.”
She nods, her face lighting up at my understanding.
It’s not the same, but I feel the same way about the girl I was before Billy. She’s long gone. Even wearing her clothes won’t bring her back.
“I’m ready.” She holds my hand tight.
We step outside together, then stop. I let her take a few deep breaths before her hand relaxes slightly in mine.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
I nod as she slowly leads me to the covered patio. We each take a seat as the girls filter back, Viv arriving last with a tray of margaritas.
“Thank you, Viv,” I tell her.
She nods.
I notice Laura not taking a drink but acting like she is. I make note to “accidentally” drink hers too. Anything to help her save face for as long as she needs.
“Food will be here soon. So what should we talk about? How about the raid on the clubhouse?” Cami asks.
“Cami, we aren’t supposed to discuss that,” Bailey groans.
“It was all over the news. Tell Savage that we can be trusted.”
“Wait.” My heart is racing. “There was a raid? Did they find drugs? Guns? Worse?”
Laura reaches under the table, patting my knee in comfort. I take a deep breath as Bailey holds up her hand.
She shoots Cami a glare before turning to me. “There is nothing here to be found, Sami. It was some asshole with a hard-on for the club calling in tips to get the place turned over.”
“People do that?” I ask.
“Scorned ex’s do. At least that’s what the scuttlebutt says it is,” Viv adds.
“Who the hell uses the word ‘scuttlebutt’? Why not just say rumors?” Bailey teases, trying to lighten the mood, but failing.
My stomach sours.
Scorned ex. Like Billy. The same man who made threats just the other day.
Pulling out my phone, I shoot Loyal one simple text.
Me: We need to talk.
Mami: We need to talk.
Four words no man ever wants to hear from the woman he is desperately in love with. Still, there they are on my phone.
“I’m sorry, Antonio. I know this is important and we need to talk, but I have to go. Raincheck? I can come back tomorrow or maybe later.”
Antonio nods. “Of course, man. Hope everything is all right. Just let me know. I’ll make myself available.”
“Thanks. I owe you.”
Tearing out of the office, I rush off to my bike. I hear my name called out, but I ignore it. It’s likely my brother in arms working today, but I can’t pause a second.
I need to know what is wrong with Sami. I won’t get shit done until I do.
I break every traffic law there is to get to her house. When I arrive, I’m disappointed to find that she isn’t there.
Me: Where are you?
I tap my boot on the pavement as I wait for her response. The longer she takes, the more anxious I get.
Finally, I see her bubble pop up that she’s typing.
Mami: Clubhouse
She mentioned hanging out with the girls at some point today, but I didn’t think they would be at the clubhouse. What has she seen that has her needing to talk to me?
I don’t contemplate it any longer. I turn my bike around and speed toward the clubhouse. I make it in record time, the prospect opening the gate as he hears me approach.
I almost want to yell at him for being so stupid. I could have been a rival biker coming by, but I don’t have it in me to stop. I spray gravel as I come to a stop, hopping off the bike before rushing inside. When I don’t see her, I start to panic.
It’s unlikely that something happened to her here, but Cami had some trouble last year. Is someone here that could hurt her?
Then I hear laughter drift in from an open window.
Striding outside, I find Sami sitting with Laura, Cami, Viv, and Bailey as they eat food and drink what looks like margaritas.
“Mami,” I call out.
Everyone freezes as Sami looks up at me. Her eyes are red and glassy. She is obviously a little tipsy.
“I’m mad at you,” she huffs, grabbing the half-empty glass in front of her.
“I got that. I’d like to know why, but maybe we can talk in my room?” I offer.
“I don’t know. Was that raided too?”
Fuck.
I didn’t tell her about the raid because I know she will feel guilty if she knows it was Billy. If I don’t tell her it was Billy, she might worry if the club is a safe place. It’s a hard place to be in. So I’ve kept it to myself.
I should have known the girls would talk about it.
“Please, let’s talk in the other room.”
“You should talk to him. He looks upset,” Laura whispers loud enough for me to hear.
“Fine, but don’t touch my margarita.” She points at Laura.
“Pretty sure that was Laura’s,” Cami mutters.
Sami stands and walks my way. When she stumbles a bit, I reach out and hold her steady. It doesn’t take me long to get her inside and down the hall to my room. Once inside, she looks around before going to sit on the bed.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she hisses at me.
“I didn’t want you to worry,” I say without hesitation.
“It was Billy.”
I nod. “I think so.”
“Ugh, why is he trying to ruin my life? Isn’t it bad enough that I wasted my youth with him? Now he wants to take my midlife orgasms too?”
I want to laugh, but I hold it in. She’s mad enough. I don’t need her taking her anger out on me.
“We are handling it,” I tell her.
She shakes her head, then stops and holds a hand to it.
“No. I don’t want that bullshit placating answer.
I lived with that man for over a decade.
He did that shit to me. I don’t need to know all of the details of what you do here.
I get it’s probably better I don’t, but things like that, I want to know.
I want you to tell me about your day. I don’t want your life to be some big secret. ”
I move closer to her, dropping to my knees in front of her. She looks down at me as I hold her middle. “I promise. Never again. I will always tell you everything I can unless it is for your safety.”
She sighs and nods. “I’m not really mad at you.
I’m mad at him. I wish I had never met him, but I can’t wish that because then I wouldn’t have Farrah.
I wish Farrah were yours instead. That you were him.
No, that’s not right. That I had married you?
That sounds weird too. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. ”
Her drunken mind might not be able to piece it together, but my sober one can.
She wishes it had been me all along.
Fuck, that is music to my ears. That’s almost like her saying she loves me.
“How much did you drink?” I ask her instead of addressing her words.
“One, but Laura doesn’t like to drink, so maybe I was drinking hers too so the girls wouldn’t know. Only, I think Viv made them doubles. I really want to finish my tacos.” She pouts.
Man, this woman is perfect. She saw Laura was struggling and stepped in without question. Took on more alcohol for herself so Laura could feel like part of the group. This is why she makes an amazing old lady.
My old lady.
“I’ll go get your tacos. You can finish them, then we can nap. Is that okay?”
She nods. “Tell the girls I’m sorry. Blame me for being a mother and not having drank in a while.”
I lean up and kiss her lips. “Don’t worry. I’ll handle it. You lie down and relax.”
I doubt she will be awake when I get back, but I will follow through with my promise because she asked it of me.
I’d do anything she says.