Chapter Twenty
It’s my rare day off, and Farrah is up in her room. My hair is up in a messy bun and I’m wearing the rattiest clothes I have, trying to get as much random cleaning done as possible.
I blow a piece of hair away from my face as I lean back on my heels, sponge still in my hand, and look down at the baseboard. The scuffs I’ve spent the last five minutes attacking have faded, but now the spot looks whiter than the rest of the board.
Tipping my head back, I groan.
“Fucking baseboards,” I mutter to myself.
The doorbell rings, making me frown.
Who the hell is here?
I drop the sponge into the Tupperware container of soapy water and head to the door, wiping my hands on my shorts as I go.
“Hi, can I help you?” I ask as I open the door to a woman in a suit.
“Hi, are you Samantha Abrahams?” she asks.
“Yes…” I trail off as dread rolls through me.
I’ve seen women like her before but she can’t be…right?
“Hi, I’m Andrea Stacks. I’m with child protective services. We’ve had a report filed against you,” she says, confirming my worst fear.
“Excuse me? I’m sorry, but you have to be mistaken,” I say, shaking my head.
She gives me a sympathetic smile. “If your daughter’s name is Farrah, then I’m afraid not. May I come in?”
Wordlessly, I step aside, and she walks inside.
“What’s going on?” Farrah asks, coming out of her room.
“Hi, are you Farrah?” Andrea asks.
“Yes…” Farrah confirms while shooting me a curious look.
While Andrea fills her in on who she is, I watch my daughter’s face. Confusion fills me as my daughter’s face stays blank, giving nothing away.
Does she know something I don’t? Is she the one who called? Is this a shock?
Andrea rests her hand on my arm, scaring me. She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Sorry, I was just telling you that Farrah and I are going to go to her room, to talk…”
I close my eyes and nod. “Of course. Sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sure this is all unexpected. We will be out shortly.”
“You can say that again,” I mutter under my breath as she walks away.
When the door clicks shut, I look around the room, trying to see it through Andrea’s eyes. Will she make notes about my cleaning supplies being on the floor? What about the light that’s out in the kitchen? Is she going to judge me for having my curtains down even though they are just in the wash?
Loyal. I should call Loyal.
As soon as the thought hits me, I push it away. He has other things to deal with right now. He doesn’t need my bullshit. Besides, I’m a strong, capable, independent woman. I can handle this.
Blowing out a breath and with heavy feet, I walk over to where I was cleaning just minutes ago and pick it up. I take it into the kitchen and dump it down the sink. Without thinking about it, I start washing the few dishes from when I made pancakes this morning.
For the next thirty minutes I do whatever I can to keep my hands and my mind off of what’s happening down the hall. When Andrea finally emerges, though, I feel like I’m about to pass out from my heart racing so fast.
Logically I know I’ve done nothing wrong. That my home is safe, but that doesn’t mean a surprise visit isn’t jarring and doesn’t make you question everything.
“Sorry that took so long. Would you mind if I walked around and took pictures?”
“Go ahead.”
And like a damn creeper, I watch her go room to room.
After she’s done, she turns back to me. “Would you mind stepping outside with me?”
“Of course,” I say, robotically following after her.
It’s only once we are in the driveway does she turn toward me, giving me a smile.
“Let me start off by saying you are in no trouble.”
“Really?” I ask, taking what feels like my first breath since she showed up.
“Really, but I am concerned,” she says, making my heart sink.
“What’s the problem?”
“I shouldn’t tell you this, but the report came from your ex-husband. At first I was worried about what he said, but after speaking to Farrah, my concerns have shifted. I believe she’s being coerced.”
“Wait, what?” I ask, shaking my head in confusion.
“Farrah repeated back almost verbatim what your ex-husband’s report said.
Honestly, in the five years I’ve been doing this, I’ve never seen anything like it.
I tried pushing to get her to go off script, but she would just freeze and tell me she didn’t know.
Then circle back to what I believe she was coached to say. ”
I shut my eyes and laugh. “I’m sorry, this isn’t funny at all, but it feels unreal. Like a sick joke.”
“I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m not mad at you for being the bearer of bad news.”
She smiles. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”
“What does this mean for the investigation?” I ask, trying to get back on topic.
“As far as I’m concerned, the case should be closed. Her statements are concerning and should be looked into, but not because of you. Because of your ex. I am going to go back and talk with my boss to see if there is anything we can do about your ex.”
“Thank you,” I say, truly meaning it.
“Anytime. I’ll be in touch.”
I watch as she gets in her car, and once she’s pulled away, I head inside. I jerk to a stop when I see Farrah.
“I figured you would want to talk,” Farrah mutters.
“Yeah, actually I do.”
Wordlessly we both head into the living room and sit down on the couch, as far away from each other as possible.
“Farrah, you realize how out of hand this has gotten, right? Your dad filed a false claim against me to CPS,” I say slowly.
“We have our rights to be concerned. Your house is becoming questionable…” she mutters.
I shake my head slowly. “That’s not true, and we both know it.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Mom. Sorry you are finally realizing the consequences of your own actions?” she says, tossing her hands up.
“I’m sorry, but divorcing your dad shouldn’t have consequences like this.
My family cutting me off because they don’t accept divorce?
You being angry with me? Your dad making my life hell?
I knew all of that before I even filed. I accepted it, but this, filing false reports and the harassment, is going too far. ”
Farrah shifts in her seat uncomfortably. Almost as if she’s finally realizing what’s going on. Really going on.
“Farrah, what do you want me to do? This needs to stop.” I pinch the bridge of my nose.
“You and Dad can stop putting me in the middle of things,” she says.
I bite the tip of my tongue until I taste copper.
I want to scream that it’s not me putting her in the middle but her fucking dad, but I don’t.
“What else? It’s clear you have something in mind.”
“You need to break up with your boyfriend. Maybe then Dad will back off some. If you aren’t dating anyone.” She shrugs, making my heart sink.
Is she right? If I break up with Loyal will Billy back off some? He’s been a dick about the divorce from the start, but maybe if I’m not with anyone, he won’t have a reason to be jealous.
He was easier to deal with before he knew about Loyal…
When I think about leaving Loyal, I can physically feel my heart breaking, and it becomes hard to breathe. I don’t want to. It’s the last thing I want. Especially where I’ve fallen for him.
But at the end of the day Farrah comes first. So I say the one thing I never thought I’d say.
“Okay, I’ll end it.”
When Sami texted me asking if I could come over, I assumed it was to spend a little alone time together, but now looking at her face, I realize I had it all wrong.
“Are you okay?” I ask as she steps aside to let me into the house, not bothering to touch me like she normally would.
That was the first red flag. The second is the splotchy cheeks and eyes rimmed red.
Sami doesn’t answer my question and heads right into the living room where she promptly sinks onto the couch, pulling her legs up. She even goes as far as wrapping her arms around her shins, closing herself off completely.
“Mami, I need you to talk to me,” I beg as I move toward her.
“I had a visit today from CPS,” she says robotically.
“Excuse me? I think I heard you wrong.” I shake my head.
She laughs sarcastically. “I had the same reaction when she told me who she was. I honestly thought it was a bad dream. That the cleaning supplies I had been working with had finally gone to my head, but no, it was very much real.”
“Why did she come?”
“Billy, why else? He made a claim. The worker said Farrah repeated his report verbatim and that she questioned the legitimacy. After she left, I talked with Farrah, and well, she made it clear. She is tired of being put in the middle.”
“No…” I say, shaking my head, already knowing where this is going.
She looks down at her legs, tears trailing down her cheeks.
“She thinks that if I end things with you, it will make both of our lives easier. Billy will still be a pain in the ass, but he won’t do shit like today.”
“Mami, we both know he won’t stop. He will keep pressuring you until you get back with him,” I say even though she basically just said the same thing.
She nods slowly. “I know, but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t see you anymore. At least not right now,” she chokes out
Tears start falling down my face.
It’s been a long time since I cried, but today I let them fall freely. The woman I love is in so much pain that she is breaking in front of me, and there is nothing I can do about it. I can’t make her stay or try to convince her to change her mind because Farrah has to come first.
I hate that she’s right. That if I’m not in the picture maybe just maybe he won’t ride her as hard as he has been. Maybe he won’t try to make my life with the club hell or pit Farrah against her.
What she’s saying makes sense logically, and I fucking hate it.
“This is the last thing I want,” I tell her honestly.
“Me too, but we don’t get everything we want. If Farrah could accept you, maybe, but…” she mutters sadly.