Chapter 11 The Aftermath
Trina Swift's shocking statement was met with silence, the kind that was heavy with implication.
I knew people were considering her words in light of what had just happened.
I was in shock, wondering where that outlandish statement had come from.
I was even more surprised when nobody laughed at how ridiculous it was to call me an abomination.
Everyone just stared at me as if I were some sort of monster.
Even Cleopatra looked uncharacteristically shaken.
Before now, I would have said there wasn't much that could turn the Princess ashen-faced.
Predictably, Principal Lucius was the first to find his voice.
"That concludes today's demonstrations." He was speaking carefully, trying to get the situation under control.
He was ignoring Trina's damning words. Did that mean he agreed with her?
"Everyone, please leave the stadium in an orderly fashion. "
His booming voice pulled people back to the present, and they started for the archway leading out of the training grounds.
The Principal and a few of the instructors went over to the section of the stadium that was still merrily burning.
They needed to extinguish the flames and repair the damage my sudden burst of magic had caused.
I wondered guiltily if I should be doing anything.
Should I be helping them clean up my mess?
I couldn't see how I'd be of any help. My latest attempt at using magic had been an utter disaster, and I didn't know any other spells yet.
I was left alone in the middle of the arena.
It was as if no one wanted to come too close.
I felt dazed, out of it, as if I was moving inside some sort of nightmare.
What was I supposed to do now? Were they just going to let me leave as if nothing had happened?
I felt shame throb in the pit of my stomach and didn't even know if it was deserved or not.
Could I have done anything to prevent the near-catastrophe my burst of magic had caused?
"Leah... My lady," a strained voice said behind me.
I turned and saw Vaerath drawing closer.
Already, he seemed less substantial, and I realized he was fading from this world.
The firewave spell had depleted almost all of my power, and I couldn't keep him there anymore.
He wanted to speak to me before he disappeared.
He took my face in his hands, and, feeling his warmth, his kindness, and his devotion, I wanted to cry. My eyes stung with tears. In that moment, I felt unworthy of him, tainted and dangerous. Perhaps what Trina had said was the truth. Maybe I was dangerous and should never have been born.
"Despite how it looks, you succeeded in the task of creating fire magic.
You are immensely powerful. You just need the control to match your power.
" Vaerath's voice was gruff and soothing.
I looked into his golden eyes and saw the sincerity of his words blazing in them.
He cared about me deeply. I had no idea if it was love yet, but he believed in me, and that was important.
In that moment, it was everything. He didn't see me as some kind of potential world-destroyer.
I swallowed the tears back and nodded, even as he was bending over me to brush his lips on my forehead.
I closed my eyes. Before he pulled back, he disappeared.
I felt the loss of his presence like a physical emptiness inside me.
When I opened my eyes, I saw Amber standing there, regarding me carefully.
"Are you okay?" She was alone. Pyrrhus must have disappeared a while ago. Like me, she couldn't sustain the connection between her mate and herself for very long. "You look like you could use a wash before dinner time."
She was trying to make light of the situation, acting as if my demonstration hadn't been unusual at all.
I looked down at my shoes and tunic and saw soot clinging to me in ugly black smudges.
She had a point. I was dirty and could smell the fire on me.
I tried to say something. I even opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
There seemed to be some sort of obstruction in my throat that felt like tears threatening to spill if I uttered a single word.
My chest felt tight as if there was a heavy weight on it, and my hands were shaking.
"Come on, let's go." Without waiting for a reply, she put her arms around my shoulders and led me out of the arena.
That one gesture meant the world to me: to know I hadn't lost her friendship.
I had scared everyone badly, including myself.
No one seemed to know quite what to make of my demonstration.
Amber could have been like the rest of them; she could have avoided me, she could have rejected me, she could have treated me like something dangerous.
The fact that she managed to set her own fear aside and give me comfort when I needed it was proof of her exceptional character.
I thought all these things as we left the colosseum, but I was silent, unable to express what I felt because it was so large and confusing.
As we entered the hallways and made our way to the dormitory, I heard chattering and knew the furtive glances and gossiping little groups had returned.
Until now, I had been free of it as things had settled into a sense of normalcy.
I hadn't been half as interesting as the other students had thought I would be.
Now, it seemed, the churning gossip mill was back with a vengeance and turned on me once more.
How long before the entire school knew I had almost killed instructors and students from my own class?
By the sound of it, it wouldn't be long at all.
The students in my class had taken a blood oath not to reveal I was the Trinity.
That meant they could still tell others of the near-disaster of my demonstration.
We walked through the empty dormitory and reached the room I shared with Amber.
It was empty, and I gathered fresh clothes and stuff I would need to wash up.
I headed for the washrooms without giving Amber a chance to say anything.
She must have sensed that I wanted to be alone because she made no attempt to follow me.
In the warm, water-foggy swirl of the enormous tub, I finally found release.
I was shaking, shivering as if I was freezing.
Tears streamed down my face, and my breath came in hitching sobs, echoing in the small confines of the private bath stall.
If someone entered the bathroom, they would hear me losing it, but at that moment, I couldn't have cared less.
I kept seeing the faces of all those who had been present in the aftermath of my botched demonstration.
They had looked at me as if I were something strange and dangerous.
I lay back and let the warm water slosh over me, even as my face was burning with embarrassment, even as I warmed up my hands by putting them under the water.
Some time later, with my wet hair tied back and wearing warm, comfortable clothes, I entered our room again and put my things away.
I lay down on the bed that was still so strange after almost a month with its unfamiliar lumps and creaks.
I stared out of the window and saw the sky had turned into a kaleidoscope of colors as the sun set.
I wanted nothing more than to escape into sleep, but I was filled with nervous, restless energy.
More than anything, I wanted to speak to my mother and father.
I desperately wanted to tell them what had happened and to hear words of reassurance and encouragement from those who had known me my whole life.
I needed to know I was the same Leah I had always been.
It was a foolish notion, because I wasn't. Since my last birthday, when the power had awakened within me, and it had revealed me as a Manaborn, even my own parents had looked at me differently.
Eventually, I pushed these thoughts away. They hurt too much. I faintly heard the dinner bell ring and realized I hadn't had anything since a few bites of food that morning. I got out of bed and dragged myself across the room.
At the door, with my hand on the doorknob, I hesitated.
I was already feeling myself dying inside a little just imagining how people were going to react to my presence in the great hall for dinner.
If this afternoon had been any sort of indication, they would be openly gossiping about me again.
I was already feeling nervous, sweat rolling down my back just thinking of facing that again.
Only, this time it was bound to be so much worse.
I felt my stomach grumble loudly. I was more than hungry.
Performing magic took its toll on a caster's body and mind.
I would have preferred to have dinner alone in the room, but the Academy had strict rules against bringing food up to the dormitories.
I suspected that even a grand place such as this wasn't immune to a rat infestation if people weren't careful.
Everyone was supposed to eat in the dining hall.
I couldn't go to sleep on an empty stomach.
I was bound to lie awake with hunger pains if I did.
I felt the chocolate bar in my pocket that Ursula had slipped me this morning, but knew it wouldn't be enough to sustain me through the night.
Part of me also suspected that staying in my room tonight would only give power to the rumors that would be flying around regardless.
If I acted like an outcast, people were sure to start treating me like one.
I didn't want to give those whispering about me the satisfaction of having another tidbit to chatter about.
I had done nothing wrong. What happened in the arena today was an accident.
Surely I wasn't the only Manaborn to ever make a mistake and lose control over a piece of magic?
We were, after all, here to learn how to use and control our powers.
That settled it, and I opened the door after taking a deep breath and raising my chin.
There would be no looking down at my shoes either, I decided.
My father had told me that one must always face problems squarely and head on.
In her own quiet way, my mother, by her actions and the way she had always carried herself, showed me how to act with dignity.
My parents were proud people and had taught me a very valuable lesson early in my life: A person should take pride in themselves.
One doesn't need to be a nobleman to be noble.
I had always been rather shy and self-conscious.
I had always thought that acting nobly meant standing up for someone else, protecting someone who couldn't defend themselves.
I had missed a key part of that early lesson and only understood it now.
Sometimes acting nobly meant standing up for oneself.
Walking into the great hall that night was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
As I feared, my sudden appearance was met with a silence so damning it felt like a monster hulking over me whose shadow I couldn't escape.
I was very tempted to turn around, to skulk away with my tail between my legs, but I knew if I did it once, it would be more difficult to face everyone in classes and around the school tomorrow.
I wished desperately for the ability to turn myself invisible like some spellcasters could.
I avoided everyone's gaze and looked straight ahead of me.
The temptation to look down was very strong.
I hated being the center of attention like this.
I had made my decision to stop hiding away as if I'd deliberately done something wrong.
Now, I had to face up to the consequences of that choice.
It wasn't fair. I hadn't chosen any of this.
Not to be the Trinity, not to be Manaborn, any of it.
I hadn't even chosen to be here, at the Academy.
All Manaborn were obligated to attend for three years and to fight in the Void Wars afterward.
Personal preference had never entered into it.
The moment I sat down between Amber and Oliver, the conversation picked up around me like a droning hum.
I caught Amber and Oliver looking at me. She was giving me a crooked smile, and he was nodding approvingly. "What?" I asked, and the blush on my face deepened. The last thing I wanted was for them to be looking at me like that.
"Nicely done," Amber whispered. "I was afraid we wouldn't be seeing you tonight."
On my other side, Oliver nodded. "Amber told me what happened, and by the sound of it, you've got nothing to be ashamed of.
It was an accident, right? If you ask me, the instructors should have foreseen that something weird was going to happen during your demonstration.
They should have taken precautions. They were careless not to. Maybe they will from now on."
I looked at him, surprised. "You really think so? What precautions, though? Is Crystalline supposed to stand next to me and shield everyone in case I decide to explode again?"
Oliver shrugged, "It's what I would do."
I glanced between them, and we all burst out laughing. I didn't know about them, but imagining the Principal's mate hovering around me like the world's most overpowered, living fire extinguisher just struck me as hilarious.
When our laughter died down, I looked over at the table where Principal Lucius was sitting with the rest of the staff.
He caught my eye and gave me a slight nod.
I could have been mistaken, but I thought I saw approval in that nod.
After what had happened today, it felt a little like I was dreaming.
The tension drained out of me just like that, and I was glad I had decided to face everyone. Tucking into the roasted meats, fresh bread, soft cheese, and savory pies, I thought what a fool I would have been to miss out on this meal.