Chapter 22
ASPEN
“Hey, Shiloh,” I called, practically skipping down the hall.
After that day in Lucian’s office, I forced myself to get my shit together.
I let myself be angry—hurt, devastated, furious—and everything in between.
Shoving it all down was like sealing a pot of boiling water and pretending it wouldn’t eventually explode.
So I acknowledged the feelings were there, even if it was easier to cling to anger than anything else.
And then I functioned.
I made plans. I showed up. I acted like the woman who intended to run this company one day.
I made choices, starting with Shiloh.
She turned, clutching a stack of papers. “What has you so happy?” she asked, returning my infectious smile before knowing why.
“Because I have the best news ever. Are you ready for it?”
“Ummm, hell yes.”
“Are you really ready for it?” I asked, teasing.
“Aspen Quinn,” she warned.
“You got the job as acting CEO,” I squealed.
“What?” she gasped, eyes wide. “Really? Are you really freaking serious?”
I nodded and gripped her arms as we jumped up and down.
I soaked her in, her sharp cheekbones more pronounced in her smile, with her long braids pulled back.
The spark of excitement in her light blue eyes.
The happiness illuminating her golden-brown skin.
I wanted to remember everything because even if it wasn’t me, I couldn’t imagine anyone else running this company other than the woman who taught me almost everything I knew about it.
Focusing on her happiness made accepting the past few weeks okay.
“Oh, my god. Thank you. Thank you so much. I mean, I knew you’d be in my corner, but also knew that Lucian had final say. Since he doesn’t know me well, I wasn’t sure. Of course, my interview went great, but you just never know.”
My smile strained at the corners.
I’d gone over Lucian’s head, straight to my father.
After his threat to hire that abominable woman, I had to do something. Then he canceled the rest of the interviews for the week without checking with me first, and I decided I didn’t need to run anything by him either.
“I thought you had more interviews left?” Shiloh asked.
“Well, Mr. Dark and Douchy canceled them all.” I rolled my eyes. “And frankly, I can’t sit in on another atrocious round of questions with the most absurd answers.”
She winced. “Yeah, I heard about him needing time off. It’s so sa—”
“Rude,” I interjected, finishing her sentence. “I can’t believe he blew his responsibilities off. He comes in with this big talk about wanting to be a part of Quinn Music Group—of caring—and then just, poof, walks away from his responsibilities. What an asshole.”
I was so wrapped up in my heated rant that I didn’t notice her smile falter—didn’t see alarm creep in and tighten her face.
“What?”
“Well, his uncle is sick,” she explained slowly.
“Yeah, Felix,” I confirmed, pain lancing my heart.
Over the past week, I’d attempted to shift the hollow weight in my chest into something jagged and harder.
While it partially worked, easing my heartbreak over Lucian, it did little to soothe the pain of missing Felix and Grace.
I missed their dinners. I missed Felix’s laugh.
I missed bringing him tea, and the joyful smiles he managed through his suffering.
I remembered the last dinner we had with them, and how I’d laughed until my cheeks cramped. “It’s such a sad situation, but it’s no reason for Lucian to use him as some excuse to skip out,” I sneered.
“Aspen…”
“What?” I asked, thrown by the way she was looking at me—like I’d just kicked a puppy.
“My understanding is that he isn’t making excuses,” she said. “His assistant mentioned he ran out of here last week after he got a call that his godfather was being admitted to the hospital.”
“What?” I whispered, the sound hollow, fear seeping into the edges.
“She said that he let her know he might not be back for a while since he was going to spend the final days with his family.”
My heart sank like the Titanic to the pit of my stomach. My vision blurred. My hands tingled. I couldn’t breathe.
“Oh, god,” I whimpered.
She studied me, her brows pinched. “I know you guys have a unique arrangement, but this is a big deal. How did you not know?”
“I—” Her revelation consumed me, and I shook my head, struggling to comprehend her question when it hit me.
Of course, she would assume I would know, even though she also knew the details of our arrangement.
I was supposed to be his fiancée who lived with him.
Since we’d never officially called it off, I was left in a complicated situation; I didn’t know where to start explaining—a situation I didn’t want to bother trying to explain right now.
I needed to get to Lucian.
To see Felix and Grace, I added, rushing to excuse thinking of Lucian first.
“It’s complicated, and I-I have to go.”
Her expression softened, the sharpness fading into something quietly sad and knowing. “Yeah. And thanks for the promotion.”
“Yeah,” I answered, but I was already turning away, back to my office.
I created a mental list of what I needed to do next. At the top was the need to figure out the best way to reach Lucian. As much as I wanted to show up at the hospital, I had to take into consideration that he might not want me there.
The thought alone pierced my chest, but death was a messy business, and I knew better than anyone that it made monsters of the best people. This wasn’t a time to make demands or fight to win.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t see the person in front of me until I nearly bumped into her.
Emily.
Fuck.
As always, she looked impeccably put together—vibrant pink trousers, a soft denim blouse, blonde waves falling in perfect silk over her shoulders. Even while I contemplated throat-punching her, the woman in me had to admit I understood why Lucian—or anyone—would want her.
God. I did not need this now.
“Shit. Sorry,” I muttered, moving to step around her.
“It’s okay. I’ve actually been meaning to come find you,” she said, offering a tentative smile.
I bit back a groan and attempted a smile in return, though I was fairly certain it looked more like a grimace. “Maybe another time. I have something I’m in the middle of and have to get going.”
I tried to step around her again, but she moved with me, lifting her hands in surrender. “This will just take a minute. Promise.”
I clenched my jaw and exhaled sharply. “What?” I asked, the word edged with more bite than I bothered to soften.
She flinched at my tone but pressed on. “Listen, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. About…well, everything. I’m not usually such a bitch. Definitely not a vengeful one.”
A snort escaped before I could stop it. She could have fooled me.
“It’s just,” she continued, ignoring my reaction, “I came to you—woman to woman—and asked if you two were together. I confessed about how I felt because I didn’t want any of that petty, catty drama.
It’s hard for me to open up like that, but I’ve admired you and assumed you were the kind of woman who would respect honesty. ”
Guilt twisted low in my stomach.
I was that kind of woman.
But the last few months with Lucian had put me in situations I barely recognized myself in. Most of the changes were good..
This one… not so much.
“To be direct, I was pissed when I found out you lied,” she said.
“Emily, I didn’t lie. We weren’t in a relationship.
Things at the time were complicated and…
” I searched for the right explanation, but when I thought back to everything we were—the spanking, the orgasms, the thrill of it all—and everything we weren’t—no feelings, no future—the words tangled and died.
“It’s just that…” I sighed. “I didn’t lie. ”
“I get it.” One corner of her mouth lifted in a rueful smile. “Either way, I acted out of line, and I’m embarrassed. Especially because I did it over a guy I knew better than to want.”
“Don’t be.” I shook my head and huffed a dry laugh. “God knows we’ve all done stupid shit over a guy we shouldn’t.”
That statement rang more than true considering the chaos of the last few months. I mean, Jesus, just look at the situation I found myself in.
She rolled her eyes in commiseration. “Thanks for hearing me out.”
As much as I hated everything she’d done—the situations she created that made me feel like shit, especially the night that broke Lucian and me—I didn’t want to carry a grudge.
Knowing Lucian never followed through on the demonstration helped a lot, too.
Between that and still feeling the urgency to go find him as soon as I could, forgiveness was easier than I expected.
“Thanks for apologizing.”
“Are we okay?” she asked hesitantly.
Kind of, I wanted to say. Instead, I offered an easy smile and took the high road. “Of course.”
“Great.” She beamed at me with her full pink lips and bright blue eyes—annoying me with how perfect she looked.
“But I have to go.”
“Of course. Of course.”
This time, when I stepped past her, she let me go.
I rounded the corner to my office, coming up with ways I might be able to see Felix, to support Grace…
to be there for Lucian, when I noticed a tall, familiar figure looming in front of my door.
My steps slowed, and I watched Lucian raise his hand, hesitate, and drop it away before pacing two steps and starting again.
My heart strained toward him, heavy and hurting with everything I still wanted.
But each day, I forced myself to remember all the ways he’d clarified not wanting the same as me—to remember the horrified look on his face when I’d told him I loved him.
Reminding myself again, I swallowed, rolled my shoulders back, held my chin high, and locked my icy armor around the empathy and need to comfort him.
“Lucian,” I called just as he raised his hand again to knock.
“Hey,” he breathed.