Chapter 11
Chapter
Eleven
LUCIFER
My arrival back in hell was a bit anticlimactic, but that was by design.
I wanted to steal a few moments alone to collect myself and ensure my time in chains wasn’t too obvious before heading off to greet the adoring masses.
Normally I’d have demanded great fanfare.
A harbinger, if you will, heralding my triumphant return.
But that would have to be reserved for another time.
And truth be told, a large part of me was curious to learn what my troops had been up to during my leave of absence. Catching them off guard would be far more illuminating than providing them with any sort of advance notice. One must always keep the staff on their toes.
“When the cat’s away . . .”
With a little sigh, I lifted the lid on my closet’s center island and inspected the rather expensive collection of watches I’d amassed over the past century.
Each one given to me in a bargain for some rich prick’s soul.
Authenticity mattered, and every single piece of art, designer clothing, and priceless jewels I owned was the real deal.
There was no way I would allow humans to possess such treasures.
Case in point, the Mona Lisa hanging over my toilet.
Nothing said endless wealth like a historical masterpiece in the bathing chamber.
Why in the name of all that was unholy anyone would pay to see the paint-by-number replica I donated to the Louvre, I’ll never know.
Can I let you in on a little secret? Just between you and me. But you have to promise not to tell.
She’s not smirking in the original. I threw in that little detail. DaVinci captured her in her signature sulky pout. I remember him vividly, frustrated beyond belief as she posed. “Ah, my dove, you must smile for me. You would be such a vision if only you would smile.”
I’m surprised she didn’t geld him before the end with her bare hands. I mean, can you imagine? No woman since the dawn of time has appreciated a man commenting on her facial expression. Idiot.
One diamond-encrusted Rolex and an amused snort later, I was ready. Feeling every inch the bad bitch that I was, I sauntered my way out of my private suite and down to the throne room. I was surprised not to run into any of the Princes along the way, but they always were a rather lazy lot.
Shoving the two-story-tall doors open, I waltzed into the throne room with my arms out wide, a beatific smile on my face.
They were all there. The horsewomen, my seven Princes, a few demonic minions, and even a troll or two.
No one spared me a glance. Envy sat with Pride and Greed, all three watching images play out on the wall as though it were a TV screen.
A demonic newscaster delivered headlines via a projection being broadcast across hell.
“And our top story tonight, two more hellmouths opened early this morning, bringing the total to five across the globe. Sources say the resistance is unable to keep up with border patrol. Demon authorities say, if you’ve got your ticket to the surface, now is the time to claw your way up and claim your land topside. ”
Oh, goodie, the apocalypse was being televised after all.
“This reminds me of the gold rush, back when the humans were so desperate they’d kill anyone who looked at them wrong,” Greed said, shaking her head. “I miss those days. Even now, with the world ending, they’re not as cutthroat.”
“It’s coming. Just be patient. Once they realize it’s kill or be killed, all bets will be off, and we can bathe in their blood if we choose.” Pride was always a dastardly, opportunistic fuck. It was good to see some things never changed.
“Well, don’t all get up at once,” I deadpanned, doing my level best to hide my pout. Was it too much to ask for a little acknowledgment? I mean, really. I’d been gone an age. Did no one care?
Nearly a dozen heads snapped my way, the expressions varying between shock, relief, and, dare I say, irritation.
Death was the first to recover. She blinked wide, doe-like eyes at me. “Welcome back, my lord.” The honorific was gritted out and ringing of false sincerity.
Her tiny stride clacked on the stone floor in rapid succession as she scurried toward me. I smirked down at her, diminutive as she was, and barely resisted the urge to pluck at one of her bouncy blonde curls.
“Hel, darling, lovely as always to see you. Was that my throne you happened to be perched on?”
Her eyes tightened as she tried and failed to contain her reaction to my accusation. “I was simply keeping it warm for you. I’m sure you’d much rather it be me than one of these other chuckleclowns.”
I offered her a smile that was little more than a baring of teeth. “You know what they say when you assume, dearest.”
“My king, we are thrilled you’ve returned.” Famine sidled up to me, distracting me from the target her sister had made of herself. “You’ll be pleased to know we have kept operations running smoothly in your absence and the troops are ready for battle.”
Glancing around at the mess they’d made of my throne room, I huffed. “Yes, I can see that.”
Was that sarcasm? Absolutely.
Most of the Princes were still eyeing me warily, though a couple were bent over what appeared to be a map as they discussed what I could only assume was strategy with War. Hmm. Perhaps there was an opportunity here.
Initially I’d only intended to rescue those idiots, but maybe this visit could accomplish multiple things. Just because I’d taken a mate didn’t mean I had to give up my day job, did it? Times had changed. You could be a husband and a self-made autocrat. What better time to prove it?
“Show me,” I demanded, catching her off guard. Her eyes widened, and a flash of fear she couldn’t hide quickly enough peeked through.
“Of course.” She shot a glare at Wrath, who was standing alongside Sloth, both of them staring down at a slowly spinning, glowing orb. Sloth chuckled as he pointed at a particular spot.
“Oh, it’s Earth. How clever,” I crooned.
“Yes. Wrath and Sloth will bring you up to speed on our armies.”
Wrath shot her an annoyed glance but muttered something under his breath before heading my way. Sloth was slow to look over his shoulder and made an entire production out of rolling his eyes and following along behind him.
Petty little bitch.
As if doing my will was such a fucking inconvenience. Have they forgotten who I am? That they chose to follow me. I didn’t ask anyone to fall from heaven and join me. That was all them. The least they could do was show some damned gratitude now that they’d been released from their prisons.
Yes, technically that was thanks to Death’s cute little game, but fuck if I was about to publicly give that upstart any credit. There’d be no living with her if I acknowledged her win. She was an agent of me. Therefore, I was to thank. Not her.
“Show me what you’ve been up to, Wrath. Something . . . terrible, I hope.”
Wrath grunted and dipped his chin once. “Terrible is the only choice. It’s what I was created for.”
I couldn’t resist taking a shot at his brother. “And you? What were you created for?”
Sloth blinked at me, as if it was the stupidest question I could have possibly posed. “Annihilation.”
“Ah. Yes.” I clapped my hands and rubbed them together. “Delightful.”
The next few minutes consisted of Wrath and Sloth pointing to locales on the globe and showing me a bird’s-eye view of the carnage they’d wrought over the course of this apocalyptic venture of ours.
“You’ve been busy,” I murmured.
“Making up for lost time,” Wrath agreed.
“If by lost time you mean time spent in your prison, I agree. However, it would appear that you spent a good amount of those years plotting. I appreciate the efficiency.”
Sloth inspected a piece of invisible dirt on his sleeve as he mused, “Is there any other way to be?”
“Some would argue efficiency isn’t the default setting for most. After all, it took this long for the horsewomen to successfully bring about an apocalypse.
We’re how many years into the existence of this godforsaken world?
” I really needed to shift the topic away from their external victories and focus on wins closer to home.
Specifically, the prisoners of war they’d taken.
“Well, they’re women. What did you expect?” Wrath muttered. A double-headed axe flew through the air, narrowly missing him before bouncing off the stone wall and clattering to the floor. “Hey! What was that for?”
“Don’t be such a chauvinistic pig, or I’ll be forced to shove a stick from your arsehole to your mouth and spit roast you.” Greed glared at him with a level of malice I usually spotted on her peers.
“Kinky,” Lust snorted.
“You can fucking try,” Wrath growled, his eyes practically glowing.
“Annnd that’s about enough of that, children.” They were worse than me when it came to veering wildly off course. “We’ve established you’ve been decimating Earth, but how are you planning to combat the resistance? Their numbers are growing by the day.”
Come on, take the fucking bait, anyone.
“Way ahead of you, my king,” Famine simpered, much to the annoyance of her sisters. Death practically glowered while the others shared a pointed look.
“Ohhh? Do tell.”
“Why tell him when you can show him, sister?” Death crooned.
Famine beamed with pride as she sidled up to me once again. All she ever did was bloody sidle. “Follow me. We have them in the dungeon, where they belong.”