Chapter 77
CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN
I think I’m going crazy. And not because of the other…people in my head. Because we’ve been stuck on this island for so long. An object in motion is an object that is harder to target. But a still object? I’m a sitting duck.
I won’t go back to the States. I can’t, not after everything.
I lost a shit ton of my business partners.
Literally up in flames. They sided with my brother, which makes me question how stable my entire business is.
How many other plants did he have? At this point, I can’t trust anyone at home either.
I’m glad Weston is dead, but that fear that’s been chasing me my whole life didn’t die with him. Holland says it’s because my nervous system hasn’t learned what it feels like to feel safe. I don’t know what that means.
Holland. Every time she talks to me, I feel my breath slowing.
She hasn’t talked to me a lot, though. She mainly keeps to herself, keeping all of us at arm’s length.
It makes me nervous, so I’m standing out on the small balcony our room has, breathing in the outside air.
Something about the outside makes me feel less claustrophobic.
The birds are singing like my empire didn’t just burn to the ground.
The birds don’t know shit, all they care about is seeds and fruits, and that no one comes near their mates.
Must be so simple to be a bird. Just protect your mate and find enough food for that day.
There’s a sound behind me, and I hear the door sliding. I stiffen, glancing back to see it’s Holland. She steps out onto the deck, closing the door behind her.
I look back out over the forest.
“Whatcha doing?” She steps up to the railing next to me, and suddenly I’m nervous. She’s so close I can smell the sweet vanilla scent of the handwash in our bathroom.
I shrug.
Holland pulls in a deep breath and lets it out. She just stands here with me, staring out into the woods. We’re silent for a while. It’s nice to have her here, just…being, but it feels so foreign. Like we’re hanging in this weird spot between the island and real life, and we have been for weeks.
Only for Holland and Oakley, this is their new life.
I haven’t told them they can’t leave, but it’s been an awkward topic that hangs over every dinner.
Now that they survived the island, they’re a target.
An enigma. A fascination for the people on my side, and a threat to my enemies.
For their safety and mine, I can’t send them back home.
Kyan agrees, although he’s less concerned about safety and more interested in love.
Love.
My chest clenches, and I grip the railing.
I don’t know what love is, and yet, somehow, I want it.
I think I see glimpses of it, hanging around the four we’re staying with.
It’s in the little ways they know each other.
The tiny movements they make to comfort each other right before an uncomfortable topic is brought up.
How they finish each other’s thoughts. And how, most importantly, they’re all unified on one thing: safety. It makes my heart ache.
I don’t think I can ever get Holland to be unified with me on this. I think she’ll always want to go home. Why wouldn’t she? She was stolen from everything she knew.
Holland must be thinking about the same thing ‘cause she lets out a breath, and I immediately stiffen. I don’t want her to bring it up.
I want to stay in this little bubble of peace for just a bit longer, sharing a bed with her, pretending I don’t notice the way her vanilla chases away the smoke I always smell, pretending I’m not obsessed with the intelligent way her eyes notice everything.
Holland sighs, and even the sound is pretty, all that air brushing past her soft lips. “Going home was never an option. Was it?”
I stare into the woods, watching my fantasies crash down around me. She’ll never trust me after this.
I could lie, but I quickly squash the idea. That’s not fair to her. Plus, she’s smart enough that she’ll see right through it. If she’s already asking, she knows the truth.
I swallow past the lump in my throat, the word coming out like my death sentence. “No.”