Chapter Nine #3
As time went on, however, all the traveling started wearing
me down. Early in my career—like as a kid back in Florida—I spent a lot of time
in the car with my parents driving me to auditions, or to acting, dancing, and
singing lessons. I am someone who typically thrives on keeping busy. But
between traveling for the TV show in Atlanta, more in LA, and then meeting up
with Christian, I have enough frequent flier miles to take me around the world.
Twice.
Plus, living out of a suitcase was getting a little old, and
once baseball season was in full swing, the time Christian and I had to spend
together was very routine—just like his schedule. We spent most nights just
sitting in front of the TV. We were both exhausted all the time but determined
that we could do this. We could make it through.
And it wasn’t only the traveling that was weighing heavily
on me. It was the WAGs.
No one was ever mean to my face, but there were plenty of
times when I caught the looks or heard the whispers. And none of them were
flattering.
I grew up in a middle-class family, and we didn’t have much
extra money. I’m not someone who cares about designer labels, and I’m so proud
when I can DIY something instead of paying a premium price. I can be very
frugal. I’m a small-town girl who is comfortable in blue jeans, T-shirts, and
my Hello Kitty purses. They make me happy, and anyone who really knows me knows
that.
These women live in a completely different league…the big
leagues.
So, when I went to games and sat with everyone, they were
all there in their designer clothes and Louis Vuitton bags, and there I was,
sporting Hello Kitty.
The snickering was hard to miss.
Outwardly, I didn’t let it show that it bothered me, but it
did. And it took some of the fun out of flying out to watch my man play. Every
time my feelings wanted to be hurt, I remembered Christian’s words to me.
You should be friends with everyone, but close with no
one.
And I refused to change just to fit in. That’s not who I am.
If a purse was going to be the thing that made people not like me, it said more
about them than me.
You should be friends with everyone, but close with no
one.
There was another dynamic within the WAG group that had
nothing to do with designer labels. I was new to the group—the team—and I was
just a girlfriend. It was also different for me because I didn't have any
children. Many baseball wives are moms with young kids. So, I didn't fit into
that group either. There was no meanness to it; it was just a fact. We didn’t
have anything in common. And it added to my loneliness.
You should be friends with everyone, but close with no
one.
Whenever Jess was at the game, I would sit with her. I
always felt more comfortable when I did, but when she wasn’t there, I usually
sat by myself in the family section.
Summer came and went, and we were still in that frenetic
pace of trying to see each other as much as possible but giving our all to our
careers at the same time. The Anaheim Magic made the playoffs, which meant that
Christian was deep in baseball mode.
If I thought the regular season was intense, it was nothing
compared to playoff mode.
They’re currently in Boston, and things aren’t looking good.
When we were on the phone last night, my heart broke just listening to
Christian recount how badly the game had gone and how he blamed himself for the
loss. They have to win game three. Otherwise, their season is over.
I hadn’t planned on going to any of the games in this round
because my schedule is tight, but tonight is a make-or-break game, and I know I
need to be there for him. And who knows, maybe surprising him, and him knowing
that I’m in the stands will be a good thing and boost his spirits?
I book my flight on my way to the Atlanta airport and make
arrangements with the assistant in charge of seating for the team’s families. I
nervously wonder whether I should text him and let him know I’m coming but
decide to wait for him to call me like he usually does in the morning. It’s
super early, but this puts me on the ground in Boston by 9:30 a.m., which is
when he is typically done with his first game-day workout. I wish I could just
show up and be like, “Surprise!” but throwing something like that at Christian
when he’s in his hyper-focus mode might not be the best.
The man lives by a schedule, and you can’t deviate from it.
When I land in Boston and check my phone, I see a missed
call and text.
Christian: Hey, beautiful. I know you’re
probably busy, but I really wanted to hear your voice. Call me when you get a
chance.
Aww…
Lugging my carry-on, I head out to get a cab and don’t
respond until I’m on my way to the hotel.
Ella: Are you free to talk?
My phone rings almost immediately.
“There’s my girl,” he says with relief when I answer the
phone.
“Hey, you,” I coo. “What’s going on? Bad day?”
“I’m still frustrated because of last night. There’s a lot
of pressure on tonight’s game, and the overall mood here is really intense.
Everyone was quiet at breakfast. I needed something to perk me up, and the
sound of your voice always does that for me.”
That is so sweet. I’ve always felt that way about his voice,
too.
“What if I said I can do better than just the sound of my
voice on the phone?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…what if I told you I’m in Boston and on my way to
the hotel?”
“Are you…are you serious? You’re here? Really?” I can hear
the controlled excitement. Like he’s afraid I’m joking.
“I’m really here, and I can’t wait to see you. Are you at
the stadium or…?”
“No, I’m still at the hotel. We’re not leaving for the
stadium until two, and I already worked out down in the gym. That’ll give us a
few hours before I have to go. How far away are you?”
“We should be there in less than twenty minutes.”
“I’ll meet you in the lobby,” he promises, then pauses. “How
did I ever get so lucky? I can’t believe you took time off to be here, Ella
Rose.”
“I wanted to be here,” I tell him. “Now, go do whatever it
is you need to do. I’ll see you in the lobby. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
We hang up, and I lean back with a sigh. I’m mentally and
physically exhausted from my schedule and being up so early for the flight, but
I take a few steadying breaths. This is the balancing act I’m still
learning—showing up for work, for my relationship, and for myself—sometimes all
at once. Sometimes at the expense of sleep and sanity. I need a few minutes to
regroup so I can be everything he needs me to be to help him get through this
game tonight.
Christian is waiting for me as the cab pulls up, and as soon
as I put my feet on the ground, he has me in his arms, spinning me around. I
can feel all the tension in him, and I hate it for him. I know my being here is
a comfort to him, but no pep talk will make things better right now.
When he puts me down, he takes my small suitcase in one hand
and holds my hand with the other. We make small talk on the way up to the
room—how’s filming going, how was my flight, did I eat breakfast? His concern
is sincere, but I can’t tell if he’s just making conversation or if he’s trying
to keep me from asking about the game. So, I simply follow his lead.
“How long are you here for?” he asks.
“Just tonight, unfortunately. My flight back to Atlanta is
tomorrow afternoon, but it’s all I could manage before I need to be back on
set.”
In the room, he puts my bag down before gently pulling me
back into his embrace. “I still can’t believe you’re here.” He’s fresh from the
shower, and I wrap my arms around him and breathe him in.
We gently sway to imaginary music, and I have to admit, I
needed this, too. I long for a time when we can be in the same place for more
than a day or two and have at least semi-normal schedules. I cherish these
moments when we’re together. Where I can not only see his face but also can
feel the warmth of his skin. Be comforted by his gentle touch. I can smell the
soap he uses, and I inhale deeply. Every bit of this is like a feast for my
senses but in the most calming of ways.
When we both pull back, I can see that this has helped him,
too, but I’m still at a loss for words. I don’t want to say the wrong thing or
do anything to get into his head, breaking his deep concentration about
tonight.