Chapter Sixteen #3
change. But it makes it incredibly difficult to relax and have fun when I feel
like I’m constantly being judged.”
“Ugh, I wouldn’t want to live that way either.” Then she
pauses. “But I can’t see Christian being the only one traveling. You guys have
always been very fair about that sort of thing whenever possible.”
She’s right.
But we’ve never had to deal with a situation like this
before.
Finally, I nod. “I know. I just…” Shaking my head, I take
another bite of my dinner instead of finishing the thought.
Jen shifts on her end of the sofa and gives me a very
knowing look. “You know you have to say whatever you were going to say. You
can’t leave it like that, so…out with it.”
“Fine. I feel so unsettled. I don’t know, I guess I thought
we’d be able to ground ourselves a little bit after we got married. I thought
we’d start to build our life together. But here we are, still traveling like
crazy, living out of suitcases, and we’re newlyweds living with his parents.
This is not at all how I imagined our happily ever after would start.” I stop
because all of this venting feels wrong. “Christian is the most amazing
husband, and I’m so grateful for him and the life we have together. It’s just
not very conventional. At all.”
“Ella, you can’t keep things bottled up. I know you. I’ve
lived with you. You are passionate about everything. The good and the bad. When
you’re happy, you light up like the sun. And when you’re mad, you get feisty
and a little snippy. It’s awesome. And when you’re sad, it breaks my heart.”
Jen knows me so well.
“You are like a sponge. You hold it all in, but at some
point, you have to wring out your sponge. Have a conversation with Christian.
He’s a very reasonable guy, and he will understand where you are coming from.”
“Jen…”
“You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. And
yes, we all know Christian loves you, but he needs to step out of his comfort
zone, too. Lord knows you have for him.”
“I don’t know if I’d say that.”
She stares at me.
“Okay, fine. I’ve had to do it a little bit.”
“Exactly. You uprooted your life in California, and your
apartment back in St. Louis couldn’t be decorated because it was temporary. You
cook meals based on his needs and not yours. And then you can be friends with
the WAGs, but close to none of them. You’ve sacrificed a lot.”
“It’s not so bad.”
Shaking her head, she doesn’t say anything else, and we eat
in companionable silence for several long moments. Still, she’s saying all the
things I’ve been thinking and then feel bad about.
“Jen?”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
A smile tugs at her lips. “For what?”
“For not being afraid to say the things I don’t always want
to hear.”
“That’s what friends do. We lift each other up, say the
uncomfortable stuff, and do our best to support each other. And I will, you
know. All of it. I’m always here for you.”
Tears sting my eyes. “Right back at you.”
We’re precariously balancing our plates in our laps, but we
reach out and grasp each other’s hands. It’s such a simple connection, but it’s
powerful.
When we let go, I see that impish grin again. “Do I need to
visit you in Florida? Mr. Lucas hasn’t heard loud steps until he’s heard these
feet pounding on the floor above.”
We break into a fit of laughter, and it’s so darn perfect
that I feel all the lingering tension leave my body.
And I desperately want the feeling to last.
I need it to.
The next morning, I wake up to a series of texts from
my husband. I can’t believe I didn’t hear the notifications.
Christian: Good morning, beautiful.
Christian: I booked my flight for
Friday. I land at LAX at 12:30 and fly home early Monday morning so I can get
my physical therapy in later in the day.
He sends me all the flight information, because that’s what
we do.
Christian: I’m off to the batting cages
now and then PT. I’ll talk to you tonight.
Christian: I hope you have a wonderful
day.
Christian: Love you and can’t wait to
see you.
I stare at the phone, smiling, hearing his voice in my head.
I want to feel like this all the time—seeing his texts or
hearing his voice and smiling. And I don’t feel like it happens as much as it
should. Our lives make it difficult. As we gear up for another baseball season,
I find I’m feeling anxious. I want to be mentally prepared for whatever
happens.
But I also want to focus on me. And this role.
Becoming Ashla.
I can’t explain it, but I know this will be a big
deal for my career. I want to give it everything I have and make it something I
can be proud of.
This is the first time I’m technically going to be the lead
in a series. It’s not happening the way I always imagined it would, but that’s
not a bad thing. It means I’ll have to find the balance of committing to this
role—this character—and being there for Christian and whatever the season
holds.
Christian’s coming off a World Series win and an MVP title,
but his body still isn’t healed. I have a feeling he’ll need more than luck.
I just hope my lucky number turns out to be lucky for both
of us.
For both of our careers.
And everything that goes with it.