Chapter thirty-two
God knows how much I've tried to keep on the bright side no matter what I did everything was going to come crashing down on me as it feels like a sharp shard of the iceberg pushed into my chest holding me down until I heard his voice in the background talking to my roommate and friends however, as soon he moved from where he was standing leaning against the wall quickly rushed towards me in one swift motion he lifted me up in his arms placing me on my bed. I couldn't look into his eyes, not ready to face him having one bad day feeling like wild stormwater in the ocean slightly rushed against the tide.
"Jessamyn, I want you to remember that legacies are not born but they are made," he reminded warmly to me.
I feel like an awful person who doesn't deserve his time, warm hugs, encouragement, and big talks about how we were going to achieve our goals and some parts of me wanted to let him know what his father was capable of doing things like blackmail or threaten me to do something that I don't want to do.
On the other hand, I rested my head on his shoulder needed to listen to one direction since I missed listening to them being an awesome band find out that some of their songs were very relatable while I was going through a lot of stuff today and here he was standing right in front of me knowing that we were going to have a conversation about who music taste was arguable better to each other.
Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I decided to up figure skating as well as not choosing another option like pair partner skating.
What would my life look like without him?
I figured out what it was like to spend more days keeping occupied by using some of my free time spent on singing one direction or Lana del ray including The script and all of these endless what-if questions then I remembered that his dad called me a distraction, threaten, guilt trip me and bribe me so I chose to do it the modest way by not taking his dad money because I want him to be able to have all the necessary nice things in life that I want him to win distraction-free.
"You came over here just to see me but"I exhaled deeply for a second and then I continued to speak. "Look I'm so sorry that you wasted your time on me because all I'm ever I'm to you is a distraction."I let go of him doing everything in my power not to crack.
He looked unfazed by my words which made him stand up and place a pager on my hands along with a handwritten letter, my favourite brand of biscuits which was chocolate Hobnobs in a small pocket-size packet and teddy panda that I could name whatever I wished to.
I watched him get up from the bed as much as my selfish heart wanted him to stay ever so badly until I realized that I was doing this all for him and I wiped away my tears and blamed it on my dust allergies soon as I looked up at Roch's eyes seeing her frown while shaking her head at the same time knowing that it was difficult for her to watched this all.
"Please, read the entire letter okay and I will be one phone call or pager away."he told me reassuringly.
Immediately after he left Roch's and I accommodation room she moved a plate of Alfredo pasta towards me to eat and then started playing feel like by Gracie Abrams and mess it up putting our hands together saying that we were going to be working so hard on this routine for pair partnered skating to win a gold medal because that what badass, amazing independent women were made to do whatever they want including work so hard for their achievements in life.
She was my hype girl cheering me on even after I got to the finals, not to mention how she got her boyfriend every time to buy me breakfast or even coffee too not wanting me to feel left behind or anything like that.
And then she offered to help get me all of my classes notes and stuff so that I wouldn't miss out on any important assignments that I needed to complete for next week because I don't want to fall behind on assignments having my blood being all coffee up from the lack of sleep.
"I know somewhere that could help you take your mind off things but it's up to you if you want to go?"asked Rochelle.
Rochelle's cooking was so delicious that I had to ask her where she learned to cook like that and then I would ask her for the recipe that she used for it. Shortly afterwards she had picked up all of our plates from the bedroom, there was a knock on the door so I stood up out of my bed, brushed my hair and took my bags packing my necessities inside it and then went to open the door to see Charlie, Avena and Natiala standing there right in front of me as they all engulfed me with a large group hug.
They all looked worried about me but they did their best to make sure that I hadn't cried one single tear walking me out of my room to head out into the entrance of the building taking me to the activities place where I can smash plates on a target board to let out all of my frustration.
I did agree to go with my friends. "I will go with you there."
We all took a train to the place where Rochelle says that she goes to take her mind off things. While I was waiting for the train I sat down on the bench unfolding the paper and reading what he had written on it. It says this:
Sweetheart,
I know that we weren't able to talk to each other about our problems but please tell me what I did wrong to you and you're the best person that came into my life.
The ocean shimmers by itself without the sun, moon, or stars but the breeze pushes the current up to the tides of my flower.
I hope you understand what the point I made here is because you, my ocean or flower need love to cherish for growth.
Therefore, anytime I feel my heartbeat it reminds me of what was yours, for taking forever and always in eternity.
There's always love in the light so come back to me when you're ready to face the storm together.
Just know that this isn't a goodbye but more importantly, see you later.
I would be your Ron or Draco to your Herminie.
Yours Faithfully,
Asher.
"He must've really loved you to death because he wrote you that letter,"said Avena.
There was literally a sign telling me that I should walked away from this darkness in my life in order to feel something like a spark of excitement, love, electricity and safe as we gotta onto the train I had started thinking about how much I should keep my eyes on the prize to re-align myself with a new opportunities.
Four more stops until we arrive there having a wonderful conversation about our interests in books ,movies or television shows that we have enjoyed watching in our free times.
"We are all on your side but oblivious none of us actually know what happened that could lead to this heartbreak-"
I interrupted Charlie and I started to explain "it's not him but what his father Jason Beckett threatened me to stay away from his son or else he will stop paying for his son stuff and then not add Asher in his will because I am a bad distraction to his son apparently."
An exhale sadly looking towards the window watching happy couples hold hands with each other and then I saw a guy in my philosophy class called Matt who was a really nice person that chose to sit on the opposite side of us waving politely at myself and my friends.
He smiled and asked me "hey, How are you doing?"
However, it has been a very long time since anyone has ever had asked me how I was feeling but not really knowing how to respond to that question because does he really want to know how I was or was it just a short answer as i started to crave for passion fruit bubble tea while I had looked up his eyes to answer his question.
"Hi, I'm doing as good as I possibly could be at this moment but hopefully getting better." I said truthfully to Matt, knowing that I was healing from the ache.
Afterwards, Matt and I had exchanged a few words before it was time to get off at my station stop along with my friends hoping that going to this place would help me feel better about myself as I wanted to be anything greater than an amateur figure skater like the passion that I had for my career was unbelievable real intense including a lot of other things in my life right now although, I had to put them behind me on a back burner because I was my own worst enemy whenever I wanted to get to the finish line it begins to get so horribly wrong for me.
Furthermore, I was also very uptight in my mind forcing to keep pushing myself to beyond starting point and then the limits that sometimes I had forgotten to eat a decent meal also I had taken it upon myself to try reminding myself that my body was a temple so the only way I could truly treat myself effectively right would be not starved myself and eat more healthier foods to keep me functioning alive.
"By the way, I just thought you should know that Asher amongst all the other hockey players made a campus off-hand rule and it is the reason why no other guys on campus have talked to you besides me." Matt told me.
At this moment I rolled my eyes and held back my tongue feeling annoyed and angry at Beckett utterly shocked by what he had done even though I wasn't there on campus right now to talk some sense into him but I was sure as heck would be when we got back there. I just wanted to enjoy the rest of my time with my friends going to this place that Roch had suggested for me and our friends to come along to with her.
Moreover, we had checked the university campus website gossip page to find out if it was any of it was true and as it turned out Asher had indeed made that rule as well as taking it upon himself to spread misinformation around campus about it.
I showed my friends hoping to get their insight on this subject situation which they all seem pretty well aware of, which I was unaware about until they told me to go ahead with my plan to visit him on tomorrow afternoon, not letting him get it that easy too.
"I don't even want to think about it now."
My friends and I headed out of the train station or subway walking through a crowd of people next we took a thirty-minute walk to get to the activities centre getting change into protective clothes, then walking inside a room where there were loads of olds broken stuff for us to break into pieces and later on we played different activities in different areas of the building for example, squash, tennis and bowling before we left to go to the spa.
Our girls afternoon was soon finished after we had brought dinner in a Japanese restaurant with some delicious bubble tea that was served from the shop right across the street from the restaurant.
After that, we went back to campus taking a taxi back there to spend the evening at Avena place to get some cutlery in the meantime we decide what we were going to watch as we ate dinner and watched movies on her laptop connected to her roommate big screen even if she didn't tell us who her new roommate was.