18. Emerson
Sleep wasn’t coming to me.
I wanted to say that it was because of the adrenaline I normally felt after a gig—but I couldn’t lie to myself. I was up, tossing and turning, in the middle of the night because I couldn’t forget that kiss.
I could still feel the way his hands tangled in my hair. I brought my fingertips up to my lips. I could still feel the way his lips took mine. I hated how perfectly my body fit against his. I could still feel his broad chest and his heart as it beat in time with mine.
I groaned and grabbed the pillow next to me, covering my face with it.
This whole fake-relationship thing was a bad idea. I should have known that when I agreed to it. But Tilly was persuasive. If I hadn’t given in, she would’ve never let me live it down.
Now I was worried that it had changed me forever. I could never go back to the Emerson who was apathetic to Stone Walker.
That person had died, and the girl who couldn’t stop thinking about him had been born.
“Stop thinking about him,” I whispered to myself as I pulled the pillow from my face and blew out my breath. I stared up at the dark ceiling above me. Was this now my life? Was I going to spend the rest of eternity thinking about Stone?
He’d made it pretty clear after the kiss that it had all been for show. I don’t think I’ll ever forget his cocky, wide smile as he pulled me to his side and waved his hand at the audience. To him, this was just a facade. For me, it meant so much more.
And I hated that it meant so much more.
Realizing that there was no way I could fall asleep with my mind racing, I turned to my side and clicked on my lamp. I fluffed the pillows behind my back and grabbed my phone. The screen’s light illuminated around me as I opened a social media app and started scrolling.
News about friends getting married and having babies, and random pics of their food filled my feed. I was in the middle of reading about one of my high school best friend’s trip to China, when a message popped up on my screen.
I glanced over at it, ready to swipe it away, when I paused. It looked like a picture of Stone.
We were friends on this app, but we’d never talked to each other. Why was he talking to me now? I hesitated, wondering if I should click on it. But then I shook my head, told myself I was being ridiculous, and opened it.
Stone: Can’t sleep?
I glanced in the direction of Stone’s apartment. Why was he up? Was sleep evading him like it was evading me? Was it the kiss? Or just nerves for the game tomorrow?
I closed my eyes and shook my head. I needed to stop thinking so much.
Me: Adrenaline. Hasn’t worn off yet.
Good. That was good. Vague and understandable. Three dots danced on the screen as I waited for his response.
Stone: You should go to bed. It’ll be a busy day tomorrow.
Me: I could say the same to you.
Three dots danced once more only to stop with no message. I waited, staring at the screen for his response.
Stone: Touche.
Stone: I’m watching film for tomorrow’s game.
I nodded.
Me: Smart.
I paused, tapping my foot. Did I come clean to Stone? Should I tell him that I knew very little about the rules of football? Sure, I grew up with a football-obsessed brother, but I never really took that much of an interest. I think it was because it was my family’s life—and that always rubbed me the wrong way. So, I did what I could to avoid it in high school.
Me: Stone?
Stone: Yeah?
I wiggled my fingers as I tried to think of the right way to say it.
Me: How much does a fake girlfriend of an NFL player need to know about the rules of the game?
Stone: Probably just as much as an NFL player needs to know about writing songs and playing the guitar.
I frowned.
Me: But shouldn’t I know at least a little bit? Won’t it look weird when I’m there, looking like I have no idea what’s happening?
The three dots appeared and disappeared so many times that I wanted to explode. Was he disappointed? Should I have confessed this when we were agreeing to this fake relationship?
Finally, his message appeared, and I sucked in my breath when I read it.
Stone: Wanna come over?
I stared at those three little words. My mind was swirling with all sorts of reasons why I shouldn’t get out of bed, get dressed, and head over to Stone’s apartment. But those reasons didn’t seem to matter. Suddenly, my fingers had a mind of their own, and I texted back, “Sure.”.
Then my body went into autopilot as I pulled off my covers and padded into my closet to put on a white shirt and a dark-blue cotton romper. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun, grabbed my glasses, made sure I didn’t look like death, and headed over to Stone’s place.
I stood outside his door with my hand raised for a solid minute. Finally, I shook my head, cursed myself for being so ridiculous, and knocked.
The door opened shortly. Stone was standing there in a faded Tennessee Tigers t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. He had a pencil tucked behind his ear, and his hair looked freshly washed and fluffy—totally run-my-fingers-through-it.
Blast.
“Hey,” he said, his voice soft. He punctuated his greeting with his ridiculous half-smile. The one he gave to all the cameras. Except this one didn’t feel fake—it felt genuine, and it was confusing me.
“Hey,” I said as I adjusted my glasses.
He paused and then moved to wave me in. “Come on in.”
“Thanks,” I said.
I kicked off my slippers and stood in the entrance of his apartment, waiting for him to tell me where to go. He shut the door and then stepped past me. The smell of his soap mixed with his laundry detergent washed over me.
“I’m watching on the couch,” he said.
“Great.” I followed him to the couch, where there were some throw pillows and blankets strewn around.
He quickly picked them up, folding his arms around them. “Sorry.”
I shook my head. “Can I actually have a blanket?”
He glanced up at me and nodded. “Sure.”
I picked the Tennessee Tiger one that was faded but still soft. I settled down on the couch, propping my feet up on the coffee table and tucking the blanket around my body and legs.
Stone sat down next to me. His sudden weight pitched me toward him. I slid a little to the right, trying to create space between us and cursing my body for tingling from the touch of his skin against mine.
If Stone noticed, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he reached forward and grabbed the bowl of popcorn and the remote on the table. He settled back, his arm brushing mine for a moment. Warmth emanated throughout my body from the innocent touch, and I was beginning to think that coming over here had been a mistake.
I was sure I’d be okay being the oblivious football girlfriend. Someone had to be that person, maybe it was what I was destined to be.
“Want some popcorn?” he asked, tipping the bowl toward me.
Realizing that there was no rational way I was going to be able to get out of this evening without either looking crazy or confessing to him, I nodded and took a handful of popcorn.
Stone’s gaze was glued to the TV as he pressed play.
We spent the next half hour watching plays. Stone took his time pausing the TV and explaining to me what was going on. I tried really hard to pay attention, but it was a lot. The only thing I seemed to be able to retain is that a touchdown is worth six points and there’s something called a first down. If they didn’t move the ball past the marker, then they were in danger of losing the ball.
Everything else went over my head.
Thankfully, Oscar came to join me on the couch. He curled up into my lap. His purr was loud as I petted him over and over. The warmth of his body on my lap plus the blanket plus Stone talking in the background made me sleepy, and suddenly, my eyes began to drift closed.
My head felt heavy as I tipped to the side, and as soon as something caught me, I snuggled into it. My body began to relax as I fell deeper and deeper to sleep.
“Emerson.”
Stone’s voice jolted me awake. I moved to sit up, glancing around, worried that I’d slept here the whole night.
“I’m so sorry, Stone,” I whispered as I rubbed my eyes under my glasses to get them to focus. “I think I fell asleep.” I turned to the side to see that I hadn’t laid my head on the couch. I’d fallen asleep on Stone’s shoulder. My entire body warmed from embarrassment.
Stone was just smiling at me. “It’s okay. You were only asleep for twenty minutes.” He yawned. “I finished watching the footage without you.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “No harm done.” He shifted his weight, so he was sitting on the edge of the couch. He hesitated before he glanced over at me. “Will you do something for me?”
I yawned and stretched my arms out in front of me. I was in that groggy and yet wakeful state that you get when you’ve taken the edge off, but you still want to crawl back into bed. “Sure.”
He nodded before he stood and disappeared into his bedroom. I curled up to the side, scratching Oscar under the chin. He stretched his little arm out before settling his chin down on it. Movement by Stone’s door caught my attention. He was standing in the doorway, staring down at an orange-and-black piece of fabric.
“What’s that?” I asked.
He glanced up at me as he shifted the item between his hands. “So, it’s customary for a girlfriend to wear her boyfriend’s jersey on game day.” He held onto the shoulders as he shook the jersey out. His number, 41, and last name was affixed to the back. He glanced down at the jersey before he slowly brought his gaze up to meet mine. “Will you wear it?”
My entire body warmed as I stared at his jersey. Of course, I was going to wear it. I was going to wear it and pretend that it meant nothing more than just a fake boyfriend asking his fake girlfriend to wear something of his. It would look great for the cameras to have me show up in an article of his clothing. It would sell our relationship, for sure.
But to me it meant so much more.
“Sure,” I whispered.
He smiled over at me. “Yeah?”
I nodded. “Of course. We’re faking a relationship, right?” I slipped Oscar off my lap and stood. I stretched before I made my way across the living room with my hand extended. “If that’s what girlfriends are supposed to do, then I will be the dutiful girlfriend.” I shook it out before holding it against my body.
When I glanced up, Stone was staring at me. There was something in his gaze that had my heart pounding. I swallowed, trying to calm my nerves as I studied him. Did he want me to wear this? More than just to sell the lie?
I hushed my mind. That was a stupid question. Of course, he didn’t want that. He was just helping me out. As a friend. Right?
“I should get some sleep,” I said as I folded the jersey and hung it over my arm.
Stone blinked as if he’d just snapped out of a trance and nodded. “For sure.” He glanced around like he was looking for something. Then he pushed his hand through his hair before he motioned toward the door. “I’ll walk you home.”
I shook my head. “Not necessary.” I leaned forward. “It’s just next door.”
Stone sucked his breath between his teeth. “Sorry. Chivalry is not dead. I’ll walk you to your door.”
I was ready to get away from him, his gaze, and the confusing feelings that being around him stirred up. But I also didn’t know how to tell him that without hinting that I cared if he came, so I shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
He waited for me to slip my feet into my slippers before he opened the door. We walked side by side across the landing and paused in front of my door. I stood there, fiddling with my keys, not sure what I should say, but not wanting him to leave.
“Good—”
“I just?—”
We both pinched our lips shut and smiled awkwardly at each other. Stone leaned forward. “You first.”
My body flushed with heat. “I was just going to say, good luck tomorrow.”
He studied me before he nodded. “Thanks.”
I gave him a soft smile and pulled out my house key. I turned the handle and pushed open my door. “Good night, Stone,” I said as I glanced over at him.
His gaze was dark and cloudy. It sent shivers across my skin. Not wanting to stand here any longer, longing for our relationship to be real, I nodded and took a step toward the door. Then I paused.
“What were you going to say?” I asked as I turned to face him fully.
I could see the turmoil in his gaze. Then he took a step closer to me. I took a step back, my body bumping into the doorframe. Stone’s arm came up to rest on the trim around my door.
“I just wanted to say…” His voice drifted off as his other hand came up. His finger hooked my glasses and gently lifted them off my face. His gaze intensified as he stared at me. He was so close that I feared he could hear my pounding heart.
“What did you want to say?” I breathed out, barely able to make my voice work.
His gaze dropped to my lips before making its way back up to meet mine. “The kiss earlier?”
My body flushed as I nodded. “Yeah?”
He scoffed and glanced up, his lips breaking out into a smile. Then he glanced to the side. “I can do better. I think the cameras messed up my game.”
My eyes widened. His kiss had been amazing, I couldn’t imagine what ‘better’ would look like. I chewed my bottom lip as I nodded. “Okay.”
I thought about daring him to show me. I wanted his lips on mine. His hands on my body. If that wasn’t his best, what did his best feel like? He studied me, a sort of turmoil coursing through his gaze. I could feel that he was conflicted. It matched my own confusion.
In one swift movement, he pushed off the doorframe and took a step back. He scrubbed his face with his hand before pushing it through his hair. “’Night, Em.”
I wanted to grab him and pull him back to me. I wanted to feel his warmth. I wanted him to touch me in a way a fake boyfriend should not touch his fake girlfriend. But instead, I just nodded.
“Good night, Stone.” I entered my apartment, pausing at the door so I could turn to face him. He was still standing there, watching me. I gave him a soft smile and slowly shut the door.
Once I locked my dead bolt, I leaned against the door and slowly let my breath out. That was intense. There were feelings coursing between us that I hadn’t expected. I brought my hand up to my heart. I wanted to turn to check the peephole. I wanted to see if he was still there.
But I knew if I saw him, I wouldn’t have the strength not to open the door and leap into his arms. And if I did that, it would ruin everything. Our past was complicated. My feelings now didn’t erase what had happened between him and my family. It didn’t erase the fact that he’d left when things got hard.
I needed to remember that we weren’t just some singer falling for an NFL player. Our past was a confusing tapestry that wouldn’t end in us falling in love and living happily ever after. I couldn’t just sweep what happened with Cayden under the rug.
Sure, my relationship with my family was strained, but showing up with enemy number one on my arm was a surefire way of severing any bonds we still had.
Plus, I wasn’t sure if Stone even wanted me like that. For all I knew, I was just a project for him. A way for him to assuage his guilt over what he did to my brother.
I didn’t want to allow myself to fall for him if there wasn’t a chance he would fall for me.
I pushed myself off the door, slipped off my slippers, and padded into my room. No, the best thing for me to do was focus on this fake relationship, play each gig to the best of my ability, and pray that all of this would result in a contract with a record label.
That would be my only focus.
It had to be.