Haven
Chapter Ten
When we leave the diner, Cash moves me to the inside of the sidewalk, putting himself between me and the road. His big hand lingers on my hip, then the small of my back, and when he finally lets go of my body, I feel the absence of his touch so keenly it makes my skin all hot and uncomfortable.
Like the return of his touch might be the only thing that could sooth my frazzled insides.
There’s no discussion about him coming back to my place, he just falls into step beside me as if this is what we’re going to do because we’re dating.
Me.
Dating Cash Kincaid.
Are people really going to believe this?
But Mercy and Jasper both did. The diner was busy enough that by tomorrow, I’ll know what people think because I’ll hear about it at the library.
When we get to my house, I let us in. As he follows me inside, his big body brushing against mine in the entrance way, there’s another warm frizzle of chemistry.
Which is reason enough to get right back to business. I hang my purse on the hook where it lives, then retrieve my notebook.
My hands shake.
Crap.
“I’m just going to get changed,” I stammer.
He nods. “For sure, take the day off. Can I read again?”
Nodding, I whirl around, drop the notebook on the side table beside the couch, and flee to my bedroom.
Years ago, I realized working as a librarian was a good excuse to dress up, to do what I like to think of as…subtle cosplay. On the surface, it’s polished and professional, but I find a way to channel some of my favourite characters into my outfits.
There’s something about Cash, the way he looks at me with searching curiosity…well, it’s important that he not mistake the persona for the real me, because he would be disappointed.
As I unzip my dress and hang it up, my tummy flutters at the thought of returning to the living room. Will we kiss again? Should I dress accordingly? Do I even own anything that would be better or worse for making out?
You aren’t going to make out with Cash, stop it.
But I’m not a dummy. He said he likes kissing me. I’ve told him how I much I like kissing him. He’s a man who sleeps with anyone who smiles at him, it seems, so he’ll probably be—
I squeak and grab a t-shirt, yanking it over my head.
There’s no good that can come from spinning over what ifs. I just need to go out there and talk to him.
Zipping up my jeans and smoothing them over my hips is good. I can’t look any more average. That’s good. It’s important that I not forget myself, that I not forget that Cash is doing me a favour here, as agreeable as he is to it.
In the living room, he’s made himself at home on my couch, and he’s got his nose buried in The Mist at Dawn’s Edge.
“Water?” I ask.
“Yes, thanks.”
The only real place to sit is right next to him on the couch. He sets aside the book and takes the glass I’ve brought him.
“You all right?” His smile crinkles the corners of his eyes.
“Yes,” I stammer. And then laugh. “No! I’m so nervous.”
“I’m glad you can tell me that. What’s got you so nervous? We’re just two friends helping each other out. And borrowing each other’s books.”
“Does that mean you’re taking that one home tonight?”
“Nah, I think I’m going to keep reading it here every night. Really get your neighbours talking about how much time I spend here. Maybe tomorrow night I’ll bring food over and cook for you. Some of that mutually beneficial stuff you were talking about.”
“Right. The rules.” I twist and grab the notebook.
He takes it from me, letting it drop to the couch between us. “Hang on a second.”
“It’s just that I think—”
He cups my face and cuts me off with a soft kiss.
“Oh,” I say into his mouth. And then, “Ah.”
He smiles as he moves his lips against mine. No tongue, not as rough as the kiss the night I was drunk, and not as performative as kiss in front of Jeb.
This one…the only way to describe it is friendly. If I kissed any of my friends, which I have not before today.
It’s….nice.
Calming. Happy.
I hear myself make a little humming sound and lean in to it. Cash’s hands slide around to the back of my neck, his fingers moving at exactly the right pace to light my nerves up like happy little fireworks are dancing across my skin.
“There you go,” he murmurs. “That feel better?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Good.” He drops a peck at the corner of my mouth, and that’s so nice it makes my head spin.
A tiny little peck in exactly the right spot, and I’m a puddle of goo for him.
“Now we can get down to business.”
“Mmm?”
He chuckles and opens my notebook. “This has to be mutually beneficial,” he reads. “I think we’ve covered that it is. We need a compelling reason why. That’s easy. You’re hot. We have to plan the—”
“Wait, what?” I grab his arm. The thick bulge of muscle under my hand goes hard. “No, that’s not a reason people will believe.”
“Did you not see the way Jasper Fucking Lane looked at you in the diner? Trust me. It is. And it takes every ounce of my willpower to not ask you if you two have a history.”
“That’s ridiculous.” I flush. “I told you I’m not experienced.”
“Doesn’t mean he couldn’t have tried to date you.”
“Well, he didn’t.” I’m all hot inside. “Nobody has.”
“Their fucking loss.”
“Cash!”
He closes the book again and takes my face in his hands.
“You can’t just kiss me every time I get flustered and argue with you!”
“I don’t see why not.” He covers my mouth with his, and when he kisses me like this…I also can’t see why it isn’t a reasonable plan. It obviously works.
I squirm closer to him, and this time, I’m the one who licks at the seam of his mouth, wanting to deepen the kiss.
And the big mean man says no.
“Easy now.” He takes a deep breath and shifts his long, thick legs, changing his position on the couch.
I grab the notebook. “That brings us to planning the breakup.”
“That’s why I wrote, everything is negotiable, including the end date.
” Cash gives me a look that’s surprisingly serious.
Almost stern. “One of the things that I like about your rules is that you centre both of us. This is a thing that we’re doing together, for multiple reasons.
You need protection. I want to borrow your sweetness, wrap myself in that around my brother’s wedding, maybe soften my reputation. ”
I shake my head. “I don’t help your reputation. People think the worst of me.”
“What, because someone called you a slut?”
I recoil at the word.
He immediately softens his tone. “Sorry. But in my books, that’s not a bad word.
And I know there are a lot of people who take one look at you and know that’s not true.
Jasper Fucking Lane doesn’t think that’s true about you, I’ll tell you that much.
To the people whose opinion matters the most to me, to Mercy and Dr. Tailfeathers and people who buy my mom’s kale every week, you’re a prize catch for me.
And it could take months before you feel comfortable in town, and the whispers stop.
Your safety is my top concern, I promise.
So I’m in no hurry to get out of this arrangement. ”
“I don’t know if I can handle months of fake dating you,” I confess.
He just grins, and it softens something in my chest.
“But that’s reassuring, thank you.” I take a deep breath and repeat my gratitude. “Thank you. Seriously.”
“No, don’t thank me. I’ve been beating myself up for not noticing that you were lonely sooner.
I wish that we had been closer friends in high school.
Obviously, I wish that things had gone really differently seven years ago.
We could have been closer friends then, too.
But most of all, I really wish that I had noticed what you were going through when you came home.
I have a lot of regrets when it comes to you, but this, what we’re doing here, this isn’t going to be one of them. When you’re ready to move on from me…”
Why does my heart squeeze when he trails off, his gaze searching my face?
Ugh.
But I put it on the list for a reason. This is something that we need to talk about.
His voice softens. “Let’s just say that I don’t want us to be locked into ending this before you’re ready to move on.”
“Damn it, Cash Kincaid…”
“Cursing, Haven Bingham? That’s hot.”
I laugh, my cheeks turning hot.
His gaze shifts, goes soft and lazy and something else that I can’t name but I like way too much.
His eyes get hooded and he takes my hand, his thumb stroking a circle against my skin as soon as he’s touching me.
It makes me shiver. “You deserve to be treated right. I’m looking forward to dancing with you after the wedding. ”
Dancing?
Cash was right. I didn’t know what I was unleashing when I kissed him.
“I can’t dance,” I blurt out.
He grins. “You told me that when you were drunk. But don’t worry, we have two weeks to practice. Give me your phone.”
“What? Why?”
“So I can give you my number.”
At least that’s an excuse to pull away from him, yank myself out of his orbit.
But he stands with me, following me as I cross to my purse.
When I hand him my phone, his fingers brush mine, and there’s that shiver again.
He grins as he types something on the screen, presumably texting himself. Then he holds out his arm and takes a photo of himself.
“What are you doing?”
“Putting myself in your contacts list.”
A funny little feeling deep in my belly stretches and rolls over. Like a kitten very happy to have some attention.
He taps on the screen and frowns. “Do you not have Instagram? TikTok?”
“No.”
“Any social media at all?”
“Just Facebook, for the community group.”
He makes a face, but taps on the screen again. “How do you feel about me posting photos of you on my Instagram?”
“That’s not necessary.”
“Something to negotiate later, then.” He comes closer, sliding my phone into the back pocket of my jeans.
His thumb lingers on the curve of my behind, a possessive press of his flesh against mine.
Yes, with denim in between, but still…it’s more intimate than our kisses. It makes me squirm, and he can tell.
“You okay there, Lucky?”
“Just fine.”
“If you need any stress relief, we can call that a fringe benefit of dating the ex-con bad boy of Dragonfly Creek.”
“That’s not how I’m going to refer to you, and I don’t need fringe benefits.”
“Pity. Should have put that on the list of rules.” He winks. “I’m going to go now, before you’re tempted any further.”
“Shush.” But I’m blushing so much, he knows that I’m thinking about what fringe benefits might entail.
“You want a goodbye kiss?” He grins at me and my heart turns over.
Yes, so much it hurts.
His gaze flickers over my face, and he leans in before I can lie and say, no, I’ve had enough kisses for one day.
I don’t think there ever could be enough of kissing Cash, actually.
“Yeah you do,” he whispers before he brushes his lips against mine. “See you in the morning.”