Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
A t eight a.m. the next morning, my alarm sounds its gentle, ascending melody. I wake groggily, and for a second my brain is tricked into thinking it’s time to get up for work. I’m about to hit the ‘snooze’ button, but then I remember where I am.
Exhausted from a night of tossing, turning, overthinking and overanalysing – all thanks to Dave’s message – I drag myself out of bed and stand under the rainfall shower head, allowing the warm water to douse me therapeutically until I feel more human. I then make myself as presentable as I can and head down to the swanky hotel dining room.
Over a delicious breakfast, served to my exact specifications (they asked, I wasn’t being entitled), I read and re-read Dave’s message, agonising over every word, every punctuation mark, trying to find a hidden meaning that’s simply not there. He said he’s been wondering how I’m doing, but that sounds more like an empty platitude borne from a guilty conscience than anything else. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of being at his beck and call, nor do I want to set myself back after the progress I’ve made, but if I don’t meet him, my mind will be tortured with a never-ending stream of unanswered questions and ‘what ifs’.
After an inordinate amount of toing and froing, I decide I’ll see him, but only briefly. That will give him enough time to say what he wants to say, and then I can get away quickly, without giving too much away.
I send him a short message.
Hey there. I can meet you later, but only for half an hour. I have plans straight after. Chambers Bar in the Charrington Grand Hotel at 6.30pm. x
He replies straight away.
Brill. See you there. xx
‘OK, that’s enough of that,’ I murmur to myself, placing my phone face down on the table.
I need him out of my head if I’m going to get any enjoyment out of today. I’ll get my answers when I meet him, and until then, I’m keeping this strictly to myself. I certainly don’t need the additional pressure of people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. Whatever the outcome, it has to be on my own terms.
I’m pouring myself a final cup of tea, feeling grateful that all I have to do today is sit and be pampered, when a member of the breakfast staff appears at my table.
‘Ms Blake?’
‘Yes?’ I look up at her and smile.
‘I’ve just had word from the concierge desk that your companion will be arriving in five minutes. I gather you would like to go out and meet them? ’
‘Fantastic. Yes, I would.’ My enthusiasm finally returns.
I throw back the last of my tea, and make my way out the back entrance of the hotel. A couple of minutes later, a sleek black limousine pulls up in front of me. The concierge steps forward, opens the rear door and assists the passenger out of the car.
‘ Emma. ’ Lottie gives me a faux scolding look as she makes her way slowly towards me, her walking stick supporting her on one side and the concierge clutching her arm protectively on the other. ‘What have you been up to? Such a shock I got when this turned up in my little driveway.’ She waves her free arm towards the car.
‘It’s a complimentary service the hotel offers.’ I grin at her incredulous face. ‘I wasn’t going anywhere, so thought I could make use of it some other way. Nice surprise?’
‘Well, yes of course, my love. Other than I wasn’t ready to go anywhere. The poor driver had to wait for me to sort myself out.’
‘Don’t worry, he knew he’d have to wait a bit.’
‘He was ever so patient. A charming young man. But, Emma, why am I here?’
The concierge transfers Lottie to me, making sure I have a good grip on her arm, and I nod my thanks.
‘Today, Lottie…’ I beam at her. ‘We’re going to have a day of rest and relaxation in the spa together. I’ve booked you a range of treatments – and before you say anything, it’s all perfectly tailored to you. They’ll also do a double check with you around your health issues.’
‘Oh, dear girl. You really are an angel.’ She seems genuinely overwhelmed. ‘This is so unnecessary, and it must be costing you a lot of money. You shouldn’t be wasting it on an old lady like—’
‘ Hey ,’ I silence her. ‘Don’t you be talking about my Lottie like that. This is exactly what you deserve. And anyway, I’d be lonely doing it by myself.’
‘Fair enough.’ Lottie brushes down her outfit, as if checking whether she’s respectable enough for such an establishment. ‘In that case, I am very much looking forward to spending the day with you.’
‘Me too.’ I give her a side hug and a kiss on the cheek.
With the initial excitement having passed, Lottie scrutinises my face. ‘You look tired, dear. Did you not sleep well?’
‘Not as well as I’d hoped. You look nice today.’ I quickly change the subject and steer her inside towards the lifts.
On reaching the top floor of the hotel, we’re treated to an impressive view of Edinburgh castle and the city centre before entering the plush spa, where the waft of aromatherapy oils and spiritual, meditate-in-a-rainforest music creates an inviting ambience. A day in this place is exactly what I need to forget about my impending meet up with Dave.
‘Hello, there,’ says a voice from behind us.
We turn to see a young, fresh-faced beautician beaming at us.
‘You must be Emma and Lottie.’
‘That’s right. Hi.’ I suddenly feel self-conscious in front of this doe-eyed woman who must be a five years younger than me. Goodness knows how Lottie must be feeling if that’s the effect she has on me.
‘Perfect,’ she chirrups. ‘Lovely to meet you. I’m Sammy. Let’s get you both nice and relaxed, and then we’ll start your treatments. Emma, you’re with me today. And Lottie, my colleague, Anika, will be looking after you.’
She gestures to another immaculately made-up young woman who has appeared beside her, then hands us our robes and slippers.
After a quick change and some wind down time, which includes drinking a green concoction that looks like it belongs on the set of Ghostbusters (but actually tastes delicious), Lottie and I part company to begin our treatments.
‘See you in a while,’ I call after her, as I follow Sammy out of the reception area.
The treatment room is decorated in easy-on-the-eye light pastel colours, with a tiled floor to match. The same relaxing music from reception floats down from a speaker above, while a pleasant aroma of fruity, spicy essential oil hangs in the air. Standing alone with beautiful, youthful Sammy, my feeling of self-consciousness returns.
‘I think I’m in need of some intense maintenance.’ I hear myself saying. ‘I don’t normally look this washed out.’
‘Don’t worry at all.’ Sammy surveys my puffy, sleep deprived eyes and ashen complexion. ‘You’re in absolutely the right place. By the time we’re done, you’ll be looking and feeling better than you ever have. We’ll start with your full body massage to get you super-relaxed.’
She instructs me to strip down to my knickers and lie on the massage bench face down, then leaves me to get sorted. Feeling exposed in just my underwear, I quickly hop up onto the bench, which actually looks more like a single bed, and wriggle into position while pulling the cosy feather duvet up over my back. It’s so lovely and snug that I already feel better.
Sammy enters the room and asks me about any specific areas I’d like her to focus on, then checks on the pressure she’s applying initially. She works silently on my tension-wrought body, allowing me to focus on nothing but relaxing and enjoying the experience. As she kneads my aching muscles, I feel myself begin to unwind. It’s painful at times, but a good, replenishing pain, and before I know it, the deliberate, rhythmic movements have washed away all negative thoughts and worries, causing me to drift into a state of deep relaxation.
A couple of hours later, I join Lottie in the hotel restaurant for afternoon tea. We’re welcomed by three mouthwatering tiers of sandwich fingers, savoury snacks, scones and cakes.
‘This looks amazing.’ I sit down at the table. ‘How’s it been so far?’
‘Simply divine,’ she says. ‘I’ve had a manicure, a facial and an aromatherapy massage, and this spread looks delicious too. Thank you ever so much for this experience, Emma. Your generosity is quite humbling.’
‘You’re so welcome.’ I pour her a cup of tea, pleased to see that she looks genuinely relaxed and rejuvenated. ‘And enough of that chat. You’ve more than earned it after years of me chewing your ear off about my parents… my jobs… men… you name it. I’m so glad you’re enjoying it. Oh, your nails are fabulous.’ I grab Lottie’s hand, admiring Anika’s work.
‘I wondered if the colour was a tad young for me, but Anika insisted that was not the case.’
‘It totally works. You’re like a glam gran.’ My hand shoots to my mouth in horror on realising what I’ve said. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, Lottie. What a stupid thing to say.’
‘Nonsense.’ She picks a smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwich finger from the bottom tier of the cake stand. ‘What have I told you about not tiptoeing around me? I am a grandparent. Sophie is still with me every day – in here.’ Her hand goes to her chest.
‘I know she is.’ I nod solemnly. ‘Sorry for the tiptoeing… again. Actually, I was wondering if you’d had any thoughts on which charities you’d like to donate the money to?’
‘I have. It wasn’t difficult. There’s one that provided support to Caroline when Sophie was ill. And I’ve been giving some regular small donations to a suicide prevention charity for some time. I thought they might be a good choice.’
‘They sound like just the right beneficiaries for the money.’ I take a bite from my egg and watercress sandwich.
‘I think so.’ Lottie smiles wistfully.
‘I’ll arrange the donations as soon as I’m back from my holiday with the girls. And actually, I wondered…’ I stop, unsure whether to continue.
‘You wondered what?’
I put down my sandwich. ‘Um… I wondered if you might want to visit the charities in person to tell them about the donations. With me. It might be good for you to talk to them a bit about what happened to you…’ I chew my lip, unsure how Lottie will respond to this suggestion.
She sits quietly for a moment, then looks at me. ‘I think that’s a lovely idea, and I think I am ready. Caroline and Sophie would want it too. Thank you, my love, this means a lot to me.’
Saying nothing, I reach over and squeeze her hand, suddenly caught by a swell of emotion – partly for Lottie and partly because I’m struggling to suppress my own mixed-up feelings about Dave getting in touch. It’s no use. I can’t hold them in anymore.
‘Lottie, Dave’s been in touch.’
‘He has?’ She sips at her tea, giving nothing away .
‘Yes, he wants to meet me tonight. I’ve said I will, but only for half an hour. I know I shouldn’t, but I need to hear what he’s got to say. I feel so conflicted.’
‘I’m sure you do. And that is natural.’
‘Do you think I’m an idiot for meeting him?’ I search her face anxiously.
She shakes her head. ‘Not at all. Emotions are complicated. I understand that you want to follow your instincts, but do be vigilant.’
‘I thought you’d tell me I shouldn’t go.’
‘I never tell you what to do, Emma, you know that. I will only ever suggest what to bear in mind while making your decisions.’
‘Of course.’ I fidget with the teaspoon on my saucer. ‘That’s good advice about being vigilant. Vivienne from the lottery said something similar. I need to protect myself from being manipulated, especially if he’s found out about my win. I hope it’s not about that, but I also don’t know what I want from meeting him.’
‘It’s also important to protect your heart.’ Lottie plucks a fruit scone from the middle tier of the stand and cuts it in half. ‘Whatever comes of this conversation, just be sure that it’s what’s best for you, not for Dave.’
‘That makes perfect sense. You are a wise one, Lottie.’