Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
I t’s mid-evening by the time I get to Amber’s place in Newington. Rich puts my stuff in their spare room while she makes me a bowl of pasta carbonara, then she sits with me on the sofa as I pick at it. I know that I need to eat but my appetite seems to have gone on strike.
I brace myself for more of her tough love, but it doesn’t come. Instead, Amber asks me to tell her everything that happened with Sara. I’m expecting her to threaten to go and beat the living daylights out of her and Dave, but she simply listens patiently until I’m finished.
‘Can you believe it?’ I’m hugging one of her cushions, which is currently playing the role of comfort blanket. ‘I thought she was a friend, one of my close friends. And yours too.’
‘Actually, I wasn’t so keen on her.’
‘What? What do you mean?’ I search Amber’s face for an explanation. ‘We were all friends. We did everything together.’
‘Yeah, we did.’ She nods. ‘And I liked her to begin with. I just started to wonder whether she could be trusted, and I was proven right.’
‘You picked up on it? Why didn’t you say anything?’
‘It was nothing more than an instinct at first. She was closed off, never really shared anything. Then there was the alleged affair with her boss. Something was off. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt because you put a lot of faith in your relationships—’
‘You mean I’m naive.’
‘Emma, I’m trying to be diplomatic here. You know that’s not my forte.’
‘Well, don’t then. Why are you tiptoeing around me now? Say it how it is. That’s what you do best.’
She hesitates, evidently at odds with herself. ‘OK, sod it, but remember, you asked for this. Sara’s a manipulative little cow who’d steal your man quicker than you can swat a fly. She tried the same with Rich last year. Well, not the same exactly, but she made it clear it was on the table if he wanted it.’
‘ No way .’ My mouth drops open in disbelief.
‘He only told me what happened a few months ago. It was nothing concrete – only some flirting and inappropriate remarks. I told him to get over himself and I don’t think he took that so well.’
‘I bet.’ I laugh, despite myself, and Amber gives a wry smile.
‘I thought he was feeding his ego, but then I started to notice the way she behaved around other men who were unavailable. It was like she saw them as a challenge, couldn’t bear them wanting someone else over her. Sure, she has the laid-back act down to a tee, but I reckon she’s insecure. She hides behind all that glitz and glam, and she’s nice to look at, but ultimately there’s not much more to her. ’
I consider what Amber’s said. ‘Sara says she’s different from us, that she doesn’t want or expect monogamy.’
‘Huh-uh, I don’t buy it for a second.’ She shakes her head. ‘I reckon there’s something in her past that’s affected how she views life, men and relationships. Anyway, good luck to her. I’m sure she’ll find her eternal happiness through sleeping with hundreds of “unavailable” men – not . Hey, do you remember how I had that conversation with her at dinner the other week, about infidelity? That was me testing her, and as far as I’m concerned, she gave herself away loud and clear.’
‘I thought that was just chat. You two were always winding each other up. Oh, why am I such an idiot?’
‘You’re not an idiot. Not this time, anyway.’ Amber nudges me playfully. ‘She’s a piece of work. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Best thing to do is forget about both of them and move on. Speaking of which, have you messaged that hot man yet?’
‘No.’ I look at the floor.
‘Why not, you loser? James is potentially the best thing that could happen to you – ever. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe you are stupid after all.’
‘Amber, I’m not ready for anything else yet, and the last thing James needs is to be dragged into my crap-heap of a life. Let me get myself sorted out first, then I’ll think about dating again when I’m ready.’
I can’t bear to vocalise that I’ve already cocked things up with James as well. Plus, I’m not lying. Having reacted to him the way I did in the travel agency and the bar, my statement about not being ready is evidently true.
‘Look, you’re having a shit time, but you’ll get past it quicker than you think. Especially with me cracking the whip.’ Her eyes glint wickedly .
I throw the cushion I’m holding at her, and we laugh together until I remember that everything is not fine. The lighter tone that has emerged drops like a stone.
‘What about Cat? It’s eating me up, Amber. I’m terrified that she won’t speak to me again. I couldn’t bear it.’
She shrugs. ‘There’s nothing you can do. We’ll go on this holiday tomorrow, just the two of us. A bit of distance will give her time to cool off. Then, when we get back, you can try and smooth things over.’
‘That’s what Lottie said. I don’t actually want to go anymore, but she’s made me promise to do it for her. It’ll feel like I’m rubbing dirt in Cat’s face, though. And I hate the idea of leaving Lottie when she’s in hospital.’ I rub my weary face, plagued by these burdening thoughts.
‘I get where you’re coming from but knowing Cat, she’d be well upset to find out you’d cancelled the trip because of her. And Lottie will be fine. You said the neighbour’s a retired nurse. That trumps anything you could do for her and it’ll do her good to spend time with other people. You can FaceTime her from the resort.’
‘I know you’re right, but I can’t help feeling like I don’t deserve this holiday. I’m not going to be able to enjoy it at all, knowing Cat’s not there and I’m the reason.’
‘Then I guess I’ll have to make you enjoy it.’ Amber gives me a devilish grin. ‘Go and pack. You have your holiday clothes with you, right?’
‘Yeah, everything’s in my cases. I also need to give my mum and dad a call before they send out a search party.’
‘Sure thing. Say hi from me.’ She heads to the kitchen with my empty bowl while I make myself comfortable in her spare room, then take a moment to mentally prepare myself before dialling my parents’ number.
‘Hello? ’
‘Hi, Mum, it’s me.’
‘Emma, oh thank goodness. I’ve been trying to call you all day.’
I sigh. ‘I know, Mum. I’ve been… busy.’
‘Busy with what exactly? You’re unemployed. In fact, speaking of your current job status, I was talking to your dad earlier, and we’ve had some thoughts about some new career options you should look into…’
Exhausted from my day of emotional turmoil, I lie back on the bed and let her go. She’s like a wind-up toy when it comes to our Sunday chats, so all I need to do is make the right noises every now and again, and I’m home and dry. There’s no way I’m taking her on tonight.
When my alarm sounds at six a.m. the next morning, the drowsiness engulfing me from the deepest sleep I’ve had in days makes me momentarily forget where I am. However, on peeling open my heavy eyelids, I’m quickly reminded, including why I’m there. The gaping hole in my heart for Cat that temporarily closed overnight, reopens immediately. A vast chasm of emptiness and loss that makes me want to hide under the covers forever. There’s also something nagging at me. What if Amber and Lottie are wrong and me continuing with this trip seals the end of my friendship with Cat?
The reality is that I can’t know for sure, which means I have to go ahead with the holiday, because I can’t let Amber down and I’ve made a promise to Lottie. It would also be a massive waste of money if we didn’t go – ‘I fell out with my best friend’ is hardly a plausible reason for claiming on my travel insurance .
Dragging myself out of bed, I take a shower and get ready. The whirlwind of last-minute preparations proves a welcome distraction, and I even find myself starting to look forward to the trip. Then, before we know it, the taxi has arrived.
‘I still can’t understand why you booked our ride to the airport so ridiculously early,’ Amber complains as we fly past each other in the hallway, grabbing the last of our things.
‘And I can’t believe you let me.’
‘Guess I must be feeling sorry for you,’ she calls from her bedroom. ‘Otherwise, there’s no way I’d have entertained your paranoid delusions of a multi-vehicle pile-up, a freak storm and all taxi drivers declaring a strike at once.’
‘Thanks.’ I grin at her when we finally meet by the front door, packed and ready to go.
Amber ushers me outside, a contemplative look on her face, as if she’s plotting something – which, to be fair, she usually is. I greet and pass my case to the driver, who puts it in the boot, then reaches for Amber’s.
‘Actually… it’s just the one,’ she says.
‘ What? ’ I freeze as I’m about to climb into the passenger seat of the private hire car. ‘You’re not bailing on me too, are you?’
‘Obviously not, but I’ve had an idea. I’ll catch you up.’
I look at her helplessly.
‘Emma, if Cat’s going to have any doubts about not joining us, it’ll be this morning. So, if I show up out of the blue, I might be able to talk her round. We can get her packed in no time, and she’s so organised, I bet she’ll be more or less ready to go anyway.’
‘But what about the flight? You’ll miss it.’ I’m torn by this sudden turn of events. Having one last try at getting Cat to come sounds worthwhile, but the idea of Amber heading off somewhere else when we’re meant to be on our way to the airport – no matter how early we are – fills me with sheer panic.
‘Calm it, would you?’ She eyes my forehead, which I can tell has developed a stress-induced sweaty glow about it. ‘We were going to be three and a half hours early. That’s bananas.’
‘No, it makes sense to—’
‘Emma, it’s bananas. The bag drop closes one hour before the flight. I’ll be there well before that – with or without Cat. Now come on, get in the car, you’re wasting valuable time. I’ll grab an Uber to her place.’
‘OK, fine.’ I give in and get into the car. Amber’s not going to change her mind, so I have no choice but to go ahead and hope for the best. ‘Good luck. Keep in touch, though, so I don’t have to sit there worrying my backside off.’
‘ Attagirl .’ She gives me a wink, slams the taxi door shut and gets straight on her phone to order her ride.