Chapter 25 Penny
Penny
NOW
My stomach growls loudly as we exit the drugstore I dragged Jesse into after the baby store. Even after that little scene in Sunshine Baby, he’s still sticking close, seemingly happy to go where I go.
It’s weirdly comforting in ways I’m not yet ready to unpack.
“I’m kind of hungry…” I have my eyes on a café straight ahead, already imagining the warmth inside.
“I never say no to eating,” Jesse says, easy as anything. My mind goes straight to the gutter, and I clear my throat fast.
“Good, let’s grab lunch over there, then I’ll take you back to your bike.”
Inside, the café is toasty and almost romantic, a soft amber glow spilling from Edison bulbs strung along the ceiling. The scent of cinnamon and roasted espresso clings to the air, and people are packed in tight, bundled in winter coats, their conversations overlapping in a low, holiday buzz.
We order at the counter before finding a small table near the front, one of those half-table, half-booth situations. Jesse pushes in my chair as a server sets our plates down quietly, and I wait for my nervous system to go into fight mode because this is too normal, but it doesn’t.
Our food is brought to the table quickly, and as I take a bite of the crusty, delicious sandwich, Jesse leans back in his chair like this is the most natural thing in the world—like we are old friends who do casual lunch all the time.
“So, tell me about your life in Raleigh.” His voice is low and steady, but it still jars me every time I hear it.
I take another bite of my sandwich, buying time. “What do you want to know?”
“You like living there on your own?” he asks, eyes intensely focused on me. “I found LA to be isolating.”
“Yeah, I enjoy it.” I tuck my hair behind my ear. “I bought my condo two years ago, and my best friend, Audrey, lives nearby. It’s home.” I fidget with the paper wrapper from the straw.
“Is that why you want Fia to move with you?”
“She told you that?” I ask, my heart racing. Fia really does trust him.
“She did,” is all he says.
“I just don’t want her to be trapped here. I want Fia to get everything she wants, a career, a family, her youth.” I set down my sandwich, a lump creeping up my throat. “I don’t want to leave her here to drown.”
“You know I’m not going to up and leave her hanging, right? I care about her, too.”
I lock eyes with him. “You don’t know what’s going to happen. You could…meet someone and leave. It’s normal. People do that.” The words feel horrible coming out of my mouth. But I have to consider the truth—a guy like Jesse isn’t going to stay single for long.
Jesse stares at me pensively, letting out a humorless chuckle. “I’m not interested in meeting someone.”
My heart lodges in my throat, but before I can reply, a blur of movement catches my eye, and a woman stops at our table.
“Oh my gosh, Penny Hanson? I thought that was you!” She smiles, shopping bags slung over her arm.
I blink at her, dazed, before standing abruptly as recognition sets in. “Holy shit, Krista? Wow, how long has it been?” I grip her arms, doing my best to summon a smile that feels real.
I feel Jesse’s eyes on me, two feet away.
I gesture between them. “This is Krista. We lived together junior year when we studied abroad in Paris.”
Krista unabashedly rakes her eyes over his body, and Jesse smiles, dimples and all, standing to shake her hand.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Jesse,” he says, enveloping her hand in his large one. We exchange a glance that I can’t decode fast enough. “Family friend,” he adds.
He sits back down, and my stomach twists. Family friend is technically accurate. So why does it sting?
Krista, oblivious, launches into flirt mode. “I love all your ink!” she gushes. “You know, the only reason I have this”—she moves her ponytail to reveal the tiniest Eiffel Tower tattoo behind her ear—“is because of this girl.”
I barely remember being involved in that decision, but it sounds like something twenty-one-year-old me might’ve hyped up after one too many cheap glasses of wine.
“Penny was a wild time in college. I don’t know how we even survived.” She laughs, loud and unbothered, placing a hand on my shoulder. “This girl knows how to live.”
The last thing I want to do right now is discuss the years I was partying it up while Jesse was in prison.
“By the way, I’ve been following you on socials. Girl, you are literally everywhere. I mean, do you ever rest? And your photos were featured in that huge magazine. Can we trade lives?” Krista says with another shrill laugh.
The café air thickens around me. The hiss of the milk steamer, the scrape of forks against plates, the clink of ceramic—it all blurs together. My cheeks flush, and my cashmere sweater suddenly feels like it’s clinging too tightly around my neck.
“It’s a busy life!” is all I manage to come up with in reply.
“And how’s your little sister doing? She must be so old now!” she asks. I can’t believe she remembers meeting her at siblings' week all those years ago.
“Oh—she’s great!” I smile tightly, feeling Jesse’s eyes on me.
Fia’s great, and my brother who you don’t know exists is still in prison, but I’m going behind my sister’s back to see him and sell our family home in a few days! It’s all grand, babe!
“I’ll be in Raleigh in a few weeks, let’s grab drinks!” she offers way too enthusiastically.
“Of course,” I reply quickly.
We hug goodbye, and I sit back down the moment she’s gone, feeling like every pair of eyes in the room is on me.
Of course, only Jesse’s are.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask, scooting my chair in.
He scrubs his jaw. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.” I smile tightly.
“I have to say, you’re pretty humble for being such a big deal,” he says, but it’s not sarcastic. It’s genuine, but either way, I’m done talking about me.
“Because none of it is a big deal. It’s just my work.” I take another bite of my sandwich, eyes down.
He doesn’t argue, just studies me quietly. “You made it to Paris, though…and it looks like you got to work around the world. That was your dream.”
Heat blooms at the back of my neck. Jesse was the only person who truly ever understood how badly I wanted that—wanted everything I have now. He believed in me more than anyone back when it was just ideas on a pinboard in my bedroom.
“I did,” I say softly, eyes dropping to my plate again. I study the pattern of seeds on the bread crust, like it might open a door to another topic. One that doesn’t leave me feeling exposed.
“I’m proud of you.”
My heart skips a beat, and I lift my head.
He leans forward, resting his elbows on the table, one hand dragging slowly along the edge of his jaw. And just like that, the rest of the café fades away, blurring into the background.
Jesse has always had this gravity to him. This way of pulling me into a quieter space where it’s just us.
It’s a feeling you can easily get addicted to if you’re not careful.
“You did it. You made it big, got everything you wanted from your dream board.” His lips pull into a tiny smile, and I know he means it to be nice, but it does nothing but break my heart.
How could he think that?
“I didn’t get everything I wanted…” I shake my head, my throat tightening as I lift my eyes to his, holding them there. “I didn’t get you.”