Chapter Thirty-Five
Millie
It isn't until I'm in his truck and the address we're going to is plugged into the GPS that it finally dawns on me. I turn sharply in my seat. "Oh, my goodness. I never asked you if you had the time to do this! What about practice and your game?"
I start to internally panic. How could I be so selfish?
"It's okay," he says calmly.
"It's not okay. I was only thinking of myself. Turn the car around," I demand, but he just laughs.
"I will not."
I cross my arms, digging my metaphorical heels in. "Yes, you will. You aren't missing a game on my account. We won't be back in time for you to be there tomorrow night."
"I already cleared it with Coach. I'm all yours."
His reassurance makes me feel slightly better, but I still feel guilty. "That doesn't make it any better. I shouldn't have asked you to do this with me. I could have done it on my own."
His smile drops, and his expression turns serious. "I don't want you to have to do it by yourself." He reaches over and grabs my hand, pulling it into his lap. "Millie, do you hear me? I want to be here."
His words are like a soothing balm to my heart. "Are you sure?" I ask, nervous that he will say no and that he really does have to go back. I want him here, too. I don't want to do this without him.
"I'm positive." He squeezes my hand before bringing it up to his lips to plant a soft kiss on top. "We're going to figure this out, together."
I sag in relief. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that.
"Do you think we should try to call this girl? Give her a heads-up that we are coming?" he asks.
My free hand goes to my pulse point. After being up all night and learning everything that I did, my brain was too muddled to process much else. I didn't even think of that. "I don't know. What do you think?"
"I think it's going to be one hell of a surprise if we just show up."
"That's true." I pull out my phone. I had emailed myself all the important stuff, like her name and address, but I didn't list a phone number. "I don't have one here."
"You couldn't find one?"
I keep scrolling, but I don't see it. "No, I don't think I did. I was so focused on the address and the girl's story that I must have missed that part."
"Maybe try looking it up? We've got plenty of time to try."
I nod my head in agreement as I get to work trying to track down a number. It's hours later when we finally stop for a bite to eat, and I'm still empty-handed.
"She must have her number listed as private because I can't find anything." I start to panic a little. I have no idea how she is going to react, and I have no idea what I'm even going to say to her. "Maybe this is a bad idea."
Rowan stops right before he opens the door to the fast-food joint we stopped at. "We have to do this, Millie." He lets go of the door and turns to face me, cupping both my cheeks with his callused, yet soft, hands. "It's the only way you are going to have peace, baby."
"But what if it hurts her even more?" I give voice to my biggest fear with this whole journey. What if us coming does nothing but open up a barely healed wound?
"I don't think that it will. I think she needs this as much as you need this. It's going to help bring her closure."
"We don't know that for sure, Rowan. I just don't want to make things worse for her." A tear gathers in the corner of my eye. His eyes find mine, and as he reaches up with his thumb to swipe the tear, I lean my cheek onto his palm.
"If we get there and she doesn't want to talk to us, that's one thing, but I think you'll regret it if you don't at least go and try."
In my heart, I know he's right. Lucy is begging me to go to her; I'm more sure of that than anything else.
I think the true magnitude of the situation is really hitting me now.
The fact that we are about to talk to a girl that lost her best friend and I have that friend's heart beating in my chest. "It just feels like too much. I don't know if I can do this."
He leans down and gives me a gentle kiss on the cheek, and then his mouth goes to my ear. "You are the strongest person I know, Millie St. James. There is no doubt in my mind that you can do this."
I half laugh and half sob as I place my head against his shoulder. "I don't believe you. You are a hockey player, you know plenty of people that are stronger than me, you included."
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his body. I lean into his warmth and the comfort he is so freely offering. "I'm not talking about physical strength. Yeah, sure, we've got you beat there. I'm talking about mental fortitude, baby. You've got us beat in spades where it truly matters."
He rubs soothing circles across my back.
I'm practically purring like a cat at the affection.
We're still standing in front of the restaurant doors, but it's not that busy, and I don't really care that anyone and everyone can see us.
"I don't know if that's true either. I feel pretty darn weak and overwhelmed right now. "
"Then let me carry some of that for you. All you have to worry about is eating and getting back in the car. I'll handle the rest."
If there was any doubt that I was falling in love with this man, it would have been abolished by those three sentences.
My heart floods with a warmth I've never experienced before, a feeling so compelling that I lift up on my toes to kiss him.
Right before my lips touch his, I whisper, "I love you. "
His smile is instant and made up of pure joy. We kiss for what feels like forever but is probably only a few moments before he pulls back and says four little words that change my life forever. "I love you too."
"I understand, sir."
I groan as I stretch and blink my eyes open. It's a lot darker than I remember before I decided to close my eyes for a bit.
"Yes, sir."
I lazily look over toward Rowan. He has a phone against his ear. Then I look out the car and notice we're parked in front of a rest stop.
Rowan says a few more "yes, sir's" before he pulls the phone away from his ear and hands it back to me. I look down at the screen and see that it was my father, my brain finally putting it together that it was my phone he was talking on. My eyes go wide with surprise.
"You were talking to my dad?"
"He kept calling, and you needed the rest."
I gulp as I continue to look at the now-black screen.
We left in such a hurry this morning that all I had time to do was scribble on a piece of paper that I was going on a road trip with Rowan and I would explain everything when I got back.
I was expecting a phone call and having to give them more of an explanation, but I wasn't expecting Rowan to have to deal with it.
"Was he mad?"
Rowan winces, his reaction more than adequate for an answer. He raises his hand up and hovers his first finger over his thumb. "Just a little bit."
Now it's my turn to wince. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I was planning on talking to them."
"I guess that's my karma for telling you I would handle everything." He laughs like he isn't perturbed in the least. "It's okay, really. I think we needed to have a conversation anyway. He wants us all to have dinner once we get back."
"How much did you tell him?" I'm not mad. I just want to make sure we are all on the same page.
"Just the bare basics, enough to get him to calm down. I told him you would call after you woke up." He gives me a sympathetic smile before backing the truck up to get back on the road.
I blow out a long breath before I pick up my phone and call my dad back.
I spend close to an hour trying to talk him out of driving down here to meet us. I know why he's mad, and I understand it to a degree, but this is something I need to do for myself, and I tell him as much.
It wasn't until my mom got on the phone with him that he finally started to calm down. I'm not saying my mom isn't worried or upset, but I think she understands my need for independence with this more than my dad.
I feel like I've done three rounds of mental gymnastics when I get off the phone with them.
"You handled that well," Rowan says. He stayed silent throughout the phone call, offering steady reassurance by stroking the top of my hand the whole time.
It was soothing and exactly what I needed to feel grounded.
I didn't have to reach for my pulse point once during the whole conversation, and that's really saying something about the level of comfort this man provides.
I shrug one shoulder because, as much as I want to do this by myself, I still feel guilty for telling them so. "Thank you. I still feel bad, though."
"They're your parents. They love you and want to protect you. It's understandable that they feel the way they do."
"So you think I made the wrong decision? That I should let them come?" I turn in my seat so I can see his expression.
He is shaking his head. "No, I think you made the right decision for you, and they will forgive you."
"I don't like upsetting them. They've done so much for me, Rowan. Maybe this is the least I could do, you know, let them be a part of it."
His eyebrows pull together in concentration. "And that would be okay, too. I don't think there is a wrong or right answer here, Millie. It comes down to how you feel in your heart and what you think is best, for all of you."
I let his words sink in and really think about what that would be. Eventually I say, "I think I need to do this on my own."
He nods his agreement. "Then that's your answer, babe."
The cab falls into a comfortable silence. My mind plays every possible scenario. Will she be mad? Will she be relieved? Are we just going to be opening up a barely healed wound? The questions play on repeat in my head until I become physically nauseous at all the possibilities.
It's close to ten at night, and I can tell Rowan is getting tired. "Do you want me to drive?"
He shifts in his seat, then leans forward a little, I think to try to relieve his back. "You can, or we can stop and both get some rest."
We've been driving for hours. I know I offered to drive, and I've been able to doze off here or there, but if I'm being totally honest with myself, I'm pretty beat. I'm not sure how safe it would be for me to drive.
"We should probably stop," I finally say as I pull out my phone to find the closest hotel.
He watches my screen for a moment before redirecting his eyes back to the road. "'Kay, just tell me when to get off."
"Two exits ahead is a hotel that has decent rates. Hopefully they have a room."
"Sounds good."
I put my phone down, and he reaches over to wrap his hand around mine. I haven't let myself think about this part. I knew there was a high chance that we would be sharing a hotel room or two this trip, and though I've been curious and excited at the thought, I've also been a little nervous.
It will be the first time the two of us are alone with a bed. Just the thought has butterflies swarming in my stomach and my heart rate elevating.
I think I'm ready.
Scratch that, I know I'm ready, for whatever may come.
As long as it's with Rowan Pierce, I know I'll always be ready.