Chapter 23
Noah
Three nights after the greatest sex of my life, I'm lying in bed wondering how it was possible to be so lost in thought and emotion, yet feel so fulfilled at the same time.
I never let myself admit it before, but I can now. Maybe I didn't always feel this way, and it took a while to manifest. Then even longer for me to admit my feelings. The attraction.
I want Silas.
More than that, I love him. Which makes this so complicated.
Lucy had no idea what Pandora's box she was opening when she asked us to kiss. At least, I don't think she did. And, in her defense, I did ask her to be honest and say what she was thinking. But damn, those words changed the trajectory of my life.
I never thought being in a relationship with Mateo and Silas would include actually being with them. I never needed to wonder because I'm mostly attracted to women, though I've slept with a handful of men. It was always just sex though, never emotional. Never a connection.
Touching Silas has changed things. We haven't talked about what happened—naturally. Why would we? We're both self-proclaimed sexually adventurous people. Trying new things in the bedroom isn't new for us.
But this was new.
I keep thinking about the surprised look on his face. The way I kissed him, the way he kissed me back. I've seen the man's cock a thousand times, but it was like I had blinders on. Suddenly, all I wanted to do was take him in my mouth. I couldn't keep myself from fantasizing about taking hold of it, making him come apart right next to Lucy.
I want Silas, and I can't help but think—I am so fucked.
Things are so new with Lucy. It's a lot to take on, a new relationship, let alone one with three people. But to add this attraction to our dynamic? I can picture her asking for more next time, more and more each time thereafter. Touch his cock, Noah. Stroke it. Taste it. Noah, let him fuck you while you fuck me.
Outside of the bedroom? Facing my crush… if you can even call it that, a word so inadequate to what I already feel for Silas, facing my feelings in the harsh light of day feels insurmountable.
Grumbling, I whip the covers off and climb out of bed. I'm tired, but I've barely slept since the other night. Though everythings been cool between us, when we work during the day, there's this tension that's new. Again, we don't talk about it. But it's there.
I don't know what to do.
Padding down the hall, I head into the kitchen to pour some water. Maybe I should pour a glass of whiskey to go with it, maybe that'll help me sleep. Just as I'm about to, I hear him.
"What are you doing?" Silas chuckles, taking the whiskey from my hands. He twists the cap off and takes a swig.
"I'm sure Mateo will appreciate you treating his thirty year aged barrel rye like a fireball shot."
He shrugs, handing the bottle back. Because I can't help myself, I copy his actions and take a swig. Shivering as the alcohol works its way down my throat, I set the bottle back on the counter.
"Can't sleep?"
"No," I shake my head. "You?"
Silas grins and hooks his thumb down the hallway. "They're fucking like rabbits. I was gonna join them."
"You had sex with her this afternoon. Give them some alone time."
Yesterday, Silas had to run out and pick up some new cords for the office space, where he's currently crashing on an air mattress, so I got her all to myself.
Lucy slept with him the night before, and demanded we figure out the office situation so we could get him a new bed. It was cute how outraged she was that he was sleeping on such a shitty bed. Silas doesn't care, I know he doesn't, but her concern was still sweet.
I ended up running errands today, buying groceries and picking up another bag of things from our old place, so Silas had her to himself all day long, and I know he spent at least an hour buried inside her, because his work was half-finished by the time I got back.
It's fucking surreal how well we all fit together. It's more than sex, though that's fucking mindblowing. It's everything. Her touch, the way she moves, the way she fights for control, but loses fast, quickly falling into the submissive roll.
"Yeah, well…" Silas shrugs, glancing down the hall, then back to me.
Just like all the other times the last few days, this feels charged. New, electric, exciting.
And Silas, who never takes anything seriously, is the last one of the four of us I expected to bring up what happened. Especially the way he does it.
Which is, of course, without words. He doesn't give me a moment to prepare, to object, when all of a sudden he's leaning into me. His lips meet mine and a shiver runs down my spine. It's a dream come to life.
I can't help it, I grip his sides and moan into him. Maybe he's just looking for someone to play with since I told him to give Mateo and Lucy some privacy, but I don't think I care. I'll kiss him all night long, if he lets me.
His tongue slides against mine, and I'm surprised again when he grabs my shirt at my chest and tugs me forward. I'm only an inch or so taller than Silas, the shortest of us three friends around 5'10", but what he lacks in bulk and height, he makes up for in power.
He pulls away abruptly. "I'm done overthinking this shit. How about you?"
I let out a harsh laugh and shake my head. "That's just fucking like you. No subtlety."
"Who needs subtlety? I'm saying, let's do this."
I cross my arms, putting a little distance between us. A minute ago I was content to kiss him all night long. Now, he's asking for… what, exactly, I don't know. But knowing Silas, having watched his sexual awakening in real time over the years, I know he's willing to try anything once. And I'm not sure that's enough for me.
Cautiously, I try to explain, without giving away the intensity of my feelings. "Look, I know you like to try new things—"
"Nope, don't do that. Okay, you know me so well. I know you too, Noah. I'm…" He sighs, running his hand over his shaved head, looking away. Uncharacteristically uncomfortable, he fidgets in place. "I liked it. What we did. And I want to try more. But… fuck, man, it's you. It's you , Noah."
He turns to me, the most sincere look in his eyes, pinning me in place. Pleading, he continues, this time running his hands over my shoulders, pulling me closer.
"I'd never jeopardize our friendship for a quick fuck. I'm saying… I want this. I want you." He infuses the words with as much feeling as he can, because he can't bring himself to say more than that. That this want he has for me might be big. Really big.
Nerves take over and I pull away again. "What about Lucy?" I ask quietly. We just got her, and we just got Mateo back. I won't risk them for anything, same as he'd never risk our friendship by toying with me or using me.
"What about Lucy?" He asks honestly.
"Seriously? We just… I mean, what if she sees it as cheating?"
"But she's literally fucking Matty as we speak."
"Yeah, but that's different."
"It's not. Besides, she won't care. I swear, she won't."
I'm not so sure. Watching us kiss for her pleasure is one thing. Knowing we hook up when she's not around is quite another.
Silas turns and storms down the hall. It takes me a second to catch up before I'm chasing after him. "Silas? Silas! What the fuck are you doing? No, oh no, no no, hell no!" I chant, whisper-shouting, then straight up yelling at him as he walks right into Lucy's bedroom.
"Hey gorgeous. Having fun?" Silas asks sweetly. Lucy's spread eagle, wrists and ankles tied to the bed posts, naked and completely exposed. Mateo's teasing her with a toy, and doesn't stop on our account. He's still using neckties to tie her up, which irritates me. I need to make a point to get his bag of toys with soft, padded handcuffs and silk corded rope. I make a mental note to talk to him about that tomorrow.
"Wanna join?" She asks, half drunk on pleasure.
"I do, but this one thinks we should give you guys some alone time since he got you to himself yesterday and I got to play with you today."
"Oh, that's nice," she smiles then cries out. Mateo spreads her lower lips and slaps her clit hard, then rubs it softly, making nice.
I grab Silas's sleeve to pull him away, but he shrugs me off. To Lucy, he says bluntly, "Lulu, I'd like to fuck Silas. Are you okay with that?"
Her expression lights up, pulling her out of the sex haze. "Really? That's amazing! Of course it's okay, you don't have to ask me that." Then the fog clears a little more and she attempts to sit up before remembering she's tied in place. "Wait, why would you ask me? We're in this together, right?"
"Yeah, we are," Silas confirms.
"And it's not open, it's just us. So you should be able to have sex with whoever you want in our group." Suddenly irate, she turns to Mateo. "Right?"
Her demand, given her state of absolute submission, is cute as fuck. Mateo laughs, having pulled the toy away so we could talk. He kisses the inside of her knee. "Yes, mi corazón , I agree completely. I, however, only want to fuck you, but I don't care what the rest of you do. Though I didn't mind with the assist the other night," he winks at Silas. It's weird seeing Mateo be playful.
"Have fun guys. Tell me all about it tomorrow." Lucy whimpers, eyes closed, already lost in scene, when the vibrator buzzes to life again.
Silas gives her nipples a pinch before turning and leaving the room. He doesn't need to ask me to follow. In fact, he doesn't say anything at all, nor does he touch me again, before letting himself into my room.
I follow after him, because that's what I do.
And we pick up like no time passed, like Lucy's declaration wasn't another tectonic shift in my personal life. We've been in poly relationships for years.
We've never been together .
But all the overthinking gets lost as Silas kisses me, pulling at my shirt with the same level of confidence I had the other night when I did the same to him. He tugs his own shirt off and I can't move fast enough. My hands come to his belt first, and with shakier, needier movements, I unbutton then lower the zipper all the way down.
Getting him naked feels natural. And again, I've seen him so many times. But it's through a new lens, one of want. His dark skin, warm, like the afterglow of a sunset, stretches taut over his strong muscular torso, hidden in peeks beneath his tattoos. The sparse, dark smattering of hair spreads lightly from his navel down toward his cock.
A sheen of precum glistens his tip and I lick my lips. I'm so lost, cataloging all the things I'm going to do to him, of what I want him to do to me, that I don't notice right away that he's still. Not stiff, but not relaxed, either.
"I'm uh…" He laughs, scratching his jaw. "I'm not sure…"
Understanding dawns. Of course, he's never done this before. He's probably worried I'll go straight to fucking his ass.
We'll work up to that. Not tonight, though.
"You can touch me, if you want."
His eyes meet mine, breath coming out in quick pants. Without breaking eye contact, he reaches out, fingertips gently wrapping, closing into a fist around my cock. My knees wobble and I tilt my pelvis forward, my cock pushing further into his palm, making his touch firm up.
I love the feel of a woman. Soft hands, gentle touch. But it's a different kind of pleasure with a man. They aren't worried about hurting you. They know how hard you can take it, because they know what they like. I bet right now Silas is thinking about how he likes to jack off, how hard he likes to fuck his fist.
I pull him in for a kiss while he touches me, which makes him pump faster and tighter.
"Fuck," I rasp, pulling away. "You keep doing that, I'm going to come."
Silas grins. Fuck, a cock-sure Silas is going to be problematic. He loves learning new things in the bedroom. He'll be unbearable, knowing how easily he can pull me to the edge. I can't wait.
"On the bed," I tell him.
"You can be in charge tonight," he nips my bottom lip. "But you know I like control. I hope you're ready for the monster you're creating."
I can't help it, my eyes shoot down to his cock. It proudly bobs up, nearly in line with his hard abs. He chuckles and I nearly shove him onto the bed.
"Lie down," I demand. He does as I say. Grabbing lube out of the bedside table, I toss it on the bed beside him. His eyebrows lift in question, but I don't ease his curiosity.
Straddling his legs, I reach out and grip his length. He hisses, arms slapping out, grabbing the pillows. His fingers indent the fabric, curling in desperately, and when I lean down and lick the tip, he bellows.
I open my mouth and take him in completely, just how he taught Lucy the other night. I fantasized about them taking turns with me, her mouth, then his. Soft and hard, quick and slow.
Hollowing out my cheeks, I take him deep and he grunts, making noises I'd never heard him make before.
"Holy fuck, my man. You can suck some cock."
I preen, but don't respond, keep working his length instead, letting him hit the back of my throat. I moan and hum against him, loving the light, salty taste of his skin. After a few minutes I release him and grab the lube, working the slick up and down his shaft. His eyes widen when he watches me reach back and put a little on myself.
Pupils blown wide, lips parted in awe, I lean forward and kiss Silas, feeling the masculine texture of his rough face, loving the feel of his strength as he grips my hips. Holding his cock in place I slowly lower down, taking him inside me.
" Fuuuckk! " He grunts, and I give a quick undulating pump just to feel his desire and shaking need spill out of his pores. I love how strong he is, his thick biceps reaching out, flexing, hands grabbing my thighs and moving with me as I lift and lower.
"Holy fuck, Noah. Oh my god," he holds me tight while I work his length. Slowly at first, so I can get used to him in this position, then I lean back, letting his full length fill me up. His eyes track my chest, down to my cock, which bounces with me as I begin fucking him.
"It's so good. Oh my god, Noah, you feel so good." Words I never knew I needed to hear. All the years I spent staring at him, not knowing why he captured my attention so ardently. His tattoos, artistic talent, his easy going nature, his sexy as fuck body, cocky smile, beautiful face… the swagger in his steps.
I love him. I fucking love my best friend.
And oh god he feels so good inside me. Silas's hands slap the mattress beside us, and he frantically opens the tube. I almost freeze, but keep going, letting him explore. I told him he could touch me, and I meant it.
While I ride him, he roughly grips my cock, firmly gripping root to rip, twisting his fist while his hand fucks me hard. I choke down the cries of pleasure, my ass gripping his cock so tightly while the friction builds. Canting my pelvis just right, I lean and his huge cock hits all those points inside of me that shatter my walls. My head throws back the pure pleasure and I know it's coming.
"I can't," I rasp. "I can't hold it."
He doesn't relent working my cock and I chance a look down, seeing he's covered in a sheen of sweat. His brow is furrowed, eyes staring at my dick in his hand, his muscles pulled tense and I realize he's close, too. Without changing anything else, with each upward thrust, I clench my ass and Silas howls.
There's no slow build. It booms out of me like an explosion.
" Fuuahh! " I cry out. My cock explodes from the prostate orgasm, my come shooting onto his chest, pooling on his abdomen. He keeps thrusting his hips, pumping up into me and I shudder with his grip around my cock. It's too sensitive, but when his fist tightens once, I feel him grow taut and he cries out. His hips buck wildly and warmth fills my ass.
He shakes and shivers and I wait a second before leaning forward, letting his dick slip out of me. My chest spreads the come around between us. I have an instinct to apologize, to pull away, but his arms wrap around me, holding me tight. His arms flex, and I realize, I'm the tense one, not him.
So I relax into his embrace. And we lay like that for I don't know how long, his hand absently caressing my back. It makes me want things. Things I don't know if he's ready for with me, but if he's willing to try this…
"I'm gonna get really good at fucking you, my friend."
I choke on a laugh against his chest then pull up. "I knew you were going to get cocky about learning something new."
He shrugs unapologetically. "Because you know me. But yeah, you're gonna teach me how to take you like that. We've got so much to explore together. I can't fucking wait."
He's got a mischievous look in his eye. I like that he's in a teasing mood. We should get up and shower. But I have to say it.
Or not, because he cuts me off when I open my mouth, the concerned look on my face spurring him into action.
"I'm not gonna hurt you, Noah. I love you."
He says it like he means it. He can't really mean it though, right? This is new for him. Thinking of me this way. Being with a man. I open my mouth to argue, but he interrupts me again.
"I love you. I think I've always loved you. I've watched you, too. It just took longer for me to build up to this. There's never been anyone else that I've… It's you, Noah. I love you. Are you hearing me?"
Fuck, I'm gonna cry.
Instead, I smirk, taking a page out of his book, rubbing the come all over him. "We're sticky, and I need some aftercare. You're up, asshole."
He chuckles, slapping my thigh when we both crawl out of the bed. Before we make it to the bathroom, I push him up against the door, and lean in for a kiss. "I love you, too."