2 COLE
The alarm goes off in the morning, and I groan as I wipe the sleep from my eyes.
I try to open them, but the damn room is so bright it causes an instant headache.
I hold up my hand, blocking the light from my eyes as I crack them open enough to see the blaring alarm clock on the bedside table.
My hand lands hard on the top of it. The plastic makes a cracking sound, but the noise has stopped, so I’m not going to complain.
I rub my eyes and sit up, pushing back the blankets as I throw my legs over the side and stand.
I don’t bother to make the bed. I’m a single guy who lives alone, so why would I?
Half asleep and with my eyes cracked open, I head to the bathroom for my morning shower.
I relieve myself before kicking off my boxers and reaching into the shower, turning on the water to warm.
I turn and face the mirror, inspecting my face that seems to grow older and older every day.
A haircut probably wouldn’t hurt, and my beard’s a little longer than usual.
The lines on the outer corner of my eyes are also growing deeper than I’d like.
I knew one day this would happen. I knew I’d grow old alone and become a bitter old man because I was too stubborn to change for the one I loved. So stubborn, in fact, that I downright refuse to find someone else. I’d rather die alone in this cabin than replace her in my life, in my heart.
I fell in love with Alice a long, long time ago.
I was just a kid. I was sitting in the stands at a football game one Friday night, and she was on the field, cheering at halftime.
There must have been the whole town in the stands that night, and somehow, she looked right up at me.
Her stunning green eyes were glistening, and her strawberry blond hair was blowing around her in the gentle fall breeze.
I knew right then and there that she was the one I wanted to spend my life with, and I didn’t even know her name.
In a town this small, how had I not noticed her before?
As it turned out, she’d only transferred into town earlier that week.
The moment the game was over, I introduced myself, and it seemed like fate had bigger plans for us.
I lost my virginity to her at prom and being the young and stupid kids we were, we married straight out of high school.
The first year, things were great. We were your typical newlyweds.
The second-year? If we weren’t fucking, we were fighting.
The need, the passion, it was still there, but we couldn’t agree on a damn thing.
She had bigger dreams. She wanted a better life.
And I always knew I’d grow old and die here doing the exact same thing my dad did, the same thing every man in my family did.
Being a lumberjack isn’t something I would’ve chosen, but I started working for my dad’s company when I turned sixteen, and the family tradition is to hand it down to the next man in line.
Dad retired a few years ago now, and the business is mine.
I expanded and added on a sawmill, and now I sell enough lumber to provide for the whole state of Colorado.
I’ve taken a forced life, and I’ve turned it around.
I’ve made it my own, and I’ve done a damn good job.
I’ve made more money with the sawmill than my father or grandfather ever saw by simply owning the logging business.
I can’t complain about my professional life.
It’s the loss of her that I’ll never be able to get over.
I’ve even avoided relationships, knowing that nobody could ever compare.
I wouldn’t say I’m waiting around for her to return—I know better than that.
I doubt she ever shows her face again, but for the hell of it, I like to imagine her returning and what the first thing I’d say to her would be.
I can’t decide if I’d tell her I still love her, if I’d chew her up and spit her out for doing this to me, or if I’d simply pull her in for a lip-crushing kiss.
Either way, I guess it doesn’t matter ’cause she’s been gone for ten years now, and I haven’t heard a word from her yet.
I push thoughts of her away like I have to do every morning, and I turn on the radio to help drown out the sound of my own thoughts.
With the radio on, I step into the shower and stick my head under the hot water flow.
I close my eyes and rub my hands over my head, making sure my hair is good and soaked before grabbing blindly for the shampoo and scrubbing my head and beard.
“Yes, I hope everyone is prepared. It looks like this storm is going to be a doozy! Folks, if you live up on that mountain, run into town and get the gasoline for your generators. Stock up on firewood if you need it. Make sure you have enough food and water. And if you have pets,
don’t forget about them. Bring them in from out of the cold. This very well could be the storm of the decade.”
I roll my eyes at the worry in the radio DJ’s voice.
It’s easy to see who has and hasn’t lived on this mountain.
The people in town make the storms out to be much worse than they are.
They don’t understand how anyone wants to live up here during the winter.
Often, the mountain roads get covered in snow and ice, and with the road’s steepness, it’s impossible to get a car or two-wheel-drive truck out on them.
Most of us, though, have ATVs or some kind of utility vehicle for emergencies.
But those of us who don’t, don’t worry about it anyway because they know their neighbors won’t let them starve or freeze.
When things get bad, we’re all checking on one another and ensuring everyone has what they need.
It’s a great town and a great community.
I finish up my shower, and I climb out. Wrapping a towel around my hips, I head back to the bedroom to get dressed.
I toss the wet towel into the hamper in the corner as I pull on several layers of clothes.
The storm hasn’t hit yet, but it’s already approaching freezing, and I need to get outside to chop up the wood I’ll need to survive this storm.
Being a lumberjack, I’m never in short supply of wood, but lately, I’ve been so busy at work that I’ve let my stockpile dwindle more than I should.
I stop in the kitchen and start a pot of coffee.
While it brews, I dig through the fridge and get the items I need to make some breakfast.
Today I’ll use a lot of energy chopping wood and trying to stay warm, so I desperately need the protein and calories.
I toss a frying pan onto the burner and crack two eggs to fry.
Then I add two pieces of sausage into the pan to brown.
While that gets started, I drop a couple of slices of bread into the toaster.
When everything is done cooking, I put it all on a plate, and I sit in the recliner to eat and sip my coffee.
I catch up on last night’s game while I eat to keep my mind occupied.
I like to stay busy. It gives me less time to think about everything I’ve fucked up in my life.
But it’s almost impossible to keep busy every waking minute, so when my mind is free to wander, I fill the space with TV or radio.
Sometimes, it’s not enough to quiet the monster in my head who tells me I chased her away.
I do my best at keeping my mind on the screen, but like always, thoughts of her slip through.
I imagine bumping into her in town. I try to figure out what I’d say to her if that happened.
Hello seems a little dull. After being married and not seeing her for ten years, I should have something better to say.
I love you seems like too much. I mean, we’re both completely different people now.
She’s like a stranger to me. But I’m pretty sure I’ll never see her again.
If I haven’t seen her in the past ten years, she’s not ever coming back to this town or me.
I finish eating, wash my dishes before pouring the remainder of the coffee into a thermos to take outside with me.
At the front door, I pull on my insulated overalls and then my boots.
I tug my coat on over the top of everything and then add a hat and gloves.
Finally, I open the door, and the bright sunlight comes pouring in, temporarily blinding me.
I force myself out the screen door and step outside.
Being way up here in the mountains, I don’t bother locking the house behind me. I won’t be far anyway.
I grab my chainsaw out of the shed and strap it onto my ATV.
The machine easily starts, and I climb on and ride out to the overgrown forest area.
When you have a chainsaw, cutting down a tree is fast, and within the hour, I have it cut into smaller logs that are easy to manage.
I load them onto the rack, and I take the load back to the front yard, where I’ll chop it into smaller pieces.
It takes me several loads to get the whole tree back to my place, but I manage it.
Before I start chopping, I sit on the seat of the ATV and pour a little coffee into the lid of the thermos.
I’m thirsty and a little worn down already.
All the clothes I have on are heavy, and it adds at least ten pounds to what I’m used to carrying around on a daily basis, so I sit a little while just to regain my energy and breath.
The longer I’m outside, the more cloudy the sky gets, and it’s easy to tell that the storm is slowly blowing in.
By this evening, the snow will be coming down so hard, you won’t be able to see through it. I need to get a move on.
I recap the coffee, and I climb off the ATV and work on chopping the logs into smaller pieces.
I chop a few logs, then gather the split wood and carry it up to my screened-in back porch, where I stack it under a tarp in case the rain blows in.
After stacking, I go back and repeat the process again and again.
This wood is too green to burn and needs time to dry before using it as a heat source.
I always keep the wood on the porch rotated so I never accidentally grab green lumber.
When I need more wood in the house, I come out and grab a few pieces to stack beside the fireplace so I can throw on a log or two whenever I need.
I’ve worked long and hard, and I’ve been out here for hours.
I stopped for lunch, went inside, and made a sandwich and more coffee.
It’s now pushing three o’clock, and the wind is picking up.
The sky is filled with thick gray clouds, and the temperature is downright sharp and bitter.
It’s only a matter of time before the sky spits snow.
But I’ve managed to chop up most of the tree I cut down, and the back porch is full, so I know I’ll have enough wood to stay warm.
There’s only a little left, but I’ll just leave it in the yard to dry until I have the space for it on the porch.
I’m just about to call it a day and head inside when the sound of crunching gravel fills my ears.
Turning to face the driveway, I see a tiny black sports car.
The engine gets cut, and the door opens.
I notice her black high heel and slender bare ankle.
For the first time in a long ass time, we’re face-to-face.
Alice. She’s returned.
She forces a smile onto her lips, and she holds up one hand to wave. She slams the door on her car and crosses her arms over her chest as she hangs her big ass purse on her shoulder.
“It’s good to see ya, Cole,” she says, coming to a stop directly in front of me. “You’re looking good.” She glances toward the house. “It looks just like I remember it.” She looks back at me and almost seems pleased.
After all the times I’ve pictured this exact moment and tried to figure out what I would say, the only thing that comes out of my mouth is, “What in the hell are you doing here, Alice?”