Chapter Forty-One
“That was absolutely wonderful, love,” Seamus praises me, a goofy smile stuck on his face.
We’re cleaning up at Asher’s range, already having taken turns in his shower to get the blood off ourselves and change clothes.
We brought extras with us when we met here earlier today, in anticipation of having to switch outfits.
Dorian’s in the vault, helping Asher clean our borrowed weapons and properly store them.
Connor’s also on cleanup duty, getting rid of our sullied clothes in Asher’s fireplace.
Sergei’s crew is cleaning the mess in the brewery and gathering information on all of Carver’s operations.
Sergei will take over the drug op and dismantle the prostitution ring.
We said our goodbyes to him and his men before leaving.
“You spit in his face twice,” Seamus says, “stabbed him in the neck, and shot him. Again, twice. If you ever want to join us on ops, I would be most glad to have you.”
“That’ll happen when hell freezes over,” Dorian says smoothly, strolling into the room. He makes a beeline toward me, wrapping his arms around me from behind and pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. “How are you, baby?”
“Better than I’ve been in a long while,” I sigh. “Killing Clyde was cathartic. I feel like my mother can rest in peace now.”
“I only wish I could tell Valerie about what a badass you are,” Seamus says, still locked on the way I ended Clyde’s life. “She’d eat that right up. Alas, we don’t do much talking, and even if we did—”
“I don’t want to hear it,” I say, holding up a hand. “What you do with her is your business, I don’t require details.” I’ve already warned him that I think his involvement with Valerie is a setup for failure, but what he does is none of my concern.
Seamus sighs. “Fair enough, love. Wouldn’t want to blister your innocent ears.”
“Innocent?” Dorian repeats dubiously.
Seamus tilts his head from side to side. “Yeah, fair point. I’ve heard the screams late at night—I expect the two of you get up to an exotic array of bed-sport.”
“We do,” Dorian agrees. “Now, don’t you have something better to be doing? You don’t need to spend more time with Mira than necessary.”
Seamus holds up his hands in a mock gesture of acquiescence. “Very well, I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it.”
After he’s wandered off, Dorian spins me around, cradling me close to his chest. “We’re leaving in a few hours,” he murmurs. “Anything you want to do before then?”
I bite my lip. “Actually, yes.”
The cemetery where my mother’s buried is on a beautiful, scenic patch of land about forty minutes outside of Silving.
Rolling hills show off masses of headstones, most belonging to former residents of Silving.
There are no pathways to lead people through the winding maze of graves, but I don’t need any markers to know where I’m going.
Even in the dark, with only the light of the moon as my guide, I’m able to make my way to my mother’s resting place without issue.
With Dorian’s hand clutched firmly in my own, I find Mom’s designated lot.
There are patches of wildflowers growing over her grave, pretty dandelions that refuse to wilt beneath the frost. I sink to my knees beside her headstone, running my palm over the cool marble surface.
Asher bought Mom’s headstone; he held me while I sobbed my way through her funeral.
Even now, years after her death, I can feel her presence. Her energy. I know she’s here with me, perhaps peeking through the veil of the afterlife. I can sense her as if she were standing right beside me.
Dorian silently takes a seat next to me, allowing me my space even as he stays close. I rub my thumb over the engraved words, Beloved Mother, Daughter, and Friend.
“Hey, Mom,” I murmur quietly. I visited her often when I still lived in Silving, though I haven’t come here since leaving for college. “I’m sorry it’s been a while since I came. I ran away from Silving the first chance I got, but you’ve been in my thoughts and heart every day.”
A cool wisp of wind raises goosebumps on the back of my neck.
A gentle weight descends on my shoulder, an invisible pressure that I know in my soul is my mom.
Keeping one hand on her headstone, I put the other on my shoulder, a wobbly smile spreading on my lips.
Her spirit, soul, whatever the essence of a person is, always makes an appearance when I visit.
It’s often teeming with restlessness and regret, but now, there’s just warmth.
“I miss you so much,” I say softly. “But I’m happy you’re in a better place.
At rest.” I clear my throat. “I know you were never big on vengeance, and neither am I, but I have to tell you something.” I swallow hard.
“Clyde is dead. I put two bullets in him; one in his gut for me, and another in his head for you. I know murder is wrong, it’s a horrible sin, but I never would have been able to truly live while he roamed this earth.
I never would’ve felt that you were truly, finally at rest. I killed him for us, and for all the other people he’s hurt.
For the people he would’ve hurt had he stayed alive. ”
The pressure on my shoulder becomes a bit firmer, almost as if Mom’s giving me a squeeze of encouragement. I don’t know if my sense for her presence is all in my head or if it’s real, but either way, it brings me soul-soothing comfort.
“I hope you’ll forgive me for being vengeful.
I hope one day I’ll forgive myself for just hiding while you were plugged with a dozen bullets.
” I exhale a long breath, releasing her headstone to pick up Dorian’s hand.
“I also want you to meet someone very special to me. Dorian Acheron. We go to school together—we met under pretty uncomfortable circumstances, but we’ve grown…
extremely close.” Tears start to burn in my eyes.
“I love him, the same way you loved Asher.” My voice cracks.
“I found out that Asher’s my father. I wish you told me, or that he’d told me, but I understand why neither of you did.
I’m glad I know now, though.” I pause as a tear spills down my cheek and my throat tightens, a mixture of grief and lightness warring in my chest. “Asher likes Dorian as much as he’ll ever like one of my suitors.
I brought him with me tonight so you could meet him, too. ”
Another squeeze on my shoulder, a warm breeze against my back. A sense of approval shifts the energy in the air, as if Mom’s giving her blessing. Relief suffuses me, and I offer a wobbly smile.
“I love you, Mom. So much. I—I know you’re here with me, that you’ll always live on in my heart.
” A soft laugh escapes me. “And you’ll live on in the children I’ll bring into this world one day, fathered by the man beside me.
They’ll grow up hearing about you, knowing what an amazing grandmother they have.
” I squeeze my own shoulder, imagining that I’m squeezing her hand.
“Rest in peace, Mom. Go on with the knowledge that the monster in our past is gone, and my future is bright.”
I start to stand, but Dorian pulls me into him, cradling me close.
“I wish I could’ve met you,” he says gently, gazing at the headstone.
“I wish I could thank you for the wonderful woman you brought into this world, who I’m lucky to call mine.
I swear to you I’ll love her the way she deserves to be loved, protect her the way she deserves to be protected, and ensure she goes through life with me by her side.
” He kisses my cheek; I let out a soft sob.
We sit together in silence, both appreciating the moment. Minutes pass before the weight on my shoulder slowly starts to fade, and my mother’s energy recedes from the air.
She’s gone now, and I think she’ll stay gone. Anything tethering her to the earth, such as the need to know I’m happy and Clyde’s dead, has been dispelled. She can truly be at peace now.
Dorian wipes away the tears rolling down my cheeks. “Thank you for bringing me here,” he says. “I think… I think I felt her.”
I smile, nodding. “So did I. She’s moved on.”
“And now, it’s our turn to do the same,” he murmurs. “Move on in life, together.”
“Together,” I agree.