18. Chapter Eighteen - Undying Glance #2
Later that night, I lay tangled in my sheets staring up at the ceiling as though it might suddenly explain everything if I looked hard enough.
The faint glow outside cast shifting patterns across the room while shadows crawled slowly along the walls, matching the restless loop of my thoughts.
It had only been one full day without Culver, and my chest still ached in a way that felt ridiculous.
I rolled onto my side and shoved my face into the pillow, trying to force my thoughts somewhere else. The party with Carter tomorrow.
He felt easy in a way Culver didn’t. That was exactly what I needed right now. Something simple. Especially since my cycle had ended right before the move, which honestly felt like the universe handing me a clean slate.
That thought barely settled before guilt twisted low in my stomach.
Amy.
I hadn’t called her, hadn’t texted her, and hadn’t even explained anything to her.
The distance between us had stretched wider and wider while I let myself get swallowed up.
She was probably hurt. Definitely angry.
And honestly, she had every right to be.
Her face flashed through my mind, all worry and irritation mixed together in the way only Amy could manage.
I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on breathing, letting the steady rhythm slowly pull me under. When I finally drifted off, a half-formed prayer still lingered on my lips, unfinished and uncertain.
***
The next day came too fast, slipping into midday before I fully registered it.
My phone rested on the bedsheets beside me like a challenge, its screen quietly reminding me about the conversation I’d been avoiding.
I hovered over Amy’s contact, throat dry and pulse uneven as the knot tightened in my chest.
Finally, I braced myself and tapped the screen.
The second ring barely finished before she picked up, her voice exploding through the line with fury and affection tangled together.
“Oh my God,” Amy shrieked, hitting a pitch that could probably crack glass.
I yanked the phone away from my ear, wincing.
“What the hell! Why haven’t ya called me?”
Her voice sounded exactly the same: dramatic, loud, and completely unfiltered. The familiarity settled over me instantly, dragging me straight back into the comfort of home. There she was. My emotional support chaos gremlin.
“Uh,” I fumbled, rubbing my forehead. “Where do I even begin? First of all, how’ve you been?”
“Pfft, don’t even get me started,” she grumbled, already launching herself into a rant. “Joshua’s been a total jerk-off since you left.”
Some things clearly never changed.
Amy remained dramatic as ever, and honestly, it helped more than she probably realized.
I could practically picture her stomping around in bunny slippers while complaining about boys at full volume.
She’d been with Josh for over a year now, and somehow their relationship had only glued our little trio together instead of pulling us apart.
“You’re exaggerating,” I teased, already picturing the dramatic way her eyebrows would pinch together.
“He pinched my cheek last night and told me to ‘man up’ and call you,” she snapped. “On your first day gone, Joshua literally tried to steal my phone to do it himself.”
She sighed so dramatically I had to pull the phone away again. She only used his full name when she was genuinely irritated.
“Sounds like he was trying to help you grow a pair,” I said, making things worse on purpose.
“Fine, fine,” she huffed. “So are you gonna spill or what? Tell me everything.”
And I did.
I talked while pacing my room, while digging through my dresser, and while steam fogged the bathroom mirror.
I told her about the rumors at school, Culver’s lingering stares and too-close touches, dinner with his polished, unsettling family, and the surreal reality that my ma now worked for them.
I talked until my voice turned rough and my thoughts felt wrung dry, until I stood beneath the shower spray letting hot water pound against my shoulders while Amy hummed thoughtfully on the other end.
Somehow, the conversation steadied me. Saying everything out loud made it feel real in a way my brain had been struggling to process on its own. Beneath all the chaos, I was still just a nineteen-year-old girl stumbling through something that didn’t fully feel like my life yet.
But talking to Amy made it feel a little less impossible.
Now I stood in front of my mirror with eyeliner poised like I was diffusing a bomb. Which honestly wasn’t far off considering eyeliner had the power to ruin an entire night.
I’d wanted Sienna to come with me tonight, but she’d said she had family business. Oliver was off at some family dinner out of town. That left me alone, and I never did parties alone.
Apparently England was turning me into someone with questionable decision-making skills.
I was trying on bravery like a second skin, pushing myself toward something new instead of hiding in my room thinking about Culver for the hundredth time.
My phone rang, jolting me out of my thoughts.
The soft country ringtone slid through my nerves, and I didn’t even need to check the screen first.
“Hey,” I answered, already leaning into the sound of his voice before he even spoke.
“Oi, how ya doin’ today?” he asked, his accent warm and thick through the speaker.
“I’m alright,” I admitted honestly. “A little nervous, considering I won’t know anyone at this party, but that’s what parties are for, right?”
He laughed low and amusedly.
“Aye, guess you’re right. So where’d ya fancy me pickin’ ya up?”
I rattled off the address I’d finally forced out of my ma earlier. “Is that alright?”
“Right, better grab ya there. It’s close. I’ll see ya in an hour, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I said, forcing steadiness into my voice. “Sounds great. See you soon.”
When the call ended, I stared at the screen for a second while quiet settled back around me.
The feeling in my chest wasn’t exactly excitement. It hovered somewhere between anticipation and uncertainty, heavy enough to keep my thoughts restless. I didn’t want to stay home tonight, and I definitely didn’t want to spend another evening obsessing over the empty space Culver had left behind.
Before Carter arrived, I opened Wiggle and checked my post from yesterday.
Comments flooded in from fans all over Europe, excited that I was in England.
Engagement was insane, and I already knew I’d have to make some sort of formal announcement soon.
A move update. Maybe a meet-and-greet. Maybe even a collab.
Not tonight, though. Tonight was for distraction.
And maybe, if I wanted it, sex.