Chapter 28.5 #2
Zia worked her jaw, shaking off the slip. “He’s not my—” She pursed her lips, gathering her thoughts for several long moments. “It’s complicated, I suppose. And Rowan isn’t afraid of you.”
“Really?”
“He just hates you.”
“Ah.” I glanced around, wondering if he was watching from somewhere. “Should I be worried that he’s about to make me spontaneously combust for talking to you?”
The grin she gave me was strangely mischievous. “He’ll likely be occupied for a while. When I heard that Hazel is a new animal affinity, I shared that Rowan is one as well. You should have seen her light up. She’ll be halfway through a million questions by now, I suspect.”
“Animal affinity? I thought he was fire.”
“Fire is his secondary. He trained it to perfection nonetheless. Flames are more favorable for a personal guard, after all.” Her expression went distant until she blinked it away.
“Don’t think too harshly of him for his callousness.
It’s kind of him to have anything to do with me, let alone for him to insist on continuing to serve as my protector. ”
“Who wouldn’t want to protect you?” I asked a little too hotly. The slip made my face warm again. Fuck. I might have taken it easier on the whiskey if I’d known I would be navigating a conversation with a fairy princess. “What I mean is—for royalty, you don’t seem like a total bitch.”
Zia snorted in laughter. “You’re royalty too, you know. Fallen nobility.”
“You barely know me,” I retorted. “So maybe cool it with the psychoanalysis.”
“I’m sure I’m right because it takes one to know one.” That distant look on her face returned and had me leaning a little closer. “And if you don’t believe me—I’m the reason my village went to ruin.”
I scoffed. “I seriously doubt that.”
“Well, I’m sure it won’t surprise you that I have a habit of trusting the wrong people and making the wrong choices.
” Her humorless laugh tapered off. “I thought I could singlehandedly mend a bitter blood feud with a union. Generations of hatred had been sown between my home and another nearby village. During territory negotiations last summer, I met a rival noble. Blair. We appeared to be like-minded. For the life of me, I can’t remember if it was my idea or his—that we could be the ones to usher in true peace.
Rowan had his doubts, but I wouldn’t hear of it.
I used my position to get others to listen, to trust me.
I convinced my people that union would mend everything. ”
She paused, pressing her lips into a thin line and avoiding my gaze.
“You were double-crossed?” I ventured softly.
A single, shaky nod. “The day of the union came. It was a bloodbath. An opportunity to attack. Before long, a terrible fire was roaring through our forest, swallowing both territories.”
“Tell me your fuckface fiancé went down in the fire, at least.”
The sigh she heaved didn’t inspire hope.
“In the chaos and the smoke, he found me. Before he could open his mouth to speak, Rowan struck him through the chest, and he was gone. Beyond healing.” She struggled to find words for several moments.
“I…I will never know whether he truly loved me or if he was in on the attack. I’m not sure which would be worse. ”
She hurriedly wiped her eyes and went on.
“Rowan and I have been traveling since then. Aelthorin should have simply been another stop on our journey. When the humans ransacked it, we should have been able to make a quick escape, just the two of us. But people were hurt. I tore away from him and went to heal whoever I could reach. That was how I became targeted for my abilities—because I revealed them. Even then, Rowan refused to leave my side.”
As she lifted her gaze to meet mine, I couldn’t think of what to say. To my surprise, she offered a smile as though I might need the comfort.
“You don’t have to pity me,” she said. “Despite everything, I can’t imagine a world where I took another path. Perhaps I’m cursed to fall into peril because I don’t know how else to be. But this time, I seemed to have made the right choice.”
You’re crazy, I almost sneered. But I couldn’t. I just stared at her dumbly in stunned silence.
Yes, I’d saved her from Evercor’s captivity, but what if I’d fucked it up? All Zia’s suffering would have led to nothing. Yet here she was, composed and smiling softly at me.
“If I went through that, I wouldn’t be half as put together as you are,” I finally said. “You’re stronger than you look.”
“Softness has its own strength, and every kindness is my penance.” Her eyes moved over me, almost shy, as though expecting me to mock that kind of sentiment.
Most hunters would, no doubt. “At least, that’s the pacifying mantra I’ve been telling myself.
It may not make sense, refusing to cause harm even to those who wrong me.
Staying true to who the stars made me to be is my defiance of the tragedy. ”
She pulled some of her long, half-plaited hair over her shoulder, fiddling with the ends of it. “Some may call it selfishness, clinging to my oath, but the moment I wield my magic in anger, I’ll have truly lost myself.”
I loosed a sigh through my nose, recalling Sylvia’s desperation to provoke offensive magic from Zia, to no avail.
For how irritating he was, I understood why Rowan stayed by her so militantly.
Even I found myself fighting this overwhelming urge to guard her.
I bet she had that effect on everyone she came across, utterly blind to her own influence.
I cleared my throat. “Take it from a career fuck-up, you’re doing fine.”
She lifted what was left of her little cup of wine toward me. “Thank you.”
A buzz of wings crept into earshot again, making me tense.
Speak of the devil…
I turned in my seat, expecting Rowan to be beelining toward his ward, but it was Sylvia.
Her face lit up when she spotted Zia’s green, iridescent form against the night sky. Then she saw me. Her hesitation, even momentary, cut into me like a knife in the ribs. We’d made our peace, but only time could heal the rest.
And time was a motherfucker.
“Zia, you have to come see this,” Sylvia said, flying past me to hover over the railing. “Lee is doing this amazing sleight of hand—no magic at all! But it’s incredible. I honestly can’t figure out how he’s doing it.”
After one last glance at the stars stretched overhead, Zia finished her wine and lifted into the air without protest.
“Will you join us?” Zia asked me.
My head still buzzed with a pleasant numbness. I supposed I’d sulked enough for the evening.
“Yeah,” I grunted. “Why not?”
My eyes latched back onto Sylvia, sharing a look with her. God, I couldn’t believe I’d almost lost her tonight. This space lingering between us like a sickness was driving me insane.
I tucked my sketchbook under one arm and patted my left shoulder. “Come here.”
And to my shock, she did.
Sylvia landed on my shoulder, unflinching when I reached up to hug her against my neck. A little squeak of contented surprise escaped her, and I let my eyes shut for a second.
There was no erasing the shit we’d gone through, but our girl wasn’t leaving me. Not yet.
“Might be the last time I can squeeze you like this,” I said, releasing her.
Sylvia wheeled around in the air as I stood. “I’m sure you’ll find other ways.”
As I started toward the door, I watched her fly alongside Zia, their wings flapping at dizzying speeds that somehow managed to be something elegant and artful. That was a sight I could try to sketch—the two of them weaving around each other as effortlessly as falling into a regular stride.
“You know I can do a sleight of hand too,” I called. Zia grinned back at me, catching the shit-eating smirk in my voice. “Better trick than some stupid cards. Tell her, Sylv.”
“I don’t think drawing a dick on the back of Jon’s shirt while he’s sleeping counts,” Sylvia said over her shoulder.
The memory pulled a grin out of me.
As we reentered, the sound of laughter on the first floor felt weird. How could any of us laugh after the shit we’ve been through?
But maybe that was kinda the point.
Even in the darkest, most despairing of times, we needed no permission to find a reason to raise a glass. In fact, I was starting to think it was crucial to find a reason to celebrate.
Even just for a night.