Chapter Ten #3
“But I’m not going to have a—”
“Sst.” Eliza placed her finger against Millie’s mouth.
“You can bear with me now, or you can wait until you’ve decided to marry Neville.
I believe you will, sooner or later. But after I leave, you will have only Cassie.
And I warn you, her marital “talk” is sure to be full of vague, alarming references to husband’s rights and possible discomfort. ”
Despite her mortification, Millie giggled.
“Mind you,” Eliza continued, “I don’t care if you send Neville packing or not, but there are things you need to know, just in case.”
“If you think it best…” Millie’s voice trailed doubtfully.
“I do.” Eliza took a deep breath. “On the wedding night, you can expect a bedding.”
“Let me guess,” Millie teased. “Bedding means his husbandly rights ending in my possible discomfort?”
Eliza smiled. “Actually, if done properly, his hard cock ending in your earth-shattering pleasure.”
“Eliza!”
“Sst! We don’t have much time. Let me finish. A man’s male part, in other words, his cock, is soft until aroused. Which, if he’s like Adrian—”
Millie squeaked.
“Too much?” Eliza wrinkled her nose. “Allow me to rephrase. You’re not likely to have to worry about arousal, I’ve seen the way Neville looks at you.”
Heat vined wildly up Millie’s neck.
“Now, once your husband’s cock is hard enough, and your body is properly prepared—women make their own lubrication, you see—he’ll be able to push that part inside of you without any trouble at all.
Although there might be discomfort that lasts, oh, about a few minutes the first time. Trivial, really.”
“Eliza! Of all the—” Millie winced. “Push?!”
“Thrust, more like,” Eliza clarified. “Oh, don’t look so horrified. I know it sounds unpleasant, and it will feel strange at first, but that feeling will pass. And you will find every subsequent joining will get better.” She clasped her hands in front of her chest. “Earth-shattering, I assure you.”
“Earth-shattering?”
Eliza grinned. “And there’s a more vivid word for joining, too. But I hear Cassie on the stairs, so I will leave that to your husband. Any quick questions?”
Millie shook her head, though she hadn’t understood the part about lubrication at all. Nor could she quite picture the thrusting. But the promise of pleasure left her more than a little heated. Hadn’t she sensed that possibility when they’d kissed?
Cassie bustled back in with an extra blanket.
“Much to my surprise, I was able to get this one out of the closet without doing too much damage.” Cassie frowned down at Millie. “Why are you so red?”
“Does she look red?” Eliza asked innocently.
Cassie pressed a cool hand against Millie’s brow. “No sign of fever.”
“Not ill,” Millie managed.
“No,” Cassie agreed. “But you are quite flushed. And I wouldn’t be surprised if the shock and fear you suffered tonight resulted in illness. I wish you had let the doctor examine you before he left.”
“I am not supposed to be ill, only Harbury.” Millie reminded. “I’m so sorry I’ve put you both—and Lady Sarah, too—to all this trouble.”
“Twaddle and bilgewater. Besides, I think Lady Sarah thrives in chaos. She always knows just what to say.” Eliza kissed Millie on the forehead.
“Now, I’m going to go downstairs. Remember, choose the option most likely to bring you happiness.
And no matter what happens, you will always have a home at Ravenswood. ”
“And Harbury Hall.”
“You see?” Eliza grinned. “Cassie and I are willing to fight over you.”
Millie rolled her eyes, although she appreciated the offers.
As Cassie and Eliza conferred in low tones just outside the door, Millie considered everything Eliza had said. She hadn’t the vaguest notion what would bring her happiness, but she did know the “talk” had left her intrigued.
And, just as stumbling up against Neville in the yew maze had unlocked bodily heat she hadn’t known any man could inspire, his expression as he’d gazed back at her over his shoulder in the stables had sparked a yearning she couldn’t suppress.
An inexplicable tenderness had blossomed in her chest.
A tenderness she’d only ever felt for her sisters.
Love? How could she know?
So much had changed in the last twelve hours. She’d begun the day feeling lonely and disoriented. Then, she’d been subjected to Willard’s manipulation and assault. Next, after summoning all her courage and wit to escape, she’d found brief shelter in Neville’s embrace.
Her heart stuttered anew as she thought of his response to her request to be properly kissed—yes, ma’am.
Now, after Eliza’s enthusiastic, if somewhat alarming, description of marriage bed pleasures, how was she to resist this sudden inner demand for more?
“Shall I blow out the candles?” Cassie asked.
“Not quite yet.” Millie delayed. “What did Eliza mean when she said Lady Sarah was always good in a crisis?”
Cassie smoothed the coverlet. “Sarah once saved Eliza from scandal, too. Last Season, on the night of the Harbury ball, I borrowed Eliza’s shoe buckles without asking.”
“No!” Millie teased. “You broke the most solemn of sister rules?”
“Yes, well, I paid for my sins. Apparently, the buckles meant something to Adrian because, when he saw them, he looked up at Eliza as if his whole world had just tilted. Later, Eliza explained that when she’d first met Adrian, she’d given him a false name, but she had been wearing those buckles.
Up until the moment he saw me wearing them, he hadn’t realized Eliza and the woman he’d met and felt a connection with were one and the same. ”
“How…awkward.”
“I tell you, I would have fainted dead away if Harbury gave me a look as heated as Adrian gave Eliza—and in a public place, too!” Cassie shuddered.
“Immediately, Sarah whisked Eliza off on some made-up errand, and then Harbury covered the whole thing with a joke—a bad one, at that—but a crisis was neatly averted.”
“Well, I’m glad I’m not the only Wainwright Sarah has had to save.”
Cassie chuckled lightly. “We’ve had our share of scandal, haven’t we?”
“Enough for a lifetime,” Millie agreed. “Although Harbury was the one who pulled you into a dance, you bore no fault at all.”
“I must say you’re handling your scandal better than I did mine.” Cassie sighed. “No weeping and gnashing of teeth from you.”
“It’s not every day a young lady is banned from Almack’s, as you were. Besides, you didn’t behave that badly. I do recall copious weeping, but no actual gnashing of teeth.”
Cassie drew her knuckles down Millie’s cheek. “You’re sweet to say so. But it wasn’t being banned from Almack’s that broke my heart. I’d been so excited to see Harbury approaching me. But when he uttered a clipped, ‘you’ll do’—that’s what hurt the most.”
Millie cocked her head. “You wanted him, even then?”
“Even then.” Cassie nodded. “And always.”
So, neither of her elder sisters had experienced as easy a journey to love and happiness as she’d thought. Though, judging by the choice words Eliza had chosen to describe male anatomy and the marriage bed’s pleasures, Eliza was quite happy indeed.
Cassie pretended to study a flower embroidered into the coverlet. “Harbury told me that Neville intends to spend the night, you know.”
“Do you mind?”
“As no one outside of family knows he is here, I cannot see the harm.”
“He thought knowing he was keeping watch would help me sleep,” Millie confessed.
“Will it?”
“I am…comforted by his presence.”
“Comforted.” Cassie sent her a sidelong glance of sisterly suspicion. “Something tells me that, at some point in the night, you will feel the urge to wander—”
“Cassie!” Millie interrupted.
“To that end,” Cassie continued, “I’m leaving my wrapper on a peg by the door. It’s the most substantial one I have. But be careful, Millie. All men, no matter how apparently taciturn, dull, or controlled, have their weaknesses.”
“He’s not dull,” Millie defended.
“Just so.” Cassie’s smile widened. “Something tells me Neville’s weakness is you.”
Millie scowled, then flipped onto her side beneath the coverlet.
“Good night, Millie.” Cassie gave her shoulder a maternal pat. “Do try and get some rest. And if that urge comes”—Cassie smiled, slanted—“be brave.”
The bed board squealed as Cassie rose from the bed.
Millie listened to the rustles that must be Cassie removing her wrapper, then the sound of the door sweeping back over the rug.
Cassie closed the door behind her, and the sound of indistinct voices muted. Her present was a muddle, and her future remained a mystery. But she’d felt held by her family’s present care, buoyed by their concern.
What had Cassie meant, though, by be brave?
Was she making the same reference Asquith had made when he’d told her she was the only one who could decide what came next?
Neville or notoriety. The gamble, or the devil she knew—loneliness. Loneliness, but with the vast, open countryside for comfort.
Suddenly, bridle paths alone didn’t seem like such a prize.
Could marriage mean partnership, secret smiles, and goodbyes that left a man’s hair tangled? Mysterious and only partially described pleasures?
Or did marriage only and always mean suffocation, constant condemnation, even fear?
Try as she might, she could summon no fear of Neville. Not after he’d given her that look….yeux d’amour—love eyes.
The voices below ebbed and flowed. She focused on the one she most wanted to hear. Then, she followed the sound into slumber, troubled by the unknowable possibilities but secure in the knowledge Neville would not leave tonight.
*
She was moving quickly through a passageway between ancient, tangled branches.
Quickly, but not quickly enough. Was she chasing someone or was she being chased? She could not quite remember. But there were ravens. Ravens all around. Ravens with jet-bead eyes. Except one. One with a cruel, green, hawk-like gaze predatorially focused on her.
She sucked in a breath and turned away.
That couldn’t be right.