Chapter Twenty-Three
Roland had known humiliation before—his frequent losses at cards, his brother Leo ringing a peal over him for having no useful occupation—but nothing compared to this.
Here he was, standing in the old Mundlingham Castle solar on a hopelessly gray morning, awaiting his fate like a prisoner in the dock.
Latymer and Hugo sat on either side of the stately Lady Ashby, making the place feel even more like a courtroom.
Only yesterday, this room had been the stage on which his triumph was set: the vanquishing of two inveterate blackmailers, the rescue of Lissy’s reputation, and the irrefutable signs that she cared about his worthless hide.
He felt her presence: the slight tremble of the air when she entered the room after him, the soft catch of her breath, the honied scent of her hair. His entire body leaned instinctively in her direction before he forced it back under control.
Well, if Leo didn’t castigate him for this adventure, he’d charge over to Forty Court and demand punishment. He deserved his brother’s censure more than ever before—what in the name of heaven had made him imagine he’d be any good at espionage?
“Good morning, Mr. Cowley. Or should I say, Chetwynd?” Lady Ashby’s blue eyes, so like her daughter’s, seemed to see into his soul. “I understand that you have something important to say to us all.”
He bowed. “I do, ma’am.”
His voice sounded as though it belonged to another man—calm, formal, empty. His head still swam from the blow he’d received the night before, and he hoped he’d be able to talk sense. Best keep it simple and get it over quickly.
“I’ve lied to you. To all of you. As I think you now know, I’m Roland Chetwynd, brother to Leo, the present Earl of Aylsham.
Mrs. Dove-Lyon sent me here on a mission.
Because I’ve performed some useful, discreet services for her in the past, she tasked me with retrieving your sapphire-and-diamond necklace, Lady Ashby—only she claims it belongs to her. ”
He felt Lissy’s eyes on him, sharp as a blade, and heard her sharp intake of breath.
“I disguised myself as a secretary to gain access to your household. I regret deceiving all of you.”
Lady Ashby straightened her skirts. Despite the haughty stiffness of her posture, she appeared tired.
“Mr. Chetwynd, you may have tried to deceive us regarding your identity, but you have not failed in your role as secretary. Should you ever wish for a reference, I shall be happy to provide one. But that role is to come to an end, I fear. Mr. Dashwood is ready to return to Mundlingham.”
She’d give him a reference? Not having expected a single morsel of forgiveness, this offer stunned him.
Her Ladyship tore her gaze away from his for a moment, then cleared her throat. “Furthermore, Bessie Dove-Lyon is correct. I did borrow her necklace decades ago. And never returned it.”
There was a ripple of shocked gasps from her family, quickly smothered when she glared at them. He held his breath in disbelief as Lady Ashby retrieved a marquetry jewelry case from a nearby table.
She placed it into his hands. “Return to London and take the necklace back to her. We’ll say no more about it. I believe I can rely on your discretion, Mr. Chetwynd. In more ways than one.”
Roland accepted the box. There was something going on here he didn’t understand, a peculiar undercurrent, as if Lady Ashby were expecting something further from him. What could she be waiting for?
He bowed again. “I thank you for your honesty, Lady Ashby. If you are certain, I shall gladly return the jewels to my employer. I doubt I’ll be troubling you for references—I can’t see my brother allowing me to take employment as a secretary again. It would tarnish the family name, you see.”
“Nonsense! I imagine he’ll be proud when he hears of your prowess in protecting Lissy from a man bent on her ruin—and in defeating an enemy of your own, I gather.
These things were accomplished with very little inconvenience to myself and my family.
I may not approve of your methods, Mr. Chetwynd, but the results speak for themselves.
I do forgive you for your deception. Whether Lissy feels the same, I don’t know.
I shall permit you a few moments alone to speak with her. ”
There were muffled complaints from both Latymer and Hugo, but when Lady Ashby swept out of the room, they grudgingly left after her, both shooting Roland looks of deep interest.
He raised a hand before Lissy could speak. “Don’t. I don’t want your forgiveness or your pity. I deserve your disdain.”
The air filled with unspoken words, and he prepared himself for the worst.
“Your intentions were good, Roland. You thought you were doing what was right. Mrs. Dove-Lyon played fast and loose with the truth. She manipulated us both.”
“Having good intentions does not excuse deception, and I deceived you. That’s enough to destroy any friendship.”
“Is it? I don’t know. I haven’t had a friend like you before.”
Finally—finally—he looked at her.
Her eyes glistened, but her mouth was firm. She looked young, fierce, and heartbreakingly brave.
It shredded him.
He forced steel into his spine. “I must return to London to complete my mission. I wish you happiness with all my heart, Lissy. You deserve a better man than I. Please forgive me for having taken advantage of you.”
“You don’t regret it, do you?” Her hand clutched at his sleeve.
Of course not. He wouldn’t have missed this for the world! But to give Lissy any hope would be selfish. He had nothing to offer her, not even his good name. Easing his arm from her grasp, he sketched her a bow and left the room, resisting the temptation to look back.
He marched down the corridor, head high, fingers clenched around the jewelry case he held. Every step tore something from him, but how could he stay when he’d violated her trust?
If he allowed himself to take what his heart wanted, he risked tarnishing Lissy’s reputation, ruining her future, destroying her peace. How would he ever forgive himself if his actions hurt her?
He would strive to be a better man, the kind of man Lissy would want him to be. But he’d have to do it on his own. Stiff-backed and hollow, carrying the necklace as if it were a beast inclined to bite him, he turned his back on his last chance of happiness and walked away.