Chapter 5 #4
My heart, my full heart, crumbled into twelve million and fifty-eight tiny shards of brokenness that were irreparable.
Encounters weren’t often but each time, they left me in worst shape than the last one.
As my life progressed, hers continued to decline.
No matter how much money I had acquired over the years, none of it was enough to buy back the woman I’d heard so much about as a child.
The one that stood before me resembled nothing of the one in the photos that lined my grandmother’s walls.
Gone was the long, flowy hair. It was replaced with matted, grays that could use good shampooing.
The healthy weight was replaced with bones.
The beautiful smile was no more. There were only gums and missing teeth.
The ones that remained were stained beyond repair and were ready to fall out any day.
“Don’t spend it all at once,” I suggested, pulling at the gear before burning the rubber of my tires while racing out of the parking lot.
As I tried collecting the fragmented pieces of my heart when I hit the expressway, the blurriness of my eyes subsided.
It didn’t matter how much older I got or how many times I encountered her, seeing my mom in the predicament that she was in tugged at my heartstrings.
It left me speechless and altered my mood instantaneously.
One would quickly or easily say that it was as simple as picking her up and taking her to a rehabilitation center, but shit wasn’t that simple with addicts.
Until they were ready for help, there was nothing you could do to help them but toss them a few dollars every once in a while so that they didn’t have to risk their lives to get it themselves.
My mother wasn’t ready. Not yet. She wasn’t tired enough.
My grandmother had placed her in several centers.
My aunt had placed her in two. I’d even tried pleading with her years ago to allow me to help her.
Not only did she not recognize me, but she declined every effort I made to get her the help I knew she needed.
So deep in my thoughts and completely satisfied with the silence around me, I didn’t notice I’d made it to my destination until I saw my aunt and uncle standing next to my truck knocking on the window.
I didn’t have to spell it out for them to both know what was on my mind and what I’d just encountered.
The weariness in my aunt’s eyes exposed her concerns and the revelation of my truth.
“You’re home!” She smiled, sadly.
“Y’all headed out?”
“Yes. We’re due at Paula’s in thirty minutes, sweetie. Are you okay?”
“I will be.”
“Where’d you see her?”
“24/7.”
“How is she?” my uncle butted in.
“Same shit, different day.”
“Did you at least give her a few dollars to hold her over?”
“Four hundred. Hopefully, she uses it to get a room for a few nights and rest.”
“She will. I’m sure she will.” My aunt sighed, always the optimist.
“Can we have this homecoming tomorrow? Maybe? Please. I’m so sorry that we have to run.”
“Nah,” I assured her, “it’s cool. I wasn’t planning to hold y’all long anyway. Tried to catch y’all before y’all started your weekend.”
“Tomorrow,” my uncle voiced, placing a thumb in the air.
“Tomorrow,” I repeated with a nod of my head.
“I love you, Keanu,” my aunt told me.
“I love you, too. See you tomorrow.”
“If you need us, call us,” she ended with.
“You already know I will.”
I watched as the two made their way to the open garage where their cars were parked. Releasing a thick, heavy stream of oxygen, I pushed the entire gas station ordeal behind me. I wouldn’t allow it to ruin my day. I couldn’t. So, instead of sulking, I dead the engine of my truck and stepped out.
After a few feet, I’d reached the only porch in the neighborhood that was just as familiar to me as mine.
Before I could knock on the door, it swung open, and out popped Liam.
his lengthy frame mimicked his sons’ and mine, of course.
His long arms wrapped around my body as he pulled me closer, forcing my head onto his shoulder with one hand while patting my back with the other.
“Welcome home, son!”
Exuberance was evident in his tone and mannerism.
Though I was widely uncomfortable, I relaxed in his arms knowing that within them I was safe.
He was as close to home for me as it got.
So, if he wanted to hug me until I turned blue in the face then I’d let him have that moment – as long as he released me before I took my final breath.
After I was finally set free, I couldn’t contain the contentment in my bones.
The Eisenbergs did that for me. While I loved my aunt and uncle for who they were and how much they loved me, I never felt like I belonged with them.
I was a hood nigga in the sheep’s clothing they purchased for me religiously.
It wasn’t until I came across the street that I felt like I’d found my tribe.
I didn’t have to watch what I said at the dinner table, hide my true interests in drug lord documentaries and investigations, pull my pants up to my waistline, forget the dialogue I’d learned in Dooley, or be anything other than myself.
“You look good,” he complimented.
“I feel good, Pops.”
“Good. Good. You ran into them knotty-headed boys of mine yet?”
“You know I have.”
“What about our baby girl?”
Ran into her. In her. Through her. Yes, sir, I wanted to admit.
“Yeah. Last night.” And this morning.
The words were at the tip of my tongue, but out of respect for Lyric, I swallowed them. The taste was bitter and foreign. I’d never bitten my tongue or swallowed my truth for anyone, but it was whatever when it came to her.
“Good. Good.”
“Where’s the lady of the house?”
“Out spending my hard-earned money already.”
“Let’s not act like she doesn’t have her own to spend,” I teased.
“Oh, we all know she does. What you got on your agenda today?”
“Shit. Making my rounds, checking on my properties, and handling a bit of business.”
“Sounds productive. How is Kale?”
“Kale is much better, but I’m sure you already knew that.”
There wasn’t much that got past Liam Eisenberg.
Once he set his sights on Kale, he wouldn’t let up until he was certain that he wouldn’t get himself into more trouble.
That’s how I slept so well every night when I was down.
I knew that with the Eisenbergs still on the streets, Kale was in great hands.
“I did. He’s doing good up there at the school.”
“Yeah, he’s doing what needs to be done.”
“That’s all that matters.”
“I’m going to get out of here, old man. Tell Ma Dukes I stopped by to see her. I’m sure I’ll catch her in these Channing streets soon.”
“Especially if you plan on doing any shopping.” He chuckled.
“Right.”
“Be easy, son. I’m happy you’re home.”
“Appreciate that,” I mustered before taking the small set of steps that led toward the winding path.