chapter fourteen
bjorn
Where Is My Mind - Safari Riot, Grayson Sanders
T he smoke still clings to the air like a ghost that won’t let go. Sunlight is bleeding through the holes in the canvas, soft and orange, brushing against the ruin we’ve made.
We’re all standing together now. What’s left of the tent groans in the wind behind us, torn and blood-soaked, but still upright—like it’s too stubborn to fall until we give it permission.
Giselle leans into my side, humming something low and unhinged while she picks dried blood from her nails. Alaska walks beside Johnny now, upright and swaying like she just learned what standing felt like, and decided to make it a dance. Her smile’s too wide, and her skin’s streaked with something that was definitely once inside someone. Johnny, is unusually calm, gaze distant, like he’s still tasting the echoes of the night in the back of his throat.
Lux and Indie are a few steps ahead of us, facing the morning sun.
I watch the way he touches her—just a hand resting lightly on the small of her back. But there’s tension in his fingers. A different kind of protectiveness. Not the usual smirk and flourish. Something deeper. He hasn’t let her out of his sight since the collapse.
And I don’t think it’s just habit.
They’re holding something back.
Giselle notices too. She tilts her head. “Why’s Daddy Warbucks brooding harder than usual?”
Johnny squints at them. “Yeah. What gives? That’s not the face of a man ready to plan our next night of chaos. That’s the face of a guy about to monologue about change. And I hate change.”
I narrow my eyes. Indie looks calm. But not relaxed. And Lux—he’s never still. But right now, he’s a fucking statue.
Johnny steps forward, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet.
“Alright, fearless leader,” he calls. “Where we off to next? I’ve got half a script in my head and a craving for stage blood. Oh! Can I lead the next show? I’ll call it ‘Johnny’s Carnival of Carnal Horrors.’ We’ll do a clown sacrifice at dawn.”
Lux doesn’t answer right away.
He glances at Indie and they exchange a look.
And that’s when I know.
It’s not just blood he’s shielding. It’s something bigger.
“We’re taking a step back,” Lux says finally, his voice calm but low. Serious.
Johnny blinks. “A step back from what?”
“From this,” Indie adds, her voice steady. “The shows. The road. The killing. All of it.”
There’s a silence, sharp as a snapped bone.
Johnny laughs but there’s no humor in it. “Oh. Good one. Okay, but seriously. Where’re we headed next?”
“We’re not joking,” Lux says. “We’re done. Or… stepping away.”
Johnny’s expression falls like a curtain. “Wait. You’re what ?”
Lux steps forward, raising a hand. “Johnny?—”
“No. No, no, no. You can’t just leave . This is who we are. This is what we do . You’re the ringleader. She’s the whip-wielding queen of pain. You two are like—like the skeleton and the spine of this whole fucking freakshow.”
“It’s not about walking away from who we are,” Indie says gently. “It’s about protecting who we’re becoming.”
She places a hand on her stomach.
And just like that?—
Everything stops.
Giselle lets out a tiny gasp. Her hands fly to her mouth, eyes wide and wild. Alaska tilts her head like she doesn’t understand. Johnny blinks once. Then again.
Indie speaks softly. “I’m pregnant.”
The silence is loud.
For a moment, no one moves. The world feels like it’s holding its breath. Even the gods go still.
And then Giselle screams.
“Oh my fucking gods —Indie!” She launches herself into Indie’s arms, cackling and sobbing all at once. “You’re gonna be a mom ! A hot mom ! Like a MILF with a whip and a baby carrier!”
Johnny stumbles backward, hand on his heart. “I—What—I’m not emotionally equipped for this! Someone hold me. Alaska, get over here. I need support.”
“Oooh, I love babies,” Alaska says, already hugging him. “Are we gonna throw a party? Do we get to eat the placenta?”
Johnny sobs into her shoulder. “Oh my god, Uncle Johnny? I’m teach it how to juggle knives.”
Giselle spins toward me, grabbing my arm. “Did you hear that, Bjorn? We’re gonna have a little spawnling!”
“I heard,” I murmur, voice tight in my chest. “Loud and clear.”
And I did. But more than that, I felt it.
The gods may be full, but they are watching. They saw this coming.
Lux meets my gaze.
“I didn’t grow up safe,” Lux says, voice low, steady. “I was used. Beaten. Sold like I didn’t matter. The man who raised me—he ruled with belts and silence. There was no warmth. No safety. Just pain passed down like tradition.”
He glances at Indie, and his hand brushes her stomach with a reverence that almost hurts to see.
“This child… it won’t be born in shadows. It won’t be raised on fear. I’ll give them everything I never had. A home. A family. A fucking childhood.”
I nod, voice low but steady. “Then we do it. Together.”
Lux blinks. “Wait… what?”
He stares at me like I’ve just grown horns—or worse, gone soft. And I get it. Lux isn’t used to anyone standing beside him without needing something in return. He’s always been the one offering the stage, the weapons, the home.
But this time?
This is us offering him something back.
“You’re serious?” he asks, gaze sweeping across our blood-soaked little crew. “You’re all stepping back?”
Giselle leans into my side, her fingers laced through mine, voice airy but sure. “Of course we are. You brought us together, Lux. You gave us this life. This family.”
“Now it’s our turn,” I add, meeting his gaze. “You gave us shelter. Purpose. You let me bring the old gods into this madness, and you never questioned it. You gave us everything . And now—you have something worth protecting.”
His eyes flicker to Indie, to the curve of her stomach beneath her blood-smeared leather. “It’s just… I didn’t expect?—”
“To not be alone in this?” Giselle finishes for him, tilting her head like a feral little priestess. “Tough shit, Daddy. You’re stuck with us.”
Johnny slings an arm around Lux’s shoulder before the man can speak, grinning like a wolf on his best behavior. “You think we’d let you go play house in the woods without us dropping by to teach the kid how to make someone scream in three octaves? Hell no.”
Alaska snorts, looping her arm through Johnny’s. “And someone’s gotta teach it what parts to avoid when eating a person. Can’t have your baby breaking teeth on cartilage.”
Lux looks between us all. His mouth opens. Closes. For once, he’s speechless.
Indie presses a hand to his chest, grounding him. “We’ve all burned long enough. We’ve danced in blood and called it home. But it doesn’t have to end in fire. It can end in love. In something better.”
He swallows hard, jaw clenched. “I swore if I ever had a child—they’d never know that kind of world.”
“You’re making sure of that now,” I say. “By choosing something new. And we’re choosing it with you.”
Johnny wipes a tear that may or may not be real. “Shit, I swear, if this baby doesn’t call me Uncle Johnny, I’ll scream.”
“You scream anyway ,” Indie mutters, though there’s a smile in her voice.
Giselle twirls beside me, beaming like a blood-drenched banshee. “We’re gonna build a life where it can learn to bite and laugh and worship the gods properly!”
“And joy,” I add, quietly. “And safety.”
Lux’s voice is thick when he speaks again. “You’d really leave this life… for us?”
I shake my head. “Not just for you. For us.”
He exhales, slow and rough. “Fuck. I don’t know what to say.”
Indie squeezes his hand. “You don’t have to say anything. Just accept it.”
He nods, finally. Just once.
We all gather closer, no spotlight, no stage. Just ash underfoot and the bones of a new beginning.
Together.
Lux gave me the night I dreamed of. I spilled blood for the gods. I was heard. And now, we’re needed for something more.”
Giselle throws her arms around my neck. “We’re gonna raise a murder baby together!”
I grunt. “A strong one. Taught the old ways. The runes. The hunt.”
“And laughter,” Indie says, pulling Giselle into her arms.
“And fuckin’ glitter!” Johnny adds.
We stand like that, wrapped around each other, a knot of blood and love and something impossibly new.
The smoke from the altar curls into the sky.
And for once, the gods are silent.
Maybe even… proud.
We walk away together.
Not from each other.
But toward something better.
Toward family .