Chapter 38
Chapter
Thirty-Eight
Kainda
A s soon as the door shut behind Devanna and Elijah, my mother turned to me. This time, her smile didn’t even look close to steady. Her eyes looked troubled as she wrapped her arm around me. We walked around the perimeter of the warded area in silence for a moment, listening to the sounds of the night. But tonight it didn’t bring me the peace I hoped for.
My magic slowly settled down, not that it gave me any relief. It still wanted to reach for Elijah. The restlessness it inspired gave me trouble. I wanted to throw up, and a cold sweat had covered me from head to toe. Why did fate do this to me?
“Do you know what’s happening, Kainda?” Her voice had gone quiet, but stayed steady. From her expression earlier, I almost expected tears.
“Oh, yeah, I know exactly what it all means. It means the gods needed a freaking punchline to this nightmare of a joke my life has turned into.” I raged the words, looking to the sky as if I could see the face of the gods laughing at me.
My mother stopped us in our tracks. She turned to look at me, censure in her blue eyes. “Stop it. Please be serious for a moment. You are twice as stubborn as your father ever was, I swear. Things may not be going the way you’d hoped or planned for, but your life isn’t a joke. You’ve been given a gift, Kainda.”
“How, in Tartarus, can you call this a gift? Look what happened to you and dad. I fail to see how this could ever be a good thing.” Not a fan of the whine that edged my voice, but too late now the sound echoed softly around the warded space.
She just shook her head. “Without it, I’d have been too afraid to pursue anything with Theron and you wouldn’t be here. It gave me you, and I don’t regret what happened for a single second. The time I had with your father was some of the happiest of my life.”
“Mom, you seem to be forgetting that you and him split up. We left you because you couldn’t do it anymore?—”
“Asking you and your father to leave had nothing to do with either of you in the way you think.” Her harsh tone and the glint in her eyes cut me off. “My coven’s bigotry was why I pushed you both away, and I will always regret it. None of it was fair to you, but I did it ultimately to give you a life without being surrounded by hatred. You deserved the chance to grow, learn, and develop your magic. It had nothing to do with that, and I’m sorry if you believe that. Fate doesn’t give this gift often. Don’t take it for granted.”
Did she really just act like the last twenty-something years hadn’t happened? Maybe she was developing dementia. Do witches get dementia? Regardless, how did she expect me not to let her history with my father affect my decision? Or, for that matter, my feelings. I didn’t ask for this, and I don’t want it! At the same time, a little sinister voice hissed, liar!
We walked in silence for a few more minutes, and I let my mind wander as it raced with all the thoughts and feelings swamping me. Having a magically fated partner was never something I’d envisioned for my life. Even knowing he existed and that I’d met him still didn’t feel real. This would change the entire course of my life, and I don’t think I’m ready for that.
She held me by my upper arms and placed a kiss on my forehead. “I love you, Kainda. Please don’t turn a blind eye to the beautiful future you could have with Elijah. He seems like a very nice young man. We’ll make it through tomorrow, I have a good feeling about this. Promise me that when we do, you’ll give him a chance.”
“I can’t make that promise because I refuse to jinx this battle. The stakes are too high.”