Chapter 34
"Ionly told my bunkmate in prison about it,” Alex is saying. We sat back on my balcony, because that’s the only furniture that really survived. “He was an accountant. He thought it was interesting."
"Oh, Alex, no." I slump on the chair so hard my teeth clack together. "You shouldn't have done that. People in prison are dangerous."
"You and Grandma told me it was safe," he accuses, his lower lip jutting.
This is the thing that hardly anyone admits when they're talking about relatives with atypical development.
No matter how much you love them, no matter how much you tell yourself that they're different and they need understanding, it's still really frustrating that they don't mature and develop like everyone else.
Because how do I explain this? How do I get Alex to use more discretion without obliterating his trust in humanity as a whole?
"It was much safer than other prisons. No one beat you up, right? That's what we meant when we said it was safe."
He scowls. "Daniel's my friend."
I figure this isn’t the best time to tell him that Daniel’s dead. "And he wanted the computer program?"
Alex shrugs. "I don't know. He texted me a few weeks ago, asking about it. He said some guys were going to pick it up and it was real important that I gave it to them."
"What happened next?" Mack is a solid presence behind me, leaning against the wall.
"I put the program onto a thumb drive and left it out for them.
Only, the next time I heard from Daniel, it was a voicemail and it sounded like he was crying.
He said the guys were real mad that I hadn't done what they said.
" Alex shakes his head and holds his hands out.
"But I did do what they said. Honest. I put the Veilmaiden thumb drive right where I said I would.
It was gone when I checked it, but they said they never got it. "
A little bell of recognition rings in the back of my mind, but I can't place the feeling after a few seconds, so I let it go. "Then what?"
He shrugs. "They called again. Said to make another copy.
But I guess I misunderstood the first time, 'cause I'd put the actual program onto the drive.
I didn't keep a copy. They got really mad when I told them that.
Daniel started yelling at me in the background, telling me to run.
Then I didn't hear him anymore. I got scared. "
Alex takes a couple seconds to swipe tears from his eyes. I'm grateful that Mack doesn't say anything--Alex hates crying in front of people. He'd been a super sensitive kid and got made fun of all the time for crying in school.
"Then what happened?" Mack asks, his voice gentle, once Alex's breathing is back to normal.
"I ran." He holds his hands out again as if to show he isn't hiding anything. "I thought the bad guys might come for me, hurt me like they hurt Daniel."
"And you didn't think to warn your sister?" Mack says. His tone is light, but I hear the reproach in it.
He throws up his hands. "I freaked out."
"Life is full of scary stuff," I say. "Being an adult means that we have to stick around and deal with them."
Alex thinks about that for a few seconds. I watch as different thoughts pass through his head. I'd once thought that he'd be an awesome poker player because he can remember cards. Then I realized any decent card player would eat him alive--he can't bluff for shit.
"I really am sorry," he says, sounding even more genuine this time. "I didn't know what to do. I thought I'd get in trouble."
"You are in trouble," Mack says. "But by leaving, you put your sister in danger, and she didn't even know why."
"They wanted me." Alex frowns and swipes at his cheeks again. "Gabby has nothing to do with it."
"But when they couldn't find you, they went after her," Mack says.
“They bothered you?”
This is what I'd suspected from the beginning. In some ways, my brother's really smart. In other ways, he's like a kid. I'd wondered if he'd had this child-like belief that if he left, the problem would just go away.
"Yes," Mack says, before I can answer. "They threatened her, hurt her, and destroyed her house."
"Really?" Alex looks at me; I nod. "I thought if I went away, they would, too."
Mack sighs behind me but doesn't argue the point any more. With Alex, you have to know when you're beating a dead horse.
"They didn't go away," I say, my tone neutral.
I'm not trying to make Alex feel worse--what's done is done. But I'm also not going to lie to him. If this experience has taught me anything, it's that Alex needs to grow up more. His involvement could be chalked up to being naive and ignorant, but it still almost got me killed.
"I'm sorry, Gabby."
Alex's lower lip trembles. "I'm so sorry, Gabs. Really."
I nod. "I need you to promise never to do that again. Never to run away or leave without telling me where you went."
"I promise." He says the word on a sigh like it takes energy for him.
I think it does--he doesn't take promises lightly.
"Then I forgive you," I say.
Alex brightens and swipes at the one stray tear that escaped.
"But that doesn't mean you're off the hook," Mack says. "Do you know how worried she was about you? You are the last of her family. You're a man, and you should act like one."
Alex blinks up at him. "How?"
I stiffen. Most people take my brother's blunt questions as some sort of mockery at worst, a challenge at best. I should know Mack better than that, I guess. He takes Alex's question as it was intended--honestly, at face value.
"You have to do the right thing, even when it's harder than doing the wrong thing," he says. "You have to shield your family from bad things, bad people, when it's in your power to do so."
Alex is thinking again. Finally, he nods.
I wonder briefly if this is what Alex has been lacking all along--for another man to tell him how to do things. Maybe that's a simplistic view of things. I don't know.
"You should have told me the first time Daniel called," I said. "You definitely should have told me before you made a copy of that program for someone else."
"I'm sorry." Alex hangs his head. "I knew copying the program was wrong, but I thought I was being a good friend."
"You should only be a good friend to someone who's being a good friend to you," Mack says. "And good friends don't ask you to do things that are wrong."
"I know." Alex sounded sullen.
"If you already knew that, then this is your fault."
My nose wrinkles. No matter that I know Mack's just being honest, it's hard for me to hear someone criticize my brother without feeling defensive. I grew up protecting him, jumping in at the first sign of a problem.
But maybe I'm part of the bigger problem.
Mack is right on some level--I didn't do this.
My brother is my brother, not my child. And even if Alex had been my child, this situation still wouldn't be on me.
Kids grow up and become adults who need to take responsibility for their own shit. Alex is no different in that regard.
"I'm sorry," Alex says again. "I didn't know this would happen."
"I believe that you didn't know exactly what would happen," I say. "But you knew leaving and hiding out in the woods was wrong. Otherwise, you would have told me you were leaving. You wouldn't have snuck out."
"Yeah. I guess so."
We show Alex my house, then his. When I open the door to his apartment, his eyes go wide.
“Why didn’t you clean it up?” Alex asks, looking around.
I sigh and look at Mack to make sure he isn’t going to lose his temper. Once again, I’ve underestimated him.
“We thought you should, as part of making things right,” he says.
I take a deep breath. "Before you left, you kept telling me that you were grown up, that you wanted me to treat you like an adult."
Alex scrunches his nose. "Yeah. So?"
"So what are you going to do to make this right?" Mack asks, his eyebrows raised. "It's not your sister's job to fix this. She's not the one who's going to go back to prison if someone uses that program. You are. And I doubt they'll send you back to where you were if you violate parole."
Alex stares at his dirty tennis shoes for almost a full minute. "What should I do?"
Surprisingly, he directs this question at Mack, not me. I don't know whether to feel relieved or offended.
"The first thing you need to do is to find out what happened to that thumb drive.
" Alex opens his mouth to argue and Mack holds up a hand.
"After that, you need to help your sister fix the damage those guys did to both houses.
And you need to set up a payment plan to pay for her couch and a new mattress. "
There's a familiar, mulish twist to Alex's mouth. He's notoriously stingy with his money--for a moment, I think he's going to argue.
Then he nods. "Ok."