Chapter Fourteen
“I’m so excited to go to Mr. Mac’s house,” Emily tells me.
“Are you?”
“Yeah, he’s the best. He doesn’t get upset like Daddy did, and he always has fun with me,” Emily says as she swings her arms around.
She has no idea that her words slice me to my core. I hate that I was married to someone who she feared. It’s a gut punch to know that no matter how much Tanner and I tried to shelter her, she still saw more than any child should ever see.
“We’re going next door?” Tanner asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“We are,” I tell him.
His little brows furrow as he looks to the side. He looks like he wants to say something, but nods in acceptance.
For a moment, I contemplate telling Mac that we can’t come over, that one of the kids is sick, but knowing Mac, he would show up with all the supplies to make them better.
I won’t cancel, though. If we eat with him, it’s one less night that I have to cook, which means our food budget stretches just a little further.
While that is a big positive, there’s also the little fact that I want to have dinner with him.
For some reason, I like spending time with him.
For the first time in a long time, I feel safe around another man.
Something about Mac makes me feel like I can relax.
Like my fight-or-flight mode switches off, and I can just be.
“Is it time?” Emily asks as she bounces.
“Yep, let’s go,” I tell her.
We leave through the back door and head across the backyard and into Mac’s. Emily runs ahead and knocks on his sliding glass door before she lets herself in.
“Mr. Mac, I’m here!” she yells.
“Emily, you can’t just let yourself into other people’s homes,” I scold her as I step inside.
“But Mr. Mac isn’t just anybody, Mommy. Plus, he told me I could always come here if I needed. Tanner too,” she tells me.
Mac smirks as he looks over at me. “Yeah, Mommy, I’m not just anybody.”
I roll my eyes as I bite back a smile.
“Is there anything I can help with?” I ask, changing the subject.
“If you guys can help me carry everything outside, I would appreciate it,” he says.
The kids and I line up and grab what he has on the island. The kids walk ahead of me and set the food down on a picnic table that wasn’t there before.
How did I miss that? For crying out loud, I walked right by it.
Blinking, I take in the rest of his yard, and my heart clenches at what I see. He’s got a soccer ball lying in the grass. A bottle of bubbles is on the edge of the table, and a massive box of chalk is lying on the patio. All things that weren’t here before.
Tears well in my eyes when I realize what he did. He bought it for them.
Gratitude fills me.
He went out of his way to make my kids feel more comfortable at his place. Not only that, but he did it without having to be asked.
Evan would never.
He hated chalk with a passion. I would have to wash off the driveway every day in the summer before he got home so he wouldn’t see it. He thought bubbles were a waste of money, and instead of a soccer ball, he would only let Tanner play with a football, even though he hates the sport.
When Tanner expressed his interest in hockey…
I push the memory away before I can spiral.
“Mr. Mac, did you buy this for me?” Emily gasps with her hand on her chest.
“I did. Did I buy the right one?” he asks as he crouches next to her.
Emily drops to her butt and sucks in a breath.
“You did so good, Mr. Mac. This box has the glitter ones too! I’ve never had those before,” she tells him.
“Well, good, I’m glad. I can’t wait to see what you draw for me,” he tells her as he stands. He looks over at me and frowns. “You good?”
I clear my throat and offer him a smile. “Yeah. What can I do to help?”
“The only thing I need you to do is to sit down and hang out. I have everything else under control.”
“Are you sure?” I ask hesitantly.
“Positive.”
Reluctantly, I take a seat at the table.
He looks over at Tanner, and my eyes follow.
Tanner is frowning, with his arms crossed. Uncertainty rolls off him in waves.
“So how was school today, Tanner?” he asks.
“Good,” Tanner mumbles.
“Yeah? Hey, I got a question. I heard recently that you guys don’t play dodgeball in gym class anymore. Is that true?” Mac asks.
As Emily plays with her chalk, Mac and Tanner’s chat hits me. This. This is what it’s supposed to be like. This is what my kids were supposed to experience with their dad. This is the kind of life that everyone deserves.
Everyone should have someone who asks about their day and listens—truly listens. Someone who gets excited about the little things, like horrible chalk drawings on the cement. A person who cooks dinner for them instead of always being the one to serve everyone else.
This is what I’ve always wanted but never thought I would have. With Mac, it feels so normal, domestic even, and I don’t know how I feel about it.
Scared.
Hopeful.
Almost like it’s too good to be true. Will the other shoe drop?
Almost as if he can sense my thoughts spiraling, Mac looks over at me and smiles, making my heart race for a completely different reason.
This feels right.
“You good, Mama?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’m good,” I tell him, and for the first time in a long time, it’s not a lie.
I am good. My kids are happy and healthy. I have a safe home and the attention of a good man. I don’t know how long it will last, but I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.
I won’t lie. It makes me feel ten feet tall the way Tanner relaxes the longer we hang out. I watch as his tough guy act slips, and he becomes a kid.
“No way, that really happened?” I ask as he tells me about a kid who projectile vomited all over his desk.
“It did. It was so gross. It was green.” He shivers in disgust, making me bite back a chuckle.
I look down at the grill and take the last of the food off.
“Food’s ready,” I tell them.
Emily puts her chalk back in the box and looks down at her hands.
“Can I wash my hands, please?” she asks.
“Sure. There’s a step stool in the bathroom down the hall if you need it,” I tell her.
“I’ll take her.” Tanner volunteers.
As I set the food on the table, Jane watches the kids head inside.
“You good?” I ask, pulling her attention back to me.
As fucked up as it is, I want her attention on me, at least when we’re alone.
“I am. I appreciate you making dinner for us.”
“It’s my pleasure. We all have to eat,” I tell her.
She tilts her head to the side and studies me. “Do you like cooking?”
“I’m a man, and I like to eat,” I tell her, making her laugh.
“Do I like it? Not necessarily, but I don’t mind it.
I like knowing what I’m putting in my body.
Don’t get me wrong. If you open my fridge, you will find more takeout containers than I’m happy about, but I like cooking when I have the time. What about you? Do you enjoy it?”
Her nose crinkles as she thinks about my question.
“I don’t know. I did when I was younger, but when E—I mean, he and I were together, he kind of killed my love for it. He was very particular about how things were done and would only eat certain things.”
She slipped. It’s not much, but knowing his name starts with an E is more than I had before.
EA—I file it away in case I ever need it.
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that with me. I’ll eat pretty much anything,” I tell her.
I know it’s fucked up, but I can’t help but try to plant the seed. I want her to know that she never has to worry about that with me or anything else. That I’ll go with anything and never complain as long as I get to be with her and the kids.
Fuck, maybe Tank was onto something when he asked if I was claiming her all that time ago.
“Hands are clean!” Emily yells as they step outside.
“Emily, don’t yell,” Tanner scolds her.
“Why? It’s my outside voice,” she says, making me laugh.
I swear to God, I never know what will come out of her mouth.
“Come on, guys. Let’s dig in,” I tell them.
Emily comes over and sits next to me while Tanner sits next to Jane.
“Emily, you can sit next to me too, if you want,” Jane tells her.
Emily shakes her head. “No, thank you. I want to sit next to Mr. Mac.”
“You know you can just call me Mac, right? You don’t have to say Mr.,” I tell her as pride rushes through me.
She chose me.
Little Emily wanted to sit next to me—not her mother or brother, but me. I’m winning her over bit by bit.
“Okay.” She shrugs as she digs into her food.
“Did you have fun with your chalk?” I ask her.
“Yeah. I really like the glitter ones,” she tells me.
It’s just another tidbit that I file away for later. The girl doesn’t know it yet, but I’ll try like hell to make sure she never runs out of the shit.
I look over at Tanner. “Did you know that we have a hockey and baseball team here in town?”
He perks up. “Really?”
“Yeah. Both teams are pretty good. Maybe we could go sometime? If it’s okay with your mom,” I tell him.
His mouth opens and then shuts.
Jane taps her shoulder against his.
“That sounds exciting, right? You’ve never been to a hockey game before,” she says.
I make a mental note that she said hockey, not baseball. Then it hits me that she said he had never been. I had assumed that his father would have taken him to sporting events, but I need to remember his father is a piece of shit.
The idea of taking him to his first game, though, does shit to me. It would be a first of his that would be mine. Something that, no matter what happens between the four of us, he would remember.
“I’ll get us tickets,” I tell him.
He looks up at me with hope in his eyes, but doesn’t say a word.
The rest of dinner goes by in the blink of an eye, and all too soon Jane and I start to clean up as the kids play.
“You don’t have to help me. I can deal with this all later,” I tell her as I set some shit down on the counter.
“Let me. It’s the least I can do. Besides, you cleaned up at my place.”
Neither of us is paying attention, and we bump into each other as I shut the fridge.
“Oh.” She gasps as she stumbles back.
I reach out and steady her, making her suck in a breath. It doesn’t escape my notice that she doesn’t flinch at my touch.
My eyes drop to her lips, and all I can think about is kissing her. Her hands come to my chest as she stares up at me.
“Are you going to kiss me again?” she whispers.
“Do you want me to?” I ask.
She licks her lips, and it’s all the invitation I need. I lean in and press my lips to hers. This time, we don’t go slow. She slides her tongue into my mouth without hesitation, almost as if she wants to pick up where we left off. Fuck if I don’t want to do that, but the kids are right outside.
I kiss her for a moment longer before I pull away from her.
Reluctantly, I step back and clear my throat.
“So I have to go out of town for a few days.” I blurt out the first thing I can think of.
Jane’s face falls for just a second, but she quickly covers it.
“Okay.”
“I just thought you should know…” I look out the window at the kids. “In case you need anything and I’m not here.”
She nods. “Okay.”
“I was wondering if you could keep an eye on my place while I’m gone?” I ask her.
“Sure.” She opens her mouth like she wants to ask me something else, but closes it.
“Like I said, it will only be for a few days,” I say, repeating myself like an idiot. “The club will have someone patrolling the area in case you need anything.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen here.” She smiles weakly. “I’d better get the kids home. It’s getting late, and they need to take showers. Thanks again for dinner.”
Before I can even say anything, she rushes out the door, ushering her kids across the yard and to her place.
Running my hands over my face, I groan.
Great. Just great.
Not only did I fuck that up, but I asked her to watch my house? Seriously?
What the hell is wrong with me?