Chapter 16 #3
“Ugh.” I throw my hands up, and slump down on the couch with my eyes closed. “Is it that obvious?” I crack one eyelid open, only to be met with ten heads bobbing up and down.
“Willa, Judge even figured it out and that man has no idea about anything when it comes to other people’s feelings.” Kaia says with a shrug.
“Honestly?” I ask the women, who all nod again.
“I got scared.” I sit up, running my hands along my yoga pants.
“I’ve been in a relationship with an alpha male caveman, and he robbed me of my self worth.
When I finally pulled up my big girl panties and left him it took me a long time to find myself.
What I liked, what I didn’t like. What brought me joy.
I’ve been on my own for a while now, in my little house that I decorated the way I wanted.
Running my business. The way I felt…feel about Mad Dog.
It’s,” I blow out a breath, “it steals my breath away. The only other time I’ve felt like that was with Diesel. ”
“Ah. That makes sense,” Mira murmurs.
“No, it doesn't. Mad Dog’s not Diesel. Diesel is a douche and Mad Dog isn't," Chewy says walking into the room with baby Miles attached to her breast covered with a thin blanket complete with alligator print. Baby Miles also has little booties knitted to look like gator feet and it’s pretty fucking adorable.
“Chewy, Willa’s only reference for love prior to Mad Dog is Diesel. Her history would make her think the feelings she is having would produce the same outcome. Even if Mad Dog is a much better man than Diesel,” Lovely explains.
“Well, then she’ll just have to rewire her brain,” Chewy replies before looking in my direction. “You’ll have to rewire your brain. I have some conditioning exercises that may help.”
“Um, thanks?” I answer, unsure what to do with her intense gaze.
“You’re welcome.” She nods. “What’s everyone doing anyway?”
“We’re waiting for the men. And Willa is coming to terms with her feelings for Mad Dog,” Mira catches Chewy up.
“They better be good feelings. I like you, but Mad Dog is like a father to me and if you hurt him I’ll have to hurt you. No hard feelings or whatever.”
I huff out a laugh, holding up my hands. “No hard feelings, Chewy. But my feelings for Mad Dog are good feelings. Scary, but good.”
She nods thoughtfully. “I get that. My wooing of Rhodie was scary. I never knew if I was going to mess up or if he was going to think I was too much trouble. But he loves me and I love him. And now we have babies and a gator and the MC. It’s awesome.”
“Same,” Mira says, holding up her hand. “I always thought I would be too much for anyone to want to put up with me for any length of time. Then I met Tank and his quiet matches my loud. We just work.”
“I didn't think anyone would take on a mother of four kids and a shit ton of baggage,” Blanche adds.
“I had an anger problem and was between jobs when I met Jules,” Vi snorts.
“I hated Judge to the very marrow of my bones. I also hid his twins from him, so there’s that,” Kaia shrugs.
“I was terrified of getting close to someone and them dumping me because of my illness. Now I have two people and they take such good care of me.” Jazz smiles, thinking of her two men.
“We all have baggage, and we’ve all found the men who are more than happy to help carry the weight of that baggage,.” Lovely rounds out.
She’s right. When I first started pushing Mad Dog away he didn't rage.
He didn't whine or badger me until I gave in. He respected my word and in doing that he sneakily made me fall for him. Or maybe he wasn’t sneaky at all.
Maybe he was just a good guy and I finally saw that once I told my fears to piss off and leave me alone.
Motorcycle pipes echo through the night and my stomach starts to flip and roll.
I forgot what this was like - waiting for your man to come home from a run.
But instead of hoping that Diesel was somehow dead on the side of the road, I’m here picking at my fingernails hoping Mad Dog is riding home, safe. Unharmed.
“They’re home,” Remy murmurs, standing in place.
The rumble of their engines grows closer and closer until it rattles the windows in their panes and we can feel it through the floorboards.
Then one by one the engines shut off, the roar growing quieter and quieter until it seems as if the oxygen has been sucked out of the room and all we can hear is our heartbeats in our ears.
Fucking pull it together Willa! You’ve done this before.
You're an old hand at this. Yeah, but you didn’t love him like this.
I clench my fists when the boots hit the porch, the men's voices jovial, blending in and out of each other making it hard for me to tell if Mad Dog is one of the ones joking.
“Honey! We’re home!” Rider calls and booted feet all stomp into the room.
Then he’s there. Running his hand through his salt and pepper hair, searching the room until his gaze lands on me. Me. My feet carry me toward him before I know I’m moving and I don’t stop until I crash into his hard chest, his arms wrapping up tight, his nose pressed to my crown.
“Well, hey there, gorgeous.”