Chapter 54
The next day, I rode my bike to school as usual. Daphne met me at the gate as usual. I sat in my classes as usual. What wasn’t usual were the words that ran on loop in my mind from the moment I awakened.
The last girl was much prettier than you.
I’d always prided myself on my smarts. But I wasn’t smart at all. I was a fool.
All morning long vignettes of the evening before popped into my mind unbidden: Mr. Loukas pushing me against the basketball cage, Brother Stanislaus bursting in, me bashing at the shed wall with the hockey stick. And then, Mr. Loukas’s blank look upon finding me at his door.
I felt jittery. Every time someone came into the classroom my heart began to race. Daphne noticed my jumpiness, and she patted my hand.
“Are you all right, Mabel?”
I told her I was. But by the time history class came around—the period before lunch—I was on the verge of hysteria. I’d been so stupid. I’d found a bosom friend, hadn’t I? Why had I thought I could have a boyfriend too? Why would anyone be interested in me? Why had I been so greedy?
I sat in the back row, which was unlike me. I didn’t even have to look up to know, when the teacher entered, that it was a substitute. Oddly, it made me even more anxious than before.
“Where is Mr. Loukas?” someone asked.
The substitute didn’t know.
A few people cheered. Mr. Loukas was well-liked, but it was always a good day when a teacher was away—less work, more time to mess about.
I didn’t mess about, though. I read the allocated reading and answered the questions.
I did the extra questions that were given to those who finished early.
I didn’t look at anyone, even Daphne. I doubted I’d ever be able to look anyone in the eye again.
An assembly was called after lunch.
“We’ve had some sad news about Mr. Loukas,” Brother Stanislaus started. I lowered my head. I knew, even before Brother Stanislaus said it, that he was dead. What’s more, I was glad.