Chapter 34 Ivy
Ivy
Rogue sits with his legs spread, and me on his lap. Both arms around my waist, he holds me close while Lincoln shows off on the bull. He’s six foot three of solid muscle in nothing but a pair of washed-out denim jeans and hooded eyes.
“He’s good.” The way he pushes his shoulders back and squeezes the bull with his thighs, it’s obviously not his first try.
“He had to learn for that cowboy movie he did.” Rogue adjusts his position under me when I wiggle. Balancing me sideways on one leg, he stretches out the other in front of mine. “I don’t think he needed to strip, though.”
“It’s only his shirt.” Who cares what Lincoln Landry looks like? The sexy man I’m looking at is the one who gives me butterflies. And tingles.
“Enjoying the party, baby?” He wraps his hand around my nape and applies the sweetest pressure. The knots dissolves with small circular motions.
Tonight was meant for relaxing and spending time with the people we love, and after how busy we’ve been these past few weeks, it does feel wonderful to unwind before we get into hardcore wedding mode tomorrow. “So much.”
West enters the barn wearing an expression much like a brewing thunderstorm as he makes his way to the bar.
“Dizzy kissing that agent got to him,” Rogue says.
“It seems that way.”
The agent left a few minutes after she slipped out of the barn. I glance around to see if she’s returned. With all that pink she’s usually easy to find, so the search is quick. She’s not here. “Maybe I should check on her.”
Find out why she was acting weirder than usual.
Rogue’s fingers dig into my flesh. “I’m going to need a kiss before you run out on me, wife-to-be.”
“My pleasure, husband-to-be.” I wrap my arms around his neck.
His hand leaves my waist to grip the back of my neck. It sends delicious tingles through my scalp and makes the always latent need in me flutter to life. He bows his head, and I inhale his woodsy cologne. I love the way he smells. Warm, strong, like the home I always wanted.
His firm lips brush over mine until I open for him. Then he consumes me. Erasing my desire to get up—unless it’s to go to bed. He takes his time tasting me. Teasing a whimper from somewhere near my toes and stealing my breath until I squirm closer to steal his.
He groans. “Stop wriggling, baby. Unless you want our friends to know what you do to me.”
I still, pulling back on my kisses until they become nibbles here and there. It doesn’t seem to help much.
“This is such a great party.” Bianca hip checks the table before she crashes into us in a tangle of arms, champagne bottles that spill icy liquid over us, and sloppy cheek kisses. “I’m glad you found her, Rogue. She’s the best, and only the best will do for our Rogue-o-licious.”
Her butt lands on his other thigh, before her weight lands on me.
Rogue grunts as the unfortunate erection I teased out of him catches the brunt of the impact. “Christ, Bianca. Can you get up?”
“Nope.” She giggles. “We’re in a three-way now. Remember how close we came that one time?”
“What the hell are you talking about, Bianca?” Rogue asks between gritted teeth.
He sounds so… defensive.
“Maybe this is the time, Rogue. Wouldn’t it be a hell of a wedding gift? You, me, your bride? We can finally cross it off our list.”
This woman I’ve become friends with, that we’ve invited to our wedding, almost slept with my husband-to-be? Wanted to sleep with my husband-to-be? No, still wants to. My stomach bottoms out. He never told me. “You wanted to have a threesome with Bianca?”
“No. It was a long time ago and—”
“Remember how much detail we used to go into?” Bianca leans in like we’re conspiring together. “Like the sixty-nine double oral. That’s where—"
“Bianca,” he snaps. “Shut your mouth.”
I’m not a prude. I know what she means.
With her gaze downcast, Bianca climbs off my lap. “Sometimes you’re so mean, Rogue.”
“You didn’t think it was worth warning me about this?” I turn on him.
“Baby, it was like a hundred years ago. I thought we were joking around.”
“It doesn’t matter. You didn’t tell me. You could have told me.” Instead, he let me believe the kissing photos online were only for the camera. And the only time she’d seen him naked was one time when they all went skinny dipping.
Oh!
“Did you really go skinny dipping? Or did you lie to me?”
“That wasn’t a lie.”
“Just like…” Bianca squeezes her fingers together. “A tiny omission.”
“What…” I can’t breathe when he winces. “What does that mean?”
“It means there was a moment when we were skinny dipping that it almost became something more. There was some kissing and touching, but we stopped it. It didn’t go any further than that.
” He straightens, his arms curling around me to keep me in place as he rests his forehead against my temple.
His breath flutters across my cheek. “It wasn’t serious.
It didn’t mean anything. You believe me? ”
He was a huge playboy when we met. It wouldn’t have been weird if he and Bianca had shared something.
“That’s not the problem. You had to know I could find out at some point.
” I stare into a gaze I thought was free of secrets.
I thought I knew everything about him. That we had nothing left to uncover about each other.
But it’s obvious there will always be new things to learn about each other.
“Why not tell me if it didn’t mean anything?
It would have been nice to have known what I was getting into. ”
“Because there was nothing to tell.” He glares at her before he makes me the center of his focus. “And anything you find online that suggests we were anything more than friends was because we decided to have fun with the paparazzi.”
“That’s true. It was fun. A lot of fun.” Bianca giggles. “You and me and Ethan. You and me and Linc.” She reaches for him.
“Stop it.” He dodges her touch without breaking eye contact with me. “Baby, that’s all it was. We were bored and young and fucking around.” He pales. “Not fucking around like that.”
I believe him; that it was nothing with Bianca.
But that doesn’t change the fact that he has a lot more experience than I do.
So much more. One-night stands, casual hookups, threesomes?
And I expect him to want me, and me alone, for the rest of his life?
With my lack of prowess and carnal knowledge?
“If married sex ever gets stale, I’m available,” Bianca says. “I like women too.”
“I need some air.” I climb off Rogue’s lap and make a beeline for the exit. How could I ever possibly hope to be enough to satisfy him long-term? How did I ever convince myself I could be enough for a man like him?
“Ivy,” Rogue calls out. “Baby, will you stop?”
I can’t breathe. I can’t stop my feet from propelling me outside. Unshed tears burn my eyes as I fight for air around the lump in my throat.
“Talk to me, Ivy,” Rogue begs.
I shake my head. I can’t seem to speak. My voice has deserted me.
Bianca stumbles after us. “I think I’ve really screwed up, haven’t I? I was just playing around, Ivy. We really didn’t date or anything. We messed around like friends sometimes do. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. It’s in the past. He’s slept with, like, half the city anyway.”
“Christ’s sake, Bianca.” Rogue growls at her as he catches up to me. Grasping my arm, he tugs me into his embrace. “Ivy, please, baby. You know that was before you. It was all before you.”
“Except that one girl you kissed,” I whisper. It didn’t mean anything. Alec set him up, and he was drunk. I forgave him then, and I usually don’t bring it up. I haven’t thought about it in ages.
It’s like the universe is sending me a sign. Eventually he’ll get bored with me and want something else. Something new and novel.
“I would take it back if I could.” His voice is labored with as much guilt as it was the morning after it happened.
There is a pang in my chest. I don’t want him to feel pain because of my insecurities.
“Who haven’t you slept with?” Bianca calls out. “Other than Rochelle.”
Rogue stiffens. His grip tightens.
My breath catches. Did he sleep with Rochelle too? Before... before everything went to hell for her.
“That never happened.” He stares into my eyes.
“And Summer, but I bet you’ve thought about it.” Bianca sneers. “I’d be concerned about my lack of experience if I was Ivy. What if she’s getting a bad deal, and she doesn’t know it?”
Is Bianca reading my mind now? What if my lack of experience means I can’t hold his attention? There’s a big difference between the time we’ve been together and forever.
“What the fuck is your problem, Bianca?” Letting me go, he storms toward her. “What is wrong with you tonight?”
“You’re not getting a bad deal.” She directs this to me and giggles.
I’m well aware of how lucky I am. That doesn’t stop me from feeling queasy over this conversation.
“Stop it.” He snatches the bottle out of her hand. He throws it on the dirt and the bubbles spill out.
She screams. “I can’t believe you did that.”
Lincoln comes running from inside the barn. He falters when he realizes it’s not an emergency. “What’s going on out here?”
“She’s drunk as per usual.” Rogue wipes the bottom of her nose with his thumb. “And on shit.”
“Damn it, Bianca.” Lincoln’s shoulders droop. “I thought we agreed. No getting wasted at the wedding.”
Ethan has come out too. When he glances at Lincoln the two men share an understanding.
“You’re my friend, Bianca. And as a friend, I’ve been remiss for far too fucking long.” Rogue folds his arms over his chest as he stands over her. “You have a problem with your drinking and whatever else you’ve taken tonight.”
“No, I don’t.” She glares at him.