7. Luciana Creed
LUCIANA CREED
Iwoke up before my alarm, not because I was rested or because I’d actually gotten any sleep. My eyes simply opened, and the first thing that hit me was the reminder of where I had to be in a few hours.
Therapy.
The word alone had my stomach in knots.
Rolling onto my back, I stared up at the ceiling while trying to convince myself not to panic.
It was ridiculous when I thought about it.
This wasn’t court. Nobody was sentencing me.
Nobody was forcing me to sign divorce papers.
Yet somehow, this felt worse, because at least with a divorce, I’d know where I stood.
Today, I had no fucking clue.
Slowly, I turned my head toward the empty side of the bed.
The sight shouldn’t have bothered me anymore, but it did.
Ever since Maddox moved into the guest room, the distance between us had become impossible to ignore.
It followed me through the house, through dinner, through every awkward interaction where neither one of us knew what to say.
The man who used to reach for me without thinking now barely looked in my direction, and I hated how much that realization hurt.
For years, I never questioned whether my husband loved me. Now, I found myself questioning everything.
With a frustrated groan, I sat up and rubbed both hands over my face before swinging my legs over the side of the bed. There was no point in trying to go back to sleep. My mind had already started running through every possible scenario.
What if he didn’t show up?
The thought immediately tightened something in my chest. As stupid as it sounded, that possibility scared me more than anything.
Scared that I’d walk into that office alone.
Scared that Maddox had agreed just to get me off his back.
Scared that he’d already decided our marriage wasn’t worth saving and simply hadn’t bothered telling me yet.
Those thoughts followed me all the way into the bathroom.
By the time I finished showering, brushing my teeth, and getting dressed, I’d already changed outfits twice.
The first dress felt like I was trying too hard.
The second made me feel insecure. Now I stood in front of the mirror wearing something completely different while wondering if I should change again.
“This is fucking ridiculous,” I mumbled to myself.
I wasn’t going on a date. I wasn’t trying to impress anybody.
I was going to marriage counseling, for God’s sake.
Yet somehow, I still cared what Maddox would think when he saw me.
It was crazy because after everything that had happened, after all the anger, disappointment, and heartbreak, I was still hopelessly in love with my husband.
A knock against the bedroom door pulled me from my thoughts. Immediately, I wiped beneath my eyes before answering.
“Come in.”
A second later, MJ pushed the door open and stepped inside. “Mom, Michael said he don’t gotta brush his teeth because it’s Saturday.”
I stared at him for a second before busting out laughing. I’m talking about a real laugh. The first one I'd had in days.
“Your brother is a damn liar.”
MJ grinned and folded his arms across his chest. “I told him that, but he said Saturdays got different rules.”
Another laugh slipped out.
For a few seconds, the tension in my chest loosened enough for me to breathe. Life felt normal again. Not perfect. Not fixed. Just… normal. My son standing in my doorway complaining about his brother was exactly the kind of problem I wished I was dealing with.
Then my eyes drifted toward the clock sitting on the dresser.
Reality came rushing right back.
In a few hours, I’d be sitting beside the man I loved in front of a complete stranger, praying there was still enough left between us to save.
The thought stayed with me long after MJ left the room.
By the time I made it downstairs, the boys were already arguing over cereal while the television played in the background.
Normally, the noise would’ve annoyed me.
This morning, I welcomed it. The chaos gave me something else to focus on besides the fact that my marriage was hanging on by a damn thread.
“Mom, MJ got more than me.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, I don’t.”
Closing my eyes, I pointed toward the kitchen table.
“Both of ya’ll sit down before I change my mind and make ya’ll eat oatmeal.”
The threat worked immediately.
Two little bodies rushed toward the table so fast it almost made me smile—Almost.
While they settled down, I grabbed my coffee and stood at the counter staring out the window.
I found myself looking toward the garage more than once, wondering if Maddox was already gone. We hadn’t discussed who was driving to therapy. Hell, we barely discussed anything these days unless it involved the boys.
At some point, we’d stopped being husband and wife and started acting like two people sharing responsibilities.
The sound of Michael laughing pulled me from my thoughts. I turned just in time to see him nearly fall out of his chair while MJ called him stupid.
“Don’t call your brother stupid,” I fussed.
“Sorry… but he is stupid though.”
“MJ... Enough!”
MJ grinned and I tried not to laugh but I failed. Maybe it was because Michael called him a name right back and they both laughed.
My phone buzzed, and immediately, my stomach dropped. I didn’t even know why. Maybe because lately every notification felt like bad news waiting to happen.
Setting my coffee down, I grabbed my phone and looked at the screen. It was nothing important. Just a reminder about today’s appointment.
As if I needed another damn reminder.
My chest tightened all over again. The closer it got, the harder it became to breathe.
What if the therapist listened to everything and decided there was no fixing this shit?
What if Maddox sat there for an hour and realized he was done?
What if all we accomplished was confirming what I’d been terrified to admit?
The questions wouldn’t stop. No matter how hard I tried to push them away, they kept coming. Beneath all of them was one truth I couldn’t escape.
I was scared. Not exactly scared of hearing the truth. Scared of already knowing it, because deep down, I wasn’t worried therapy would fail. I was worried it would reveal we were already broken beyond repair.
The thought hit so hard I had to grip the edge of the counter.
Nine years…
Nine fucking years…
That’s how long I’d carried this secret. How long I’d convinced myself I was protecting my marriage when the truth was, I might’ve been destroying it piece by piece the entire time.
Now all I could do was wonder if I’d spent nearly a decade protecting something I ended up destroying anyway.
Before I could spiral any further, the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs caught my attention.
Immediately, my body tensed. I didn’t have to look up to know who it was. I felt him before I saw him.
…and God help me…
After all these years, that still hadn’t changed.
Slowly, I lifted my eyes as Maddox stepped into the kitchen dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a black shirt. His truck keys were already in his hand, letting me know he’d probably been planning to leave without saying much of anything.
Not that I could blame him.
Conversation between us had become damn near impossible lately.
The boys immediately noticed him.
“Dad…”
“Dad, tell MJ he cheating.”
Maddox frowned then laughed and asked, “How the hell do you cheat eating cereal?”
“I don’t know,” Micheal admitted. “But he’s doing it.”
The corner of Maddox’s mouth twitched before he shook his head and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
For a second, I just watched him. Not because he was doing anything special, but because he was still my husband. Still the man I’d built my life around. Still the man I loved.
The problem was, I no longer knew if any of that was enough.
His eyes lifted and immediately found mine. The air shifted instantly. Neither one of us spoke. Neither one of us smiled. We just stood there on opposite sides of the kitchen while a thousand unspoken words hung between us.
Then he looked away first.
The rejection wasn’t intentional. At least I didn’t think it was. Still, it stung more than I wanted to admit.
“You ready for your game today?” he asked Michael.
My youngest son nodded enthusiastically. “Coach said if I score today, we get ice cream.”
Maddox snorted. “Coach lying.”
“He ain’t lying.”
“He definitely lying.”
Michael gasped dramatically. “Dad.”
The look of betrayal on his face almost made me laugh—almost—because while everybody else was talking, all I could think about was the clock. Every passing minute brought us closer to therapy. Closer to answers and whatever came next.
Maddox twisted the cap off his water before finally looking in my direction again.
“What time is it?”
The question was simple. Normal. Yet my stomach immediately dropped because I knew exactly what he was talking about.
“One.”
He nodded in response.
For days, I’d been terrified he’d change his mind. Terrified he’d wake up one morning and decide our marriage wasn’t worth fighting for. Instead, he was still here. Still showing up. Maybe because he wanted to save us. Maybe because he felt obligated. Maybe because he didn’t know what else to do.
Honestly, though, I didn’t care.
The reason didn’t matter. The fact that he was coming mattered.
…a lot.
“I’m gonna take the boys to Ma’s before we go.”
“Okay.”
That was all that was said. It was the kind of conversation people had when they were trying to avoid the conversation they actually needed to have.
Maddox looked toward the boys. “Ya’ll got thirty minutes.”
Immediately, Michael jumped from his chair. “For what?”
“To get dressed…”
Michael groaned loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear.
Maddox gave him a look that quickly had his ass straightening up. One thing the kids knew not to do, and that was play with their dad. They knew when to and when not to, and right now, they knew not to.