14. Luciana Creed #4
That was all it took for my chest to tighten again.
“I keep waiting for it to feel different,” I confessed.
Romy looked over at me.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “Less heavy, I guess.” She stayed quiet, giving me room and time. “I wanted them to accept her.”
“I know…”
“I wanted Maddox to have a relationship with her as well.”
“I know…”
“I wanted Mama Creed to meet her.”
“I know…”
Each admission hurt a little more than the one before it.
“So why does it feel like somebody’s sitting on my chest?”
The question wasn’t really for Romy. It was for myself.
Even so, she didn’t answer right away. Instead, she looked back toward the living room where Mama Creed had just pulled Nylah into another hug.
“I think you’re grieving.”
I frowned.
“Grieving what?”
“The life you thought you were going to have.” My eyes slowly found hers and she didn’t look away. “I don’t think you’re hurting because Nylah’s here.”
She shook her head.
“I think you’re hurting because now everything’s real.”
I just stared at her.
She continued before I could respond.
“For months, this has been phone calls, conversations, therapy sessions, and DNA tests.” She then nodded toward the living room. “This… is real life.”
I followed her gaze again. Maddox was smiling. Not forcing one or pretending. It was the kind of smile I used to see when the boys were babies. The kind I hadn’t realized I’d missed until now.
Romy let out a slow breath. “You know what I noticed all day?”
“What?” I asked but was scared to hear the answer.
“He ain’t trying.” I looked at her, confused and asked what she meant. “He ain’t forcing none of this.”
She motioned toward the living room.
“He ain’t trying to convince himself to love her.”
“No...”
“He already does.”
My throat tightened as I hit her with, “So does everybody else.”
Romy nodded. “They do.”
Neither one of us spoke for a few seconds.
Then finally, she looked back at me. “You know what else I noticed?”
I shook my head. “You’ve spent this entire afternoon watching everybody else.”
I frowned, playing dumb. “What?”
“You haven’t smiled one time.”
I opened my mouth to argue but nothing came out because she was right. Not once had I actually been part of the day. I’d stood on the outside of every conversation.
Every laugh…
Every hug…
Watching…
Observing…
Trying to convince myself I was okay.
Romy reached over and rested her hand lightly against my forearm. She told me with nothing but pure serious in her voice, “You don’t have to pretend around me.”
Those few words nearly undid me.
I batted my eyes quickly and looked away before the tears could fall.
“I’m trying…” I whispered.
“I know…”
“I’m really trying, Romy.”
“I know, boo…”
“I just…” My voice cracked. “I don’t know how to do this.”
Romy squeezed my arm gently before letting it go.
“I don’t think anybody would.”
My girl wasn’t judging me or defending Maddox. She wasn’t defending Gia either. She was simply acknowledging something I’d been too afraid to admit out loud.
This hurt... More than I ever imagined it would.
The sound of little feet racing across the hardwood pulled both our attention toward the doorway.
“Mama!” Michael came running into the kitchen with Nylah right behind him. His face lit up the second he reached me. “Grandma got baby pictures of Daddy!”
“I saw them before.”
“They funny!”
Nylah laughed as she added, “He really had an afro.”
I finally smiled. “A terrible one.”
They both laughed and before they could say something else, Mama Creed called from the living room.
“Y’all better get back in here before Rozay eat all these cookies.”
Michael’s eyes got big. “He’ll do it too!”
The two kids took off running.
Nylah followed close behind, laughing the entire way.
I watched her disappear around the corner before letting out another slow breath.
This time…
It wasn’t quite as hard to breathe.
The ride home was quiet. Michael had fallen asleep before we made it halfway home, his little head resting against the window. MJ lasted another ten minutes before he was out too.
Nylah fought it the longest.
She kept trying to stay awake, asking Maddox another question every few minutes about Atlanta, about Mama Creed, about whether Uncle Kyro was always that loud.
He answered every single one.
By the time we pulled into the driveway, she was asleep too.
Maddox turned off the engine and looked in the rearview mirror. He smiled before he unbuckled his seatbelt.
“I’ll get them.”
I nodded.
For a few seconds, I just sat here watching him.
He opened the back door and carefully lifted Michael into his arms without waking him. Then he came back for Nylah.
She stirred the second he picked her up.
“Dad…”
“I’m right here, Princess.”
Her eyes never even opened.
She simply nodded against his shoulder before falling right back to sleep.
I climbed out of the truck, reached for MJ, and together we carried them inside.
The house felt different than it had that morning, almost like it already knew what was coming.
We tucked all three kids into bed without much conversation. Michael curled beneath his blanket before I even finished kissing his forehead. MJ mumbled something about football practice in his sleep, and I couldn’t help smiling.
Nylah was in the guest room.
Maddox pulled the blanket over her shoulders before brushing her hair away from her face.
“Sleep good, Princess.”
She never heard him… Or maybe she did.
Either way, a small smile formed on her lips before she settled deeper into the pillow.
I stood in the doorway watching.
When he finally walked out of the room, he quietly pulled the door closed behind him.
Neither one of us spoke as we made our way downstairs. I reached for a bottle of water, more for something to do with my hands than because I was thirsty.
Maddox leaned against the island, watching me the same way he’d been watching me all day.
Patiently…
Carefully…
Like he was waiting for me to let him in.
“You’ve been quiet.”
I twisted the cap off the bottle and took a drink before answering. “I’m tired.”
“You might be.” His voice remained calm. “But that’s not it.”
I closed my eyes for a second and said nothing. When I finally looked back at him, he hadn’t moved.
“Talk to me…”
Those three words almost undid me because they were so damn gentle. The same way he’d spoken to me through every hard season we’d ever survived together.
I looked away before he could see the tears building in my eyes.
“Do you remember what you said in therapy?” I asked.
“Which time?”
“You told me you didn’t know if you could ever get past what I did.
You said you didn’t know if you’d ever trust me again, and you said you weren’t sure our marriage could survive this.
” There was a moment of silence between us before I continued.
“I’ve replayed those words every day. Then today happened. ”
I smiled sadly.
“I watched you with Nylah, and I realized something…. I understood why.” Confusion washed across his face, but he said nothing.
I swallowed hard before continuing. “I understood why you couldn’t just move on…
. When you went to Vegas…” My voice trembled.
“You came home and looked me in my face every single day.”
His eyes dropped to the floor.
“You asked me to marry you before that trip, and after you came home, you never told me what happened.”
I paused for a second.
“I remember reading that email over and over because I couldn’t believe what I was looking at.
The man I loved had slept with another woman.
” My voice cracked. “Then I found out she was pregnant. I had every reason to walk away. My family wanted me to. My friends told me I was crazy. Nevaeh thought I was crazy. They told me I’d never get over it. ”
I looked directly at him.
“But I still chose you…” His jaw tightened. “I still married you. I still stood in front of our families and promised to spend the rest of my life with you. I still believed that one mistake didn’t have to define the rest of our marriage.”
The tears were falling freely now.
“I believed love was bigger than what happened in Vegas.”
Maddox finally spoke.
“Luciana… those two things aren’t the same.”
“I know.” The answer came before he could explain. “I know they’re not.”
I nodded slowly.
“I know what I did was different. I know I took something from you that nobody can ever give back. I know Nylah lost nine years with her father. I know you lost nine years with your daughter.”
I pressed my hand against my chest.
“I know all of that.” I took another shaky breath. “But therapy still broke my heart. Not because you were wrong.”
I shook my head.
“Because I realized we loved differently.” He frowned. “I forgave the worst thing you’d ever done to me.”
The words weren’t meant to hurt him.
They were simply true.
“I found out another woman was carrying your child, and somehow… I still found enough love to believe we could survive it.” I blinked away another tear. “You looked at the worst thing I’d ever done, and all you could see was the damage.”
Neither one of us spoke for a while.
“I don’t blame you for that… I don’t, and I understand it now better than I ever have. Watching you with Nylah today made me understand everything.”
My lips curved into a sad smile before disappearing again.
“Every time she smiled at you, I saw another memory you should’ve had. Every time she called you Dad, I thought about every year she couldn’t. Every hug… every laugh…” I closed my eyes for a second. “It all reminded me of what I stole.”
When I looked back at him, I didn’t see anger on his face. I saw heartbreak—real heartbreak.
“I can’t spend the rest of my life waking up every morning and reliving those nine years,” I whispered. “I can’t spend every birthday, every holiday, every family dinner wondering what would’ve happened if I had made a different decision.”
Maddox slowly walked toward me until he was standing only a few feet away.
“I still love you.” He looked me dead in the eyes when he said that, and the words almost brought me to my knees.
“I know…”
“I mean that…”
“I know…”