Chapter 31 Zeke
thirty-one
Zeke
Icould get used to this. I honestly don’t know why I fought it for so long. Sleeping around was fun, sure, but it was never fulfilling. I felt better during the sex, but after, I was right back to my reality.
The reality where my mom’s dying, and there’s nothing I can do about it. The reality where I’m preparing to lose the most important person in my life.
But then Avalon came crashing into it, and suddenly, I was okay with having this constant in my life, even if it wasn’t going to be something long-term.
I just knew I liked being with her, even if it was only ever going to be sex.
But it stopped being about sex a long time ago; I just think neither one of us was ready to admit it.
I always thought I’d be the one to break first. That one night, I’d tell her what was going on between us was deeper than sex and that she was becoming an important part of my life.
I’m not saying either of us is ready for the exclusivity talk; we’ve been against relationships for so long that I don’t know if we’re prepared for a label. But I could get used to our new normal.
“What time do you need to leave tomorrow?” she mumbles, our bodies tangled together under her blankets, her finger drawing circles on my chest.
“My mom’s getting some test results at noon,” I reply. “So, I need to be there before then. Depending on the results, I might spend the night there. Sometimes, the hospital lets me do that.”
“You’re a good son, you know that?”
“She’s a good mom,” I argue. “I don’t know where I’d be without her; the least I can do is spend the next couple of days with her before I’m on the road.”
The truth is… I’m scared she won’t be here when I get back. Whenever we have to go away for a game, I prepare to get the phone call that she’s gone. And when it doesn’t come, I get a little relief until we’re on the road again.
“Where’d you go?” She touches my face. “I lost you there for a second.”
“Nowhere, sorry.”
“You’re worried every time you leave that it might be the last time you see her.” She frowns and I sigh, letting her know that she just read my mind. She’s gotten good at that. “I get it.”
“I know you do.”
It might not be because of the same thing, but I know she gets the fear.
Avalon told me about the first time she got home from school and found her mom overdosing on the kitchen floor.
She said every time she went to school after that, she’d prepare herself, like maybe she wouldn’t make it home in time like she did before.
I still see it in her eyes every time her phone rings, and it’s an unknown number. She waits for the call just like I do.
“Look at us.” She turns her head to gently kiss my bicep. “We’re quite the pair.”
“Yeah, we are.” I run my fingers up and down her arm.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Uh oh,” I reply. “Last time you started with that, it turned into a whole therapy session.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Always.”
“Do you have Jaxon Holmes tattooed on your body?”
I erupt in laughter. I guess we’ve never been naked together this way before. We were never the cuddling type before tonight, at least not after sex.
“I do.”
“Why?” This time, she laughs. “Do you have all of the guys tattooed on your body?”
“Kind of,” I respond, her eyes narrow.
“You’re serious.”
“When I was sixteen, I lost a bet with the guys, and my punishment was to get a tattoo.”
“Of Jaxon’s name?”
“Not technically,” I continue. “I was supposed to get Jax’s face tattooed on my body, but because I was only sixteen, they needed parental consent. And when I called my mom, I was hoping she’d say no, so—”
“You didn’t look like a wimp for backing out of a bet?”
“Exactly. So, I called my mom, and she said no, which I was so relieved about.” I pause. “But then she said I could get his name tattooed on my body instead. She thought it was just as funny as the guys did.”
“You’ve had his name tattooed on your body since you were sixteen?”
“Yup.” I chuckle. “Crazy enough, it started my love for tattoos, mainly because I didn’t want it to be as noticeable.”
“Where are the tattoos for the other guys?”
I adjust my arm and point to the hockey sticks and puck tattooed on the back of that same arm, “I have all our numbers tattooed around this. And then Rockford University is in the center of the puck. Eventually, I’ll have frozen four champions and the year underneath the sticks.”
“Do the guys make fun of you for having their numbers tattooed on your arm?”
“Nah, I have so many tattoos I don’t think they care.
Every important person in my life is represented by a tattoo on my body…
or multiple. This,” I point to my chest, “is a group of lyrics from my mom’s favorite song.
And on my other arm, I have a sentence from a letter my mom gave me after we found out she was sick. It’s in her handwriting.”
“That’s really sweet,” she rests her head back on my chest, “I don’t know how I didn’t notice them before.”
“You knew I had tattoos,” I begin, “it’s not crazy that you didn’t know what they were before today. We aren’t usually this cuddly when we’re—”
“Naked?” she cuts me off.
“Exactly.”
“So, every important person in your life is represented by a tattoo?” she says, looking up at me. “Where’s mine?”
I can see the small smile pulling at her lips, letting me know she’s teasing me.
“How do you know I don’t already have one?”
Her eyebrow pops up like she’s challenging me. “Oh yeah? Do I even want to know?”
“Oh yeah. It’s too memorable for me to not tell you about it because it’s my first tattoo on—”
“Shut up.” She pushes my head to the side. “Just for that, I will be showering alone.”
She throws the blankets off her body and drags herself out of bed. My eyes follow her every move. Everything she does is the most attractive thing I’ve ever seen.
“Take a picture; it’ll last longer.” She grabs her towel from the back of her door.
“Oh, trust me. This will be engrained in my brain forever,” I smirk, and Avalon flips me off, walking over to the bed and crawling across until she reaches me. Her lips meet mine in a gentle, tender kiss. “Will you still be here when I’m done showering?”
I kiss her again.
“I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
You should sleep at home tonight.” My mom yawns. “You have a busy couple of days coming up and—”
“I just wanted to spend as much time with you before I left.” I smile. “And I don’t mind sleeping on this couch; it’s pretty comfortable.”
It’s actually the most uncomfortable couch I’ve ever slept on. I don’t know if Avalon would even fit on this couch, let alone me. But if these are the last moments I get with her, I’ll embrace every one of them.
“Zeke, you’re about to be on the road before two hockey games, so you need rest. Not to be in pain from sleeping on that stupid couch that wouldn’t even be comfortable for a dog.”
“Mom, I really don’t mind.”
“You’ve been here for days, Zeke. Go home.”
“Your results came back—”
“Inconclusive, Zeke. It’s not the first time that’s happened; unfortunately, it probably won’t be the last. It doesn’t mean the cancer spread, it doesn’t mean it’s gone, it means we’re in the same boat we were before they took the biopsy.”
“How do they mess this up, though, Mom? Isn’t it their job to test the sample properly?”
“Zeke.”
“You’re right, sorry. I just hate that you have to go through another biopsy.”
You’d think the more biopsies she had done, the easier they’d be. But I think the weaker she’s gotten causes her to be in more pain and discomfort during the biopsies.
“Nothing I’m not used to. It’ll be much easier to get through it, though, knowing my son is well-rested for his games. I expect some wins this weekend.”
“I don’t know how to play hockey any other way.” I wink.
“That’s my boy.” She runs the palm of her hand down my cheek, then grips my chin, giving my head a little shake. “I’m proud of you, Zeke. I hope you know that.”
“I do.”
“Good.” She regains her composure, sitting up a little higher. “Now go home. I’ll see you when you get back.”
“Yes, you will. We get back late on January 1st, so I’ll come see you on the second, okay?”
“I’ll see you then.”