Chapter 36 Avalon
thirty-six
Avalon
Have you seen your mom recently?” Jay takes a bite of his sandwich.
“I saw her last week,” I respond. “It was just a quick hi and bye. It was like—”
“There was nothing wrong?”
“Exactly.”
“I know we talked about this a while ago, but maybe you should consider staying with me again. I hate the idea of you being alone and—”
“I haven’t been.” The words are out before I realize what I’m saying.
Jay shakes his head and waves his hands in front of his face, “I don’t want to hear about your sex life.”
“I’ve actually been seeing someone… kind of.” I stab my fork into my salad.
“Like an actual relationship?” He leans forward like maybe he didn’t hear me correctly.
Jay knows me well enough to know I’ve never been the relationship type. He saw the relationships I grew up around and knows I’ve done everything to avoid being in that position.
“I guess you could call it that.”
“What’s he like?”
“Um, I don’t know.” I didn’t realize how nervous I’d be talking about Zeke. I’ve never felt this way about a guy before, and we’ve been hiding it for so long that I never thought I’d be talking about him to someone else.
“You don’t know?” Jay laughs. “Does he have a name? Go to your school?”
“His name’s Zeke. He plays hockey for Rockford, and I don’t know, he just gets me.”
“A hockey player?”
“I know, right? Who am I?”
“When do I get to meet this Zeke?”
“That’s funny.”
“I’m serious,” he continues. “With everything going on with your mom, I would’ve expected your mood to be different. Whatever you have going on with this Zeke guy, it’s good for you. I want to meet the person that makes you happy.”
“Well, once I meet his mom and friends, maybe I’ll introduce him to you.”
“You haven’t met his friends? How long have you been together?”
“That’s a complicated question,” I chuckle. “Officially, a couple of weeks. But we’ve been seeing each other technically since October.”
“Do I even want to know?”
I shake my head.
“Alrighty then. As long as he’s treating you right, that’s all that matters.”
“He’s been really helpful when it comes to mom.
When she went AWOL before, I always stressed about something happening to her.
Worrying constantly over something I had no control over, he’s helped me realize that you can’t stop living your life because of someone you care about.
Especially if that person doesn’t care about you nearly as much. ”
“Sounds like a smart guy.”
“He’d tell you he gets it from his own mom.”
“Then sounds like she raised him right.” He takes another bite. “Whenever you’re ready, I’d love to take you two to dinner.”
“We’d like that.”
“So, now that we’ve had a nice conversation, we need to get back to your mom.”
“Jay, I just told you I’m good where I am.”
“This isn’t about where you’re living. It’s about the money your mom took from you.”
“Jay,” I scratch my eyebrow, “it’s figured out, okay? She paid it all back.”
“I’m not stupid, Avalon. I know she stopped paying you back when she went off the deep end.”
“I’m surviving.”
“You're back to paying for everything.”
“I’m not gonna sue her.”
“Maybe it’d be the wake-up call she needs.”
“It’s probably too late anyway.”
“It’s not. I have a friend—”
“I’m not sending my mom to jail, Jay. I know you’re just trying to help, but I can’t do that. You know I can’t do that. I already lost—”
“I know your dad left you, Avalon. But you’ve already lost your mom, whether you’re ready to believe it or not.
She’s been gone since the day she started relying on drugs.
They can work something out so that instead of jail time, she just goes to rehab, and then she has to stay clean.
If she doesn’t, she’ll go to jail, but in the meantime, her disability checks will be garnished until you get all your money back. ”
“I’ll think about it, okay? Even though she’s been… absent, these last few months have actually been really good. I don’t want the stress this might bring.”
“That’s all I’m asking for, okay. Just for you to think about it.”
“Now, can we talk about anything else?”
“Yes.” He smiles, sits back in the booth, and crosses his arms. “How’d you meet Zeke?”
How was dinner with Jay?” Zeke asks.
“It was good. I’m just walking back to my place now.”
Jay offered to drive me home, but today’s the nicest it’s been in weeks, and since I don’t know when it’ll be this comfortable again, a walk seemed necessary.
“You want me to come over?”
“Do you want to come over?” I counter, and Zeke laughs.
“You just like to be difficult, don’t you?”
“I don’t want you to come over unless you want to. Obviously, I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing you tonight, but—”
“I want to come over,” he cuts me off. “I need to wait for Jere to get home, though, because my car’s still fucked.”
“I told you I’d look at it.” I smile. “I just need to wait until Monday so—”
“So, you don’t run into any of the guys. I know. They’ve been asking me why I haven’t taken it to a shop yet.”
“What did you tell them?”
“That I don’t trust them to not overcharge me for fixing my car.”
“Of course you don’t.”
“Plus, I’d much rather watch my beautiful girlfriend work on my car than some sweaty old man,” he continues, and I feel my cheeks heat up. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to being a girlfriend. But I do know I like hearing it.
“No argument here. I look way hotter fixing a car than those guys.”
Jay taught me how to fix cars when I was a little girl. I think part of him knew I’d have to figure things out on my own, so he wanted to prepare me for any obstacle I might face. It was also a way to get me out of my house so I wouldn’t see my mom when she was high.
“Did you enjoy your first hockey game?” He changes the subject as I round the corner to my street.
“I don’t know why I didn’t go to one sooner,” I reply. “You look even sexier when you play hockey; I didn’t think it was possible. It obviously doesn’t hurt that you won the game.”
“I hope you realize this means I expect you at all my home games.”
“I wouldn’t miss them. What have you been up to?”
“Oh!” I can hear the excitement in his voice, and I know he’s changing his position, probably sitting up straighter, because that’s usually what he does when he’s excited to tell me something. “So, last night, after Ember drove me to see my mom, she came over to the house to see Declan.”
“Are you sharing gossip with me?” I switch the phone from one ear to the other.
“Obviously. Isn’t that what couples do?”
“It is… carry on.”
“Anyway, she told him she loved him, and they haven’t said that. But he didn’t say anything back, so she left and then missed the game today, and after the game, he told me about all of this—”
“He didn’t say it back?” I ask. “From what you’ve told me, he seems just as in love as she is.”
“I’m getting to that,” he says. “So, I talked to him about it and basically helped him realize that he does, in fact, love Ember and was just scared to tell her, and he’s over there now and—”
“Are you really waiting for Jeremy to get back, or are you hoping Declan comes back to fill you in.” I chuckle.
“They’re two of my best friends, Stewart. I just want them to be happy.”
“And it doesn’t hurt that you’ll have a new story to share with your mom,” I respond.
Zeke told me about Ember and Declan a while back and how his mom was obsessed with their love story. I guess when you’re stuck in a boring hospital day in and day out, it’s exciting to live vicariously through someone else.
“This will be a new favorite,” he says. “Especially now that my mom’s met Ember, she’ll be rooting for her even more.”
“Should I be jealous that she met your mom before me?” I head up the stairs to my apartment.
“No, you should be more concerned that Ember totally knows I’m seeing someone.”
“Shut up!” I gasp. “How do you know?”
“She’s been asking me these nonchalant questions or saying things that hint at it,” he continues.
“Well, you have become quite a sap since becoming a boyfriend."
"I have, haven’t I?”
I don’t have time to laugh before I’m being rammed into, “What the fuck!” I yell after the guy, but he continues down the stairs. But once he gets to the bottom, he looks back at me. And then he’s gone.
“Avalon?” Zeke’s voice echoes from the phone. “Baby, you, okay?”
“Sorry, some asshole just ran me down,” I groan, rubbing my shoulder.
“Who?”
“I don’t know, but he looked—”
Wait a second.
When I reach my apartment, I see the door cracked open.
“Avalon?”
“I think it was my mom’s boyfriend,” I mumble, staring at the door. I don’t know if I’m ready to see what’s on the other side. I don’t know if I want to see what he was fleeing from.
“Do you think she broke up with him?”
I push the door open and feel my heart drop into my stomach.
“Oh my god.” I drop my stuff. “Mami.”
“Avalon?!” Zeke’s voice feels so far away… I feel like a little girl, finding her mom on the floor after school again.
“Despierta por favor, mami por favor.” The tears sting my eyes as I roll her onto her side. “I think she’s overdosing, Zeke. I think she’s overdosing.”
I don’t even know if he can hear me; all I know is that I don’t know what to do.
I’ve been mentally preparing for this for months. But no amount of preparation could prepare me for this.