Chapter 48
forty-eight
Zeke
Ithink my body ran out of tears. I’m pretty sure I cried myself dry, but I guess that’s what happens when you cry nonstop for hours.
The ICU visiting hours ended a while ago, but Dr. Sanchez didn’t care.
He let me stay with her. Which honestly makes me more concerned.
As if he wants me to get as much time with her as possible, like these moments with her could be our last.
She finally fell back to sleep about an hour ago, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so peaceful.
Me, on the other hand, I look like shit. If I didn’t know better, I’d assume I haven’t slept in about three months, when in reality, it’s just hours of crying after finding out the worst news of my life.
“Do you need me to page Dr. Sanchez?” The nurse's head pops up as I walk past her desk.
“No,” I reply. “I just need to go get some air. The room’s getting a little stuffy and, um—”
“I get it.” She smiles. “Whenever you’re ready to come back in, just let one of the nurses out there know, and I’ll get you back here.”
“Thanks.”
I let out a shaky breath as the ICU doors open.
I don’t know if I plan on walking around outside or if I’m gonna get in my car and leave, get away from this place.
All I know is I can’t sit in that room. But I also feel guilty for wanting to leave.
I feel guilty that I get to go. When that’s all she wants.
I step outside of the ICU and freeze. The once-empty waiting room is full.
“Hey.” Ember steps toward me, and before I know it, she pulls me into her arms. I don’t wrap my arms around her, not because I don’t want to, not because I don’t appreciate them being here, but because my body is stiff.
Part of me doesn’t know if their being here is real.
“Are you hungry? We brought you some food.”
“How, um, how long have you guys been here?” I look at each of them, engraving this memory into my brain.
“A few hours,” Declan replies.
“Hours?” I repeat.
“Right after you left, Declan and I called everyone.” Ember shrugs. “We didn’t want you to be alone.”
“You guys came all the way down here?”
“It’s not that far, man,” Jaxon says. “But even if it was, we’d all be here. There’s nowhere else we’d rather be.”
Not that I didn’t expect them to care; they love my mom just as much as I do; I guess I just didn’t expect them to show up without me asking them to be here. Especially Brinley and Jax. I don’t think I’ve seen them in the same room for ages.
“We got you some food from down the street,” Ember continues. “We assumed you hadn’t eaten and wanted to make sure you got something in your system. It’s probably pretty cold now, but I could find someone and see if we can warm it up.”
“I’m not really hungry.” I finally move away from the ICU doors and closer to everyone in the waiting room.
“How is she?” Jeremy wonders.
“Um, she’s sleeping now, but it doesn’t look promising. The cancer has spread, and there’s nothing left for them to do.”
The silence is deafening. You can hear each heartbreak in the room because it’s so quiet. I don’t blame them for not knowing what to say. What do you say to your friend who’s losing their mom?
“Do you need us to get you anything?” Brinley’s eyes are soft. “One of us can sit with her if you want to get out of here for a bit. Clear your head.”
“No, I’m good,” I lie. I appreciate all of them being here, but deep down, there’s only one person I want with me.
I called Avalon a couple hours ago. Once I saw my mom and settled in here, I just wanted to let her know what was happening. I don’t expect her to come here. I called her during her lab, knowing she wouldn’t have her phone with her, but I needed to hear her voice.
I don’t talk about my mom being sick often, but for some reason, it was easy to talk about with Avalon.
Maybe it was because, in many ways, she was an outsider to all of it, at least in the beginning.
Maybe it was because I could see the pity in everyone’s eyes when I talked about my mom, the pain everyone would feel.
I didn’t want to be the person who brought everyone’s mood down.
Or maybe not talking about it allowed me to pretend it wasn’t happening.
“You wanna sit down?” Jaxon stands up and motions to his seat. He didn’t have to get up; there are plenty of empty chairs, but he did, so I take a seat.
The waiting room falls quiet again. Everyone’s trying to avoid asking me the same questions a million times. So, we sit in silence. It’s honestly nice just being surrounded by the people you care about, knowing they’re here if you need them.
“Avalon?” The words leave Jaxon’s lips laced with confusion. I feel my heart race as I stand up and turn toward the other end of the hallway. Avalon stands a few feet away, her chest quickly rising and falling like she’s out of breath. Like she ran all the way here from campus.
Her eyes soften when they meet mine, and then, in three large strides, I’m melting into her arms.
I guess I wasn’t out of tears after all.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I would’ve been here sooner, but I didn’t get your message until my lab was over, and then I raced here as quickly as I could, but the Uber kept getting lost, and… it doesn't matter. None of that matters.”
I nestle her against me, my arms locked around her like if I let go, she’ll disappear.
“Thank you for coming,” I mumble.
She pulls back just enough for us to be face to face and brushes the tears off my cheeks. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I love you, and whenever you need me, I’m here. You should know that by now.”
I lean forward and give her a gentle kiss, then I take a deep breath and rest my forehead against hers, “I love you too.”
“Is anyone else confused?” Brooks whispers, and for the first time in hours, I smile.
“Not the time,” Ember replies, but that doesn’t stop the whispers. Once I turn around, grabbing Avalon’s hand in mine, everyone shuts up, as if they don’t want me to see them gossiping about my love life at a time like this.
“Hi,” Avalon says as we get closer to the group.
“Hi.” Ember hugs her. “I’m happy you’re here.”
“Now I’m more confused,” Declan adds. “Did you know about this? Whatever this is?”
“I did, and like I said, now’s not the time for this conversation.”
“But—” Jaxon begins, but Brinley elbows him in the stomach.
“It’s okay, Em.” I smile, wrapping my arm around Avalon’s shoulder. “This is Avalon; she’s my girlfriend; we’ve been together since October, sexually—”
“Zeke,” Avalon gasps.
“And romantically… well, since October, even though neither of us wanted to admit it,” I continue.
“And I didn’t necessarily mean to hide this from any of you, but we were trying to figure out what we were, and I didn’t wanna jinx anything.
But I love her, she loves me, and that’s all that matters. ”
“Wow,” Fletcher mumbles.
“I just can’t believe he kept it a secret this long.” Tate looks amused.
“I can’t believe Ember kept this from all of us.” Brinley crosses her arms.
“I haven’t known for that long.” Ember defends. “Although, I did call it months ago. Like way before they realized they were in love.”
“Sure.” I roll my eyes.
“I can’t believe Avalon sat in front of me in class, and I never caught on,” Jaxon says.
“It’s not like we were having sex on the desk in front of you, Jaxon,” Avalon replies.
“Yeah, but you were sleeping with one of my best friends. I wondered why I kept smelling Zeke’s aftershave in class; I thought I was going crazy.”
“You still might be,” she adds.
This is nice. It’s normal. It feels like every other day I spend with them. The bickering and the laughing are almost enough to get my mind off everything.
“Zeke?” Avalon rubs my back.
“Hmm?”
“We were talking to you.” Avalon grabs my hand in hers and gives it a squeeze.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“I was just wondering where your dad was,” Fletcher begins. “Is he in there with your mom? We haven’t seen him since we arrived.”
“He’s not here.”
“What?” It’s said in perfect unison among them.
“Where is he?” Ember asks.
“Beats me.”
“Does he know?” Brinley adds.
I shrug.
I’d assume he knows by now. He should’ve gotten off work a couple hours ago, but I haven’t heard from him since I got here, and he hasn’t shown up.
They call me first because I’m my mom’s emergency contact, but usually, they’ll follow up with a call to him.
My dad’s lucky he’s not here, though. If he was, I’d be the shit out of him.
He was supposed to be off today, but Mom said he went in anyway.
If he was home, she would’ve gotten to the hospital earlier.
If he had been home, she wouldn’t have died for eight minutes.
Who knows what would've happened if Marjorie didn’t get there when she did.
If Marjorie wasn’t working today, my dad might’ve found her on the bathroom floor when he got home, unresponsive.
He should’ve been home today. He should’ve spent more time with her. He should’ve cared more.
“Did you call him?” Declan questions. “I can give him a call if you want me to. Your mom probably wants to see him.”
“She’s used to him not being with her in the hospital. It’s nothing new. I should actually get back in there.” I sniffle. “Just in case she wakes up. I don’t want her in there alone.”
“Want me to come?” Avalon asks. “Can I come? I don’t know the rules.”
“Um, maybe later. Dr. Sanchez should be back soon to update me on her condition, so—” I don’t know how to finish that sentence.
I guess it’s easier to find out information on her condition alone because if I break down, if I lose my shit, it won’t matter.
Not that it should matter. Avalon has seen me get emotional over my mom a couple of times.
However, none of those times were because my mom’s life was officially coming to an end.
“Okay.” Avalon forces a smile. “If you need me, I’ll be out here. We all will be.”
I squeeze her hand, a silent thank you. I may not have the words right now, I may not know how to feel about everything going on, but I do know one thing—
I’m fucking lucky I don’t have to go through it alone.