Madison (Knights Wrath MC #4)

CHAPTER 1

Madison

Watching Asher and Logan exchange vows, I can’t help but be so happy for two people who mean so much to me and have gone through some shit to get to this point.

It makes me wonder if I’ll ever walk down the aisle.

It’s been more than half a year since Mick declared I was his—more than six fucking months.

He kissed me that day, and we’ve gone out on a couple of dates and kissed a few times since, but that’s it.

Every time we kiss, it’s electric and I want more, but he always stops.

I mean, I know I don’t have big boobs and am closer to being a member of the itty-bitty titty committee, but he hasn’t even discovered I’m pierced.

He’s never let his hands roam the few times we have kissed.

Am I completely in love with Mick? Yes.

Am I tired of nothing happening? Shit, yes.

At this rate, I’m going to be a thirty-year-old virgin.

Yeah, I’ve got a couple of years till then, but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to change anytime soon.

I feel like I’m at a crossroads in my life.

I can’t just keep cleaning the clubhouse and doing laundry as a career.

I need to find my niche, a job that I like, and that’s mine.

I need to take Logan’s example and find what makes me happy.

I know I’m not most guy’s idea of a stunning beauty, with my wider hips, brownish-red hair and my small chest, but I know I’m worth more than just an occasional kiss.

As much as I love Mick, I’m beginning to wonder if we’re destined to never move past that.

I know you’re probably asking, why am I waiting on Mick to make a move and why not make a move myself? I did.

And the one time I tried, I failed miserably.

It makes you not want to try again.

When I did attempt it, I dressed all sexy and tried to seduce him.

What did he do? He walked up to me, kissed me on the nose, wrapped my sweater around me, and told me that we couldn’t be late for dinner.

Yep, it totally happened last month.

I’m really starting to think Mick might not be as into me as he is the idea of us together.

I’m brought out of my head by my uncle, Erik, tapping my shoulder.

I look up at him.

“You wouldn't wanna dance with your old uncle, would ya?”

I can’t help but smile.

He’s a thinker.

Another person who’s often lost in their thoughts, like me.

Maybe that’s why we’ve always been close.

He gets me.

He gets my need to think about things long after everyone else has moved on.

I stand up and put my arm around his.

“I’d love nothin’ more.

It’s not often I get a chance to twirl around the dance floor with you.

I think the last time I danced on your feet.”

He chuckles.

“That might’ve been it, so it’s long overdue.”

The song ends and another slower song starts up, so he spins me around once before slowly dancing together.

He looks down at me.

“So, sometimes an uncle has to pry.

What’s goin’ on with you and Mick? I thought he’d finally gotten off his ass and asked you out.”

I must let out a sigh worthy of Ry.

“That’s a good fucking question.

I don’t know at this point.

We’ve gone out a few times, kissed a few different times, and the one time I tried to be assertive and show him that I wanted more, I got shot down so fucking fast it wasn’t even funny.”

I look up at him.

“You’re his godfather.

Has he talked to you at all?”

He looks down at me.

“Not recently, no.

He’s a lot like his dad.

He keeps shit in until something makes it all come out at once.”

Well, that helps me none.

“I just feel like maybe he’s more into the idea of us, than actually being with me.

I just know I’m about done waiting.

I feel like I’ve been waiting for life to happen and that needs to stop.”

I see something I can’t place come over Uncle Erik’s face before he schools his expression.

He speaks up as we continue to dance.

“Listen to your heart.

Sometimes our brain and our hearts don’t align.

If you want to find your happiness, whatever that is, and with whoever you’re meant to be with, follow your heart.

Our brains usually fight with us to go down the path of least resistance, and that doesn't always equate to happiness.

We’ve only got this one life to live, Madison.

You don’t want to wake up twenty years from now and be filled with what-ifs.

Make your heart lead you.

Brains make us decide on the smartest, least complicated choices.

Our hearts guide us to decisions made on happiness and love.

That’s what matters.

Everything else is just filler.”

Well, shit.

That’s a lot to unpack, especially ’cause I can tell he’s speaking from experience.

One of these days, everything inside his mind is going to spill out and we’ll get to understand what’s behind the pain and hurt after all these years.

It can’t just be dealing with the Celeste-erist this entire time.

There’s some unrequited love in his heart.

I look back up at my uncle.

“But what if he doesn’t want what I want? I mean, we’re going on almost a year here soon and nothing’s changed.”

Uncle Erik looks in thought for a couple of minutes.

The song stopped, but the next one is a somewhat slow one, so we’re still slowly spinning around the dance floor.

“I know you said you dressed up for him and all that, and I don’t really wanna think about you being grown and doin’ anything with any guy, but I’m gonna ignore the fact that you’re my little one, the one who took naps in my lap and always asked me to read your princess books to you.

Have you said the specific words to him?”

I shake my head before it dawns on me that, no, I’ve never told him I wanted sex, but he’s never said he does or tried to move forward.

“Little one.

He’s probably waiting on the words from you ’cause he doesn’t want to push you into somethin’ you ain’t ready for.”

Well, fuck me.

“Why is everyone afraid I’m going to break? It’s been more than seven years and I didn’t actually get—”

Uncle Erik puts his hand up against my mouth to stop me.

“Little one.

I know what happened and what almost happened.

I don’t think everyone thinks you’re going to break, but you also spent years hiding under your baggy clothes and not being social.

No one wants you to go back into your shell.”

Enough.

No one gets it.

“I wasn’t hiding ’cause of what almost happened! I was hiding because it was my fault! I went to that party when I knew better.

I went to that room with the guys willingly.

It’s my fault Rory went away for all those years! I was selfish and look what happened!”

I must have started yelling without realizing it ’cause I’m spun around.

In front of me is a pissed-off-looking Rory with all of our siblings behind him.

“What in the hell did you just say? Do you really think it’s your fucking fault?”

Kierstie, who looks angrier than I’ve ever seen her, chimes in.

“Is that why you hid from everyone for so long? Not ’cause of what those fucktards did or almost did?”

I look at all my siblings, who look all sorts of pissed the fuck off.

Well, shit.

I didn’t mean to spew all that out.

“I’m not fragile like everyone seems to think I am.

I’m not about to break and it drives me nuts that everyone walks on eggshells around me.

I’m still the same girl ya’ll grew up with, but no one treats me that way.

Every one of you treats me like a fucking victim.

I’m not.

It was my selfishness that put me in that position and Ror paid the price for it.”

Rory walks up right in front of me and grabs my chin, making me look him in the eye.

“Listen here, Sis.

I need you to listen and listen good.

I know I speak for all of us when I say that none of that was your fault.

You were just at a party, and those guys, the second you said no, should’ve fucking listened.

I don’t regret what I did and, honestly, I’d do it again for you.

I never blamed you, not for one second of the time I spent in there.

You get me?”

I can’t help but nod ’cause he’s a little scary at the moment.

Ror holds my gaze for a second, like he needs to make sure I really understand him.

I do.

I get it, but it doesn’t change the fact that I will always blame myself.

That’s just always gonna be there.

I must be back in my head ’cause he taps my chin before removing his hand.

Juan, who can never shut up, adds to the conversation.

“Sis, we never meant to treat you differently.

I never thought of you as being about to break, but, to be fuckin’ honest, I didn’t know how to talk to you.

I felt like you went so far in your head that we weren’t ever gonna get you back.

I ain’t blaming you, but how—”

He’s interrupted by a very angry-looking Mick.

Mick

I love the Weston family, all the siblings, but right now, the urge to deck all the guys is almost overpowering.

“Shut the fuck up.

For one, this ain’t the place and for two, y’all ganging up on my woman like this ain’t okay. She’s—”

Mads moves faster than I’ve seen her move and pokes me in the chest, looking all sorts of pissed off.

“You call me your woman but don’t do anything beyond that.

Shit, you haven’t even discovered that I’m pierced.

I have more of a relationship with my BOB than I do with you.

You need to figure out if you actually want me, or if it’s just the idea that you like more.”

What the fuck is she talking about? I follow her back to the table where she was sitting.

“What the fuck do you mean by that? Of course I want more.

I told you on our first date that I’d wait till you were ready and said something.

I thought that’s what you wanted?”

Have I been reading her wrong?

She huffs and puts on her sweater over her dress, the one that leaves little to my imagination and has made me hard most of the evening.

“I dressed up for you all sexy last month and you kissed my nose and said we couldn’t be late for dinner.

I don’t want to have to be the one who initiates things all the time.

You’re just like them, thinking I’m broken or about to break.

Well, newsflash.

I’m not, but I’m about done with being in this fucking limbo you have us in.

You need to decide if you’re in or out.

If you’re actually attracted to me and want somethin’ physical.

I ain’t gonna wait much longer.

I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but there’s gotta be someone out there who wants me and doesn’t see me as a pathetic, broken person like just about everyone in this room does, apparently.”

She starts walking toward the door.

“Where are you going? It’s a long fucking walk back to your place and—”

She puts her hand up to stop me.

“I’m not walking home.

I just need some air away from everyone.

Again, I ain’t about to break or anything.

You seem to think like them.”

Oh, she has no idea.

“I do not think you’re about to break, but I do think you’re scared to be an adult and ask for what you fucking want sometimes.

You know how hard it is to love you and want to do more, but get absolutely no fucking communication from you?”

She looks like she’s ready to spit nails, but fuck.

After months of being sexually frustrated and dying to move forward, can you fucking blame me? She starts to head toward the door.

My mouth opens before I can even think.

“So, you’re running away and hiding from shit again.

Glad to see we’re actin’ like adults tonight.”

She spins around and pokes me in the fucking chest again.

“Screw you! I’m not running away like some idiot girl who runs from safety into danger just ’cause some guy pissed her off or she misunderstood something.

I’ve got more fucking brains than that! I just need a few minutes to my fucking self.

I need a minute to breathe since my whole family and my supposed boyfriend just laid a whole lot of shit on me.

Apparently, I’ve got a lot of shit to work on.”

I watch her walk outside.

Fuck me .

I didn’t mean for all that to spill out.

I feel a hand come down on my shoulder.

Looking over my shoulder, I see it’s Erik.

“Let her have a few minutes.

Everyone just piled a lot on her.”

I start to say something, but he continues, “I’m not saying that it didn’t need to come out, but she’s a thinker.

It’s a lot to realize that people didn’t blame her like she blames herself.

Then you add what you just told her, and, well, that’s a lot for anyone to take.”

I run my hands through my hair and look at him.

“I didn’t mean for that all to come out.

I just… when it comes to her, it’s like I want everything to be perfect, and yet everything I do seems to be wrong.”

He guides me over to the table and sits down with me.

“Son, I’m not an expert in good relationships and romance.

We all know that.

But I know what not to do.”

He pauses to take a sip of beer.

“She doesn’t need or want perfection.

She wants what anyone wants.

She wants to feel wanted by you.

She wants to feel desired by you.

She wants to feel like you would choose her over and over again.

She’s not the kind of girl who’s looking for the world to be given to her.

She wants to feel like she’s your world.

She wants to know you want to walk through life with her.

She’s the kind of girl who will be more impressed and flattered if you know her coffee order than if you were to buy her some piece of jewelry.

She needs someone who sees her, and not just as the sister of your club brothers.

I think you’re a good man, son, and I think you can be that for her.

But you have to decide if you want to be that for her, ’cause this limbo you two are in, well, it ain’t good for either of you.”

I want everything with her.

I want a life with her.

“I want everything with her.

She’s the most beautiful woman inside and out.

I know people think she’s broken, but I don’t.

I know she’s stronger than anyone gives her credit for.

I know when she’s lost in her head, she chews on her bottom lip.

I know she doesn’t see herself as desirable, but fuck, I know there are guys just hoping she’s available one day.”

Erik looks at me for a moment before speaking.

“Your dad would be proud of the man you’ve become.

I know Mitch was never one for words, but I know he loved you more than anything.

He would probably have said something like, you need to shit or get off the pot.”

I can’t help but chuckle ’cause Dad would’ve definitely said something like that.

“Yeah, he would’ve.

He wasn’t ever much for words of advice.”

Erik shakes his head.

“No, but he was a good man, a father, and a great friend.

He had his faults, like all of us, but he loved being your dad.” He did.

I think it’s about time I take his advice and go talk to her.

I stand up and head outside to find Mads.

It’s time for us to move forward together.

I walk outside to the porch of the barn.

I look over toward the cars, but I don’t see her.

She said she wasn’t leaving, and even in her anger, she wouldn’t lie.

There’s no one sitting in the chairs on the porch area.

I don’t think she’d walk over to Jackson, Wyatt, and Anna’s place since it’s on the other side of their property.

Dread and worry rumble in my gut.

I call out for her.

“Mads? Where you at?”

I hear someone come outside behind me, but I don’t look around.

Something on the ground by the bushes catches my eye.

I walk over and before I even grab it, I realize what it is.

I pick it up and confirm it's her phone when I see the picture of her and little Grace as the lock screen picture.

She’d never just drop it like that.

I look up and see Ry, Nicky, Max, and Jameson standing in front of the barn doors.

Max must catch on the fastest.

“Is that Mads’ phone?”

I nod and try to contain my worry.

“Yeah.

She was mad but said she was only coming outside to take a break and get a few minutes alone.

She would never drop her phone like this.

Where the fuck is she?”

I must yell out the question, ’cause the doors to the barn open and more people stream out, including Erik and Pa.

Pa speaks up first.

“Are you guys taking your yellin’ on the road ’cause I caught every word of it inside?”

Ry answers before I can.

“No, he just found Mads’ phone on the ground and she’s nowhere around.

She said she was just goin’ out for some air, but she’s not here.”

Pa looks at me for more.

“I came out to apologize and tell her how much I’m fucking in love with her and she’s not here.

Somethin’s not right.”

Erik asks the best question.

“Ry, did Logan get their cameras set up last month like he was gonna?”

He nods and runs back inside, yelling, “Logan!”

Erik looks over at me.

“Let’s check the cameras before we all go crazy.

Maybe she went for a walk around the property to think. I mean—”

I shake my head and interrupt him.

“She wouldn’t have dropped her phone like that.

That’s not her.

She never loses her phone.

She always knows where it is.

Says she needs to be able to be reached in case anyone in the family needs her.”

Where the fuck is she? Is she okay? Is she hurt? This feeling of fear and worry sits like a boulder in my gut.

I don’t care if she’s pissed off at me.

I need to see that she’s okay.

I keep looking out toward the trucks and cars, as if she’s gonna magically come walking out from between them.

A voice comes out from the barn.

Wyatt shares, “Logan’s bringing up all the cameras now if you wanna come see.”

I push past just about everyone to get inside and see the footage.

Pa and Erik are shoulder-to-shoulder with me.

Pa speaks up as we follow Wyatt over to a table where Logan is with a laptop.

“Let’s see what’s on the footage before we get Ma and everyone else involved.

No sense borrowing trouble till we know more.”

Not able to speak, I just nod in agreement.

I reach Logan and I can tell from his face I ain’t gonna like it.

He and Mads have become good friends in the last year, and I know he’ll be worried about her.

He looks at the guys behind me and says something that chills me to the bone and scares the shit out of me at the same time.

“Lock him down, brothers.”

He turns the laptop around to us and hits play.

The first thirty seconds or so, I watch her pace back and forth, talking to herself.

I can hear a bit of what she’s saying, and it guts me.

Does she really think I don’t find her desirable? That I’m only with her ’cause of her family? She doesn’t get it.

It’s her.

It’s her beauty, her heart, and her soul that calls to mine.

I watch her, still in her head and talking to herself, pacing back and forth, when a truck pulls up and parks in front of the line of vehicles that have been parked all evening.

I watch as three men wearing ball caps get out and head straight to my girl.

I want to scream at the video for her to pay attention.

I watch in horror as the biggest man of the three grabs her from behind and covers her mouth so her screams can’t be heard, especially not over the music playing in the barn.

I can see them talking to her as they drag her to the back seat of the truck, tossing her inside like a rag doll.

The volcano that is trying to erupt inside me has me reaching for the laptop, but strong hands grab both my arms.

Jameson is on one side and I can tell it’s Grant on the other.

Grant speaks up, “Son, calm down.

Don’t go throwing the computer.

It’s the only thing we’ve got that gives us any clues.”

Neither of them are letting go.

“What kinda fucking clue is that? We don’t have any idea who those men are or where they’re taking her!”

Erik, at this point, has grabbed Ma and has her looking at the laptop with him.

He looks like he’s seen a ghost.

“Play it again with the volume all the way up.

Everybody, shut the fuck up for a second!”

He looks at Ma and continues, “Linnea, listen with me.

I could’ve sworn...”

He quits talking and presses play from the start again.

I watch both of them, unable to observe Mads’ abduction again.

The men’s voices are louder this time.

“ Shut the fuck up! You’re coming with us! Joseph said it was time to retrieve what was his, and you’re one of them .”

Both Erik and Ma go white as a sheet.

Ma starts shaking her head.

“No, no, no, no!”

She turns and runs over to Pa.

“It’s them! They can’t have her.

They can’t do—”

Pa stops her with a finger to her mouth and a look I’ve never seen on him before.

“They aren’t going to hurt my little one.

I will bring down that mountain and everyone fucking on it before I let that happen.”

Jon, at this point, is standing next to me and watching everything.

He finally asks what we all are wondering.

“The name they said, is that the name of the guy who was in charge of the mountain people your parents were a part of?”

Ma, with tears rolling down her face, nods, but Erik speaks up.

“He was their leader.

He took off to fuck knows where for years.

Like decades.

I didn’t know he was even still fucking alive.

What the fuck would he want with Mads?”

I catch a look that passes between Ma and Pa.

Fuck if I wasn’t taught to respect my elders, but my woman is who knows where, having who knows what done to her, and I’m about done with fucking secrets.

Rory must’ve seen the same look and says something before I can.

“What? Is there a fucking reason for them to go after her?”

Ma starts chewing on her lip just like Mads does.

I clench my fists.

“We’re wasting fucking time.

They’ve got a head start on us! We need all the information so we can find her fast and not go on a fucking wild goose chase.

We need to know.

I have to get her back!”

I feel the guys get closer to me again, as if they think I’m gonna blow.

I just need her back.

I don’t want to think about what she’s going through right now.

Ma looks at all of us and lets a fucking bomb drop.

“Joseph is her biological father.

Her birth mom was a barely eighteen-year-old girl who escaped from the mountain and came looking for us.

She wasn’t prepared to be a mom and wanted to get as far away from Joseph as she could.

She had our girl only days after she escaped.

She knew he wouldn’t come to the hospital and claim her as his child, ’cause that would’ve been him admitting to having a physical relationship with a minor.

She was seventeen when she got pregnant.

She signed the paperwork, took some money we gave her, and left to go make a life somewhere else.

We’ve never heard from her since.

She needed to flee, and we helped her.

She said she wanted her baby with us ’cause we’d protect her better than anyone else, since I knew what really went on up there.

She’d heard stories about what happened to me since her family came up shortly after Father and Mamma died.”

Holy fuck.

Kierstie says what I think most of us are thinking.

“Why the hell didn’t you ever tell her any of this? She’s who the fuck knows where now and having who the fuck knows what done to her.

She’s probably finding out all this shit on top of it.

She wasn’t broken after what happened to her before, but finding out you hid this from her on top of whatever she’s goin’ through right now just might break her!”

Why the fuck are we just still standing here? We need to get up that mountain like now.

Jackson, one of the few of the older generation that doesn’t have multiple sets of angry, glaring eyes staring at him, speaks up.

“We need to figure out a plan of attack.

Even back in the eighties, there were hundreds of acres and buildings up there they could’ve been in.

We need to get more information.”

Juan speaks up as he’s heading toward the door.

“Samson, head to the clubhouse.

We need to fucking see what is theirs up there and get a plan to get Mads back.”

Samson starts running after him.

“Right behind you!”

I feel so helpless standing here doing nothing, but then Pres speaks up, “Those of us who aren’t computer gurus or who didn’t get hitched today, we need to get to the clubhouse to round up our supplies of… tools we’ll need and figure out who all is gonna go up the mountain.

If you need to run home and drop off anyone or grab a change of clothes, do it.

Everyone needs to be at the club within thirty minutes.

We need to get on the road as fast as we can.”

Thirty minutes? That’s like forever from now.

We need to go faster than that.

Jon stops my thoughts by putting his hand on my shoulder.

“I know that seems like a long time, but we gotta give the guys a chance to find the shit online so we can figure out where the fuck we’re going.

I know she’s your girl, but she’s my little sister, too.”

Fuck me, he’s right.

I follow a bunch of brothers out of the barn and hop in my truck to head to the clubhouse.

I see her jacket lying on the passenger seat.

I need to get her back.

I pull out of the parking lot.

I wish I knew what she was going through.