Chapter 15
Kensie
The latest research articles surrounded my desk, and I typed rapidly. I’d been in Houston for three days and accomplished more than I had in three weeks in Miami. Maybe Dr. Radi was right. I was losing sight of my own goals. My phone buzzed, alerting my ring camera. Saraj.
I spoke through the mic. “Use the code. I’m in my office.”
Saraj’s steps were heavy as he climbed my stairs.
For such a slight man, he walked as if he weighed twice as much.
He didn’t wait to walk through the door to lament, “I’m trying to understand how you can be here for three days and haven’t seen me.
You tell me that you’re leaving Miami because it’s not working out with Canaan, and then you ghost me. ”
I removed my glasses, placed them on my desk, and swiveled in my chair to face him.
“I didn’t want to be tempted to call Canaan or check my phone every minute to see if he called.
I needed to focus and get work done, so my phone has been off.
” I also didn’t want to see him with any woman, because I’d already seen it the night I flew home.
My chest burned from that image, and I didn’t know if my ego could take another sighting of Canaan partying in Miami. I kept that reason to myself.
“You can’t go days without posting something, Kensie.”
“Are you here because you’re concerned about me or to stay on my ass about my posts?”
“Both. You need to go back to Miami and be there for him.”
“And lose my place on the research team? I can see if it were the race, but it’s just a practice.” I tapped a pen against the desk.
“It’s his birthday,” Saraj added.
“What?” My stomach lurched. I eased to the edge of my leather chair. “Why wouldn’t he tell me that?”
“Who gets engaged and doesn’t know their partner’s birthday?” Saraj said sarcastically.
“Ha-ha-ha. I knew it. Just didn’t make the connection that it was coming up. Like seriously, how did I forget his birthday?”
“Exactly.” He folded his arms and tapped his foot.
I dropped my head in my hands. “Oh wow, I fucked up.”
He nodded. “Probably why he went all ape crap on you about not being there on Monday, and he probably wanted you to want to be there, which is why he didn’t tell you it was his birthday.
If you’re going to maintain this fake engagement, you need to be at least familiar with the basics about each other.
You say you’re not having sex, so what have you been doing with him all this time? ”
Warm and cozy memories of our time in Miami flashed. “Whatever strikes us. We can talk or be silent together, and we’re becoming friends. He holds me every night like it’s his right, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I like it.”
“Then why did you run after one argument?”
“He went back on his word. We’d already discussed that I might need to fly back to Houston. The minute I told him I needed to leave, he told me not to come back, and you know I don’t do ultimatums. Besides, I needed to be here to meet with Dr. Radi on Monday. I told you that.”
Saraj leaned against the wall beside my desk. “You need to get back to Miami. Now that you’re here, see if you can meet with Dr. Radi sooner and get back to Miami for Canaan’s birthday.”
“He told me not to come back.” I rolled my eyes and corrected, “He told me if I’m not back by Monday, which, to me, is the same thing.”
“If you really believed him, why have you shut off your phone?” He pursed his pouty lips and blinked twice.
My mind scrambled for a reasonable excuse, but found none. “Fine, Saraj. I know Canaan didn’t mean it. He was reacting out of hurt. But I can’t let him think he can demand anything from me and expect me to do it. My career is as important as his.”
“Girl, you wrote a whole book on relationships. Can you at least do what you preach?”
“I know, I know. Don’t let pride get in the way of talking through your conflict.
” I recited one of my chapter titles. “His arrogance and sense of entitlement that I’m supposed to be there for him set my teeth on edge.
He walked out of the house to do God knows what.
Was I supposed to wait around in bed, hoping that he didn’t sleep with someone else?
And no matter what I said, he wouldn’t have heard me.
He’s used to everything revolving around him. ”
“Do you miss him?” Saraj asked quietly.
My eyes watered. “Sometimes I can’t breathe when I think of him.
I’ve gotten so much work done since I’ve been in Houston because I can’t let my mind be idle and drift to thoughts of him.
And I know that he doesn’t feel that way about me.
The truth is, I shouldn’t be this caught up either. It’s too soon.”
Saraj picked up my cell from my desk. “Call your professor, see if you can meet sooner.”
“It’s already Friday. He’s not going to want to meet on the weekend.”
“Try.” He turned on my phone and passed it to me.
Several missed texts from Saraj and classmates flashed on my screen. My heart skipped a beat. Canaan was the most recent. I whispered, “He texted me.”
Saraj urged, “Open it.”
I glanced at him. “What if it’s not a good text?”
He tapped my desk twice. “Then you have your answer, and we’ll figure something out to tell your followers.”
Inhaling, I pressed his name. Relief and warmth filled me as I read his message. “He apologized and asked me to come back to him. He misses me too.”
“We’re back in.” Saraj bounced around the room. “Now, I can tell you that I ran into Emme at the Galleria, and she wasn’t happy.”
The sweet anticipation turned into painful dread in the pit of my stomach. “I’ve tried to call her, but she sends me to voicemail.”
“Well, she had a few choice words for you, and then I pointed to the diamond on her finger and asked about her man. That shut her up real quick, and she walked away.”
“What did she say about me?”
“Nothing worth repeating. So, don’t feel guilty about her. I mean it. Let it go, Kensie.” He kneeled before me. “You deserve to smile like the one Canaan gives you. Call that professor so you can go back to that sexy man for his birthday.”
I nodded, pushing the dread away, choosing to focus on me.
Dr. Radi smiled while he perused my part of the article he planned to submit to a journal. “This is really good.” He looked up at me. “Definitely worth the wait.”
“Thank you, and thank you for meeting me here on a Sunday.” We were sitting at a crowded Black Rock Café, discussing my research. “I can do whatever revisions you need and get back to you by tomorrow. I’ll start reviewing my data set for the dissertation when I return to Miami.”
He settled back in his seat, holding his iced coffee. “Do you live there now?”
“Just until after the race in May. Then I’ll have the summer back here to devote to my dissertation.”
He shifted in his seat. “It’s March, and I plan to go home to India for most of the summer. I’m not sure it’s realistic to expect you’ll be able to graduate by the end of the summer. You were supposed to have the data analyzed by now.”
I leaned forward. “I would still like to make the effort. I’ve been asked to teach at Howard in the fall, pending graduation.”
His brows met. “Oh . . . I didn’t know you had applied. What about the assistant professor position we have in our department?”
“I didn’t apply. I was offered an opportunity by Howard back in January. Some students reached out to me because of my book and social media presence. Although I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for my career, I would love to teach at an HBCU.”
“Our university is more prestigious.” He straightened in his chair. “You’ll get more opportunities here than there.”
“In my community, Howard is pretty damn prestigious and has well-known alumni.” I pushed my half-drunken energy drink to the side. “Do I need to rattle off a list?”
He looked away and rubbed his beard before placing a hand on top of mine. “I wasn’t trying to offend you. I had high hopes for us once you earned your doctorate.”
“Us?” Dr. Radi was a few years older and single.
Most of the female students and faculty had crushes on him.
I never did, though I considered him handsome.
He was both my mentor and favorite professor, and I admired his career.
Until now, he’d never expressed or demonstrated any attraction toward me.
Maybe he still meant professional. “We can always collaborate while I’m in D.C.
I think the research would be invaluable, comparing and contrasting two different private universities. ”
He squeezed my hand. “I was talking more on a personal level. We work well together and can spend hours discussing people and politics. I kept it professional because you were my student. Soon, you won’t be anymore.”
“I’m engaged,” I said as if it were a fact.
“I understand the allure of Canaan Jackson, but do you really see long-term with him?” Dr. Radi scoffed, “He’s a race car driver. You can’t possibly be matched intellectually. You’re a gifted and bright woman who can run circles around most people.”
Lifting my chin, I accused, “You know nothing about him or me. I don’t look down on people who may not be as smart or gifted as I am.
I value people for who they are. Besides, Canaan could probably run circles around you.
He’s a chemical engineer, a geologist, and a self-made billionaire because of his research before he started racing.
” I removed my hand from his. “He didn’t want me to come here, and I accused him of being jealous.
As much as I hate when he’s right, he was right. ”
He scowled. “Right about what?”
Gesturing between him and me, I replied, “This. And I’d better go because I do represent him, and someone catching this moment right now could spread rumors that I’m stepping out on him .
. . Something I would never do.” I started gathering my papers.
“Dr. Radi, let’s pretend this conversation never happened.
I hope we can continue to work together and that you won’t retaliate because I only see you as my professor. ”
“Of course not. I would never use my power to hurt anyone.” His tone sounded indignant.
“Don’t use that tone as if I’m paranoid.
You threatened to kick me off your research if I didn’t meet with you.
” I grabbed my laptop and pushed it into my leather backpack.
“If I need to find another chair for my dissertation, let me know now because I fully intend to graduate by the end of the summer.”
He reached for my forearm and just as quickly dropped his hand.
“No, I didn’t mean to offend you or for you to perceive this as harassment.
I thought maybe you felt something between us and didn’t act on your feelings for the same reasons I didn’t.
” He sighed as I stood up with my bag on my shoulder.
“Whenever you’re ready to defend, I’ll make myself available even if I’m still in India.
Nothing has to change. I do want to collaborate on future projects wherever you end up teaching.
We can forget this minor indiscretion and poor judgment on my part. ”
“Thank you. I would hate to think that I was completely wrong about you,” I said with a smile I didn’t feel, hoping that the stares I felt from others were curious ones, not those ready to post and start drama.
Canaan pegged Dr. Radi right. Pulling out my cell as I walked briskly to my Lexus, I called Canaan, prepared to leave a voicemail.
“Kensie.” The deepness of his voice caressed my ears.
“Oh . . . I didn’t expect you to pick up. Figured you were practicing.” I twirled one of my braids around my finger, hating the smile that fell across my lips on its own volition.
“I’m meditating before I do another drive.”
“Didn’t mean to interrupt you. Why did you answer the phone?”
“Because it rang,” he teased. “What do you do when you hear the phone ring?”
“You could’ve let it go to voicemail.” I caught my flushed, excited face in the rearview mirror.
“Who uses voicemail these days? Text me if you need to leave a message.” He then drawled, “I answered because I wanted to hear your voice.”
“Oh, you did? Why?” My jaw already ached from grinning.
“I haven’t been able to sleep without you.” He paused. “Kinda got used to you yapping away about your day that makes me sleepy. If you’re not coming back, can you record yourself so I can make your voice my ASMR?”
“Ugh. I swear you drive me insane,” I giggled.
“I’m serious. Can you send it to me? Like right now.”
“No, because you’re about to have the real thing. I’m catching a late flight out tonight back to Miami.”
“Maybe flying in tomorrow morning is better. Your ass likes to sleep late when you go to bed too late, and I need you at the track by three,” he chuckled.
“Exactly why I need to fly tonight. I might miss a morning flight.” I smiled, loving that he knew that about me. “And I want to be there for you.”
Canaan was silent for a beat. “I’ll handle everything and get someone to pick you up. We have a late practice, and I don’t want you catching a ride with a random.”
“You do know I do Rideshare all the time?”
“Kensie . . .” he warned.
“Okay . . . okay. Thank you.”
“See, gratitude isn’t hard.”
“Goodbye, Canaan.” I pressed the ignition.
“Hey . . . hey . . . Kens?”
“What?” I sounded breathless to myself. I loved it when he shortened my name.
“Did you miss me?” His quiet ask seemed more of a demand.
“Madly.” I clicked off the cell before I thought too deeply about what I’d just admitted and pulled off into the traffic.