Chapter 29
Canaan
Kensie remained by my side for the week I spent in the hospital, only leaving long enough to shower in our hotel suite or when I had a visitor.
Ms. Murielle had the staff pack up our belongings at the hotel and the house on Fisher Island for the trip home to Houston.
Kensie and I never returned to the house where we fell in love.
Maybe if we did, I would’ve remembered the joy she brought to my life, not the pain I now experience.
I didn’t say much to her when we traveled back to Houston in a chartered plane.
My sullen and irritable mood didn’t seem to deter her from being there for me.
I wanted to yell and argue about her duplicity.
But every time she looked at me with those damn baby-brown eyes of hers or cuddled her warm body against me, I wanted to pretend I didn’t know the truth.
Only Malcolm knew the truth when he found me, irate and hurt, an hour before the race, when he entered Ferrari’s private team suite.
I slapped my cell in Malcolm’s palm when he asked what was wrong.
Malcolm had quickly perused the mail detailing who leaked the video.
The email stated that a waiter had been paid to retrieve the recording from the camera.
The staff didn’t know who had paid him, but they described a man, the same man the waiter was able to identify in one of the videos posted of the after-party in Miami.
Saraj Paul. Kensie’s manager and best friend.
Though he cursed loudly, Malcolm had grabbed my shoulders and gone into crew chief mode, reminding me to forget everything but the road. I thought I could . . . until I didn’t.
“Baby, do you need more pillows?” Kensie looked over her shoulder at me.
With a bandaged chest and a useless left arm in a sling, I reclined on the large ottoman in my bedroom as she finished making my bed.
We’d been back in Houston for a week, and she hadn’t yet gone to her townhome.
She fussed over me during the day, making sure I didn’t want for anything, and wrapped her arms around me at night.
“No,” I replied, studying her. “I don’t need anything else from you.”
“Okay. I’ll be in the next room, working on my dissertation.” She stood back from the freshly made bed, not quite meeting my intense glare. “I think we need to schedule your appointment with the rehab. The doctor said give it a week or so, and it’s been longer.”
“Why are you still here, Kensie? Huh? You said you wanted to go our separate ways once we made it back home,” I sneered.
Her head snapped up, and fire blazed bright from her eyes, though she quietly replied, “That was before—” She took a step toward me and stopped at my withering look. “I’m here as long as you need me.”
The coldness that emanated from me kept her from moving closer. I had to keep her at a distance, or I wouldn’t be able to keep my resolve to end this sham of a relationship. “I don’t think you heard me the first time. I don’t need you anymore. I’ll hire a nurse, or Ms. Murielle will look after me.”
Kensie’s chest heaved up and down. “Now that we’re home, are you done with me? With us?”
Her wounded eyes and the crack in her voice almost broke through the ice forming in my heart.
Yet, I couldn’t take another day of pretending that my disappointment was solely about losing a race I believed I was destined to win.
“I was done in Miami but needed to focus on my recovery and not your bullshit.”
She placed her hand on her heart. “My bullshit?”
“You set me up, and because I was so caught up with you, I ignored my first instinct not to trust you. I was so hurt, trying to understand why you would lie to me. I couldn’t settle my brain.
Imagine that . . . I drove that whole race on pure adrenaline of hurt and not my flow.
I would’ve won if I hadn’t been hit. I’ve been hit like that before and always kept my car under control.
If I weren’t angry with you, that fucking bump wouldn’t have almost killed me. ”
“What are you talking about?” Two wrinkles appeared and then vanished across her forehead. “After everything . . . after saying you trusted me . . . that we trusted each other. You still think I leaked that video?”
I jabbed the air with my right fist and winced from the pain in my ribs. “I know you did. I found out right before the race that Saraj paid a damn waiter to give him the footage of us.”
Kensie gasped, and her eyes widened. She moved closer to me and softened her voice. “I swear I didn’t know. Please, please, believe me. I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“Really? Everything I know or remember about you was that you couldn’t stand my ass.
Even Emme said that you didn’t think I was worth shit when she was in Miami.
You didn’t call me, and you had no intention of calling me after Jamaica, or maybe that was the game you were playing to get my attention.
You asked me to pretend to be your man, and when I didn’t answer that night, you took matters into your own hands.
You knew I couldn’t afford another scandal associated with my name.
Probably thought I was the biggest fool when I told the world we were engaged and then proposed to you in front of your fans,” I spat out.
Kensie held palms up and spoke calmly, “I never leaked that video, and if you believe I did, then you don’t know me.”
“Then I guess I don’t know you.” My still-aching body twinged with fury and indignation. Every beat of my heart . . . Every expansion of my lungs hurts.
She blinked back tears and kept her shoulders ramrod straight, though she couldn’t hide the hollowness of her eyes. And I would show no mercy for what I believed was an act to gain sympathy.
Kensie drew in a long breath before exhaling.
“I can tell that nothing I say will change your mind about me. Maybe it’s your way to get out of a promise you can’t fulfill now that we’re back home.
Or maybe you want to blame me for your accident, just as Malcolm does.
Or maybe you realize that you don’t love me now that we’re back in reality.
Whatever your reasons for believing that the love I felt and still feel for you isn’t real, it’s something I can’t and won’t change. ”
“Won’t change?” I questioned her, some of the anger melting from my tone.
“Yeah, I’m not going to beg you. I know my heart, and I know my actions for the past three months have been nothing but support, love, and concern for you.
For the last two weeks, I barely slept so that you wouldn’t wake up alone despite your coldness toward me.
I didn’t care if you took out your hurt on me because I love you that much.
” Kensie clenched her fists by her side, then took a deep breath before saying, “If you can’t see how much I love you, or if you believe that I would stoop so low to release a video compromising who I am for fame and fortune, what more can I say?
You said you were done with me in Miami, so I’ll get my shit and go.
” Her eyes brimmed with unshed tears as she said, “Just know that I love you, and I’ll always root for you. ”
When she tried to pull off her engagement ring from her trembling hand, I shook my head. “It’s yours.”
“I don’t want it.” Kensie wiped her wet cheeks impatiently.
“Then sell it. I don’t care.” I looked away from her.
Unable to watch her pack, I limped to my balcony and stared at the Houston skyline. I shut my eyes tight as I drifted into another realm. I needed to be anywhere but here, as the only woman I would ever love walked out the door.