Chapter 35
Kensie
I reread the contract for the fifth time, in disbelief at the amount I’d been offered for the rights to my book, based on the research I’d done for my dissertation.
I squealed and danced around my townhome.
It’d been a little more than a week since my confession and seven weeks since I’d returned from Miami.
I still missed Canaan something awful, especially at night.
This contract would greatly help alleviate my heartbreak, as I was expected to fly to New York to work out all the details with Random House.
An all-expense-paid trip to New York because of something I wrote.
Saraj had been right when he said I didn’t know how far my research and writing could take me.
He’d proven it by taking the chapters I sent him when we were still talking and drafting a query for a literary agent, who sent it to several publishing houses without my permission.
Saraj sent an apologetic note along with the contract by courier to my townhome this morning.
I wanted to call him and celebrate, but stubborn pride and simmering anger kept me from reaching out.
I collapsed on the sofa, still holding the contract in my hand while picking up my cell in the other.
Would Canaan be happy for me? Would he answer the phone?
I stared at my cell, my stomach in tight knots.
Can I handle it if he doesn’t pick up or never calls me back?
It was now the final stretch of July, and the heartache hadn’t lessened one bit.
When Canaan’s name suddenly appeared on my ringing phone, I dropped it. I blinked rapidly and searched my living area. Am I awake? I placed the contract on the table and answered my cell, trying not to sound breathless. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
I closed my eyes, savoring the sound of his deep voice that immediately reminded me of our mutual fiery lust.
“You got a sec?” Canaan asked.
“Yes.” Damn, I sounded desperate, barely waiting for him to finish his question.
He chuckled. “Wanted to thank you for my father.”
“He called you?” I smiled at the happiness radiating through the phone.
“Better than that. He saw me drive, and we hung out for a while yesterday. He told me that you showed up at his job, bossing him around. I said it sounds like her.”
“You’re such a comedian,” I giggled, holding the phone tight. “I’m happy for you and so glad you’re driving again. I was holding the phone, thinking about calling you, and actually dropped the phone when your name flashed across my screen.”
“You can call me anytime.”
“You too.” I curled up on the sofa, hoping we could talk longer.
Canaan asked, “Are you home alone?”
“Like Kevin?” I joked, referencing the Home Alone movies we both loved.
“Still corny,” he mused.
“Um . . . I’ll have you know that my jokes always stick.”
“Right.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “I want to see you to talk in person if you have time.”
“Like now?”
“Unless you’re busy.”
My stomach fluttered. “I think I can squeeze you in.”
“Naw. Cancel everything else.”
I bristled at his demanding tone. “Don’t be an asshole. I do have a life outside of you.”
My doorbell rang.
I checked the camera on my phone, and a smile crawled across my face.
Self-consciously, I ran my hand through my wet hair from the shower and tugged down my shorts before I checked myself.
He’d seen me naked and with crust in my eyes, so I doubted he would have any issues with my current look.
I opened the door to a bearded Canaan, whose usual low-cut fade had grown fuller at the top.
He rocked a black Nike hoodie, cargo pants, and red Jordans.
He appeared more real this way. More virile. Sexier. “What if I had company?”
“I would send his ass packing. You still wearing my ring.” He bent to peck my lips possessively and then walked past me, scanning my living area.
Shit. I’d forgotten to take it off. I still wore my engagement ring when I was alone in my townhome.
“This looks like you. Cozy and chaos, like you make me feel.”
Caught up in his unexpected appearance and the kiss, I stood at the open door, trying to regain my senses and keep hope at bay. “You mean the way you make me feel?”
He jammed his hands into his pockets. “Close the door.”
Instead of ignoring his demand out of stubbornness, I complied. Heat rose between us as he openly admired my tank top-and-shorts-clad body. I crossed my arms over my chest. “I really do have plans.”
His brows furrowed deeply. “Better not be with another man. You’re still mine.”
“The nerve. You told me we were over. For weeks, you never called, and it’s been days since I stopped by your condo.
You think I’m so desperate for you that you can come over with some weak-ass bullshit and pretend we never broke up,” I retorted, though my heart .
. . My heart thudded so loudly I could barely hear him.
“I’m not pretending. You’ll always be mine, Kens.” Canaan wrapped his arms around my waist and jerked me to him. His lips hovered over mine, and he whispered, “I miss waking up with you.”
I refused to relax against him, though I couldn’t drag my eyes from his mouth that had done such delicious things to my body. “I need more than you ‘missed me.’ You cut me out of your life like you didn’t care about me at all. How do I know you won’t do that again?”
Canaan’s soft gaze never left mine. “You don’t know, like I don’t know if you’ll hurt me again. We have to take a risk on each other once more.”
“I didn’t hurt you, Canaan. I would never betray you or lie to you.” I curved my arms around his neck.
“I recognize that now. I needed some time to deal with everything.” He kissed the corner of my mouth.
“And yes, you did hurt me. You left me when I was down and out, like my mother did. I almost lost my life doing what I loved the most outside of being with you. I was still licking my wounds. Not thinking straight about shit.”
“You were mean, almost cruel, when you told me you were done with me. Did you really expect me to stay?”
His hands gripped my waist. “Yes. The Kensie I know never does anything I ask without a fight. You didn’t fight for me when I needed you the most.” He slowly lifted me off my feet, carrying me toward the stairs. “That shit can’t happen again.”
“When Ms. Murielle came to see me, concerned about you, I was willing to fight. Then, unexpectedly seeing Emme with you knocked the wind out of me.” My hand rested on his firm chest. “I know there’s nothing between you and her, but running into the two of you made me pause about the lies and the mistakes I’d made with you and my expectations that we could be this happy couple without telling the truth to the people we’d lied to.
And when you still didn’t call, I began to let go.
Not in anger or frustration, but I was slowly finding my peace with our situation.
Bottom line, I can’t fight for a man who didn’t seem to want me.
At the time, I wasn’t sure how you felt about me,” I answered, caressing the nape of his neck, too caught up in the desire in his eyes to challenge his assumption that we would have sex.
“I’ll always want you,” he reassured me as he carried me easily up the steps and strode to my bedroom.
Will you always love me too? The words wouldn’t pass through my apprehensive lips as I gave in to my raw need for him.