Chapter 9
Chapter
Nine
HER
I can feel his eyes on me every time I leave home.
It’s a strange feeling, like a weight on my back. I haven’t seen him since that night, but I know he’s always there, watching me. It’s made me uneasy, and I have avoided going out much lately. Especially alone. I haven’t even exercised properly for weeks now.
I’ve started having nightmares, too—nightmares of that man, looming over me while I lay defenseless in my bed. He’s always smiling, the mask he wears twisting into a hideous grin like he knows something I don’t. I can feel his breath on my face, smell his sweat. I try to scream, but no sound comes out. Then I wake up in a cold sweat, my heart pounding.
The lack of quality rest has been affecting my work, making it difficult to concentrate. Sometimes, I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality. I am always on edge because of my paranoia, constantly fearing that someone is watching me and waiting to strike .
My friends have noticed my change in behavior and have been trying to get me out of the apartment more. I rarely accept their invitations, and I feel guilty about it. Blake has kept me company, at least. But despite his reassuring presence, fear still lingers in the back of my mind.
This week, Jen had decided that enough was enough.
She lectured me about not staying cooped up forever and insisted on dragging me to the county fair. I initially protested, but eventually gave in. She gave me a ride to the fairgrounds, and now I find myself among the bustling crowd, waiting in line. My palm sweats as I grip the taser hidden in the front pocket of my hoodie.
Apprehension is building inside of me, but I try to focus on the moment. I take a deep breath and listen to the music blaring from the rides, the shouts of vendors, and catch a whiff of fried food. I close my eyes and attempt to will the worry to slide away. Suddenly, I hear a voice beside me that nearly causes me to jump out of my skin.
“Hey, guys! Didn’t expect to see you two out here tonight!”
I smile nervously, feeling my heart race. It’s Nick, all lopsided grins and exuberance wearing a baseball cap.
“Hey, Nick,” Jen greets, her eyes brightening as she takes in his presence. “What are you doing here? If I would’ve known you wanted to come too, I’d have given you a ride.”
Nick scratches behind his ear. “Actually, I came here with Zoey. She’s around, just paying a visit to the girls’ room.” He notices Jen’s expression wilt, and he quickly adds, “But I really appreciate the offer, Jen.”
Awkward. Their back-and-forths are seriously beginning to stress me out. Ugh, I could use a cigarette right about now.
“Yo, go to the back of the fucking line!” someone shouts.
Nick rolls his eyes. “Guess it’s time for me to split. Have fun, guys!”
She nods, offering a tight-lipped smile before he departs. I can see the disappointment in her eyes as she averts her gaze away from him and back to me. “It’s almost our turn,” she says as we approach the ticket booth. “I’ll pay for yours, don’t worry.”
Realizing that arguing with her about it is a losing battle, I stay silent and allow her to purchase two admission tickets. As we officially enter the fairgrounds, it feels like stepping into an entirely different world. The lights from the carnival games and rides glitter like fireflies against the night sky, and the smell of popcorn and cotton candy wafts through the air. It’s a far cry from the quiet apartment I’ve been holed up in for weeks.
I try to steel myself and follow Jen through the crowd. A cacophony of sounds assaults my ears, from the laughter of children to the clatter of game tokens. Struggling to keep up with her, she thankfully latches onto my arm and leads me further into the fairgrounds. I clench my jaw, reminding myself that I’m here with Jen and she won’t let anything happen to me. I can do this .
We start by trying our luck at some of the carnival games. She’s surprisingly brilliant at them, particularly milk bottle knockdown and ring toss. After winning five games in a row, she’s claimed a prize of two stuffed animals—a goofy-looking monkey with a crooked ear and a purple elephant. I’m happy for her. But also slightly embarrassed; I’ve never been good at these games. My father always won and then gave me his loot.
Jen holds her stuffed buddies in the crook of her arm as we wander around, contemplating what to do next. We come across a sign for a fortuneteller’s booth, and she stops in her tracks. “Let’s do it!” she says, her eyes twinkling with excitement.
I shake my head. Jen is interested in the metaphysical, but it’s hard for me to believe in something I can’t see or touch. “Isn’t this stuff a bit … I don’t know. Silly?”
“Maybe. But it can’t hurt to try. And at least it’ll be fun. Come on, please ?” She feigns a pout.
Even though I have doubts about the authenticity of this, her excitement is contagious, and I reluctantly give in. She grins and takes my hand, pulling me towards the booth. We join the line with the other curious customers, waiting for our turn.
It feels like we’ve been standing in line forever when Blake appears beside me, his usual effortless smile in place. “Hey there!” he says, gesturing towards the booth with a raised brow. “I didn’t know you were into all this stuff, Mia.”
I shrug, my cheeks flushing a little. “Jen’s pretty into it. I’m just going along for the ride.”
She turns around, grinning shyly at him. “Want to come, too? We can get our fortunes read together. Maybe dig up some deep, dark secrets or something?”
Blake laughs, but there’s something a bit strained about it. Before he can respond, the line moves forward toward the tent. Doubt creeps back in, and I shift awkwardly from foot to foot. He glances at me and we make eye contact, but neither of us says anything. I tear my gaze away, my eyes lingering on the bright colors of the embroidered canopy.
The line moves once more. And soon enough, we find ourselves at the entrance of the tent. Blake and I share a nervous smile, and I hesitate to go in as Jen steps inside. Neither of us moves.
She briefly pauses, glancing over her shoulder at us. “Are you guys coming?”
Blake takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. I bite the inside of my lip, disquiet eating me from the inside.
“I’m right here with you,” he murmurs, leaning close. “It’ll be okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” I shake my head, giving him silent permission to take the lead. “Mia isn’t feeling well, so we’re gonna hit up the food stalls. You have fun in there, Jennifer.”
“You can call me Jen, you know.” She giggles, disappointment barely a flicker on her face. “And don’t worry—I’ll tell you all about my experience with the Madame!”
He gives her a wave before leading me to the food stands. We walk in silence for a few minutes until we reach the stalls, where the smell of grease and sugar greets us. The array of fried foods and baked goods makes my stomach grumble in anticipation.
He turns to me, a bright smile on his face. “There are plenty of options. I’ll buy whatever you want.”
Overwhelmed by the choices, I pause for a couple of beats before finally pointing at the cotton candy. I stick by him, afraid the growing crowd will swallow me up as he goes up to the counter.
“Two bags, please,” he says to the teenage attendant. “Pink and blue.”
I watch as she makes the cotton candy, spinning the confection in perfect circles and wrapping each one individually. She hands us two full bags ready to burst, each tied with a cute ribbon, and he gives her a few bills. Once he has his change, he pockets it and holds out the bags.
“Lady’s choice.”
I select the blue one—it was always my favorite—and he presses the bag into my hand. We move away from the crowd and over to a picnic table. We sit down next to each other, and I don’t waste any time opening up my bag and stuffing my face with blue, fluffy goodness.
The sweet, sticky flavor fills my mouth as I look around at all the laughter and fun. Everywhere, people are playing games, conversing with others, and savoring treats—just living in the moment. I envy their carefree lives.
“You okay?” Blake asks.
I nod, even though I’m not really okay. I’m still rattled and unable to settle down. My stalker is out there somewhere, maybe even right here now. Watching me. “Just thinking,” I reply, a breezy lie.
He gives me a comforting smile. “I know things seem hard right now. But remember that you aren’t alone. I’m always here for you.” He slings an arm around me, giving me a hug.
Warmth radiates from him, my fears briefly a distant memory as I lean into his embrace. “Thank you,” I whisper, relief washing over me.
We get our fill of cotton candy and then get up to walk around. Everywhere I look, I see people laughing and smiling. For a moment, my worries seem miles away. We pass by the house of mirrors, and I glimpse my reflection—and something else.
It’s him!
I spin around, but there’s no one there except for Blake. Was it just a trick of the light, or am I losing my mind? Are the hallucinations getting worse?
Blake notices something is wrong and stops me. “Hey, are you okay?” he asks, his gaze searching mine for an answer as he squeezes my arm gently in support. “You look spooked.”
I force an apologetic smile. “I’m fine, I just thought I saw someone that …” I trail off. How can I explain it to him? He doesn’t know the entire story, and I don’t want to burden him with the knowledge. I take a deep breath and focus back on the here and now—the sounds, the smells, Blake’s reassuring presence. “It was nothing. It’s getting late, so let’s go grab some funnel cake before they’re out. For the road. ”
He grins in response. As we go together into the throng of people, I look around for the figure I thought I saw—just in case it really wasn’t just my imagination. But all I see is Blake, anchoring me in reality with every step. We walk in comfortable silence before he abruptly halts.
“Wanna play a game?” he asks, pointing to the nearest booth. “It’s been a while since I’ve tried one of these.”
“Sure, why not?” I reply, eager for the distraction.
He goes over to the balloon darts and speaks to the attendant. “For two, please.”
The older gentleman takes the money and sits out the darts as we take our places on opposite ends of the booth. Each of us has a set of brightly colored balloons to pop. Blake tosses his first dart and it hits the side of the board, eliciting laughter from both of us. His second dart fares a bit better, popping it. Finally, he tosses the third dart with perfect aim.
He turns to me with a mischievous grin. “Your turn.”
I take aim, squinting my eyes, remembering how my father used to do it. The first dart hits home, but the second veers off to the side. Blake chuckles as I sigh. I toss the third dart, but it falls just short of the balloon.
He gives me a high five. “You did good!” We share a laugh as he turns to the attendant to collect his prize. “This is for you,” he says, proudly holding out a stuffed animal—a fucking penguin, of all things!
My dear Gwen , I hear my father say . My little Penguin .
I swallow thickly and take his gift. “Thank you, Blake. It’s adorable.” I stare at the stuffed penguin, with its little polka-dotted bowtie, lost in my head.
Like a savior, Jen waves us down. “Hey!” She jogs over to us, her face alight with knowing. “It took forever to find you guys. Been having fun without me?” she playfully teases, glancing at the penguin and the bag of cotton candy at my feet.
I grab her arm. “Girl talk. Could you give us a moment, Blake?” He nods as I drag Jen over to the side of the booth. “I’m ready to leave this damn place.”
She tilts her head, confusion etched in her expression. “What? Why? Did something happen?”
“Nothing. It’s just …” I grip the stuffed animal hard enough to pop out the stuffing. I feel rattled, like the world is spinning and closing in on me. “It’s overwhelming being here, okay? So, let’s just go.”
Her face softens. “It’s not Blake, is it?”
“No, it’s not him. He’s helped me out, kept me company. He’s … nice.”
“You mean cute,” she corrects. “And sweet, too. Even I can see the way you look at him, Mia. If you want a ride home, why don’t you ask him?” She winks. I scoff, and she giggles at my reaction. “Come on, it’s not the end of the world. The worst he can say is no.”
I exhale a stream of air. “Okay, fine. But don’t make this an awkward situation for me, alright?”
“No promises,” she jokes. I give her a pointed look, and she holds up her hands in defense. “I’ll stay out of it. Go talk to the guy already.”
Nervous butterflies swirl in my stomach as I make my way back toward Blake. He looks up from chatting with the balloon dart attendant, and I fight the urge to run in the opposite direction when he smiles at me, his dimples prominent.
“Something the matter?” he asks.
“Actually … Would you mind giving me a ride home? Jen wants to stay longer. I don’t want to be a burden?—”
“I think I can manage that.” He grins wide enough for his eyes to crinkle; my stomach leaps. “And you’re not a burden, remember? Let’s go.”
“I’ll give you some funnel cake at work tomorrow!” Jen calls out, waving as we depart. “Have fun!”
We leave the fair together, talking and laughing as we exit the fairgrounds and head into the parking lot. There’s a comfortable familiarity between us I’ve never felt with any other person. He guides me to his car and opens the door for me, then puts his stuff in the backseat.
Sliding into the driver’s side, he starts the engine and turns on the radio. Soft rock music fills the car as we pull away from the fair. I look up at the night. It’s a deep navy with infinite, glittering stars. Part of me can’t help but feel like this is all too perfect.
We continue talking during the ride—about little things like our favorite books and movies, what our days at work are like. Nothing overly deep, but the conversation is easy. Natural.
We finally arrive at the apartment complex, and he pulls into the lot, cutting the engine. We sit in silence, neither of us moving, both seemingly reluctant to end the evening. His lips curl into a tender smile as he looks at me—and before I can say anything, he leans in and presses those same lips to mine.
My heart stops, and I’m too stunned to respond. The kiss is warm and gentle. He lingers another moment longer before pulling away, his eyes locking on mine with an intensity that takes my breath away. But then his demeanor hastily shifts, his gaze darting to the windshield.
“I had a great evening tonight,” he says, chuckling.
“Yeah, uh … same.” I clutch the stuffed penguin in my lap, twitching my leg. “Thank you for giving me a ride. I gotta go get some shut-eye. Work, you know. All that. Goodnight, Blake.” I scoop up the bag of cotton candy and rush out of the vehicle before he can say anything else.
Without looking back, I race to the building, admonishing myself for getting too close to someone again. Because what happens to all my boyfriends?
They end up fucking dead , that’s what.
Briar was a dick, but did he deserve to die, thrown away in a dumpster and ending up in a landfill? And Chris, arguably a total douchebag, did he deserve to be mutilated, cut up, and have his windpipe crushed by a barbell?
The last thing I want to do is put Blake in danger.
As I ascend the stairs, my intuition rings in my ears like a deafening drumbeat—when I notice that my apartment door is open. Carefully, I approach with light steps, realizing that someone has forced the door open. I press onward, steeling myself, and reach a hand into the dark apartment to flip on the light switch.
A chill sweeps through me. Books, movies, albums, and even silverware are strewn about. Among the overturned tables and scattered papers, I notice my torn-out journal pages. And in the center of the chaos, a single rose with a note attached to the stem catches my eye.
My fingers tremble as I pick it up to read it:
If I can’t have you, no one can.