Chapter 24
River
I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I went to class.
Avery hadn’t ordered me not to skip any classes, but I didn’t want to get in trouble, either. There was no Alex to lie for me this time around if someone reported back.
I breathed out heavily.
Fuck.
Why hadn’t I helped him? Alex had come to me, scared in his own way, desperate for help. Why had I turned him away so harshly? Because Skye was watching? Because…
Fuck.
I would never sell someone out to save myself. But I sure as shit wouldn’t risk myself to help them, either.
I picked a seat toward the back of the auditorium since I liked being able to see everyone in the room. I was one seat in from the aisle, which was perfect. Anyone who sat next to me in the aisle seat would look like a freak.
I rubbed my eyes.
I was so fucking exhausted.
Sleep was eluding me even back at the academy. I couldn’t stop seeing the look on Skye’s face when she realized who I was at the gala. I couldn’t stop seeing the look on her face when I freaked out in the garden, either.
I rubbed my eyes harder.
I was an idiot. I’d known that for a while, of course, but somehow, that look on her face was forcing me to face my dumbassery more than usual.
Was that even a word?
See? I was stupid. There was no helping me.
And why had I asked if her Links were okay? I’d intended to say something completely different, but…that was what came out. Although, my first thought of what to say had also been stupid.
I couldn’t just say, how the fuck are you the Phantom? Why the fuck are you the Phantom?
I not-so-gently slammed my forehead onto my desk.
Someone plopped down in the chair beside me, breaking me out of the hell that was my mind.
“Hey, Riv.”
I slowly raised my head to glare at Anton, who had the good sense to scoot to the edge of his seat, leaning away from me.
“Maelstrom,” he whispered. “How’s it going? I heard about the Iykos Chain. Fucking rough.”
I blinked at him, then froze again when someone else slipped into the chair on the other side of me.
What the fuck was going on? No one ever sat next to me.
“Hey,” Carla at least dipped her head respectfully. “What’d I miss? I didn’t even bother to do the reading this weekend. Mom was really upset about Lena.”
“The reading was stupid,” Anton replied, leaning forward to speak around me. “We’re discussing Chain connections and health problems.”
Carla grimaced, then flipped through her textbook.
I stared straight forward, wondering if I’d been transported to an alternate universe. And then, as if I’d summoned her, Skye walked through the door.
I couldn’t help but stare at her.
I hadn’t seen her since our argument a few days before, and she looked exactly the same, but her posture was different, now. A man followed behind her, walking a little too closely for my liking, but Skye didn’t seem to mind. My stomach dropped.
Was he another one of her Links?!
I tried to remember if I’d seen the guy at the gala, but I’d been so focused on keeping the fire from spreading too far, I couldn’t remember. He wasn’t the guard that’d been with Skye and Red when they were cornered.
Although…the more I watched the two interact, the more I started to settle.
Skye wasn’t touching him at all, and in fact, he appeared as if he was making every effort not to touch her, either. She took a seat on an aisle, pausing and moving one more seat in at his direction. When he sat next to her, he leaned away into the aisle, giving her more space.
Skye either didn’t notice me or was ignoring me, and I couldn’t be sure one way or the other with her. If we were truly in a Chain together, wouldn’t she be able to feel I was in the room with her?
“Have either of you done Link-testing?” I asked.
Carla and Anton had been arguing around me while I spiraled. They both momentarily froze at the sound of my voice.
Anton recovered first. “No. My mother thinks I should wait to see who the Crusader chooses for me.”
Ugh.
I looked to Carla, her cheeks bright red. “No. I…sort of don’t want to. Unless of course, t-the holy Crusader selects someone f-for me.”
Hmm. I nodded, looking back over to Skye. Carla followed my gaze, and her lip curled slightly, which was funny since she was just stuttering. I thought she might be leaning into me, and I was about to soak her carefully curled hair when she whispered to me.
“I met someone, though.”
I gave her a side-eye. Based on what I’d heard around campus, Carla knew a lot of someones, including Red.
“Peter Earl’s daughter. In the Health clinic? I’d never met her back home before, but she healed me after the attack on the academy, and…I don’t know. I think I like her.”
“You think?” I repeated.
“It’s complicated,” Carla said, shaking her head. “She’s already talking to some other girls who really hate me, and…I don’t know. I never pictured myself in a Chain of chicks, you know?”
“Didn’t know you were into girls,” Anton whispered harshly. “When did that happen?”
“How are your dads doing in prison?” Carla hissed back.
“You fucking–”
Anton gasped as his water bottle practically exploded, sending a ball of water into the air that rained down over the top of him and his things.
Several people moved away from us, barely stifling their laughter. Anton avoided my gaze, pulling a t-shirt out of his gym bag to dry the mess.
Carla gave me a quick grin of thanks, then went back to her own business, rearranging her pens on her desk so they resembled a rainbow.
I chewed my thumb, trying to decide whether or not I should ask more questions. Then Anton leaned into me, making my hackles rise.
“I think it makes perfect sense if you were in a Chain with the Phantom,” he whispered.
I stared at him, blinking rapidly because there was no way he’d just said that out loud.
“She’s powerful. And with the Crusader as your father…
the two of you would be unstoppable. You won’t even need the rest of the Chain. ”
Yep. He was saying all of that out loud. In the middle of an auditorium, where anyone could hear.
“I see how much you look at her,” he went on. “I’ll be the first to admit I thought it was you and Landon, but it makes sense, now. He could’ve been in her Chain, too. He almost had her, you know. I started wondering what was going on with them, but when she killed him–”
“What?” I said a little loudly.
Several students turned to look at me. Carla and Anton were frozen for a moment again, then turned glares on everyone openly staring at us.
The class resettled, and Anton swallowed hard as I glared at him.
“Explain,” I hissed.
“She…killed Landon,” Anton whispered. “You didn’t know?”
I felt as if the floor had dropped out from under me. Anton tried saying something else to me, but I wasn’t listening. I couldn’t.
Landon had been the closest thing I’d had to a best friend.
And Skye had killed him?
But Landon had known he was going to die. He’d given me most of his sensing affinity for that very reason, but I’d thought…
I thought back to how erratic Avery had been in the weeks leading up to the attack on the academy. Landon had tried to tell me something was going on, but I couldn’t help him.
I assumed Avery had killed him. Had I been wrong?
“She wouldn’t do that,” I whispered.
“You don’t know her,” Carla whispered back, not unkindly. “She tried to suffocate Lana after being on campus for like, a week.”
I couldn’t blame her for that, though. I, too, had wanted to suffocate Lana a few times.
But something in Carla’s tone pissed me off.
“You know her?” I challenged. “Or did you just taunt her because you fucked her Link when he was twisted on that shit you pass around?”
Carla’s eyes widened, then dropped. “I’m…doing what the Crusader asks of me.”
“He asks you to fuck everyone you’re pushing to?”
Carla didn’t look back up at me, and I ignored the icky feeling in my gut. I didn’t like being rude to her, but…
Fuck.
I needed to do that Link-testing. Something told me the only reason I wanted to insult her was because I knew she’d messed with one of Skye’s Links. One of my Link-mates?
I rubbed my eyes hard, then blinked at the empty desk in front of me, since I never bothered to bring anything with me besides my textbook, not even a bag to carry notebooks or a pen.
I actually wanted to pay attention today, and I’d done the reading when I couldn’t sleep last night. I was interested to learn if my migraines were caused by my lack of a Chain. It wouldn’t explain how the migraines had stopped, except…
I blew out a breath. Except, my migraines had stopped right when I came to the academy.
Right when I met Skye.
Fucking fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Moving on,” the professor began to pace.
“There are several reasons why Link-testing has become imperative in our society. Cases of severe mental health issues have declined significantly since the inception of our testing centers. If an affinate knows their Key or Links has passed on, they can seek appropriate treatment.”
I chewed at my thumb, ignoring the new pins and needles sensation in my chest. I’d never felt it there before. Maybe I was finally going to have a heart-attack.
Thank God.
“One of my mom’s Links died and she never got sick,” a girl at the front said. “Is it because her Link died when they were young?”
“Not necessarily,” the professor paused, standing near the girl as he explained.
“Mental health can vary widely from person to person.
Think of mental health like physical health.
Sometimes, you have a bad cold, and it goes away and never comes back.
Sometimes, though, you can have a chronic respiratory infection that takes months or years to clear up.
Mental health is much the same way. Some people can experience an episode of psychosis once and then never again, while others struggle with frequent episodes, sometimes for their entire lives.
“Losing one’s Key or Links can have both mild or severe mental side effects. Mild meaning something like insomnia, or high-functioning depression or anxiety. Severe meaning psychotic episodes, schizophrenia, or severe suicidal ideation.”
I tapped my pen, thinking anxiety and depression were a bit more serious than mild. Same for insomnia, which I knew all about since I hadn’t had a good night of sleep since the massacre.
A dull throb pulsed through my brain just at the thought.
“These effects can be more severe depending on the relationship between the Key and Link. A Key that’s never met their dead Links may suffer from mild side effects, while a Link who’s connected with their Key may end their own life upon losing the Key.
These aren’t hard and fast rules. Things are different for everyone. ”
I frowned. There were a lot of questions I wanted to ask, but I’d never be able to do that in front of Carla or Anton. As if on cue, Anton began to scratch at his arms, the sound loud in the quiet.
I blinked, then stood abruptly.
The whole auditorium fell silent as I stood, grabbing my textbook and moving away from Carla and Anton. I went a couple rows over, then plopped down in a new seat.
The professor stared at me for a moment, then went back to his lecture.
The back of my neck burned, but I ignored the sensation as I tried to settle back into the lecture.
The professor prompted us all to turn to our neighbors and discuss something, and just as I pulled out my phone, another someone was plopping down in the chair beside me.
My head jerked up so I could glare the idiot into moving away, but I froze.
A pair of haunting silver eyes stared back at me, and I felt like a fish, my mouth opening and closing while no sound came out.
“Hey,” Skye said nonchalantly.
“Hey,” I rasped. “You come to discuss mental illness in family Chains with me?”
Skye almost smirked, but she shook her head. “No. I actually wanted to ask if you hate me.”
I choked on a laugh, then sobered when I realized she wasn’t laughing with me.
“I don’t,” I answered slowly.
“Ah,” she said quietly. “So…are you, like…betrothed?”
I choked on another laugh, even snorting. This time, Skye’s eyes lit up while she watched me.
“What the fuck?” I said.
Skye only raised an eyebrow.
“No,” I replied.
The class quieted down as the professor began to lecture again, and Skye’s voice drifted into my mind.
Can I speak to you here?
Yes, I answered too quickly since it didn’t hurt. Any time, Skye.
So…do you still not hate me?
I grinned at my desk.
I still don’t hate you.
Okay, good. I…don’t hate you either.
I glanced up at her, noticing how she seemed unsure.
I didn’t think you did.
Well, I thought you hated me. You know, since you punched the wall next to my head and still haven’t given me an explanation for it.
Have you never done something you regret? I fired back.
Skye didn’t respond. She clenched her jaw, then looked away. You have no idea the amount of things I regret.
Like killing Landon, I said, because I was an idiot.
Skye sucked in a sharp breath, her shoulders hunched slightly as she barely shook her head.
He told me about you. I thought he was in love with you. I huffed a sardonic laugh. He was my best friend, I said, leaning toward her. Why did you do that? He was trying to…we were going to…
We were trying to find a way to escape.
I couldn’t make myself say those words to her.
He asked me, Skye whispered. When her eyes met mine again, they were glassy. He asked me to kill him.
Once again I felt as if the floor had dropped out from under me.
I’d only had this Truth affinity for a few days and I’d quickly figured out that the tickle in my throat that I’d hoped was anaphylaxis was actually the affinity.
Lies tickled at my throat, making me want to cough.
I hadn’t yet reexamined the disaster of a conversation with Avery to determine what he’d been lying about, but–
Skye had no reason to lie to me.
He told me there was no other way, Skye went on, taking my silence for something other than an internal panic attack. He told me…the Crusader wouldn’t let him kill himself. He…he thought I was a god.
Yep. That sounded like Landon.
Fuck.
I rubbed my eyes while Skye started to babble, over-explaining herself.
He told me he’d tried to kill himself and he couldn’t, and it was because the Crusader had done something to him. I had no idea…I mean, I didn’t know you then, but…River–
Were you into him? I snapped my head up, unable to control the sudden jealousy coiling through me. Were you giving him the run around, too?
‘Too’?
Skye scowled at me, and my eyes darted to the ends of her hair, vibrating against her waist. Skye leaned into me, and my eyes widened. I instinctively moved back, because she eerily tilted her head just like Avery right before he was about to whack me.
Landon was my friend, you dick. You could be, ‘too’, if you’d get your head out of your ass.
My textbook erupted into a flurry of paper, the pages flying into the air and fluttering into my face.
The auditorium was dead silent until Skye slammed through the doors, with the man from before right on her heels.
And then everyone began to laugh.