Chapter 13 Cash
CASH
Remy talks about college and her reasons for wanting to be a drug counselor. She speaks about it as if it’s still an option, despite the pregnancy, and I find myself mentally scanning my list of contacts and compiling a folder of all the ways in which we can help her.
Mom was right when she said that this was all about Remy; I’m just angry at myself for needing a nudge to figure it out.
Her body will go through changes while she carries our babies.
Her life will be disrupted when they’re born.
She is the one those children will turn to for comfort for the rest of their lives.
While we can do whatever the hell we want. Whenever we want. And with whomever we want too.
I think I already knew from the first moment I met her that I would never want anyone else.
Remy Jones walked into my life for a reason, and she’s here to stay.
If Bash hadn’t made that business trip to Ireland, I might never have met her, but he did, and I’m ready to believe that the universe planned it this way.
Now I need to find out how Bash feels about her.
Sure, she might not want either of us romantically, but every time our eyes meet, sparks fly between us.
Every time our thighs brush on the couch, my cock responds with a twitch and a growth spurt.
It will be impossible to be in the babies’ lives and know that I’m not allowed to touch her, but I’ll train my testosterone not to respond if that’s what she wants.
And if she wants Bash instead… I’ll relocate to Ireland or become a monk and take a vow of celibacy or spend the rest of my life backpacking around the world with nature for company.
Because despite what Mom said, I can’t switch off how I feel about her.
“Tell me about your family.” Remy has this way of looking at one of us and speaking to both. I don’t think she even realizes what she’s doing, which makes it even more beguiling.
“You’ll love our mom,” I begin. “She went through hell with our biological father. He almost killed her one time, but she’s a fighter. She’s the strongest woman I know.”
Remy’s eyes glitter with tears. “Do you think I’ll get to meet her one day? Does she know about me?”
“Yes, and she will always be on your side, no matter what happens.”
“But you’re her sons.”
“And you’re having our babies. That’s enough for our mom.”
Bash fills two glasses with brandy and brings them back for me and him, and a seltzer for Remy.
“I should go.” She hugs the drink with both hands, comfortable on the couch between us. “I have classes tomorrow.”
We haven’t discussed practical arrangements for the future. It felt wrong tonight, and we’ve somehow settled into an unspoken agreement to save it for later while we get to know one another.
“Stay.” I blurt it out without thinking of the consequences. All I know is that I don’t want her to walk out of here in case it’s the last time we ever see her. “I’ll see that you get to college in the morning.”
Bash swallows half his brandy in one mouthful. He watches her steadily, deliberately avoiding eye contact with me. Just when I think that he’s going to tell her to leave, he says, “Yes, stay.”
My heart swoops like an eagle riding a current. This consolidates that we’re back on the same side again. Where we belong.
Remy doesn’t move. “I didn’t bring any clothes.”
“You don’t need clothes.”
I can’t blame the brandy. I can’t even claim that my mind was in the walk-in closet when my mouth spurted the words.
It was in the guest room, but the path it was wandering had nothing to do with providing Remy with clean clothes and everything to do with taking them off her.
Slowly. Peeling away the layers to reveal her glorious naked body.
I’m already hard.
A low sound that might be the beginning of a chuckle escapes from Bash.
Remy hears it. “Did you know that you get a tiny dimple when you smile?” She pokes his cheek with her fingertip and turns to me. “Are you blushing?” She strokes my face, and my cock acts like she stuck her hand inside my pants.
“I’m not blushing.” I’m flushed. I can feel the heat in my cheeks, from the brandy, but blushing isn’t allowed in our line of work. Poker faces. We need to be unreadable.
“You are blushing.” Bash grins at me before tilting his head back and swallowing the remains of the brandy in his glass.
“I’m hot.” I take Remy’s cool hand and place it flat against my left cheek. “You see?”
Her eyes scan my face. I can’t let her look down. If she looks down, my cool cover will be blown sky-high by the tent in my pants.
Remy nuzzles the palm of my hand. “I see. You want me to go along with the theory that you’re hot because blushing will ruin your reputation. But there’s no one else here, Cash. You can drop the facade and just be you.”
“I…” How does she do this? How does she see right through to my core and touch me in places I’ve never been touched before simply by looking at me? “This is me, Remy.” The huskiness in my voice is a dead giveaway, and my loins have relinquished control of the blood pumping through them.
She holds my gaze. “I see you.” A smile tugs her lips upward. “And you’re still blushing.”
I smile. “Are you flirting with me?”
This wasn’t supposed to happen. Bash and I placed our feelings for Remy—whatever they are—aside while we focused on her. But we forgot one very important factor: that she might trample all over our good intentions and set us on fucking fire.
Now, she averts her eyes. “I’m sorry. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”
I don’t lower her hand from my face. “I like it when you flirt.”
She nods once, tries to stand up, and falls into my lap. Her arms instinctively wrap around my neck. Our lips are almost touching. I can feel her heartbeat against my chest.
I don’t fight it. I give into the urge to kiss her, and she parts her lips, matching the adrenaline coursing through my veins with her own passion.
My erection is solid beneath her. She rocks on it, and I’m too blinded by her tongue in my mouth to guess if she’s doing it deliberately, or if our bodies are out of control.
When we finally pull apart, I realize that Bash isn’t there, and I know that he feels the same way about her as I do. This isn’t a competition. We aren’t going to fight for her affection. We simply want her to be happy.
But no way in hell am I going to reject her if she wants me.
Despite our mom’s warning.
Remy’s face is rosy, her pupils blown to dark marbles swallowing the pale gray. “When I discovered that there were two of you, I ran straight home to my mom.”
I wait for her to elaborate. Later, I might tell her that I did the same, but right now, I want to hear what she has to say. This feels like a turning point. I’m not sure which direction it will take, but I need to hear it.
“She knew.” She smiles and shrugs. “She threatened to kill you both if she ever found out that you were playing some kind of sick game on her unsuspecting daughter. Right before she told me that I would know my true feelings when I spoke to you.”
“And do you?” I ask.
Her chest expands when she takes a deep breath and releases it sharply. “I wished that there was only one of you. I didn’t want to have to choose.” She licks her lips; she does it a lot without even realizing, and it’s sexy as fuck. “I still don’t.”
“You don’t have to.” I scoop her hair away from her neck and kiss the pale skin. “You don’t have to choose either of us. This is all about what you want, cailin alainn.”
I’m not playing fairly. I should sit back, give her space, stop touching her. But I can’t. I can’t be this close to her and ignore the way my heart beats differently when I’m with her.
“What if I don’t know what I want?”
“Then we’ll figure it out.”
She smiles. “Have you always been this confident?”
“Of course. Confident is my middle name.”
“Are we still flirting?”
I nibble her earlobe. “I think we crossed that line when you kissed me.”
“Technically, you kissed me.”
“You kissed me back.”
“What about Bash…” She doesn’t pull away. Instead, she arches her spine and presses her hard nipples against my chest.
“His middle name is discreet.”
She chuckles. “You have an answer for everything, huh?”
I drag my lips away from her ear and tilt her chin towards me so that she’s looking me in the eye. “I was nervous as fuck before you arrived tonight.”
“Why?”
“I had no idea… I thought you might tell us both to fuck off after our last meeting. Not meeting, I don’t want you to think that you were some kind of business transaction. Because you’re not. Far from it. After the last time we—”
Remy leans in and kisses me tenderly on the lips. “Stop talking. I was nervous too. I didn’t know how I would feel seeing you both together. The not knowing felt easier, you know?”
“I know.”
“And now… I’m still no clearer, but I do feel a bit lighter knowing that you want to be a part of the babies’ lives.”
“Is that the only reason?” I barely recognize my own voice.
Remy sucks on her bottom lip, and I tug it out from under her teeth with my thumb. “No. I couldn’t bear the thought that it meant nothing to you. What happened before.”
“Nothing could be further from the truth.”
I kiss her long and slow, and our bodies respond together. My fingers find the buttons of her shirt, pulled tight across her breasts. I undo them easily and slide my hand inside her bra.
Remy flinches. “They’re tender.”
“I can be gentle.”
Her smile meets mine. “I remember.” She hesitates. “But not here. This is Bash’s apartment.”
I could remind her that we had sex in the guest room already, but I know when to keep quiet. “Come with me.” I stand up and take her hand.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”