Chapter 6 #2
“You are welcome,” Trax sent obliviously as he sniffed his bloody dinner. “Females will steal your food.”
“Enjoy the drinks, because this is the last of our budget. After this, it’s back to scrounging.” It wasn’t like we had official positions in this half-assed outfit, but I was nominally our treasurer, and that purse was empty. “So where do we all stand on our latest crisis?”
“I believe that’s two for working with Carcalla.” Rade waved one corpse-pale hand toward me and Azarin. Then at Krachma. “One vote for provoking an unwinnable war, I think.”
“Krachma cares not,” Krachma muttered. “Present Krachma enemy to kill. It will die.”
“Splendid.” I honestly believed Krachma to be a decent sort, but from what I’d heard, his people mostly survived by getting hired out as mercenaries, and since none of us knew where Krachma’s many rocky scars had come from, he’d probably seen some shit.
“What do you think, Mr. Bloodtrail?” Rade asked.
Trax was busy pouring the contents of the slop bucket into his maw and chomping noisily. Bits were flying everywhere. It was scaring the other customers. “Apologies, Carnavon. This gelatinous pig snout is delicious. What were you discussing?”
Since nobody else could understand him, I simplified things. “Trax says he’s voting with me and Azarin.”
“I do not know what is happening, but this sounds acceptable to me.”
“The Squalo always agrees with you. Very well. It is decided. Though my vote is now meaningless, let the record show that Rade Tartaros, sword of the underworld, rightful heir of House Tartaros in exile, fears neither gangs nor cursed isles, and he shall fight for the honor of his academy, whether it be by gang war or adventuring.”
“If we had a secretary writing things down, then that would surely be recorded in the minutes.”
“Excellent.” Rade seemed rather pleased with that. “I know you’ve got a sour outlook on the concept of adventuring, my friend, but I for one am not opposed to it. Adventuring is a fine opportunity to gain wealth and glory.”
I should have known he would feel that way, because our deadlander was just as brash as the fools I’d guided to their doom.
“Then let that same official record show that I think this is a terrible idea, except we’re stuck, and if we’re going to save the academy, I see no other choice.
My recognizing this shitty reality doesn’t mean I like our predicament one bit…
If we’re going to keep putting things on the record, I suppose we should elect a secretary to keep notes and make it official. ”
“Not it,” Azarin said quickly.
“Krachma does not write.”
“Alas, my swordsmanship is better than my penmanship. How about you, Carnavon?”
“I’m already treasurer.” Not that we ever had enough money for that office to matter. I looked to Trax. “Congratulations. You’ve been elected secretary of the Academy of Outcast’s student council.”
“I have never held a title among humans before.”
“Trax says he’ll be honored to serve.”
He stopped crunching a rotten ham hock long enough to look at me with his beady black eyes. “Secretary? What does that word mean? Do I get to eat anyone?”
His mission among the land creatures was to study our ways, and every night, he recorded his observations onto a magical crystal sphere which served the same purpose to him as a notebook would to us, since undersea creatures didn’t have paper.
“Just remember what we say in these meetings and put it on your thought globe thing.”
“I shall remember this extra hard.”
“So as much as our situation stinks, and we’re bound to get screwed somehow, we’re in agreement about working with the Latros, then.”
“I’m sure it will be fine, Carnavon,” Rade assured me.
“Remember our little jaunt to my homeland? A few hours of work netted us a tidy amount of Black—it would’ve been a fortune if my damnable relatives hadn’t come along—and it was that very element which later saved your life from a corrupt inspector of the watch. ”
“I recall on that little jaunt a Death Elemental wanting to hollow one of us out to wear our corpse as a suit.”
“That was but a small setback on our road to glory!”
Somedays I wished I’d just stayed a miner on a barge. “Alright, we’re committed to this foolishness. Now, how do we get the students onboard after Joran scared the piss out of them?”
“I don’t know if we can,” Azarin said. “Two of them packed their things and walked out before you even got back from Carcalla’s. The idea of being on the Latrocinium’s bad side was enough to unnerve them.”
I’d not known about the desertions. “Which ones left?”
“Nils and Luwan.”
That was disappointing, as both of them had been halfway talented, and they hadn’t done anything too annoying since we’d taken them in.
The only thing keeping them from a spot in the real academies was that neither had come from money.
“It’s not a good sign that our smartest students were the ones to get out while they could.
At least they shared their spells first. Too bad it wasn’t some of the dumber ones abandoning us. ”
Rade laughed at our misfortune. “You’re the one who keeps letting in every mangy stray.
I know the Collegium’s exclusionary nature insulted you, but there’s a reason those schools are picky…
Let me motivate the rest. I’ll give a speech that’ll put a fire in their bellies.
Those who are cowards may leave. We’re better off without them.
Then we’ll take all the brave souls who remain, and lay waste to the monsters on this island of whatever it’s called. ”
“Korthican’s Warning.”
“Yes. We’ll go there, slay our foes, retrieve Carcalla’s treasure, and the reputation of our academy will grow across the city.
Better recruits will flock to our door, bringing their superior spells and purses heavy with Obols!
” Rade grinned at his grand vision. “That’s settled.
Now on to our second order of business.”
“Let me guess,” I said. “We’re almost out of element, money, food, and every other resource needed to run a functioning school?
And we really need some higher-ranking teachers to keep our morons from unleashing curses, but we can’t afford to hire anyone, and only a sucker would volunteer to help the likes of us? ”
Rade laughed. “That goes without saying, my friend! But this is new business.”
The black-eyed, white-haired, corpse-looking people of the Elemental Plane of Death were supposed to be dour, but Rade was just so obnoxiously chipper that it was impossible to dislike the man.
“What now?”
“We must add to that list that we require the services of a tester as soon as possible. This issue can no longer be delayed.”
“Rade’s right,” Azarin said. “Nobody worth a shit is going to join up unless there’s a chance for them to advance.
Achieving higher ranks opens more doors, and we’re studying our butts off trying to get better.
Except, even if we do manage to increase in skill, that means nothing until a tester makes it official. ”
The Testers’ Guild was who determined just how capable a mage really was.
They were a select group, paid by the various kingdoms to travel the realms, checking to see who was worth spending effort and element on to develop their magical skill.
The only way to get promoted through the lower ranks of wizardry was by a tester’s say so.
With rank came respect and opportunities for more lucrative work.
“They’re not cheap.” It cost me a few ounces of prime element to bribe my way into a second test. “Anybody here friends with a tester?” I waited, but of course they weren’t. Testers were rare, high-class specialists. We were us.
“Alas, I’ve never known anyone from that respected order.”
“Wait… You’ve at least been tested, right?” Azarin gave Rade a suspicious look. “You told us you were a rank two.”
“Forgive me. I misspoke.” Rade easily laughed that off. “I met that one, obviously.”
Come to think of it, Rade had produced about as much evidence of his magical prowess as he had his claimed noble lineage. He only knew a few spells and hadn’t yet mastered any of the ones we’d shared with him.
“You must at least have your papers showing you’re a two from when you got tested, right?”
“Tragically, I lost my papers in a boating mishap.”
Of course he had. “Well, I did have a nice conversation with a tester in Fogo not too long ago. Tester Pivorotto seemed like a decent fellow. I don’t know if he’s returned to the Core yet, but I can check.”
“Splendid. Secretary Trax, please note that Carnavon has promised to find a tester for us.”
With congealed pig blood dripping down his face, Trax looked at me and sent, “I will be the best secretary ever.”
“Don’t worry, my friends. We’re likely to find so much treasure on this abandoned isle, that hiring this tester of yours will be easy.
We’ll sell our loot in the market—after our crime lord gets his cut, of course—and then we’ll fill our coffers with element.
We won’t need to search out teachers, because they’ll come to us.
This is an exciting day for our merry band.
” Rade might be delusional, but I couldn’t fault the man his enthusiasm.
“I believe that concludes our new business. Anyone else? No? Then let us adjourn.”
“Seconded,” I said, because I had a whole lot of work to do.
Rade banged his fist on the table again, then lifted his mug high. “To adventuring!”
Caught up in the excitement, Azarin returned the toast. “To adventuring!”
Krachma didn’t appear to understand what we were doing and frowned as Azarin banged her mug into his hard enough to spill a bit. Trax went back to slurping rotten pork bits. I resentfully, sullenly, lifted my mug and muttered, “Hooray, adventure.”