Chapter 15
Fifteen
On Deathday, the Nexus was aligned with the realm of the dead.
A chilling fog drifted out the gate and gradually flooded the city.
Fog collects downhill, and we were lower than the market, so the already dreary Under Slump always felt a bit dimmer and colder than usual on Deathdays.
That temporary connection to the plane, which all spirits must pass through on their way to their eternal reward or punishment, also agitated the Tube’s resident ghosts, which made them extra uppity.
Every Deathday morning since I’d been living in these ruins, I’d gotten to wake up cold, to the shrieking antics of people who’d died by getting squished by a toppling tower over fifty years ago, letting us all know they were still rather cross about that.
“Doom! Doom!”
My bed was a few old blankets atop a pile of straw. My pillow was a cloth bag stuffed with rags. Putting it over my head wasn’t enough to block the noise. Eventually, I rolled over to see a glowing phantasm in the corner, wailing its misery.
“Dooom!”
“Yeah, doom. I got it the first time.” I’d volunteered to take one of the windowless rooms of the Tube for myself, not out of kindness to the others, but in a desperate attempt to stay warm.
Not that I was complaining, because having grown up on a barge, this was the first time in my life I’d actually experienced privacy.
But even without being able to see outside, I always knew the precise moment the sun rose and the gate began opening on Deathday, because the stupid ghosts would begin wailing.
They were worse than the neighbor’s rooster.
“Doom.”
“Could you guys give me a break for once? Yeah, you died. That sucks. Move on. I had a late night.”
“Dooooooom!”
I picked up one of my boots and hurled it through the vaguely human-shaped ghost. The boot bounced off the wall, and sadly, the ghost remained. It paused its piteous noise, just long enough for me to get my hopes up, only to go back to yelling at me.
There’d be no sleeping in today. Besides, I had a lot of work to do anyway, so I got up and got dressed.
Due to the sideways nature of our home, my door was a hatch in the floor. I kept it locked at night to keep from sleep walking to my death. When I pulled it open, Azarin was already waiting for me below. She was one of those happy morning people and was usually awake long before the ghosts.
“Oz, why is there a Latrocinium assassin in the female dormitory?”
I tossed out the knotted rope I’d anchored to a protruding stud in the wall and began to climb down from my room. I could’ve cast Descend, but wanted to save the magic for later. “So you met our guest.”
“She’s so white, at first, I thought she was another ghost. Then she introduced herself, said why she was here. I’d have preferred a ghost, frankly.”
“Joran didn’t leave me much choice.” I landed next to Azarin.
“Good thing you didn’t throw a shoe at her.
She’d likely have shot you. And what do you mean female dormitory?
You’re our only girl. I put her in a room away from everyone else.
It’s not my fault you claimed an entire section of the tower for yourself. ”
“I’m simply planning ahead for the inevitable time when we have a hundred students rather than a handful.”
Even though I was the one who’d tricked a rank-ten wizard into blowing his own hand off and scammed my way into having an official academy, bringing together unwanted mages and sharing our homebrewed spells had been Azarin’s idea.
Her talking about it in the Collegium’s pubs was how we’d gotten our first students.
It’d worked out far better than expected, and most of us had increased in ability over the last few months, so she’d certainly earned her own space away from Morton’s snoring and Sifuso’s reptile smells.
All the student council got our own rooms, except for Trax, who didn’t really understand the concept of housing, and slept submerged in the nearby canal anyway.
“We’ll get that many students eventually. You’re a good recruiter.”
“Nobody from Stormwolk would’ve expected me to make it this far. If only I could see the looks of disappointment on their faces every month the gate opens and I’m not there, tear-stained and begging to be taken back.” She gave me a playful smile. “I heard you had an eventful night.”
“Between the gladiatorial victories and attempted robbery, you could say that. I need to hit the market and buy more element. Then it’s off to see if I can’t bribe the same tester I bribed before.”
“In the meantime, what am I supposed to do with the Latrocinium’s spying bitch?”
“You can begin by not calling me a bitch, air-realm hag.”
“Fuck!” Azarin jumped, as she’d not heard Dathka appear in the shadows directly behind her. “Where’d she come from?”
“She does that. Hence her being the Shadow Walker.”
“The family name’s Walker.” Dathka’s tone was cold and aloof.
“The goblins tacked on the shadow part for the added gravitas. Before you ask the obvious, the nature and source of the item that allows me to do that spell is none of your concern. And no, I will not share any of my own spells with your gaggle of rejects.”
“Sharing a spell is our one prerequisite for membership in this academy.” Azarin might have been startled by Dathka’s sudden appearance, but she was far too willful to be intimidated by anyone. “Pay up or get out.”
“Azarin, is it?”
She nodded.
“There’s been a bit of a misunderstanding as to the nature of our relationship, Azarin.
I’ve got a home already.” Dathka put two fingers to the black and yellow band she was now wearing proudly around her bicep “I’m here to make sure you don’t rip off the boss of my existing gang, not join a pathetic new one. ”
“For the tenth time—”
Azarin cut me off before I could say we weren’t a gang.
“No spell, no tuition, no bed. You need to accompany us on our adventure, fine. We don’t owe you free room and board in the meantime.
Perhaps you can check and see if Trax has a watery spot of pond you can share.
Maybe a mud puddle would be more to your liking? ”
Dathka’s lip curled back in disgust. “Are you foolish enough to insult the Latrocinium?”
“Of course not. I’m only insulting you.”
Oh boy. I kept watching Dathka, waiting for her to tense up, as I was prepared to stick my body between Azarin’s mouth and the assassin’s hands, because that seemed to be the proper thing for a boyfriend to do.
“Carcalla will hear of this disrespect.”
“Are you going to tattle on me? He’s my landlord, not my clan chief. I had one of those once, and I didn’t particularly care to put up with his nonsense either.”
It was time to head this off before it turned stupid. If Dathka tried to kill Azarin, I’d have to kill Dathka, and then Cutter Joran would kill us all. “Ladies, ladies. You’ve just gotten off on the wrong foot.”
Azarin looked toward Dathka’s feet, which were hidden by her cloak. “I bet she’s got a big gangly club foot too.”
“You skag!”
“And it’s all hairy on top, like a halfling’s.”
“Alrighty then.” Now I inserted my body between them. It was either that or a wall of fire. I gently steered Azarin away. “How about you run those errands I was going to do, while I give our guest a tour of our academy? I’ll be right back, Ms. Walker.”
“Nice to meet you, Azarin,” Dathka called after us. “I look forward to continuing our conversation later.”
“Oh, absolutely,” Azarin said over her shoulder.
“Would you please quit antagonizing the professional killer for a second?” I got Azarin down the hall a ways and shoved the bag of Obols we’d won last night into her hands.
“You can go get us some element. Take somebody with you to watch your back while crossing the Slumps and get out of the Tube for a while.”
Azarin sniffed at that. “That’s not a bad idea. The merchants like me better than you anyway. When they weigh their element, their scales are a bit more generous when the customer has a nice smile.”
“Yes, you’re much prettier than me. No doubt of that.”
She looked back to make sure Dathka was still down the hall and probably out of earshot. “But not prettier than her. Naanwaala have mercy, she’s gorgeous. Like someone painted a bit of makeup on one of those marble statues in the Collegium. The gang lord sent her to seduce you, I know it.”
“What? No—”
She put her finger on my lip to stop me. “Trust me on this one, Oz. You don’t come from a place with warring clans. I do. One clan sending a beautiful emissary to befuddle another clan’s male leaders is a classic move where I’m from.”
“I shall refrain from befuddlement. You have my word.”
“Good. Because unlike the other boys I’ve known who’d swear that, you actually mean it.
” Then she gripped a handful of my hair, jerked my head down, and kissed me in a very passionate and theatrically exaggerated manner.
I understood logically this move was not for my benefit, but a show for our watcher. Either way, I was fine with it.
“Grab my butt,” she whispered.
“What?”
“Just do it.”
I did. It was nice. Then she kissed me a bit more, before saying, “Good. She saw that. You can let go now.”
Reluctantly, I did so. “You make this clan war business sound not all bad.”
“It’s actually pretty fun, until the murders begin.” Azarin turned her head to let her long flowing golden hair flip about, probably because that was something else Dathka couldn’t do. “Well then, I’m off to the market!”
When I returned, Dathka’s arms were folded, and she scowled. “Are you done with that absurd and pointless territorial display?”
I’d love to get back to it later, but that went unsaid. “I believe so. Allow me to give you a tour of our facility.”
“Why do you want so badly to show off your sad excuse for an academy?”
Spending time with this sanctimonious deadlander sounded about as fun as splashing lava in my eye, but I remained cordial.
“I’m proud of what we’re doing. Plus, it won’t hurt for you to be able to report back to your boss that we’re really trying to become a legitimate school for all the mages who’ve had their hopes crushed by the Collegium.
And once he understands that, he’ll know there’s no way we’d ever risk throwing that away in some attempt at shorting him a bit of treasure. ”
“You actually believe your own nonsense, don’t you?”
“I do, yeah.”
“No wonder Joran believed you to be running a scam, because no one could possibly be stupid enough to think such an asinine plan would work… Very well, Carnavon. You may show me your kingdom of delusion.”