Chapter 36 #2
“Fifteen? By Naanwalla, my congratulations to the virility of father Smorp, and respect to your sainted mother,” Azarin said.
“But we really do need to move past this family squabble quickly. Gnomes are renowned for their business sense, so surely you can put aside your brotherly animosity long enough to help a potential customer. Morton said you’d have some flying mounts to choose from. ”
“We’re sold out of most of them.”
“I promised them we always have several flying animals in stock. That is terrible inventory management,” Morton declared. “How unprofessional.”
Herbert looked even more offended by that, so he coldly announced, “However, we did just restock on a new creature this week.”
“Wonderful. Let’s see it.”
Herbert looked Azarin over carefully, and since she wore the light and billowy clothing common to air-realmers, that suggested she might know how to ride.
“Before we do, and I say this with all due respect, I must warn you this creature is particularly volatile, and you might not be able to handle it.”
That was the wrong thing to say to someone from Stormwolk. “I’m a Haatari storm chaser. I’m young, but I’ve been riding eagles since before I could walk, and I’ve herded griffons too. Are you trying to insult my honor?”
“That’s Lady Garzade you’re talking to, idiot,” Morton warned. “She comes from a very prominent family.”
I didn’t know if Azarin counted as nobility or not, as her people had odd customs. Then again, her father was a general of some kind, so surely that meant something.
“Oh! I meant no offense, my lady. Your air-realm heritage is highly respected here. Smorp Brothers gets all our eagles from the finest breeders in Stormwolk, but I’m afraid we’re fresh out of them right now. In fact, we have no air-realm beasts at all.”
“Shameful,” Morton muttered as he shook his head.
“In our defense, the Taagma Varagon put in an unexpectedly large order this month. You would know that if you ever came to family dinner, Morton… Ahem. As I was saying, the only flying creatures we have were recently captured from one of the more savage parts of the Elemental Plane of Life, and they’re barely trained at all.
I don’t think they’re quite ready for sale yet. ”
“We’re in a hurry. Show me what you’ve got.”
“Very well. Right this way.” Herbert led us toward the back. “Smorp Brothers backs up all our animals, but because this is the first of this species we’ve worked with, I must warn you that there will be no refund should these particular beasts go on a murderous rampage.”
We passed more pens and cages full of strange animals before entering an even more fortified enclosure. The walls were concrete and there were magical wards placed over the gates.
“Oh, you found a use for the old wyvern den,” Morton said. “That’s nice.”
“Indeed,” Herbert agreed. “After the last incident, the Council decreed that no more species of the dragon family were to be imported to the Core, even the smallest among them. No drakes, no dragonets, nor hydras, and especially no wyverns.”
There was a blunderbuss in a glass case, which from the dust accumulated on it, had not been used for quite some time.
It had a sign next to it which read: In case of escape attempt, break glass, point at wyvern, and pull trigger.
Imagining one of the diminutive Smorps trying to use that enchanted cannon made me smile.
“Recently, our buyer in the Elemental Plane of Life was touring the primordial jungles far to the south of Hutan Gunang and found these marvelous creatures. He told me the warriors of that distant kingdom tame and ride these things into battle.”
This cage was huge and made of steel bars.
The thing inside was massive and colorful, covered in feathers that were purple, blue, or green.
Except this was not like any of the birds I’d seen so far.
It was currently on all four legs, but they were very uneven legs, with the front two being long and having some giant folding structure around them, while the back two legs were much shorter and thick with muscle.
When the thing saw us coming, it lifted its long head on a really long neck, which just kept getting longer, and longer, until it was looking down from far above us with two piercing orange eyes.
It had an extremely long beak that ended in a point sharp enough to spear a man all the way through his torso.
Except it probably wouldn’t need to, as its skull was so long, it could no doubt swallow one of us whole.
The gnomes would easily fit in one bite.
Its neck and elongated head were awkwardly disproportionate for its body. Then it bobbed that dangerous-looking head to the side, in a curious fashion that wasn’t too different from our neighbors’ chickens, only a few thousand times bigger.
“It’s a third the size of a dragon!” Azarin exclaimed. “What is this gorgeous creature?”
“The natives of their land call them kwetzels. Isn’t she a beauty? They come in so many different patterns and colors, if we can ever get them properly trained enough to stop attacking people, I suspect it will become rather fashionable to own one here.”
Azarin approached the bars, clearly transfixed by the terrible majesty of the thing. “It’s hard to judge the wingspan with them folded up like that.”
“Over a hundred feet, though she wouldn’t hold still long enough for us to get the tape measure out.” Herbert looked to Morton. “Then it got agitated and tried to eat our brother, Abner.”
“Is he alright?” Morton asked, concerned.
“Nothing a healing potion couldn’t fix, but if you’d been here—”
Azarin wasn’t going to let the Smorps get distracted fighting again. “How fast can they go?”
“Allegedly, they are rather swift. And one of this size could carry up to four or five hundred pounds. Please don’t put your limbs through the bars, miss. She has no teeth, but routinely bites very large fish in half.”
Of course, Azarin stuck her hand through anyway and patted it on the neck. Rather than attack, it just stared down at her with those eerie orange eyes, then the feathers around her hand shivered, and it emitted a clicking noise.
“Oh, she’s a sweetheart. What’s her name?”
“According to the buyer, this is Fairly Deadly.”
“Yeah, but what’s her… Oh, I get it.” Azarin went back to scratching the terrifying monster’s neck. It leaned in for her to get a better angle. “Nice to meet you, Fairly. I’m going to take you for a ride across the city. Yes, I am. Who’s a good girl?”
Fairly Deadly answered with an ear-splitting shriek.
“That’s right, you’re the good girl.” Azarin looked back at Herbert. “Does she come with a saddle and tack? Otherwise, I can make a rope rig, but a proper saddle would be better.”
“Of course, we have one, my lady, and this saddle was fashioned by the finest craftsmen of its home kingdom.” Herbert was getting excited as he sensed a big sale approaching. “And how will you be paying for her?”
Morton had to go and ruin his brother’s good time. “We can’t purchase this beast, Herbert. We simply need to borrow it for the afternoon.”
“What? Preposterous. Do you have any idea how much it cost to get a kwetzel all the way to the Core?”
“I can only imagine. However, this is very important.”
“You know it’s against policy to let customers take giant monsters on test rides, Morton!”
“I’m not a customer. I’m your brother. And this is a matter of life or death! My death, in fact.”
“Oh, now that becomes my problem?” Herbert shouted, and then the two brothers went at it again. Luckily, their noise didn’t seem to agitate the creature.
I went over to Azarin. “You really think you can ride this thing?”
“Well, I’ve never seen one before, but in principle, it shouldn’t be too different from a giant eagle.”
She sounded confident, but she was always confident, and that was scary. “And you expect me to get on there with you, and go high up into the air, and fly around at an alarming rate of speed, on that?”
“Oh, don’t worry. You’ve got your glove. Should she throw you off, just activate a Descend before you hit the ground. You’ll be fine.”
“What if it crashes?” And then I watched in horror as the kwetzel rotated her massive stabby head, on the far too flexible neck, to scratch a point on her back where the saddle would most likely rest. “Or it decides it’s hungry and does that and plucks one of us off for a midflight snack?”
“She wouldn’t do that. Would you, girl?” Fairly Deadly brought her giant head back around and mashed her face against the bars right next to Azarin.
There was a bony crest atop her head, and it hit the bars with a clang.
Azarin stroked the feathers on her face.
“See, Carnavon? The people of every kingdom have a natural gift. Your people are fire resistant. Mine are good at riding giant birds. This is clearly a giant bird… lizard… thing, which should be close enough to count. But that does give me an idea… Hey, Smorps.”
Herbert shushed his brother. “Yes, my lady?”
“Sorry to interrupt your family drama. I’ve got no money, but I do have a proposition.
This is an incredible flying beast, sure to command top Obols, but you’ve admitted yourself she’s not yet properly broken.
I know perfectly well how much an experienced sky rider would charge someone like you to train an eagle, and I can safely assume that something unique like Fairly here, they would charge even more.
Only, you must bear this expense to train her properly first, because you don’t want Fairly killing your customers. ”
“That sort of scandal does cause people to talk,” Herbert admitted.
“And leave terrible reviews,” Morton agreed.
“And here I am, a Haatari storm chaser, who was taught by the great Mazdak Garzade himself, offering to you my services, to train her for free.”
“Hmmm…” Gnomes were known to be consummate businessmen, and Herbert was intrigued. “I’m listening.”
“I’ll start immediately by taking her on a tour of the city.
Doing so will demonstrate my skill to you.
This outing will also serve as fine advertising.
Surely when people look up to the sky and see this big, beautiful, unique girl, they’ll ask where can I purchase such a glorious creature for myself?
And I will shout down to them, go to Smorp Brothers. ”
“If we do this, be sure to tell them that our kwetzels come in many different vibrant colors to choose from,” Herbert said.
Morton made a solemn plea to his brother to try and seal the deal.
“I’m aware you feel betrayed by me pursuing my own goals, brother, but you also know I am a gnome of my word.
Lady Azarin is what she represents herself to be.
Her father is a noteworthy champion among the Haatari.
If she says she can tame a kwetzel, then that is the truth.
Allowing her access to this beast would help us both. ”
“Fairly Deadly being trained by a such a prestigious storm rider family could be another selling point,” Herbert mused.
He might be angry at his brother, but he still trusted Morton’s judgment when it came to moving exotic pets.
“Very well. You may take the kwetzel out for the afternoon, and we will see how it goes. I will, of course, have to place a charm upon the beast, which would render her unconscious should she rebel and try to escape. If that doesn’t work and we have to put her down, Morton, you’re on blunderbuss duty. ”
“A perfectly reasonable precaution. Can’t have her flying around the Core unsupervised! I’ll even throw in teaching Fairly how to carry an extra passenger.” Azarin thumped me on the arm. “Me and Oz here together will still be under the weight limit.”
“Wonderful!” Herbert was clearly overjoyed at this arrangement. “I look forward to working with you, Lady Garzade. I shall have my men prepare her to fly.”
I suspected Fairly Deadly might have actually understood what Herbert said, as she lifted her massive beak and made a joyous scream.