Chapter 26
Tori
Be Genuinely Delighted by Someone Else’s Success
Dear Notebook,
Since telling Kirsten my story, feel lighter and freer.
Talking meant reliving trauma, but she was so supportive and hearing how she conquered panic attacks offers hope.
Also, rebuilding our cottages ASAP to convince developers/interested parties it’s a viable community and unethical to destroy, gives extra purpose.
Want to restore Little Beaubrook not just for Albie and Rose, but because it’s right thing to do.
Knocked on Kirsten’s door at 8 a.m. She flung it open, hair in messy bun, wearing white shirt and denim shorts, fair skin spattered with extra freckles from summer sunshine.
Wondered how she always looks so energised, with all her commitments. ‘Hey.’
‘Hi.’ Slung canvas bag over shoulder. ‘I’ve made a flask of tea, and danishes.’
‘Thanks. Although, at this rate I’ll be ten feet wide.’
She grinned. ‘You’re not as skinny as you were, but there’s still a way to go.’
Rolled eyes. ‘Love how obvious you are about trying to fatten me up. Ready?’
‘Just waiting for Rosie’s taxi.’
‘Morning.’ Deep voice spoke behind me, and I startled.
But just Harley in jeans and T-shirt, toolbox and van keys in hands.
Habitual baseball cap on, but tetchiness in lines around eyes and mouth missing.
Sweeping gaze over Kirsten’s loose shirt, knotted red hair and bare legs, he gulped. ‘Is Rosie ready to leave?’
‘Yep, she was up stupidly early.’ Rolled her eyes. ‘I shouldn’t have told her you were doing the school run.’
Something warm passed between them.
‘I can do pick-up too, if it helps. My schedule’s fluid.’
Looked back and forth between them. Where was tension and bickering of past few weeks? Huh. If they can get past their shit, perhaps can get through mine? Something inside me felt hopeful at notion.
‘Thanks,’ Kirsten stepped out into hallway, ‘I’ll text you. Maybe you can stop at a post-box today?’
‘We’ll see.’ He crossed threshold into her flat. ‘Have a good day.’
‘You too.’
There was a joyful yell as he swung the door shut. ‘Harllleeeyyyy, you’re here! Let me show you…’
Chatter of their muffled voices faded as we hustled along hallway, ready for a busy day in my cottage.
Sinking back on my heels with an urgh, wiped sweaty grime from face with bottom of T-shirt.
Sorting through last of abandoned furniture and belongings upstairs took all morning, and we’d half-filled skip in front garden.
The potential ‘keep’ pile was in corner of lounge, ready for Ethan to look over at some point for a refurbed goods council scheme for residents struggling financially.
There’s a story in there, I thought, before shutting idea down.
Kirsten perched on a dusty faded armchair wearing pensive expression.
I like her a lot; fun, caring, and helps me feel better about myself.
A true friend. Must see the positive in my situation: have new home, new friends, a sense of belonging, talking to family more, and trying to overcome my demons.
‘You okay? What are you thinking?’ I asked, settling on floorboards.
Turned her gaze on me. ‘Have you ever noticed that everyone who lives here has a heart in need of fixing in some way? Albie with his grief for Rose and the need to fulfil her last wish. Harley with his surgery and all that tabloid crap. Theo, bereaved and missing his wife. Vanessa, pining for Laurie’s dad. You—’
‘I’m not broken-hearted. I didn’t get dumped or lose the love of my life.’
‘There’s more than one way for a heart to be broken. You lost the life you had and future you planned. It’s a bereavement, so heartbreak is valid.’
‘Hmmm. Maybe.’ Voice faltering, switched attention to her. ‘What about your heartbreak? Your ex leaving?’
‘It’s not the fact he walked out on me, our relationship had already been damaged irreparably by his lies and deceit.
It was him leaving Rosie. She’s missed out on having a dad.
I see her looking at other kids with theirs sometimes, and it makes my chest hurt.
I just wish…’ she gulped. ‘I’ve always been desperate for him to change, but he can’t seem to get it together enough to be a reliable, responsible parent. ’
‘That’s sad. I’m sorry. I wrote a piece about absent fathers once, and the impact it can have on child development. But you’re a brilliant mum, better than two parents put together.’
She sighed. ‘Thanks. It’s still not ideal.’
Took a chance, curiosity piqued by their exchange earlier. ‘What about Harley? Every time I turn around, Rosie’s hanging off him. He’s good with her, in a gruff way. She’s got him wrapped around her little finger, just look at the whole beard trimming thing. Could he be a father figure?’
Pulled a face. ‘I wouldn’t want to rely on him, and it’d be presumptuous to expect. It’s not like we’re together.’
Narrowed my eyes. ‘There’s something going on though. You’re getting on better, and the way he looked at you—’
‘We’re just friends. I thought there might be more, after we kissed—’
‘What?’ I squeaked, shuffling closer. ‘When? What was it like?’
For a moment she looked dreamy, eyes soft. ‘A while ago. It was so hot. But he got all distant and weird, then he and Vanessa were looking all cosy at the BBQ-’
Scoffed. ‘He’s not interested in her.’
‘Hmm. You know, at first, I wondered if he thought I wasn’t good enough for him, but it’s something else. His obsession with privacy, or because it’d be awkward if it didn’t work out with us both living here. But I’m inclined to think it’s baggage from all that stuff in the press.’
I winced. ‘Yeah, he had a rough time. They made it sound like he deserved all the awful stuff they wrote about how he treated his ex-wife, and what happened with the affair.’
‘There are two sides to every story though.’
‘More like three. His, hers, and the truth. I was a journo, remember? There’s always some kind of spin. I took pride in reporting honestly, but had an editor to answer to with concerns about circulation figures so always had to find the best attention-grabbing headline.’
‘Do you think you’ll ever go back to it?’
Paused. Not a totally horrifying thought. ‘Don’t know. Anyway, I’m sure you and Harley will work things out.’
‘We’ll see.’ Gave me a cheeky grin. ‘What about you and Ethan?’
Blinked. ‘Nothing to tell.’
‘No way. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.’
Bit my lip, feeling stomach swoop. ‘H-he said he likes me. Not sure why. I don’t want him to, it’s too complicated. I can’t contemplate a relationship when I can’t trust other people, or my own judgement, and flinch if someone gets too close.’
‘It’ll get better with time,’ she announced, standing up. ‘And as for why he likes you… Who knows? I mean, you can be a right grumpy cow—’
‘Oi!’ Grabbed scarred red hardback from rubbish pile and tossed at her.
She chuckled, dodging it and heading for door. ‘Need to pop home to whip up a batch of client cupcakes. I’ll bring some lunch back, and we can tackle the kitchen. In the meantime, I think you should give Ethan a chance. He’s one of the good guys.’
‘I told you,’ I grumbled, ‘I’m not interested in dating.’ But inside my head, a pair of friendly blue eyes sparkled, and my fingers itched to text him an apology for the bathroom incident.
‘We’ll see,’ she repeated. ‘By the way, how on earth did you get your roses changed to rainbow ones? They’re so gorgeous. I thought they’re artificially made, and only last a few days? Yours are positively blooming.’
Mumbled something about dye injections, not sure what else to say. Have my suspicions about this place but not sure how to voice them without sounding unhinged.
‘Tori?’ a patient voice prompted, snapping me from thoughts.
‘Ethan!’ As if conjured by my conversation with Kirsten, he was propped against scarred lounge doorframe.
‘I didn’t hear you come in.’ Flustered, brushed my clothes off, eyes darting past him to track an exit strategy.
Remembering last time we’d been in a room together and how I’d reacted, breath stuttered.
‘Taking an extended lunchbreak because I’ve got something to mull over. Coming here always settles me, so I decided to head over early.’ Sensing my unease, he suggested. ‘Shall we go outside? It’s nice and sunny.’
‘Sure.’ Re-did ponytail, giving myself a moment. He won’t hurt you. The party was a misunderstanding. You’re okay. ‘Actually, I wanted to talk to you.’ From telling Kirsten about trauma, know I need to conquer issues, not let them fester. Plus, he suggested outside to lessen my anxiety.
‘Okay.’ Straightening, he exited through front door.
Emerging into neat garden, which Theo and Kit kindly tidied, Ethan was leaning back against mossy waist-high wall, long muscular legs in suit trousers braced against pavement.
Taking deep breath, walked through gate and settled beside him, leaving a metre gap.
Directly opposite, Steve and building team working on Theo’s cottage with its yellow rose-encircled front door.
Ariel visible painting something inside.
The rows of other cottages, festooned in continually blooming roses in range of colours, stood sentry along main street. Safe.
‘God, it’s hot.’ Shrugging off his jacket, Ethan placed on wall between us, loosening his tie and rolling up his shirt sleeves.
Tried not to blush, or stare at the little golden hairs on his forearms. Reminded me of comment Clover made the other day about Ethan when we were planting flowerbeds in Albie’s back garden, that boy always seems to be taking a piece of clothing off.
‘So, what did you want to talk about?’ he prompted.
‘Oh, erm, I wanted to say sorry about what happened at Albie’s. You were just checking on me, but I went into panic mode…’ Screwed up face, ‘The alcohol didn’t help.’
‘Please don’t apologise. If I hadn’t been half-pissed, I would’ve read the room and backed off quicker. I’m sorry.’