Chapter 36
Gilly
Support People to Pursue their Dreams
‘Should I make a joke about not having a home to go to?’ Harriet asked, leaning against the doorframe.
‘Hmm?’ Gilly glanced up from the finance report she’d been immersed in, taken aback by the sight of her exec assistant in a tight red dress, matching lipstick and heels, dark hair glossy and swinging around her face. ‘And, wow.’
‘Thanks,’ Harriet preened, smoothing a hand over her hip and looking pleased. ‘But don’t change the subject. It’s seven o’clock on a Friday night, and now the summer holidays. Are you leaving any time soon?’
‘Just making use of the peace and quiet to do the boring stuff,’ Gilly countered.
The truth was, she was avoiding Ariel, who was home for tomorrow’s event, which the association had organised with only a hectic two weeks’ notice.
She just hoped people would come, given these types of things usually took months to plan.
They didn’t have the luxury of time though, with the developers putting on the pressure and newly sourced thatchers and builders arriving to restart the cottage repairs, which they needed the funds to pay for.
‘Um, anyway, why are you still here, especially dressed like that?’
‘Wanted to finish off a few bits before going on holiday. Plus, I have a date at half seven in Fordingbridge, so it made more sense to get ready here than go all the way home to then go back on myself.’
‘A date?’ Gilly pushed back from her paper-strewn desk. ‘Sounds exciting.’
‘It is. For which I should say thank you.’
‘For what?’
‘When I had my hair done and wore that cobalt dress, and you complimented me so nicely, I was so confident and upbeat I worked up the courage to chat to my neighbour. I’ve had a crush on him for ages. Tonight’s our fourth official date and things are going sooo well.’
‘Aw, that’s great.’ She felt a swell of pride the advice she’d followed about giving compliments had contributed to Harriet’s happiness.
She just hoped she didn’t get hurt. Support people to pursue their dreams, Gilly reminded herself of that morning’s rule, posted in the manor entrance hall. ‘So, are you madly in love?’
‘Not yet, but he is amazing. We have the best time together, and he properly listens. Really gets me, you know? We laugh a lot. That’s important, right?’
‘Right,’ she agreed, with a pang of jealousy.
‘That’s lovely. If I can give you some advice: if you do fall in love, just remember to prioritise your own needs alongside his.
’ Before she could examine that statement, which had fallen out of her mouth unthinkingly, she stood, ushering Harriet into the outer office. ‘Better not keep him waiting.’
‘Oh, he’ll wait.’ She stopped in her tracks, studying her boss’s expression. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Fine.’
‘Stressed about the community day tomorrow? I know how hard you’ve worked, from everything you’ve told me. I’m looking forward to coming along.’
‘Yes. I want it to be a success. Before school broke up, lots of parents were interested in the posters, so hopefully there’ll be a high turnout. We’ll see.’
‘If I can, I’ll bring Taylor. I’ve also mentioned it to loads of friends and family.’
‘Thank you, appreciated. If I don’t manage to catch up with you there because of all the running around I’ll be doing, enjoy your holiday and I’ll see you in a few weeks’ time. Oh, and enjoy your date.’
‘Thanks, I will,’ Harriet sang, grabbing her handbag and car keys from her desk. Clipping towards the door on her heels, she called over her shoulder, ‘Night.’
‘Goodnight.’ The outer door swung shut, leaving her alone, Harriet’s remarks echoing as she walked back into her office.
We have the best time together…
He properly listens. Really gets me…
We laugh a lot… That’s important.
And her reply, just remember to prioritise your own needs alongside his.
Recalling her conversation with Kirsten about reasons for wanting children, and how love and relationships required effort but shouldn’t feel like work, she closed her eyes.
Took a moment to fix her heart and mind on what her own dreams were and where they might take her, if she only had herself to consider.
When her eyelids fluttered open, her eyes were tear-filled, but she was resolute.
Going back to her desk, she closed her laptop and shoved it into her bag, before locking the office.
She knew what she must do, she just hated it.
But it was time to stop hiding from the truth.
Sometimes, pain was necessary for healing to begin.
‘What do you mean, you’re not moving to London?’ Ariel wilted against the kitchen island, slamming down her glass of straw-coloured wine.
Gilly kicked off her shoes, for once leaving them where they landed. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have blurted it out. Think it’s just been trapped inside for too long. But I don’t think there’s any easy way to say this.’
‘Say what?’ Ariel demanded. ‘How we’re going to make it work, living a hundred miles apart? It’s been hard enough the past few weeks.’
That was rich, because it was Gilly who’d travelled to the capital, hardly getting any work done on the train because of the intermittent wi-fi, meaning she was always trying to catch up. Then, with Ariel out a lot networking ahead of the new show, it’d felt pointless and exhausting.
‘It really has,’ Gilly replied, knowing the only reason Ariel had deigned to travel down this evening was because of the community day.
When they were together, or spoke over the phone, there didn’t seem much to say.
Things were strained, not only because of the living situation, but with Ariel’s potential infidelity sitting between them like a huge immoveable rock.
Gilly often worried about where Ariel was, who was she was with, or who she might be calling or messaging, when they were apart. It was awful, and unsettling.
She fought back tears, needing strength.
This was both the easiest and hardest decision she’d ever made.
Because it was the right one for them as a couple and individuals, but would break their hearts.
At least for a while. Moving over to the cupboard, she took out a glass and slid the bottle of wine from the fridge, filling it to the rim.
‘What are you thinking?’ Ariel asked, swallowing. ‘Elaborate please.’
Turning around, Gilly took a deep, bracing slug of Chardonnay, put the glass down and crossed her arms. Every bit of pragmatic, logical thinking was needed to get through this.
‘I’m not moving to London, and we’re not doing the long-distance thing either.
It’s over.’ Her voice softened, ‘Our relationship’s done. We both know it.’
‘What? No,’ Ariel said instinctively, bursting into noisy sobs, though there was no strength behind the words. ‘Why?’
‘You know why.’ Gilly tore off a piece of kitchen roll and handed it to her.
‘We’re not happy, haven’t been for a while.
We don’t laugh together, or listen to each other properly.
Things have been so up and down. I thought we’d settled at first, but lately we’re either arguing, not talking, or are trying to paper over the cracks.
Even our flat agrees.’ She nodded at the picture which had the nasty habit of jumping off the wall when they fought.
She’s resigned herself to it, a necessary quirk of living in this special place.
‘The move back to London has just brought things to a head. You must see that?’
Unable to deny it, Ariel sniffed, asking sorrowfully, ‘Don’t you love me anymore?’
Gilly’s eyes brimmed then, a tear escaping.
It was so unbearably bittersweet, where they’d found themselves after their earlier good times.
‘I do,’ she nodded, ‘and probably always will, a little. But it isn’t right.
’ Her voice firmed. ‘We don’t want the same things.
You want the exciting shiny life in London, but more crucially a baby, to the extent nothing else matters.
I’m not enough for you. Being a mother is something you can’t let go of, or consider finding in any other way.
’ Another tear rolled down her cheek. ‘Too much damage has been done. Being honest, I’ve also realised I don’t need to be a parent right now.
I don’t want a baby that badly. Maybe one day I’ll consider fostering, but there’s time to decide, and being a school leader is what I’m passionate about.
I’m proud of that, and not ready to let it go. ’
‘But you’re ready to let me go. To be single and alone?’ Ariel scrubbed her face, sinking down on a stool.
‘I’ll be broken-hearted for a while, and it won’t be easy, but I’ll be fine looking after my staff and pupils. It’s my vocation, just like art is yours. Surely you can understand.’
‘I do,’ Ariel sighed, ‘although I wished I didn’t.’
‘I also love living in this manor,’ Gilly gestured around their flat, an homage to historic beauty and filled with the luminosity of something inexplicable.
‘And the countryside quality of life. I like who I am here, more relaxed and open. Helping with the village restoration makes me happy, and the neighbours who’ve become friends mean so much, especially Kirsten.
Our Wednesdays are the highlight of my week, not just because of the time I spend with her, but helping Rosie with her homework and catching up with the backlog of Disney films with her snuggled under my arm. So, I won’t be alone.’
‘The highlight of your week should be spending time with me.’
‘Yes. Friends should be a priority, but when you’re in a fulfilled relationship, the other person should be your absolute favourite person in the world. The person you most want to be with.’
‘And you don’t feel that way about me,’ Ariel said flatly.
‘Do you, about me?’ Gilly countered. ‘You wouldn’t have messed around with Steve, if you did. Things can’t be right between a couple if one of them’s having an affair.’